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Did you make bad decisions on the benzo?


[Ho...]

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I'm starting to feel really guilty about some of the very irresponsible decisions I made during my years on klonopin. I'm seeing clearer now that they were not at all "me." I'm paying the price for them now, even though these are things I never would have done had I been benzo free. Does anyone else feel like this?  :-\
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I'm starting to feel really guilty about some of the very irresponsible decisions I made during my years on klonopin. I'm seeing clearer now that they were not at all "me." I'm paying the price for them now, even though these are things I never would have done had I been benzo free. Does anyone else feel like this?  :-\

 

I am sure I have made some very irresponsible decisions on and off through my years on a benzo and prior to taking one.  It might be very possible that Klonopin was responsible for some, none, or all of my irresponsible decision making. 

 

I do know that in order to not repeat any mistakes, that I need to hold myself fully accountable whether it was caused by a benzo or not.  I continue to "pay the price" for some of my irresponsible decisions, but I feel confident that time is a big healer.  I have to remember that at the very least, the most harm that was caused was to myself and not to another individual. 

 

Hugs, Laurie

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[d1...]

Hi there,

 

Yes I made several, but if I didn't make these bad decisions.. well, how would I learn anything from life?

Or this experience?

I have learned so many things from this experience-

Where I used to think money was everything- it's not, health is.

Where I used to take life for granted- Never again!

I have learned compassion, smart health decisions, and over all health is first.

Without health, we have nothing.. but that all will return.

I have learned that spirituality is important.

Well being and so on.

Face fears and anxiety of the most bizarre kind.

 

I made a few decisions that were bad. I am not going to say what they were, but I have learned and I forgive myself.

 

I think Benzo or no Benzo.. everyone makes bad decisions.

At the time.. my bad decision was the Benzo.

 

Billy.

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I'm starting to feel really guilty about some of the very irresponsible decisions I made during my years on klonopin. I'm seeing clearer now that they were not at all "me." I'm paying the price for them now, even though these are things I never would have done had I been benzo free. Does anyone else feel like this?  :-\

 

Let me tell you a trick that I figured out for myself a long time ago that changed everything for me.  Instead of beating myself up over my mistakes and feeling lame about myself I decided to just examine them, determine where I went wrong and what to do differently the next time around, and then leave the matter at that. 

 

Sometimes the fastest way to learn how to do something right is by doing it wrong the first time.  If you feel you need to apologize to someone to make things right, then go ahead, but otherwise I'd suggest learning what you can from your mistakes and moving on with your life as a wiser person.

 

;)

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Well of course I will learn from them, and I would never use it as an excuse for a bad decision. I was just saying how much I feel they had changed my personality - to the point that I was making decisions I never would have otherwise. Normally I am  a very sensitive, sweet person. On the benzo I think I had more confidence at times because of the anxiety reduction (which of course only happened when I still had klonopin in my system). I didn't know how to handle those feelings and so acted in ways I shouldn't have.
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Hi Hollyms,

You asked on the shout box about azithromycin. I could not find your blog, but wanted to post about this medication. There is a site called Drugs.com and it has a section called drug interactions. It is very useful!!! I would type in this medication and then the other meds you are using. It will tell you what the possible dangers are if there are any. Also, many members can weigh in about this particular medication. Hoping you are healing more and more each day. You're a lovely, young woman and have so many wonderful years ahead of you. This will one day be a distant memory and a very valuable learning experience. I wish none of us were going through this! Best dreams and wishes. T2

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Hi Hollyms,

You asked on the shout box about azithromycin. I could not find your blog, but wanted to post about this medication. There is a site called Drugs.com and it has a section called drug interactions. It is very useful!!! I would type in this medication and then the other meds you are using. It will tell you what the possible dangers are if there are any. Also, many members can weigh in about this particular medication. Hoping you are healing more and more each day. You're a lovely, young woman and have so many wonderful years ahead of you. This will one day be a distant memory and a very valuable learning experience. I wish none of us were going through this! Best dreams and wishes. T2

Teacher,

Thank you soo much, I will go and create a topic about it right now! I don't keep up with my blog really, I should try to get back into it. I don't want to take the antibiotic at all, especially since I know they kill all your healthy flora as well, so I'm going to wait and see if this flu clears up on its own and none of it is due to infection.

 

Holly

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[47...]

I was addicted to benzos for 14 years and I know for sure that I made some really bad mistakes and decisions, especially in the early years before I got used to benzos. I lost several jobs because the benzos changed my personality and I was kind of a pain in the butt to deal with.

 

It's funny as I look back on the things I've done and how, as I slowly recover, memories come trickling back. Mostly they appear in the form of brief vivid dreams. I'm unable to sleep more than 30-45 min. at a stretch, so a night's sleep is made up of 5-6 periods of sleep. Often, a dream will wake me up and I'll remember it and it often has to do with situations from when I was a benzo zombie and how I made bad decisions.

