Today is the first day of my medical leave from work (feeling pretty low)

[[wy...]]

I am starting an 8-week medical leave today, and I am feeling pretty sad and scared. I keep thinking what if this doesn't get better?

 

I am nervous that when the 8 weeks is up I won't be any better and then I am going to have to make tough decisions, like whether to leave my job altogether or risk more time off work and them just firing me. I still doubt my own sanity some days, thinking that maybe this isn't even withdrawal. I read posts where people say they had relatively easy tapers with very few symptoms afterward, and they just got better and better. It makes me feel like this isn't withdrawal and that it may be something else altogether (like the return of the anxiety I went on the benzo for in the first place.)

 

Until January of this year, I never had this kind of gut-wrencing anxiety, and due to a flu-like virus and being in a very stressful relationship, I started having round the clock anxiety symptoms that ended up putting me on the lorazepam. Now, 10 months later, I am finally benzo-free, and I just feel like the return of all these same symptoms on a MEGA level. What am I going to do if this is just the new me? Maybe this isn't even w/d at all.....

 

I am so scared and alone, with very little support system in place here in Austin. I just want things to be the way they used to be!  :'(

[[...]]

I also started a medical leave from work a few days ago.  Finished tapering from 5 mg of Clonazepam on October, felt fine for almost 3 weeks and then panic attacks hit daily worse than ever.  I think at least part of it is withdrawal but who knows.  Had to reinstate, stabilizing at 2 mg now and tapering again.  I try to tell myself to focus on getting healthy and not worry about work, somedays it works, somedays not so much.  Have you tried alterntive treatments to help you with the withdrawal or original anxiety symptoms?  There is lots of information about homeopathic remedies, herbals, and vitamin supplements that could help.  It's trial and error because everyone is so different.

Best of luck to you in your recovery.

[[wy...]]

Thank you, mmgc, for helping me not feel so alone out here.   I have read about alternative treatments and therapies, but I am so nervous to try them and there is so much information out there that it really just gets confusing.

 

I already don't drink caffeine at all, and I avoid alcohol and sugar. My body reacts so strongly to ANYTHING anymore that I feel too sensitive even for homeopathic or all-natural stuff. I just wish this would all go away.

[[...]]

I know what you mean.  I've been staying away from coffee, alcohol, sugar for a long time because I'm so sensitive to it.

The only other thing I can suggest is some calming herbal teas if you feel ok about trying those.  I've been drinking Organic Nighty Night by Traditional Medicinals (completely caffeine free) and Tulsi (organic holy basil) by Celebration Herbals.  Have been drinking them daily for almost a week, not sure if they are helping yet but they don't seem to make things any worse.

[[wy...]]

Yeah, that's the one thing I do really enjoy is good herbal tea. I actually love the Yogi brand Throat Comfort and Immune Support.

 

I wish I could handle taking some supplements like B vitamins, etc. because they are supposed to be really great for anxiety, but all they seem to do is rev my symptoms up.

 

[[...]]

I've heard from a few people that b vitamins give them troubles.  Fortunately I've been able to tolerate those.  I'm also taking omega 3 fatty acids, magnesium/calcium, vitamin d.  I really like the MegaFood brand for supplements because they are 100% whole food based. Here is there website if you would like to take a look http://www.megafood.com/

[[wy...]]

I take fish oil and flaxseed oil, so I get my Omegas daily.

 

I have tried magnesium, and calcium, but both have upset my GI and my HR gets elevated when I take them, and I feel pressure in my chest. It's very weird. I have thought about cutting the dosage and starting lower, but I just don't know.

[[...]]

Everyone is so different, there's just no way of knowing what might help.  It's trial and error.  I think the important thing is to try to stay positive and patient (although that seems impossible at times - we probably all struggle with that one).  All you can do is keep trying and searching until you find something that helps.  I know the overwhelming amount of different information can get frustrating but something has to help.  Hope things get better for you very soon.

[Guest [Tu...]]

Like I said in an earlier reply, since you tapered and went off on 9-22, you almost have the first two months out of the way. From what I've read here, most of the folks tend to say the worst of it for them was the first two months. If that proves to be the case with you, things should slowly start getting better. Instead of dwelling too much on what you will be like in two months, try and focus on taking care of yourself NOW so that you heal as smoothly as possible. That will ensure that you are "good to go" when your two months are up.

 

I think you'll be fine! Good luck and take it easy on yourself.

 

Tucson

Me on Day 65 of my final c/t: 

[[be...]]

