Being traumaitized in w/d

[[mi...]]

Has anyone here been really traumatized by there experience while taking the benzo.

 

Have you had extremely bad experiences where in w/d in comes into your head and you just do not know how to deal with it....

 

For example bad detox place hospital, scary people around you things that yu did that you regret... How do you get over it... do we just talk about it here or does it just go away.. I know the w/d eventually go away but what about the bad experiences... thank you bb it just popped in my head so bad tonight. Your mind just keeps going and you cannot stop it from thinking about the bad things that happened...

Or how could we have made it different... Will this ever go away in my mind... thank you for your support

 

 

Luv

Mishi

[[Me...]]

I think EVERYTHING will change when you heal.  And start to see the experiences differently.  You can always do a few therapy sessions, or a support group if you need to talk about it.

 

I've had many traumatic experiences over the past few years, but as time passes they sort of start to become a distant memory.  I my self will be going into therapy once my taper is done.......I did it few years back and it worked wonders. 

[[Sh...]]

Hello Mishi, you helped me before and I am glad I can return the favor.

 

Yes, I have been traumatized... I often avoid people or places/things that stress me out... for the first month I went through the benzo Hell I ended up in the hospital so many times I lost count, I couldnt even read but I kept bringing books with me (force of habit I guess when you grow up with a mom who had cancer), I would only be able to look at the pictures and... well... even today when I look through those books... I still feel trauma and pain... I still cannot bear to look at http://www.area52.com.au/articles/ttg/codex_BA.html or http://books.google.com/books?id=NR9j09T2hLkC&dq=The+Samurai+Swordsman:+Master+of+War&source=gbs_navlinks_s Looking at these books brings back terrible memories... I havent even held The Samurai Swordsmen for over a year. There are other things I detest now, such as being in the hospital/ doctors office.

 

I would spend weeks trying to figure a way out of the Benzo hell, everything I had and more was put into the 1 task of surviving, The Trauma was severe. I would sometimes just start regressing on my past mistakes and what I could have done better... even stupid things like... my own inbuilt fear and emotions attributed to my Father. Instead of the Normal He abandoned me, it would sometimes change to I wasn't good enough.

 

Recovering: I am sorry to say this but... it takes time, I still get the trauma every now and then but it is less severe and rarer, I would often write on my Facebook journal so I would remember it later and so others could see... When I look back on some of the notes it is like a different person wrote them. I guess that eventually it will fade in time, so please try and hang in there.

 

One thing that helped me was a totem, for me it was a necklace, when the trauma would come I would hold on to my necklace and Remember that I am not that way anymore and I will never go through that again. I still wear it.

[[mi...]]

Hello Mishi, you helped me before and I am glad I can return the favor.

 

Yes, I have been traumatized... I often avoid people or places/things that stress me out... for the first month I went through the benzo Hell I ended up in the hospital so many times I lost count, I couldnt even read but I kept bringing books with me (force of habit I guess when you grow up with a mom who had cancer), I would only be able to look at the pictures and... well... even today when I look through those books... I still feel trauma and pain... I still cannot bear to look at http://www.area52.com.au/articles/ttg/codex_BA.html or http://books.google.com/books?id=NR9j09T2hLkC&dq=The+Samurai+Swordsman:+Master+of+War&source=gbs_navlinks_s Looking at these books brings back terrible memories... I havent even held The Samurai Swordsmen for over a year. There are other things I detest now, such as being in the hospital/ doctors office.

 

I would spend weeks trying to figure a way out of the Benzo hell, everything I had and more was put into the 1 task of surviving, The Trauma was severe. I would sometimes just start regressing on my past mistakes and what I could have done better... even stupid things like... my own inbuilt fear and emotions attributed to my Father. Instead of the Normal He abandoned me, it would sometimes change to I wasn't good enough.

 

Recovering: I am sorry to say this but... it takes time, I still get the trauma every now and then but it is less severe and rarer, I would often write on my Facebook journal so I would remember it later and so others could see... When I look back on some of the notes it is like a different person wrote them. I guess that eventually it will fade in time, so please try and hang in there.

