Horiffic wave..will I stabalize???

[[rh...]]

Please someone reassure me that I will get somewhat better by holding another week instead of my usual cut every 7 days. I am truly NONFUNCTIONAL!!!

 

I cannot even make a sandwitch for my wonderful husband. Anxiety is very high, my thought process is gone. Head has a lot of pressue, a heavy tightness. Can't stop crying.

 

How will I know when to cut??? What exactly is "stabilize?' I am struggling like I was when I had my nervous breakdown in 1997.

 

Please help me someone :'(

 

Thank You Very Much,

Rhapsodygirl

[Guest [Si...]]

Hello R-girl,

 

All through my Valium taper.. I have had ups and downs, peaks, valleys, forks, choices.. every cut was different.

You will stabilize. You can try holding a bit longer.

 

To me, Stabilize means "Tolerable".. to tolerate.

 

Hang in there!

 

Billy.

[[li...]]

It is all normal, the ups and downs, the waves and then windows, and it frankly is the most frustrating part of the recovery, when I was at my worse I would expect it, be prepared for it and muddle thru, but once one gets down the line towards healing and gets those hours, days, even a week or two of  'hey I feel pretty good' to only then get slammed right back to day one...well it's just hard to deal with............

 

but what I can say is that even though it's hard to be optimistic all the time

and getting slammed does bring on the negative thoughts...

from all the posts and from personal experience, I KNOW we will beat this thing yippee

 

so the only thing we need to do is to "keep on keeping on" cool

 

thanks,  LK

[[rh...]]

I very much appreciate everyones support and input. I know I can't go back, only forward. What is going on with me?? I know we are all suffering because of benzos, but I was doing so well compared to this, I would give anything to not have this horrific pressue in my head and not being able to function at all!

 

I know it comes and goes, but it is getting worse each day. I am holding at 24mg. for another week. All I ask is that I have a moment of sanity.

 

Was I going too fast by cutting every 7 days? In the beginning I was on 2.5mg. Xanax and 3mg. Klonopin a day for about 8 years. Now I am down to 24mg. Valium. So, from mid June to now I've dropped to what would be 1.25mg. of X and K.

 

X and K equaled 110mg. Valium for almost 8 years. Am I making any sense?

 

Bedridden and nonfunctional...

Rhapsodygirl

 

P.S. I am losing weight. I am 5'5" and weigh 102lbs. No appetite.

[[wi...]]

I have no advice regarding taper. Just sorry to hear that you're suffering so terribly. I have found deep breathing exercizes help. Maybe try some Whey Protein Shake (Amino Acids are like building blocks for brain), or Ensure..taking in nutrients, vitamins is key to body/brain health.

 

[[rh...]]

I have no advice regarding taper. Just sorry to hear that you're suffering so terribly. I have found deep breathing exercizes help. Maybe try some Whey Protein Shake (Amino Acids are like building blocks for brain), or Ensure..taking in nutrients, vitamins is key to body/brain health.

 

Hi,

Since I'm allergic to wheat/whey/gluten/dairy/any form of sweetener I can't do any shakes, plus HIGHLY sensitive to any additives, but I so much appreciate your concern and support . My husband just scrambled 3 eggs for me. I can eat chicken, fish and almonds, plus I take in a lot of olive oil for added calories.

 

I might exercise on our recumbent bike for a little while and see how I do, or perhaps go for a walk since it isn't raining today. I just can't afford to burn calories, so I will take it slow .

 

Also, I will work on my breathing too.

 

Take Care,

Rhapsodygirl

[[mi...]]

Please someone reassure me that I will get somewhat better by holding another week instead of my usual cut every 7 days. I am truly NONFUNCTIONAL!!!

 

I cannot even make a sandwitch for my wonderful husband. Anxiety is very high, my thought process is gone. Head has a lot of pressue, a heavy tightness. Can't stop crying.

 

How will I know when to cut??? What exactly is "stabilize?' I am struggling like I was when I had my nervous breakdown in 1997.

 

Please help me someone :'(

 

Thank You Very Much,

Rhapsodygirl

 

7 days is not really much time in between cuts. My doctor stablized me after detox by putting me on a little higher dose of Ativan and then slowly crossed me over to Librium to taper. I will taper 5 mg of Librium every 3 weeks.

