If this doesn't get better I'm going back on a med

[[Ho...]]

With my social phobia back as my constant companion, I'm starting to wonder if I should go back on some kind of drug. No, not a benzo. And God knows I've tried almost everything already, and nothing really worked well. But all I know is if I don't do anything about it, I will just end up as I was before - with absolutely no friends, staying home all day eating for comfort, unable to hold a job for more than a few weeks, fighting with my family constantly, and COMPLETELY miserable.

 

Right now I cannot even interact with my family. I can't look anyone in the eye. I wish I could explain how horrible this is, although I'm sure some of you might know. But to have lived with this for almost all your life......wow.

 

I have to give a PRESENTATION at school in a few weeks, for god's sake! How am I supposed to do that?!?! My heart starts racing whenever I think about it!! 

 

The only way I have ever found relief from this my whole life was with the benzo, and with alcohol (which I know is horrible).

 

Seriously guys, I don't know what to do.  :'( :'( :'(

[[ro...]]

Holly;

 

You have fought so long and hard to be benzo free and it must feel strange for old mental stuff to come back that you think might be permanent.  The mental deceit of benzos is truly a tough battle to be fought.  And I think you are in the midst of the battlefield.  

 

Your interests and desire to enter into relationships will return.  I know when I am in a wave, I don't want to be around anybody.  When in a window, I am motivated and plugged in.  You might be in another long wave right now.  Please give yourself time to turn it around.  

 

Lots of post benzo peeps have done or trying CBT (cognitive behavior therapy).  This might greatly help you deal with social anxiety and develop a new coping skill that even drugs can't provide you with.  Lots of good books that Vertigo has mentioned in his postings too for dealing with criticism and unpleasant attitudes that we encounter in family and others.  

 

I'll bet if you practice that presentation over and over (in the mirror and in front of all who listen); you will gain confidence in your ability to deliver a good one.  That's what helped me with all the presentations I had to give in my BS and MS programs.  The anxiety is lessened because you will have more confidence in your ability through the practice sessions.  

 

I know you are a horse person too -- I was out at the barns yesterday, watching my granddaughter's first horse lesson.  I am going to get back in the saddle and do what I love to do.  

 

Kudos to you for getting off the benzo train -- now let's ride!!

Best regards,

Rocko

[[Ho...]]

Holly, keep in mind it is very common in withdrawal for people to worry about underlying conditions.

 

Try your best to focus away from that, because I see that it is causing you a lot of unnecessary anxiety. I have read where people healed from benzo withdrawal, and said that their underlying condition was actually much better than it was before benzos!!!! I think we will come out of this hell a much stronger person than we ever were before.

 

Hang in there, and try to stay positive, and focus on your recovery for now. Try not to get out of the moment. http://www.gracecentered.com/christian_forums/Smileys/default/hug_smiley.gif

 

 

Edited: typo

[[Ho...]]

Rocko,

My desire for relationships is definitely there, which is what makes my inability to have them so very painful.

I knew the wd would be a long process, but because of all my constant obsessing about it, I'm exhausted.

[[Fl...]]

As much as I am of the belief that psych meds should be a last resort for treating "mental conditions", I know all too well the pain that social anxiety brings. I am closing in on 10 months benzo free and as I continue to heal I can feel the social anxiety that has been suppressed by the drug creeping back in. Now at 40 years old I look back on how much of my life has been affected by this and it makes me cringe. And the thought of still having to deal with this again over and above the WD process doesn't sit well with me, but what can I do? Life's a bitch.

 

Some of the AD's definitely helped me with my social anxiety. The problem is trying to find one where the side effects don't outweigh the benefits. If I remember correctly Lexapro was the only one that came close, but eventually I had to give that up too when the sexual side effects were more than I was willing to put up with.

 

Problem is, until this WD thing is over I doubt that you are going to be able to find any meds that will help you. Just make sure you stay far away from benzos of any related drugs. You can clearly see that these things are poison. Any temporary relief they provide you is sure to coma back and bite you in the end.

 

You very much have my sympathy. Whatever you decide, Holly, I wish you the best.

[[Kl...]]

Dear Holly,

 

I know you are struggling and I wish that there was an immediate solution to help you feel less distressed over your upcoming presentation.  The only thing that I can think of is putting some time into a good CBT workbook.  I have not found any other fast-acting solutions other than benzos and you and I both know what happens when we go down that road.  For me, benzos were far worse than my original symptoms.