 

Fortunately, I didn't ever get in legal troubles because of all the pills. I took a couple of cruises with my wife in which we went up the west coast to Canada or Mexico. I got my benzos from an online pharmacy in Bombay, India, and many times I'd carry 100 or more Valium pills with me. Of course, no prescription... Had I been caught I realize now I would have been charged with possession of a controlled substance without an RX. After one cruise a Customs officer did a random search of my things and I had probably 100 or so illegal Valium with me in a medicine bottle. Somehow, the Customs officer didn't pay attention to the pills! Whew. I look back on stuff like that now and thank my lucky stars that I'm not in some federal prison.

 

So, yes, a lot of mistakes were made...

 

Tucson

 

Me on Day 55 of my final c/t:  :idiot:

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Well of course I will learn from them, and I would never use it as an excuse for a bad decision. I was just saying how much I feel they had changed my personality - to the point that I was making decisions I never would have otherwise. Normally I am  a very sensitive, sweet person. On the benzo I think I had more confidence at times because of the anxiety reduction (which of course only happened when I still had klonopin in my system). I didn't know how to handle those feelings and so acted in ways I shouldn't have.

 

Hello Hollyms,

I was on Benzo's for 13.5 yrs. and my husband and parents have told me that it changed my personality in an extreme way. At first I was just out of it and slept all of the time, but over the years, I became an angry person and I started to act out and become self destructive. I chose to do things that were unlike me before the Benzo's.

 

Now that I have been off of them for a while, I am having a lot of resurfacing of those old memories and events. My therapist says that I probably thought I had dealt with these issues or problems at the time, but I probably didn't fully process them because of the Benzo's. I'm keeping a journal of all of my thoughts that keep me awake at night or that I wake up with in the morning. It helps keep me from ruminating on them and becoming depressed. I feel so overwhelmed with emotions most of the time, and I am alone so much of the time that I feel very isolated. All I can say is that you are feeling normal emotions. I look back and feel that I  have made many bad decisions while on Benzo's and I have a lot of guilt and sadness over them, but I have to realize that all of that is in the past and hopefully I can move forward very soon.

 

At first I thought this process was about waiting for these w/d symptoms to pass. I have learned that I need to find out what is at the core of this anxiety and try to find new ways to cope with it. If I do not do that a long the way, then I will be right back where I was when this all began and I will need to take some other type of medication.

 

I hope this helps. Take care.  ::)

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I have taken Klonopin or rather Rivotril as they call clonazepam where I live.

 

It's a psychotropic drug, affecting perception, emotion, cognition.

I have indeed behaved in ways I would not have otherwise. Mostly worse than normal, sometimes neutral, sometimes better.

 

It's nasty stuff.

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I'm starting to feel really guilty about some of the very irresponsible decisions I made during my years on klonopin. I'm seeing clearer now that they were not at all "me." I'm paying the price for them now, even though these are things I never would have done had I been benzo free. Does anyone else feel like this?  :-\

 

 

I did some things that were completely out of character for me and I wondered why I did them. Once I got off the drugs I knew why. I really wasn't 'me' back then, the Klononpin and other drugs had changed so many things. I didn't hurt anyone other than myself but all the same I felt/feel very bad about those decisions. Some would say it's no big deal but it's a big deal to me.

 

Even though I didn't really hurt anyone else I'm sure my decisions/thoughts/personality changes affected my family in negative ways. How could it not?

 

TS

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  • 1 month later...

I'm starting to feel really guilty about some of the very irresponsible decisions I made during my years on klonopin. I'm seeing clearer now that they were not at all "me." I'm paying the price for them now, even though these are things I never would have done had I been benzo free. Does anyone else feel like this?  :-\

 

 

I did some things that were completely out of character for me and I wondered why I did them. Once I got off the drugs I knew why. I really wasn't 'me' back then, the Klononpin and other drugs had changed so many things. I didn't hurt anyone other than myself but all the same I felt/feel very bad about those decisions. Some would say it's no big deal but it's a big deal to me.

 

Even though I didn't really hurt anyone else I'm sure my decisions/thoughts/personality changes affected my family in negative ways. How could it not?

 

TS

 

TS,

 

I'm resurrecting this because this is what I'm going through. I remember everything I did on Kpin until Tolerance and it's a bit blurry. My mind is taking me back to childhood all the way up to now. I am facing the things I did and it was not me all of that time, it was but it wasn't. I shoplifted, cheated, stole from ppl's houses, broke up my relationships, cussed family and friends, it goes on and on.. I'm not going to get into detail but this is what I'm facing at the time. Pre Benzo and during the Benzo years.

 

Billy.

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