 

The way I see it is it took some of us years to become dependent on these drugs. We now need lots of TIME to become non dependent. I don't care if it takes me more than a year to taper. I am going to go slow and take it nice and easy so I can stay stablized and be able to function in life. I have a husband and teenagers that need me. I was a detox victim so I do know how you feel with the anxiety and all. I was not able to function after that myself.

[[rh...]]

Thank you Sig, Wish, Lizard, and Miss Kim, I appreciate your kind words and support. I'm going to taper slower than a cut once every 7 days. This debilitating wave has caused me to rethink my taper. I will still cut 1mg., but will hold 10 days to 2 weeks. Right now it's day 10 and I am doing a tad bit better. Not much but at least I'm not waking up at least a couple times with horrible panic attacks.

 

I have been riding the recumbent bike for 15 minutes a day to get some exercise. It seems to help. Can't go out in public, can't drive, can't cook. I'm not focusing on the negative, I'm just telling you how it is. My brain is seriously messed up right now. I know it will get better. This is temporary. Thank goodness. Now I'm not afraid to go to bed, I'm afraid to wake up because mornings are horrible. Complaining gets you nowhere. I am very grateful for my wonderful husband and my kids and grandkids, also friends and family members not mentioned.

 

The only way out is through. I can...I will...I am stronger than a pill My strength comes from my Lord, not me. Thank you for reading this

 

Rhapsodygirl

[[re...]]

Rhapsodygirl

 

When I was tapering I was bedridden for months, unable to shower or prepare food, drive etc. It was hard.

I got so scared of it all I went c/t. I don't recommend it. Hope you can hang in there and get stable.

Sorry to hear its rough right now.

[[rh...]]

Rhapsodygirl

 

When I was tapering I was bedridden for months, unable to shower or prepare food, drive etc. It was hard.

I got so scared of it all I went c/t. I don't recommend it. Hope you can hang in there and get stable.

Sorry to hear its rough right now.

 

Oh my gosh, bedridden for months, etc. At what point did you jump and go c/t? What was it like when you did? How are you doing now? As you can tell I am NOT doing well. If I don't get stable then I would c/t too.

 

Rhapsodygirl

[[re...]]

RG

I was bedridden for 5 months? Lost count. I was so sick before that, I laid on the couch mostly. I jumped at .6. I had gotten down, up dosed, realized stability was not going to happen so I went c/t. It was brutal. I would rather not share the details. I am better. I posted a success story prematurely a few weeks ago. I was doing better then got slammed with depression and strange thoughts. I miss the old me on klonopin quite frankly. I  had a life. A career. I am not convinced yet that the ME when this is all done will be really happy and able to enjoy life. I feel I am holding on, every day. It is tiring.

 

I was told that this is about the time that people re-instate from a c/t. So, I am going to hold on and hope for the best. I was told 6 months is a good turning point. I pray so. I want some relief from the depression and doom/gloom thoughts. I just dont understand life anymore. Why are we here to suffer so much?? I am REALLY down today. Dont c/t if you can hang on. It is a huge shock to your brain.

[[rh...]]

RG

I was bedridden for 5 months? Lost count. I was so sick before that, I laid on the couch mostly. I jumped at .6. I had gotten down, up dosed, realized stability was not going to happen so I went c/t. It was brutal. I would rather not share the details. I am better. I posted a success story prematurely a few weeks ago. I was doing better then got slammed with depression and strange thoughts. I miss the old me on klonopin quite frankly. I  had a life. A career. I am not convinced yet that the ME when this is all done will be really happy and able to enjoy life. I feel I am holding on, every day. It is tiring.

 

I was told that this is about the time that people re-instate from a c/t. So, I am going to hold on and hope for the best. I was told 6 months is a good turning point. I pray so. I want some relief from the depression and doom/gloom thoughts. I just dont understand life anymore. Why are we here to suffer so much?? I am REALLY down today. Dont c/t if you can hang on. It is a huge shock to your brain.

 

I am so so sorry you have been slammed. Oh my gosh, what a horrific story. I wish I could give you a hug. All this suffering and what do we have to look forward to? I was better than this when I was on X and K. My faith is the only thing keeping me from going c/t. My hope lies in the eternal. I won't c/t. We'll both hold on tight and know you are in my prayers and thoughts. We must not give into the benzos.

 

Here you are reaching out to me when you are so down today. You are precious

 

Rhapsodygirl

[[Co...]]

If you can, I would hold at that dose for a while till you even out. You are going fast. I only cut 1/2 a mg every 2 weeks. I learned the hard way too. Good luck

[[mi...]]