 

One thing that helped me was a totem, for me it was a necklace, when the trauma would come I would hold on to my necklace and Remember that I am not that way anymore and I will never go through that again. I still wear it.

 

Shawn how are you now? thank you so much for replying back to me I am so sorry about your mom.. I know now that someone can relate to me now.... I was just sitting in my room shawn and something came over me really bad.... I posted on the forum and then called a buddy of mine... thank god she was there because i thought i was going crazy... she told me that it was just alot of trauma coming up in my mind instrusive thoughts she said to me....  Like a panic attack....you wore the necklace..I do have a stone that say's courage on it... maybe i should hold on to it also...yes all the bad things came on strong...I know how you felt exactly... all the bad things I feel like I did in the past and the people places and things just like youl... Scariest moment ever....I do not want to talk to anyone now in w/d about my regrets traumas, I am happy here for the time... I know that I am not the only one who feels like this.... Shawn sorry about your dad also....It makes me happy that you thought i helped you at one time... I want yu to know yu helped me tonight.. alot

forgive my spelling.. Hoping you are healing now and shawn keep me posted on your recovery.. I want to know that you are getting better... all the best to you and thank yu so much

Luv

Mishi

[[mi...]]

I think EVERYTHING will change when you heal.  And start to see the experiences differently.  You can always do a few therapy sessions, or a support group if you need to talk about it.

 

I've had many traumatic experiences over the past few years, but as time passes they sort of start to become a distant memory.  I my self will be going into therapy once my taper is done.......I did it few years back and it worked wonders.   

 

Hello how are yu feeling now...sorry for your traumatic experiences.......I think once this is all over with maybe it would be good to talk... accept not saying anything bad but some therapist out there are not good... I went to one awhile back and he offered me a xanax can yu imagine that... how crazy is that.... I hope your taper is going well for  you right now....thank you for the wonderful advise and help to me.. please be well

luv

mishi

[[pa...]]

Hi Mishi, my dearest friend.  It all goes away after you heal.  Just know you realize how truly strong you are when you come to the otherwise and you then know you have your new life again, and you do.  Know my thoughts have been with you... All like all of bbs, are fragile now.  We,ll always be bbs, as you know.  My love to you me dear friend.. Love, pattylu :smitten:

[[mi...]]

Hi Mishi, my dearest friend.  It all goes away after you heal.  Just know you realize how truly strong you are when you come to the otherwise and you then know you have your new life again, and you do.  Know my thoughts have been with you... All like all of bbs, are fragile now.  We,ll always be bbs, as you know.  My love to you me dear friend.. Love, pattylu :smitten:

 

Dear patty how are you?  thank you so much..Last night was so bad i thought i was losing it really i did... I am not sure if i could handle anymore of the torture.. it hit so bad that my son got scared my husband did not know what to do.. I ran outside the panic that came over me and the thought made me so sick..what is next patty..I thought i was going crazy and new that it was the drug.. pattylu i luv you and I hope yu know that i am truly grateful for you.... I am going to miss no matter what here my home my kids and yes even my husband my dogs i will.. i hope jill will today will be gentle because i got thrown off after last night... hoping my kid in school today is well.....please take care luv to your husband

Mishi

[[pa...]]

No Mishi, you are not going crazy.. It's from the drug.  I know you are very strong, and you will get through all. My mr. Having a rough time also.  We,ll all get there in time.  Just remember "row row row your boat gently down the stream"".... Only we understand what that is about, huh?   Know my thoughts, prayers and love are with you.  Love to you also, pattylu

[[gi...]]

