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I have to start somewhere ! :)


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Today - I'm 17 days benzo-free.  I am having symptoms - yes.  But - I got up, had coffee (maybe not such a great idea - but it didn't kill me), exercised, ate, and took my kids to a petting zoo this afternoon.  I'm learning to get out and do what I CAN do when I CAN do it.  That is really helping - because while it may be many weeks or months before I am technically able to write a real success story - I realize, that to sit around and question "Is this a symtom?" or "Am I healing? Am I better or worse today?" isn't a great "hobby". :)  That is to say - I think there are times it's good for me to just sit on the couch and watch TV - because it's all I can do right now. And likewise, there are times where it seems just - strategic - to push myself (when I have that energy and can) to get up and get out - and get out of my own head.  To "notice" other things - and to live outside of myself - and outside and beyond withdrawal. To be with others, even if I'm not at my best - and even when I feel confused and like I might not remember things.  (I hung out with friends this week and while I'm usually a "talker", I put myself in the listener role, because with the d/r I had going, I wasn't sure what I might say!  :D  My good friends even know I'm going through this - albeit not the details, but I told them.  Better to be open in my opinion, because it's not my fault - and it helps to be able to laugh at myself a little while I go through this.

 

I think trying to do small things that are "normal" might even have a benefit towards healing - not necessarly the physical gaba healing - but the re-learning to cope with what's left as much as we can.  I may still have real anxiety issues - but I realize now that the only way to work through that is by what I do and what I focus on during healing.  If it's true there is nothing I can do to speed it up, then it only makes sense that what I can do is only what I actually do with myself or think about myself while healing is occuring. Hmm. Interesting.

 

A week ago, I was just crying and trying to eat.  It's okay to sit around.  But - as any little energy comes to me - it's important to get out and do what I can - even if it's just a trip to the grocery store to get one or two things.  Healing is happening even when we can't feel it, right?  We don't have to sit around and wait for it to be 100% complete to enjoy our lives do we?

I was actually REALLY nervous to go o the grocery store last week. Since then,I have been at least 2 times to the store and a few times to Wal-Mart. Everytime I do it, it gets easier. I'm not sure if that is because I am off the bezos - or just beause somewhere, subconsciously, I know I've been there and done that and can do it again today  I guess we have to start somehwere....

 

Anyone else finding little things that just are getting you through it where you notice - hey - I'm not 100%, but at least I ______

 

:thumbsup:Parker

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I really admire you having this sort of courage and hope at only 17 days off. My face was in the toilet half the time, and curled up rocking back and forth the other half.  :laugh:
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