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Hi all,

 

I've been able to provide support for all my wonderful buddies here because I have been doing pretty well and have been highly functional.  I really hate to have anyone become fearful or afraid because they are using my recovery as a benchmark.

 

BUT, I am having a terrible day. I am 4 1/2 months off.  Last night I was having a lot of inner tremors, muscle jerks as I was resting in bed.  I fell asleep and woke up  an hour later with a jerk and felt my pounding heart (but it wasn't beating fast), muscles jerking and adrenalin surging. I got up and read success stories and fell asleep again. This morning its all back again. That strange electric shock feeling that starts at the lower part of my body and moves up, tremors, jerks, tightening around the back of my head towards the front. I am trying so hard not to be fearful, all my usual methods aren't working.  I want to just go about my day, but I don't think I can. I am supposed to go this am for blood work for my physical next week.  I don't think I can.  This makes me mad, I want to be able to just do it. 

 

Should I force myself to get going, I had a lot planned for today???? There is still the fear that someone will tell me that this is not withdrawal.  As much as I've read and  read and believe, I still have that fear. Tears are on the horizon.

 

Sorry to be so negative, I know others are still suffering after a longer period off, but it just helps some to write all this down.

 

pianogirl  :'( :'(

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Piangirl, 41/2 months is still pretty early to be off in this.  I'm 8 months off and been getting hit again to.  We can really get some odd stuff.  My legs are jerking again at nite.  I would try to go to your blood test.  don't be scared.  Your healing.  Linder xo
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Linder and Hanna,

 

Thanks for the kind words.  I know that it is early on in healing but to get slammed so severly knocked me off my feet .  I so appreciate hearing from you. I am going later for my blood work, they said to come in any time.

 

pianogirl

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Hi Pianogirl  :hug:

 

I am so sorry things have become rough again.  I'm not as far out as you are, but from what I read here it seems to be very common to get into yet another wave at 4.5 months out.  I'm sorry you have to experience it.  Hold on to how you felt a week or two ago when things were improving and you'll get there again.  I find a lot of my s/x are still on rotation.  So I'll think one is long gone but then it comes back to "visit" weeks later.  :tickedoff:

 

Thinking of you...this WILL pass.  I try to do what others seem to do and visualize my body healing during the rough times. 

 

All the best and big hugs,

Schatje

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Pianogirl,

  I am so sorry, I know this is disheartening. :brickwall: You probally feel as though are you really getting anywhere. I know when my s/x cycle I also feel like is this ever going to end? But I look back at where I was and where I am now and say I am better, just going to take T-I-M-E! I don't want it to but it is the realitly. When I am in it though it is not so easy to be positive.

 

I hope you feel better soon and get your blood work done. I have days that I don't even want to move, and I have things to do, appts to make, kids to raise, and here I am in this state.

 

You can get through this, you are strong!

:hug:

S

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Pianogirl,

 

You have posted to me before and I'm so inspired by you and I'm glad you are reaching out to others.....I'm so sorry about this...

 

:hug:

Pam

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Pianogirl, you have to read my blog update today!

 

OMG! We went through the exact same episode last night (I actually had the adrenaline rush wake me up the night before also). My episode was not as intense and I think it is because I played it down, if you will. I felt it, woke up, recognized what it was and went back to sleep!

 

I am sure it is withdrawal and there is nothing else going on with you (or me). I read on line that those myoclonus jerks send a message to our brains that there is danger and in response, the brain sends a rush of adrenaline; hence the fast heart beats, etc. Our brains are still very sensitive. They are trying to work out a reaction plan when it receives certain triggers and impulses. Soon, it will revert back to its pre-benzo regulated state and we will not have to deal with these type events.

 

We will be okay!

 

Take care,

 

Lida

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Piano girl

 

If you check the short term user thread--many of us are in the same time frame as you 4.5 months off and are still experiencing the same sort of symptoms that you are describing.  In many cases, the folks have been on the meds for a much shorter time than you and are still having issues so it is entirely within reason that you will still be experiencing problems.  I usually feel a little better in the evening so I figure that anything that goes away, even for a bit, in the evening is probably a symptom of w/d.

I often revisit the thread because like you, I fear that the symptoms are not w/d....but I am always reassured to hear that the others are having the same issues.  Many of us go to the docs where we are worried and as of yet from what I have read, none of us seems to come back with any thing but a clean bill of health.  It is always helpful for me to hear that.

Dont be too rough on yourself....sometimes our bodies need to move alittle slower and that is alright too.

Every day you are healing---I know it is hard.

Shell

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Thank you so much my dear friends,

 

It means so much to me to hear from you and it is helping through this tough wave. 

 

Schatje; I'm trying to see my body healing, i know it is even with the symptoms are harsh.

 

Real Deal and skittles; I know time will heal and I appreciate the encouragement.

 

Lida; Wow what karma.  I did pretty well getting back to sleep but the physical stuff  got me this am. I just wish my brain would get a plan and stick to it.  I am a planner by nature so this yo yo stuff is against my nature.  We will be Okay....

 

Shell; Thanks, I will go to the thread you suggested. I just have had so many tests over the past years that I know everything is really fine on the inside, except of course for the fragile cns.  I plan to move slower today.

 

Hugs,

 

pianogirl

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