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Arrrrrggghhhhhhhhhh! I am losing my mind -- or maybe have already lost it!


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WARNING: Extreme emotion ahead...you've been forewarned! :thumbsup:

 

OK, last night I was in bed by 10:15. One hour went by, 11:15 p.m. Then two hours went by, 12:15 a.m. Then another hour, 1:15 a.m. Finally, four hours after going to bed I looked at my watch and it was 2:15 a.m. and I got up out of bed and moved out to the couch in the living room so I wouldn't bother my wife. Five hours arrived at 3:15 a.m. and I threw in the towel and had a couple of stiff vodka and ginger ales and by 3:45 to 4 a.m. I'd finally drifted off. I woke up at 5:45 a.m. when Mother Nature called, and that's it for sleep last night. Two crappy hours.

 

This was me from about 5:30 a.m. until I finally just got up at 7 a.m.:

 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm going freaking crazy! Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye! I need sleep!!!!

 

All damn night my brain keeps generating a low-level "buzz" that is centered right between my ears. That "buzz" is with me 24/7, but it's really annoying at night when I'm trying to fall asleep! ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! I am slowly losing my freaking MIND!

 

Night after night, day after day, that buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz is there in the background, slowly pushing me closer and closer TO THE EDGE OF MY SANITY!

 

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz -- all NIGHT LONG! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't take this any more! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! GIMME SOME RELIEF!

 

It's been 65 DAYS! 65 DAYS OF PURE HELL! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I can't take this much longer! Arrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

 

If you're driving through Tucson and see someone running down the road screaming, with bulging eyeballs and a purple face due to unremitting stress, please do me a favor and RUN ME OVER and put me outta my pain!

 

65 DAYS! How much longer does this go on?

 

Arrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Man, I needed this primal screamfest! Arrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh! 65 DAYS DOWN and 5,000 MORE TO GO!!!!!!!!!!

 

This is me on Day 65 of my final c/t: :idiot:

 

Tucson

 

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Tucson

 

 

I am doing a very slow taper and I have to tell you that brain or head buzzing is my worst symptom. It never stops and it moves around my head top then back then temples. You are right it drives you mental and there is no escape from it.

 

Watch out for those trucks

 

Best

 

B

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Tucson,

 

I am sure you have tried everything imaginable to help with the buzzing head stuff, but I'll throw this at you anyway.  Have you tried putting on some sweet music (whatever you find sweet) with some earbud headphones or a guided meditation? 

 

I, too have the head buzz - competing sounds such as television, music, etc. seems to help mitigate the suffering.

 

BTW, we really need you on BB so stay out of the streets, OK?

 

:) Hugs, KL

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[3e...]

OK, guys, I'll watch out for the trucks and stay out of the streets!  ;)

 

Music helps during the day, as does TV. I especially love taking a nice hot shower in the morning because when I wash my hair it's all about the shower head's spray and shampoo. That little time is when I have zero "brain buzz" and I always get out of the shower feeling refreshed.

 

I've had some people comment earlier that the brain buzz begins to fade at about month 3. I sure hope so, because I'm just about 3 weeks from there. This is by far the single worst symptom I've had to deal with during this whole withdrawal and recovery process. I assume it's a sign to me that my brain has begun working to deal with emotions and stuff, but I sure will be glad when brain buzz begins to fade!

 

Thanks for your support...

 

Loco Tucson

 

Me on Day 65 of my final c/t: :'(

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I've had those nights Tucson. It helps to accept that there will be sleepless nights and not let it get you rattled about it. Sometimes just accepting it is enough to relax to the point of getting "some" sleep. Even if you don't get any sleep, it won't take you out or anything bad. Our brains will induce sleep when we absolutely need it. I know it's miserable. Been there even after my short term therapeutic dose. Best to try to take a nonchalant attitude about everything during withdrawal. The beast is doing all he can to inflict stress on us. Don't give him the satisfaction. The beast feeds on our weakness and more benzos. Screw it. Starve the beast! It might take a while but, it'll pass.

You can look back on the past two months. They're gone. You made it! You'll look back on four months before you know it. Right now seems like forever but, two months down already. Time is a strange measurement. Hang in there my friend. Let it pass.

