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...well, not exactly :o) haha. Anyway, I'm Dookie86. I live in a big city on the east coast and I'd like to keep some anonymity here, just because I don't want anybody knowing who I am from school or anything. So, to know what my big problem is, you should know that I'm in my last class in school for court reporting. That is, taking down every word verbatim in a court or any legal type of setting.

 

I had what I thought was anxiety after my father died 2 weeks before I began school in 2009. I took a few Xanax here and there but nothing serious until 2011, probably around February. I decided I had anxiety and got a prescription for Klonopin. Really, I just wanted to sleep. I've always had problems sleeping so I thought this would be a good way to help me get to bed on time.

 

I would take all 3 pills of .50 mg of Klonopin and sleep soundly and wake up refreshed as EVER! Now, in school a lot of us have problems with shaking hands during tests. I noticed that this decreased severely while I was taking the Klonpin at night but I didn't think it had anything to do with the pills, because I didn't take them in the morning. I didn't realize it stayed in my blood and kept my calm throughout the days as well! (should have educated myself. Trust me, I kick my ass every day for my stupidity :-\) anyway, in June I guess I ran out of pills. On a car ride home from what was a really fun weekend, I had a massive panic attack. Worse than I've ever experienced. In fact, I realize that what I had before wasn't anxiety. It was complete BS!!! The panic and anxiety I have had subsequently after stopping my Benzo's is REAL.

 

Anyway, I got home and I took my last .50 Klonpin and I felt okay until a few days later. I was interning in court and one of the attorneys kept clearing her throat, which caused me to PANIC. I couldn't breathe, but I couldn't just stop the trial! As soon as we went to lunch, I went home.

 

After that, I went back to my psychiatrist but saw one of her colleagues. He told me I needed to get active. He said that since I hadn't taken the benzo's in over a week, I didn't need to taper off. I just needed to keep my mind off of it and he gave me an RX for .25 MG of Xanax IN CASE OF EMERGENCY. Well, I had a few "emergency's" in school where during a test, I couldn't breathe. I thought I would choke to death in front of everybody in class, but I couldn't stop a test to leave.  I took a pill when I needed to. I had a few close calls outside of school where I felt uncomfortable but rarely took the pills. Throughout the months, I took one here and there during a test. I passed ONE TEST since I stopped taking the Klonopins; I feel too sick without the emergency pill, and when I take the emergency pill I'm too slow!! I find that I have a panic attack at times when I used to just get nervous. I could have dealt with the nervousness; I did fine before the pills. I passed tests. Now I can't do anything. I know I have the speed, I just get choked up and have to stop.

 

Cut to today: mid-November 2011. I still have the same bottle from June of my .25 MG Xanax. I have about 7 pills left out of the 30 that he gave me. I have a new RX because I'm slightly panic-y to be without them. I don't carry them around with me, only to school.

 

Anyway, I have to say that I'm so disappointed in myself for abusing the Klonopin to such a degree that I have true panic attacks now. I sit in class and I feel like I'm going to vomit in front of everybody for no reason! Even if I don't eat, I feel it. At first it was the feeling of choking on my own spit. Now, I'm 25 years old and I need to finish school. I need to move out. I'm getting really depressed about the fact that this is all my fault. I dunno, my thoughts are really scattered right now so it's hard to explain exactly what my story is, but I hope you guys get the drift...

 

I'd like to be able to share and chat with everybody  :smitten:

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Hello and welcome to BenzoBuddies Dookie86!

I'm happy you found us :)

 

I'm sure many members here will understand your situation quite well.

Please try not to feel guilty.  Instead, just try to focus on getting better :)

 

Panic attacks, regardless of the reason, are such a terrible feeling I know.

By all means ask questions and explore the forum.  You'll find much support I'm sure.

 

Let us know how we can help!

All my best to you.

 

 

 

 

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[b4...]

Hi Dookie,

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

 

I wouldn't blame you for wanting to keep some anonymity on here.

We can help you come off the Klonopin so you can go on with your life.

I understand the school part as well.

 

Billy from NYC.

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Thanks for the welcomes!

 

I read through my post and figured I should clear it up a little bit...

 

I haven't taken Klonpin since June 2011 after taking it for about 6 months, but I have taken those .25 mg Xanax a few times during extreme panic attacks. Once at home, the other times in class during a test. After the tests, we get a break and I usually go home because I can't bare to be around people anymore. I'm wondering if this would be classified as 'agoraphobia' but I wouldn't want to add on to the list of symptoms I already have!

 

My heart races the majority of the time as well. This had been going on before my Klonpin situation but I could deal with that without Xanax.

 

Will this continue if I keep taking the emergency Xanax about once or twice a month...? Sigh. It all seems like it'll never end. My mom wants me to finish school so I can help with bills and all, but she doesn't know the reason behind my anxiety. I never told her about the Klonopin.  :-\

 

Bah.

 

Dookie in NYC, as well  :D

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[b4...]

Dookie,

 

Have you been taking the xanax every day?

 

If you are off the klonopin, that has passed.

 

If you have been taking the xanax everyday.

