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Jeffoviktors valium struggle


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Hi guys. Altough my real name is not Jeff or Viktor (I hope its ok to stay anonomous?) you can call me eiither, or booth :P


Anyway, im a 24 year old guy from Scandinavia. I have had drug problems for the last 5 years, on and off, but more on then off latelly.


In the begging I only used the pain killer tramadol, its an opiate painkiller that make you feel really good, eliminates anxiety, makes you motivated, energizes you and lots of other stuff that made you feel awesome. I had phases where I would do tramadol for some period of time and then take a break, sometimes it was just a week straight, sometimes a month, sometimes 3 months etc, I always managed to quit fairly easy though because I always was on low doses. Valium (and other benzoz) was not a problem at this time although I would use them once in a while, but never two days straight or anything.


Fast forward to now, or to around 8 months ago. 8 months or so ago I moved to Thailand, my father had recently taken suicide (jumped in front of a train :( ) so I just wanted to get away for awhile. At that particular time I hadnt used any drugs for a couple of months. Before I got to Thailand I was convinced it would be a health trip for me, no drugs, aclohol, lots of excercise, try yoga, meditation,  eat good etc. But after just a few weeks I had a bad day and went to the pharmacy to buy some tramadol (they sell lots of stuff over the counter in Thai pharmacys, tramadol, valium, xanax, iktrovil, ambien etc etc), snce that day I used it daily untill now, now im back in Sweden and havent taken tramadol fro over a week, instead I have been taking kratom, which works really good against tramadol withdrawal but will taper off that pretty soon.


So, if it was only this I would have no problem, as I said, Ive quit tramadol multiple times before but this time its different, I have one more drug to combat; valium. I started to take valium around 6-7 months ago, in the begining just once in awhile but it quikly became a daily habit when I started to get depressed. So for now, its been around 5-6 months I have taken valium daily (sometimes I took a large dose one day and skipped the day after etc), sometimes I mixed in some xanax, ambien for sleep etc.


At the highest point I was at around 70mg of valium a day (coupled with 800mg of tramadol and lots of alcohol, such a ridic danger combo), this is Thailand though so even if the package and pill said and looked like valium roche you never know, it mighta been weaker, which for me ofcourse would be a good thing.


Today im at 10-20 mg a day, I dont really have a set plan which I wanted to have and it was then I find this nice community :) Ive always kept a food, drug, life diary, so I can go back and look up exactly howe much I have taken that day, that week, that month etc. Last 3 months it looks like this:


Valium August: 1170mg.  38mg/dag.


Valium September: 500mg.    16.7mg/dag.


Valium October:  360mg up untill and included the 13th of October.  27.7mg/day.



So as you can see, I was doing good at reducing my dosage, but this month I have slipped, I dont know if its because I did it too fast in September, or I have used more this month because of me quiting tramadol.



Anyway I have some questions. Dont know If they should go here or not but I write them here and if I should write them at another part of the forum, just delete it or remove it.


First of all, I dont know if I should continue to do this by myself, at the moment im buying valium illegal from internet vendors. Or if I should grow some balls and go to the doctor which I would assume is the best (have heard loooots of horror stories about bad doctors when it comes to Benzo tapering). What do you guys think?


I also struggle if I should tell my mom or not, my 2 best friends knows and supports me but I know it would feel good to tell my mom but I dont wanna make her sad at the same time.'


Im also thinking about going to a shrink (spelling?), get a outside perspective of it and also went and procces stuff in my pass that I havent really dealt with and might be one of the causes for my depresssion.



Ok, thats it for now, was a longer post then expected. Anyway, I would greatly and deeply appreciate all helps and tips I can get, ESPECIALLY if I should continue do it by myself or go to a doctor.






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First let me say how very sorry I am to hear about your father. You have my deepest sympathies.


You've really been through a lot as far as prescription drugs are concerned. I think you'll find a lot of help, information and support here.


To answer your question...Our suggestion is to always do this with a doctor's help, Jeff.


For many of us we've used benzos for anxiety and when we come off, if we haven't learned how to cope with our anxiety/depression, it can be a hard time. I think seeing a "shrink" isn't a bad idea.


Look around the forum here, Jeff and ask questions as you go along.


Welcome to BenzoBuddies.





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Hi Jeff,


I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your father. This along with tapering off of the Valium must be hard.


I would go to a doctor and have them supervise my taper. Your right, some medical professionals don't know about tapering, so if it were me I would study the Ashton Manual so you have a better understanding about benzos when you go see a doctor:




There are taper sections in the manual and explanations about why it's important to go slow. The schedules are not hard and fast rules and are mean to be suggestions as we need to listen to our bodies as well while we're tapering.


I bought the book Benzo-Wise written by someone who has gone through benzo withdrawal themselves. If you're thinking of discussing this with your mother, it's sometimes best to have some information about benzos to show family and friends so that they can understand what you are going through too.


We're here to support you and let us know if you have questions. Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

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