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I agree with the slow taper, and a willpower to deff stop. I know how hard it is to feel like hell and see that bottle right there and want to reach for it and just feel better. Let me tell you my story which is like yours. Last year a week before my birthday my gallbladder got infected so I could not keep anything down, including xanax and I would up my dose and lower it. I was in the hospital for a week for gallbladder surgery and told the idiot doctors that I take xanax evey day, but they gave me NOTHING! FOR 4 WHOLE DAYS! I dont know how to start being I thought that I was losing my mind and that it was not the xanax cuz I had no idea how it messes with your mind. Besideds the 4 gahes and infection, the surgery and 6mm stone they pulled out before my liver and kideneys shut down for good, I thought that I was going to FREAK OUT! Everyone was like ohh your just scared and dont feel good and never thought that it was the xanax. I did not sleep one night there, I heard noises but really loud, my moms cellphone ringtone going off over and over in my head and she was not there. I could not stop shaking and I saw things that were not there. My eyes were bugged out and I forgot to blink and swallow. Some points I thought that I was dying and I did not know if I was awake or asleep dreaming that only one hour passed when it felt like a whole day! The day before I left the hospital I was finally able to get 1 mgs of xanax down and felt like dancing. Still the dummy I am it took me another year to get where I am now trying to get off.
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hi Tuscon,

The first 3 months were  the hardest for me.  I didn't know about the Ashton Manual or this site, and I thought I was going crazy too.  Not sleeping felt awful for me also. I didn't have the brain buzz but I felt like I was vibrating all of the time. I can relate to you getting some relief in the shower.  I did too. It  helped with some of the aches I had

I have 13 months off Klonapin  and I  wanted to stop by and offer you some support. I started sleeping around  3 months. I also began to get  windows at 3 months.Since then,  things  slowly got much better.

Your 2 months is great time because you are that much closer to feeling better.  Hold on.  

Do you come into chat?  There is wonderful support there.

 

Take care,

allison

 

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[3e...]

Thanks, everyone.

 

Allison: I have tried the chats a couple of times. At this point I am still pretty anxious and it was difficult to follow the intertwining conversations. As things inside me calm down I will get on the chats. I see a lot of names there of people who have been helpful to me, so I do want to get there. Sometimes I'll lot on and just lurk, reading and struggling to follow the various topics. I'm sure in time I'll be better able to participate.

 

I was able to fall asleep (without trying) for about 90 minutes this afternoon. It's only the second nap I've been able to take in over two months. In the past I always took a nap on either Saturday or Sunday afternoons, if not both. My wife was gone, as was my son, so it was just me on our recliner couch and an episode on my DVR of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives (my favorite show from the Food Network channel). Usually I enjoy the show but this episode was kind of boring and...I...drifted...off. It was GREAT!

 

When my wife came home she told me that the toilet in the master bathroom was leaking around the base, so I went up to Ace Hardware and bought a new wax seal, came home, removed the toilet and replaced the seal. It still was leaking and I traced the water to where the tank is joined to the lower part of the toilet. I removed the two large screws that hold the two parts together and went back to Ace. I put it together again and it still leaked! I removed the tank yet again and saw a place where a gasket was born out and water was able to leak out. By then, Ace was closed so I'll finish the job tomorrow. Fortunately, we have two bathrooms. The reason for this story is that I was able to actually use my brain and do something besides stare at the TV. A month ago there is no way I could have tackled the job. I'm kind of grimy and dirty and am going to take another shower in a few minutes. Overall, as bad as this day began, it's turned out to be OK.

 

Day by day by day by day I'll get there. Somehow!

 

Tucson

 

Me as Day 65 of my final c/t winds to an end: :o

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Nice going dude. I think functionality is the most important thing for me. No matter how **** things are internally, I know as long as I am able to accomplish what I need to accomplish...I can survive. Time will keep passing.

 

 

 

Edit: profanity

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Trig,

 

We've sent you a PM about the language you've been using on the forum. We have a very strict policy regarding swearing. I've had to edit almost every one of your posts. Please refrain from profanity. If you wish to discuss this further you may make use of the Contact the Mod board.

 

 

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=9681.0#post_rules-forum

 

You must not knowingly post false statements, nor obscene, vulgar, sexually-orientated, hateful or threatening comments/material. No profanity - disguised or otherwise - is allowed. Additionally, your contributions must not violate the laws of the United Kingdom, the United States of America, or the laws of your own country.

 

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Tucson,

 

I read this thread a little late, but I wanted to mention that getting a fan to make some white noise in your bedroom at night might help.  We sleep with one & it helps drown out the head buzzing.  (or maybe one of those machines that makes rain or surf noises)

 

Also, it's great that you were able to take a nap and do a proj.  Those are both really good signs that healing is happening. 

