"You Changed and I Don't Like It!"

[[Ka...]]

These are the words my husband said to me this week.  I have changed...for the better. Among so many positive attributes, I have clarity of thoughts and actions.  Although this clarification is a positive outcome, it has been a very painful one.  I now  fully realize the abuse and manipulation, the name calling and false accusations...how it has hurt me deeply.  I truly want to stay in this marriage but he has refused to co-operate and becomes very angry and abusive.

 

This is very difficult for me to share, but I need to let others know that if you are in an abusive relationship, please don't deny it and think it will get better over time.  It usually doesn't.  I took lorazepam for over 25 years to hide the pain.  Don't let this happen to you.  Get help for yourself.

 

I am leaving for Toronto this morning for a medical appointment that was made 6 months ago.  My daughter is accompanying me.

 

In our 42 years of marriage, this is the first time that I will be out of town and staying overnight without my husband. 

 

Thoughts and prayers,

 

Kat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

Oh my. What a realization, and at 67.

 

I remember how stunned I felt to realize that I had become an "addict" at 59, and a nurse at that!

 

You did a long, slow taper, and you are already reaping the rewards. That's very good news. Hey. It's not too late to allow life to get better and better.

 

I am one of the lucky ones. My husband is a great supporter, no control issues at all.

[[...]]

Hi Kat,

 

You have awakened to a new you, and now your husband feels the control and power he had over you is slipping away and he is threatened by the new assertive, confident person you have become. Many people feel  they have to control every aspect of another's life, because often times their own life is out of control, and they find that it is easier to control and manipulate someone elses' life.

 

It can be very hard to leave a long standing marriage, and certainly very frightening and soul searching. If you can awaken your husband to how he has treated you for those many years, and he 'gets it', and really wants to change and understand the new you, maybe there is a chance for this marriage to continue.

 

Many people who leave an unhappy marriage after many years, find that, very quickly, they become whole again. A complete, and happy, thriving person who once again loves life.

 

Kat, whatever you decide is the best way to move forward, I wish you a happy and fullfilling life.

 

pj

[[No...]]

These are the words my husband said to me this week.  I have changed...for the better. Among so many positive attributes, I have clarity of thoughts and actions.  Although this clarification is a positive outcome, it has been a very painful one.  I now  fully realize the abuse and manipulation, the name calling and false accusations...how it has hurt me deeply.  I truly want to stay in this marriage but he has refused to co-operate and becomes very angry and abusive.

 

This is very difficult for me to share, but I need to let others know that if you are in an abusive relationship, please don't deny it and think it will get better over time.  It usually doesn't.  I took lorazepam for over 25 years to hide the pain.  Don't let this happen to you.  Get help for yourself.

 

I am leaving for Toronto this morning for a medical appointment that was made 6 months ago.  My daughter is accompanying me.

 

In our 42 years of marriage, this is the first time that I will be out of town and staying overnight without my husband. 

 

Thoughts and prayers,

 

Kat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Cat

 

Your message is one of the most brave and insightful I have seen in a long time on these boards. To break free from the torment of being imprisoned in your life, takes a character that can overcome almost anything. I really hope that you have the support of your daughter, and that she understand that breaking free from benzos brings out the real you, instead of the person being sedated for so many years!

 

Many thoughts

 

Kasper

 

 

[[Ka...]]

I'm in a hotel room tonight, and probably for many nights.  I had to call 911 yesterday morning.  The police came and strongly suggested I leave with them.  They waited until I hurriedly packed a small suitcase and drove my car. It's over.  My husband told me in  words and deeds he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to get help. 

 

Thank you everyone for your encouragement.  I need your prayers.

 

Kat

[[...]]

I'm in a hotel room tonight, and probably for many nights.  I had to call 911 yesterday morning.  The police came and strongly suggested I leave with them.  They waited until I hurriedly packed a small suitcase and drove my car. It's over.  My husband told me in  words and deeds he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to get help. 

 

Thank you everyone for your encouragement.  I need your prayers.

 

Kat

 

You have my prayers, Kat.

 

pj

[[Po...]]

Dear Kat,

 

Little do we realize that when we are trying to make life better for everyone, we stir up things that were hidden by the drugs (especially for 25 years).  Clearly you have to decide if you want to live in this kind of relationship. If he has been this way for 25 years, it may be more than he is willing to do. 

 

I am thinking of you in the next sentence, so please do not take offense.  I understand that the police felt that you needed to leave your home, you need to protect yourself if the marriage doesn't work out.  See a lawyer as soon as you can to protect your interests.  You need to be protected even if you decide to work on your marriage.  You have most of your life invested in your home and deserve to have that recognized by the courts.

 

That said, you have my thoughts and prayers for the outcome in this that you truly want.  You have my support and the support of your buddies in this.  Please do not hesitate to post, there are no judgemental people here, only long-distance friends.