Hi Mishi,

Sounds like alot of intrusive memories to me.  It seems that withdrawl magnifies any and all negative experiences regardless if they happened in the past or the present.  I had horrible intrusive memories and thought I was losing my mind at times.  The traumatic experiences play over and over in our minds and don't ever seem to let up.  Seriously thought I would have PTSD to deal with after this.  But, it has turned out to  all be a manifiestation of withdrawl.  The withdrawl turns all of our thoughts into something horrible and scary.  The good news is , is when this symptom lets up or goes that when you recall that same thought later that there will be absolutely no fear or bad reaction associated with it.  I often now wonder why certain thoughts had upset me so much , but at the time it was really awful.  Just know these thoughts are not true and try to distract as much as possible.  I know, easier said then done.  take care. Ginia

[Guest [Si...]]

I agree with Ginia.

These are thoughts.

You know what I find strange. The thoughts are actually some of the thoughts before the Benzo BUT amplified.

Just flow with them.. distract yourself if you can.

I know you are going to ask, "What do I do?"

Distraction and self care.

Know that you will be fine.

You are still alive, on earth, and healing as you taper down.

Be good to yourself.

 

Billy.

[[mi...]]

Hi Mishi,

Sounds like alot of intrusive memories to me.  It seems that withdrawl magnifies any and all negative experiences regardless if they happened in the past or the present.  I had horrible intrusive memories and thought I was losing my mind at times.  The traumatic experiences play over and over in our minds and don't ever seem to let up.  Seriously thought I would have PTSD to deal with after this.  But, it has turned out to  all be a manifiestation of withdrawl.  The withdrawl turns all of our thoughts into something horrible and scary.  The good news is , is when this symptom lets up or goes that when you recall that same thought later that there will be absolutely no fear or bad reaction associated with it.  I often now wonder why certain thoughts had upset me so much , but at the time it was really awful.   Just know these thoughts are not true and try to distract as much as possible.  I know, easier said then done.  take care. Ginia

 

Hi gina thank you for talking with last night on chat..instrustive thoughts... Yes yu feel like you are losing your mind for sure..You are such a sweetheart gina and I am happy that you are amost healed... How was the highway driving.. I hope you were okay. You sound much better... Let me know how you are and thank you so much for everything.

be well

luv

mishi

[[mi...]]

I agree with Ginia.

These are thoughts.

You know what I find strange. The thoughts are actually some of the thoughts before the Benzo BUT amplified.

Just flow with them.. distract yourself if you can.

I know you are going to ask, "What do I do?"

Distraction and self care.

Know that you will be fine.

You are still alive, on earth, and healing as you taper down.

Be good to yourself.

 

Billy.

 

Billy where have you been... miss you so much... you know me like a book that i would ask what should i do?

I am still alive you said ... I have to  hold on to that... I truly hope that you are okay because i am worried about you...You are in my heart very special...

Please take care also

luv

mishi

[[mi...]]

I think EVERYTHING will change when you heal.  And start to see the experiences differently.  You can always do a few therapy sessions, or a support group if you need to talk about it.

 

I've had many traumatic experiences over the past few years, but as time passes they sort of start to become a distant memory.  I my self will be going into therapy once my taper is done.......I did it few years back and it worked wonders.   

thank yu so much for your help i am sorry for your experiences... therapy i will wait for... i have to finish first on the posen and then tackle the rest... trying to find someone on the outside is tough especially in the south... In the northeast I think they may be better.. I would rather come here do not like any doctors anymore...  I never met you and I just hope that you are getting better every day.. please take care

luv

mishi

[[lu...]]

Yes, just a feeling of doom and regret and fear. Usually passes by the afternoon.

 

 

[[pa...]]

Okay Mishi - I'm going to lighten it up a bit and hopefully make you laugh.

 

At least YOU didn't buy a convertible on a whim on the last day of your valium taper!!!  !!!! <= (I did.)

 

NOW - I can hardly look at this beautiful brand-new car without thinking about how messed up I was - and how I actually MISS my old beat-up car - the familiarity of it.  I would do anything to sell this joker!  In fact, I'm probably going to take a hit financially to do it -but it just reminds me of withdrawal and being all messed up - and then I feel worse.  I never thought I'd feel sick driving a new vehicle - but HELLO- don't buy a car on valium!

 

Oye!  Hope you can at least get a smile outta this....  :smitten:Parker