 

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WARNING: Extreme emotion ahead...you've been forewarned! :thumbsup:

 

OK, last night I was in bed by 10:15. One hour went by, 11:15 p.m. Then two hours went by, 12:15 a.m. Then another hour, 1:15 a.m. Finally, four hours after going to bed I looked at my watch and it was 2:15 a.m. and I got up out of bed and moved out to the couch in the living room so I wouldn't bother my wife. Five hours arrived at 3:15 a.m. and I threw in the towel and had a couple of stiff vodka and ginger ales and by 3:45 to 4 a.m. I'd finally drifted off. I woke up at 5:45 a.m. when Mother Nature called, and that's it for sleep last night. Two crappy hours.

 

This was me from about 5:30 a.m. until I finally just got up at 7 a.m.:

 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm going freaking crazy! Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye! I need sleep!!!!

 

All damn night my brain keeps generating a low-level "buzz" that is centered right between my ears. That "buzz" is with me 24/7, but it's really annoying at night when I'm trying to fall asleep! ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! I am slowly losing my freaking MIND!

 

Night after night, day after day, that buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz is there in the background, slowly pushing me closer and closer TO THE EDGE OF MY SANITY!

 

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz -- all NIGHT LONG! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't take this any more! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! GIMME SOME RELIEF!

 

It's been 65 DAYS! 65 DAYS OF PURE HELL! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I can't take this much longer! Arrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

 

If you're driving through Tucson and see someone running down the road screaming, with bulging eyeballs and a purple face due to unremitting stress, please do me a favor and RUN ME OVER and put me outta my pain!

 

65 DAYS! How much longer does this go on?

 

Arrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Man, I needed this primal screamfest! Arrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh! 65 DAYS DOWN and 5,000 MORE TO GO!!!!!!!!!!

 

This is me on Day 65 of my final c/t: :idiot:

 

Tucson

 

 

Tucson,

 

I have to acknowledge your pain here as I too have been going through hell for a very long time. You'll get there Tucson. I don't have the buzzing unless that is tinnitus.

 

I have to say that your post really cracked me up - not sure you were trying to be funny (I think you, at least, partially were), but it made me laugh in a very good way.

 

Recover quickly Tucson, Robb :)

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[3e...]

Well, I was at 65 days when I wrote that and I am a week and one day down the road...AND IT IS NO BETTER! I am starting to really dread bedtime. I may just go back into my office and sit up all night with the light on and see how long I can stay awake before that mass of protoplasm inside my skull EXPLODES!

 

This brain buzz and insomnia are flat-out horrible and they just go on and on and on and on and on and on and on...

 

Tucson

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Insomnia is really a pain.  During the last year, every 3 months  I was able to sleep another couple of hours.  However, we are all different  and I hope sleep comes quicker for you.

 

take good care,

allison

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Argh! Tuscon! I feel you. My brain buzzing went away about 10 days ago or so. And it was a welcome relief.  I still have tinnitus, but the buzz - ugh. I hear you. It might come back - but for sure - I dont' miss it right now!

 

What helps me so much is a noisy box fan RIGHT next to my side of the bed. You can get them for so cheap and it drowns out everything, tinnitus, buzz, everything.  Has helped me so much.

 

I also STILL take about 1/8 of a Remeron pill and sleep ALL night. I started after my jump with a whole pill.  After about 4 week, only a half pill was what i needed to sleep. Now  - I'm pretty much taking a crumb of it -BUT I can tell when it kicks in. I feel relaxed and sleep well. It's so benign - and NOT a benzo - and truly helps me.  NOT that I"m trying to push Remeron on you or anyone else. But since you resorted to alcohol - I figured you might at least like to know how much the Remeron is helping me - and it's not acting on GABA receptors the way alcohol does. It seems like sleep is maybe one of the most difficult issues for you - so hopefully that bit of feedback for what is helping me is at least something that gives you an option to discuss with your doctor if you'd like. I've been able to lower the dose of Remeron pretty easily over time - and at 8 weeks out - I'm just glad there is something that helps, as I"m one of those people that can't function without rest.

 

Hang in there - keep coming to the boards. I love reading what you post -and that you are so genuine.  I kinda had to LOL at this whole post. I know you are hating life- but the post itself was just cute.  :)  :smitten:  Parker

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