 

I would taper.

 

It sounds to me you take them sparingly, if so you could have a dependence on them.

 

I would taper as I never advise a cold turkey.

 

 

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Oh gosh, no.

 

At the end of June, when I experienced my initial panic attack, I went back to the doctor and told him I thought it was withdrawal and he gave me an RX for one bottle of .25 mg Xanax with 30 in the bottle. I now have about 7 remaining in the same bottle.

 

I don't take it every day; I've gone weeks without it. But there are weeks were I feel too sick in class so I'll take one. I took one in class today because I literally thought if I didn't, I would have to stop my teacher from dictating a test and run out of the room which I simply cannot do...she gave another test after the first one where I started panicking so I took one right before she began the second one..I felt better but not GOOD so I left.

 

I get these odd triggers, like certain words she says, or I'll look at somebody else typing on their machine and my heart drops and my hands begin to shake uncontrollably. This doesn't happen anywhere but in class!

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Maybe a type of social anxiety?

My first panic attack years ago was in the middle of a psychology class, of all things.

What's odd is that I didn't recognize it for what it was until I saw my doctor.

 

 

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[b4...]

Dookie,

 

I agree with cwj, it sounds like social anxiety.

 

If you can go without the xanax, you would be doing yourself a favor in the long run.

 

I would use other techniques to conquer this.

 

Billy.

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Billy,

 

I'm hoping that eventually I can finish my last couple of tests in school, (taking the Xanax if I need to) and then hopefully I won't have to take it when I begin real work..I haven't taken the Xanax outside of school since the first week or so of my withdrawal.

 

:thumbsup:?

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Just realized that I've been taking a "z drug" Lunesta on and off for a few months and for the last month of so steadily!!!  :'(

 

Anybody know if Advil PM is okay to take to get some sleep? 

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I'm stopping the Lunesta. I was about to take one last night before I discovered the 'z drug' situation!! I took Advil PM instead...hoping it's okay.

 

I haven't gone back to my psychiatrist since he prescribed the emergency pills and sent me on my way. I got my regular MD to prescribe my .25 emergency pills.

 

I'm hoping that since I've been taking the Lunesta, that's why it's been more difficult and the random spurts of anxiety had seemed to be getting worse since I started taking it. Also I've been less active because I've been sad due to the return of the panic (what a cycle) so I feel my anxiety might be higher again due to my always being in bed and cutting class.

 

I'm going to try a new approach next week. Back to school every day, FULL days instead of leaving half way through, no Lunesta, TRY no Advil PM but not guaranteeing myself that since I've aaalways had sleep issues, try and walk more after school to keep busy and practice my typing to keep busy as well. Fresh diet, no pills besides vitamins. (and the occasional advil PM or advil)

 

I must admit though, after reading that you guys thought I had possible social anxiety, I got on the train today and I got SO NERVOUS. I swear, I convinced myself within 2 minutes that I was going to have a panic attack but I didn't. Hypochondriac much?  :idiot:

 

Thank you for the support, it means the world!

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[b4...]
I'm stopping the Lunesta. I was about to take one last night before I discovered the 'z drug' situation!! I took Advil PM instead...hoping it's okay.

 

:thumbsup:

 

It sounds to me that you are doing pretty well.

 

Have you tried CBT or anyother solution for the anxiety?

 

 

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I wouldn't say I'm doing great just yet considering I took my emergency pills today..but hoping for better luck next week!

 

Haven't looked into CBT--any tips?? I was thinking of going to see a psychologist but haven't found the motivation  :-\

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Welcome Dookie,

 

It would be helpful if you would do a signature line so we would know where you are in your taper.  Some times when taken in an emergency situation we truly don't keep track and you might need to taper off of them.  Just a thought.

 

Popcornlady

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Hi dookie,

 

It sounds like you have been working very hard - at school and trying to get off the benzos.  

 

The Ashton Manual should help you overall and when you wonder if a symptom you are having is 'normal'.  

 

Since you may consider yourself iatrogenic dependent, you may want to average out the emergency doses that you are taking in a week, over a few weeks, then look into ways to slowly taper down from that.  In the meantime, I would try to be gentle on yourself.

 

check out relaxation videos http://recovery-road.org/videos/ if you think it will help, and click around her site as well.

 

best to you

h b&m

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Thanks for the advice guys, I'll definitely check out those links...

 

I never actually tapered off.  :tickedoff:

 

I stopped taking about 1 to 1.5 mg of Klonopin in June after about 5-6 months of taking it almost every night before bed...I ran out of them and decided I'd try and just sleep on my own and began serious withdrawal symptoms such as fear of choking/vomiting in public and random panic attacks.

 

I went to the psychiatrist and he gave me .25 MG xanax for emergencies. In the last 4.5 months or so, I've taken about 25 of them in total, only when I really feel like I'm going to throw up in front of everybody for no apparent reason in class.

 

I was feel better and hadn't taken a pill in about a month or more and then last week and this week I had panic attacks during tests and took 2 pills both times.

 

:/ Then last night I realized I've been taking Lunesta which is a no-no. So as of last night, no more of that.

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