I am starting an 8-week medical leave today, and I am feeling pretty sad and scared. I keep thinking what if this doesn't get better?

 

I am nervous that when the 8 weeks is up I won't be any better and then I am going to have to make tough decisions, like whether to leave my job altogether or risk more time off work and them just firing me. I still doubt my own sanity some days, thinking that maybe this isn't even withdrawal. I read posts where people say they had relatively easy tapers with very few symptoms afterward, and they just got better and better. It makes me feel like this isn't withdrawal and that it may be something else altogether (like the return of the anxiety I went on the benzo for in the first place.)

 

Until January of this year, I never had this kind of gut-wrencing anxiety, and due to a flu-like virus and being in a very stressful relationship, I started having round the clock anxiety symptoms that ended up putting me on the lorazepam. Now, 10 months later, I am finally benzo-free, and I just feel like the return of all these same symptoms on a MEGA level. What am I going to do if this is just the new me? Maybe this isn't even w/d at all.....

 

I am so scared and alone, with very little support system in place here in Austin. I just want things to be the way they used to be!   :'(

 

Hi Wylidas,

 

I think it's good you're taking time from work.  I read you have a very demanding job.  I just work 3 days a week and my anxiety is so high, I feel like I'm going to a new job or interview everyday, though I've been there nearly 20 years.  I recently had to take a week off  and my job is not demanding. It was that or I felt like I was going to quit (w/d anger).

 

I have adrenaline about 17 hours a day that feels highly distressing and devastating at times and seems to need to attach itself to ideas and subjects (people) that I dwell on for hours.  Sometimes I think I feel better as I go lower in dose, other days not so much.  

 

Try not to worry (easy to say) about how you will feel in 8 weeks, just go a day at a time.  What you are going through sounds like w/d to me and you will heal. We all will heal.  Some symptoms will even relent overnight.  

 

Take good care,

Benzohno

[[...]]

I have adrenaline about 17 hours a day that feels highly distressing and devastating at times and seems to need to attach itself to ideas and subjects (people) that I dwell on for hours.  Sometimes I think I feel better as I go lower in dose, other days not so much. 

Jesus, that's exactly how I am.

[[Kl...]]

((((((((wylidas)))))))))),

 

I know it all feels so "real".  I really get it.  I get it so much that I have it.  :'(

 

I have to tell myself 40 million times a day that there is one tiny grain of truth that the benzo w/d has magnified by a power of one million.

 

My thoughts have been terribly distorted by the w/d's.  Fear and Doubt.  Fear and Doubt.

 

Last night at 2:00 AM I had myself convinced that I was going to be imminently impoverished.  The one tiny grain of truth is that I do not have a ton of "discretionary funds", but I am far from being impoverished.  I was on this for about 4 hours straight.  

 

The only relief I have is distraction.  I stop thinking about whatever Fear Du Jour (more aptly Fear Du Moment) when I do anything different.  It could be cleaning my bathroom or sitting on BB for hours.  It is the only thing that works for me.  Distraction.  

 

My mom asked me if I could "just trust in the process".  lol.  Yes, for about 8 seconds until my mind comes up with another doomsday prophecy.  

Just typing this I realize once again (and over and over) that that benzo beast is playing head trips on me.

 

Some of us will tell you that family/friends can, at times, not be very helpful because they just don't get it.  I have experienced this for myself and when I bump into this situation, it feels much lonelier with family than when I am on my own.  The most comfort I get is from you and everyone else at BB.  

 

We understand, wylidas.  We get it. We really, really do.  You are going to be OK.  I promise you.  There is nothing inherently wrong.  You are not anything that your mind says you are.  This is temporary and this will pass.  

 

Stay close to the herd, wylidas.  We are here for you.  I am throwing out a rope to you, OK?  Catch it firmly in both hands and allow us to reel you back in for comfort and support.   ((((((((hugs to wylidas))))))))) _KL

[[be...]]

(((wylidas,mmgc, trig, klonkers)))

[[wy...]]

You guys are the BEST. I really don't know what I'd do without you. My god, it's been a nightmare. I am totally catching that rope and holding tight, Klonkers!

[[Kl...]]

You guys are the BEST. I really don't know what I'd do without you. My god, it's been a nightmare. I am totally catching that rope and holding tight, Klonkers!

 

I've got the other end of the rope, wylidas, and now everybody at BB has got a hold of the rope!

 

Whenever you get scared, just come over to BB and we will give you a little "tug". 

 

You are doing terrific!!  I am so proud of you!  KL