 

Besides benzos, I have been on every class of medication - SSRI's, SNRI's, tricyclics, mood stabilizers, atypicals.  No results.  Nada.  Lots of horrendous side effects that made me feel absolutely worse!

 

Medications were a total deal breaker for me in the long run.  I have had to use alternatives to medication such as CBT and DBT.

 

Do you have a therapist you are working with?  If not, have you considered making an appointment with student health and seeing a therapist?  Social anxiety is a problem seen frequently in college students.  In the meantime, I invite you to revisit CBT.

 

Hugs, Laurie

 

 

[[Ho...]]

I was thinking of maybe trying to see my school therapist, but others have told me that I pr.oably won't make much progress while I'm still in wd. This has proven true in my case. Maybe I will go see them to just see how it is. Not sure..

 

Right now I am supposed to be going over to my sister's house to watch the game with her and her friends. I have so much trouble interacting with even my family that I'm going to bring my golden retriever... it sounds silly but he lightens the mood for all of us all the time, and makes me feel comforted.

[[el...]]

Holly -

 

Just as Hope-fiend has pointed out, I have read many, many success stories and other posts by people who took benzos for anxiety and ended up anxiety-free once they got through w/d. I honestly believe for one’s brain to get through benzo w/d, it has to subconsciously and internally discover mechanisms to cope and heal - a daunting task which takes some of us a lot of time. Somehow, I believe the brain “rewires” itself. Once it has done that and is healed from w/d, it has new “wiring” in place and is able to cope with virtually anything. Nothing is harder for it than getting through w/d.

 

I believe that the surest (and most difficult) way to beat an anxiety state is to survive and heal from benzo w/d - simply because nothing that I have ever experienced in life comes close to the anxiety level that benzo w/d has created. It doesn’t get more difficult than this.

 

The trick is to survive for now. Benzo w/d continually lies to us trying to make us believe that this anxiety/panic level is the “real” us. Nothing could be further from the truth. Once we get through the w/d, our brains will literally be changed so that we can deal with anything.

 

Medication is not the answer. I’ve been on all kinds of meds since this started. I drank for many years as well (apparently and unknowingly to quell anxiety). All that benzos and booze ever did for me was to cause my anxiety level to skyrocket out of control. That’s how I got here. I also tried a year of group therapy and individual CBT, but I believe that only made matters worse. The only option is to let my brain heal, and it is healing - just not as fast as I would like.

 

Please don’t believe the lies that w/d is screaming at you - even though they sound completely logical and true. They aren’t true. They are being generated by the fear that w/d also creates. Just “get through” this torment right now one day at a time, and you will be amazed at the “new you” once you emerge on the other side. It WILL happen - just stay on the path and keep walking forward. There is an end to this, and it‘s beautiful.

 

God bless,

 

eli 

 

[[Go...]]

Holly not sure if this happens to everyone but while the GABA is still trying to heal, some of the other psych drugs can aggregate the process. Example, maybe someone could take Lexapro before benzos but then find afterwards that they are very sensitive to meds. I am like you in a lot of ways. Prior to benzos I have social anxiety, avoidance personality, paranoia etc. Problem is the benzos make all of that seem magnified.

 

I know it's hard to wait, heck I'm waiting to get started and frustrated already. I have extreme OCD so that makes benzo wd a lot more fun for me. Regardless, you are ruminating (thinking over and over) about your issues and that is totally normal in benzo wd and post wd. You have come so far and in school at that. I had a wonderful career for 15 years that I had to end due to this poison.

 

I think you are going to be better than before!

[[mi...]]

With my social phobia back as my constant companion, I'm starting to wonder if I should go back on some kind of drug. No, not a benzo. And God knows I've tried almost everything already, and nothing really worked well. But all I know is if I don't do anything about it, I will just end up as I was before - with absolutely no friends, staying home all day eating for comfort, unable to hold a job for more than a few weeks, fighting with my family constantly, and COMPLETELY miserable.

 

Right now I cannot even interact with my family. I can't look anyone in the eye. I wish I could explain how horrible this is, although I'm sure some of you might know. But to have lived with this for almost all your life......wow.

 

I have to give a PRESENTATION at school in a few weeks, for god's sake! How am I supposed to do that?!?! My heart starts racing whenever I think about it!! 

 

The only way I have ever found relief from this my whole life was with the benzo, and with alcohol (which I know is horrible).

 

Seriously guys, I don't know what to do.  :'( :'( :'(

 

Holly hope you feel better i know this his hell i am right behind yu all the way.

please hang in there for me for you for you life.  trust me I KNOW this is hell

 

I love you and take car

Mishi