 

Hugs and prayers,

Poplady

[[Ka...]]

PJ, thank you for your prayers.  They are needed so very much.  I depend upon God completely...this is the worst time of my life.

 

When I first posted 11 days ago, your message encouraged me greatly, to even leave a book with him and a poem I write almost 15 years ago.  I had hoped it would give him understanding and soften his heart.  His heart is hardened and it seems he wants to stay that way. But thanks again for the encouragement.  It means a lot to me.

 

Love, Kat

 

[[Ka...]]

Dear Kat,

 

Little do we realize that when we are trying to make life better for everyone, we stir up things that were hidden by the drugs (especially for 25 years).  Clearly you have to decide if you want to live in this kind of relationship. If he has been this way for 25 years, it may be more than he is willing to do.  

 

I am thinking of you in the next sentence, so please do not take offense.  I understand that the police felt that you needed to leave your home, you need to protect yourself if the marriage doesn't work out.  See a lawyer as soon as you can to protect your interests.  You need to be protected even if you decide to work on your marriage.  You have most of your life invested in your home and deserve to have that recognized by the courts.

 

That said, you have my thoughts and prayers for the outcome in this that you truly want.   You have my support and the support of your buddies in this.  Please do not hesitate to post, there are no judgemental people here, only long-distance friends.

 

Hugs and prayers,

Poplady

 

Popcornlady,  Thank you for your prayers and support.  It means so much.  Yes, I depend upon my buddies for love and support and I know that no one would be judgmental, so I feel safe in posting.  

 

I just returned from  seeing a lawyer.  We were talking for almost 2 hours straight. He gets me.  It always seem to come down to the money, and I trusted my husband  completely. Money was never very important to me...I could save it along with him and be  satisfied.   I now realize what he has done.  I will have to fill out a lot of documents.  I can't return to the house when he is there.  I am afraid  of further harm, and have to force myself to eat and sleep is worse now, I sleep very badly.  More later, I have a headache and am very tired.

 

Love to you all, Kat

P.S.  I can't live with him in the house.  I am not seeking revenge...I just need to get back there, go my own home.  It's in my name.  I do all the cooking, housework, laundry, pay all the bills, manage a business, take care of my devoted cats and plants. The cats and also plants  need daily care.  I miss my cats and my 100's of plants. The lawyer will be having someone deliver a letter to him asking him to moved out.  Again , I am not seeking revenge, I can 't live with him there. It's like a hell.

 

[[le...]]

Kat,

 

We celebrated with you when you took your last dose of Ativan believing that it was the beginning of a new life for you and your husband. To read all that has happened to you since then breaks my heart. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. We don't want you to go through this alone.

 

Love,

Leslie

[[br...]]

Kat, I can only offer sympathy and empathy.  I've recently found out that my wife and I are having issues. This after 5+ years of relatively problem-free marriage.

It all started changing when I got sick. (Anxiety from drug reactions.)  I've begun healing and am doing much better, but she's not happy with things now.

I would have stuck with her through anything, but some people just aren't built like that. It's not right or wrong, she just is how she is.

 

I wish you the best of luck. Place great value on yourself and do what's best for you and your family.

[[sw...]]

These are the words my husband said to me this week.  I have changed...for the better. Among so many positive attributes, I have clarity of thoughts and actions.  Although this clarification is a positive outcome, it has been a very painful one.  I now  fully realize the abuse and manipulation, the name calling and false accusations...how it has hurt me deeply.  I truly want to stay in this marriage but he has refused to co-operate and becomes very angry and abusive.

 

This is very difficult for me to share, but I need to let others know that if you are in an abusive relationship, please don't deny it and think it will get better over time.  It usually doesn't.  I took lorazepam for over 25 years to hide the pain.  Don't let this happen to you.  Get help for yourself.

 

I am leaving for Toronto this morning for a medical appointment that was made 6 months ago.  My daughter is accompanying me.

 

In our 42 years of marriage, this is the first time that I will be out of town and staying overnight without my husband. 

 

Thoughts and prayers,

 

Kat

 

There is nothing quiet like clarity, is there?  Your post was beautiful and you have my deepest and best wishes.

 

[[Po...]]

Dear Kat,

 

I hope that he is enough of a gentleman that when he gets the letter he will just move out without any fuss.  Just don't be taken in by him if he suddenly wants to work things out.  That's when you tell him he has to live somewhere else and you will go to counseling together, but that's the only time you want to see him.  Do what you want to do, just don't lose your strength to do it.  You are still healing and do not need to be dealing with him at this point without a third party in the room.  I hope things work out the way you want them to.

 

The main thing is TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.  YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

 

Hugs,

Popcornlady