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Apathy/Depression


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Hi all. I wake up EVERY single morning so apathetic and depressed...like I just CAN'T care about ANYTHING. I don't care if I live through another day anymore. Not so much that I want to die- just that I CAN'T care. It's just this mental grossness that won't leave me- and I just mope around ALL day, doing the same stuff, every single day, just WAITING for this taper to be over and waiting to get my life back. I think ANY normal person would be depressed if all they could do was just sit around the house and wait...but, it's worse b/c the apathy and depression are symptoms of this horrid w/d as well- so it feels as though there's NOTHING I can do to conjure up a positive thought or emotion. PLEASE tell me that this lifts or gets better, the further along you are from the benzo.

 

I can tell you what I feel like- a child who is SO grumpy and tired that wants to just throw themselves on the ground and have a FIT b/c they're so unhappy and disgusted w/ life. Does that make sense? I'm just EXHAUSTED. I've been fighting this fight for so long, I just am SO sick of it and I'm tired. I want joy and happiness back in my life.

 

I just need some reassurance that I'm going to feel a zest for life again...anyone out there who's gotten theirs back??

 

Much love, ((HUGS)) and healing, lamberfn

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During my lessening of symptoms all that negativity is less along with it. I feel the same way about being in the house doing the same things every day. I'm still in a horrible little apartment staying in my sister's room waiting till I get better so I can go back to an apartment on my own. I wont lie, it still sucks really bad even when the symptoms are less, but it's not like every second is a living hell anymore. As you kinda wake up a little you look around at how screwed up all of this is and how under par you still are, but eventually I think we will adapt. I really sympathize with not caring if you live another day. I sometimes still feel like that when I get slammed, or even when things are less when I think about my future and how uncertain it is, everything is different now. These things really do a number on you.

 

I'm not at the positive emotions point but all the crazy negative shit is way less and it's on a much lower level. I have seen SOME positive emotions pop through at times though, but I am mostly pissed off at the whole ordeal as I start feeling better. These drugs totally raped my mind. It goes away though lam, the negative stuff will fade and be replaced with normality. I must say that I am unimpressed by feeling normal though or close to normal. You imagine life being like heaven when you feel more normal. It's just you again. I don't want to give off the impression I am way better. I am significantly better than I was for the time being. It has been this way for around 4 or 5 days now so we'll see what happens. I hope you keep fighting. Your brain is healing behind the scenes and you just can't see it happening until it has.

 

Oh also, our brains are like spoiled children that want their toys right now, and they are going to scream and cry and make a scene until they get them. We are not gonna give our brains the benzos because that would just teach the spoiled little brat they can get what they want from us if they make enough of a fuss.

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[42...]

Hello Nicole,

 

I feel the same way in the mornings. It's like I don't care (Apathy).

I understand what you are saying. I think this fades in time.

 

We have to remind ourselves why we are getting off these drugs.

 

I know.. it is harder said than done.

 

Hang in there.

 

Billy.

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I was just commenting to my hubby this morning that although I am trying to hold, I feel dull and lifeless and don't feel like doing anything.  And yet when I wake in the morning I have the adrenaline rush and think about everything that needs to be done and that makes my ears ring more and I get out of bed - slam, I don't have any energy and don't care about much.  What a way to live.

 

Hugs,

Poplady

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Nicole

You have been fighting a good fight. You WILL feel happiness again. I promise. When I was tapering I was the walking dead. No emotions. It was scary. Then I jumped and hell opened up. I wanted to go back to feeling nothing :). It's a wild ride. Hold on.

 

I know I'll be happy again. You will too. Trust the healing process. Try to distract. Do your best to find something that feels good.

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I'm not gonna lie- I am coming up on 10 months off and the apathy and lack of motivation are still nagging the hell out of me. I know how this makes you feel. Been dealing with it for the better part of a year now. One thing you have to know is that although this stuff might be with you for awhile the situation becomes easier to deal with over time. The combination of the apathy, negative thoughts, depression, etc can really get you down. As your mind starts to clear and the depression and negative thoughts lift the apathy is a lot easier to deal with. At least that has been the case with me.

 

 

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lamb, I think many of us are feeling this way.

 

What choice do you have right now? Could you perhaps do something that you like to keep your mind distracted? Books? Writing? Music? Movies?

 

Just find something that will motivate you deep inside and work at it.

 

I am feeling this depression/apathy a lot and I still am on benzos but I know a lot of it has to do with me being afraid of really getting up and doing something.

 

My main feeling is, How long can one wait? I say do what you want.

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Hi all. I wake up EVERY single morning so apathetic and depressed...like I just CAN'T care about ANYTHING. I don't care if I live through another day anymore. Not so much that I want to die- just that I CAN'T care. It's just this mental grossness that won't leave me- and I just mope around ALL day, doing the same stuff, every single day, just WAITING for this taper to be over and waiting to get my life back. I think ANY normal person would be depressed if all they could do was just sit around the house and wait...but, it's worse b/c the apathy and depression are symptoms of this horrid w/d as well- so it feels as though there's NOTHING I can do to conjure up a positive thought or emotion. PLEASE tell me that this lifts or gets better, the further along you are from the benzo.

 

I can tell you what I feel like- a child who is SO grumpy and tired that wants to just throw themselves on the ground and have a FIT b/c they're so unhappy and disgusted w/ life. Does that make sense? I'm just EXHAUSTED. I've been fighting this fight for so long, I just am SO sick of it and I'm tired. I want joy and happiness back in my life.

 

I just need some reassurance that I'm going to feel a zest for life again...anyone out there who's gotten theirs back??

 

Much love, ((HUGS)) and healing, lamberfn

 

Hang in there lamberfin, Theres plenty of peeps here who will testify that it gets better and I believe them. YOU ARE GOING TO BEAT THIS. ;) ;) ;) ;)

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Oh also, our brains are like spoiled children that want their toys right now, and they are going to scream and cry and make a scene until they get them. We are not gonna give our brains the benzos because that would just teach the spoiled little brat they can get what they want from us if they make enough of a fuss.

 

I LOVE this. So true!

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Nic,

  I know what you feel like day in and day out. I like how one member put it, our minds were raped, our whole bodies! Invasion of the body snatchers! Twilight Zone, paradoxical universe!!! These are all the things I relate to this experience.

I am better but have a ways to go, here it is coming winter again and that makes it worse for me. I really don't do well in the winter as it is.

 

I hope soon things will turn around for you. How long have you been tapering now?

Love

S

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Hi. I have waves of this. It usually comes on days 4-8 after my cut. It then passes. I get it a little off and on, stabilize and cut again.

It this helps.

 

Bear

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