If you can, I would hold at that dose for a while till you even out. You are going fast. I only cut 1/2 a mg every 2 weeks. I learned the hard way too. Good luck

 

I agree not to go to fast. I was a detox victim and have been there. Glad to be on Librium and tapering very slowly no matter how long it may take. I have time.

[[rh...]]

If you can, I would hold at that dose for a while till you even out. You are going fast. I only cut 1/2 a mg every 2 weeks. I learned the hard way too. Good luck

 

I agree not to go to fast. I was a detox victim and have been there. Glad to be on Librium and tapering very slowly no matter how long it may take. I have time.

 

Hi miss kim,

I will take it slow and easy . I am glad Librium is working for you. It takes tweaking and time, a long time.

 

Take Care,

RG

[[1a...]]

Please someone reassure me that I will get somewhat better by holding another week instead of my usual cut every 7 days. I am truly NONFUNCTIONAL!!!

 

I cannot even make a sandwitch for my wonderful husband. Anxiety is very high, my thought process is gone. Head has a lot of pressue, a heavy tightness. Can't stop crying.

 

How will I know when to cut??? What exactly is "stabilize?' I am struggling like I was when I had my nervous breakdown in 1997.

 

Please help me someone :'(

 

throughout may taper i held each cut for 2 weeks... i had to work and remain functional so i wasn't in a big rush to be free....there were only two occasions where i felt it best that i hold for a few days longer....i think it is important to stabalize before you cut again.... both physically and emotionally... i would wait until you feel comfortable before you make another cut

Thank You Very Much,

Rhapsodygirl

[[no...]]

Hi- Everybody has given you good advice. I just need to express from experience that reinstating or increasing a dose is absolutely not the answer. i held for two weeks at the end of my taper. I cannot say that it made any difference one way or the other. I will be honest. The taper is hard. But no part of my tolerance, taper, or w/d has been constantly one way or the other. Its all been up and down. I am at 9 wks now, and this is my 3rd jump. i am here to tell everyone I can that there is only one way to go- forward. Its simply not easy to taper or jump. But I can see windows. waves yes, but when I have windows, the clarity and energy are something that was long forgotten while on benzos. If I can do this, anyone can. It is doable for everyone. We will all post a success story at some point. Just a matter of time, and alot of posting.

cheers,

Susan

[[rh...]]

Hi- Everybody has given you good advice. I just need to express from experience that reinstating or increasing a dose is absolutely not the answer. i held for two weeks at the end of my taper. I cannot say that it made any difference one way or the other. I will be honest. The taper is hard. But no part of my tolerance, taper, or w/d has been constantly one way or the other. Its all been up and down. I am at 9 wks now, and this is my 3rd jump. i am here to tell everyone I can that there is only one way to go- forward. Its simply not easy to taper or jump. But I can see windows. waves yes, but when I have windows, the clarity and energy are something that was long forgotten while on benzos. If I can do this, anyone can. It is doable for everyone. We will all post a success story at some point. Just a matter of time, and alot of posting.

cheers,

Susan

Hi northofhere,

Thank you for writing. You have had it rough and I am sorry. It is so difficult to know what to do because we are all different. All I know is that tapering is the only way to go. Yes, I had thoughts of c/t when I was slammed SO hard. Some can cut more and often than others. I realize now that I went way too fast and my cuts were too large for me. I know it's going to take me a very long time to finish my taper, and then time after that to continue healing. I am still up there at 23.5mg. Valium, but I have to take it slow. I am encouraged when you say you have windows and the clarity and energy, but what I am wondering is if you had those while you were tapering. I just reread your post and I think I understand

 

Take Care,

RG

Thank you for your encouragement 

[[no...]]

RG- While tapering, it was as up and down as w/d. The truth is tapering was yucky. And jumping was about the same til about 2 1/2 wks off it got pretty nasty. It got better for a few days and I thought OK! Then last week at 2mos it hit like a train. I thought I was going to implode...and just when I couldn't take another second- I felt alot better. Its as random as can be. The only thing i noticed was for me, each time I jumped it would get better then hit at 3 wks. I never stayed with it long enough to see that it would come and go...and I know now, finally, that it will end. I have moments of being a "me" that I have not felt in a long long time.

You will too. Tapering slow is key. So is staying the course.

I held a couple time myself. i can't say it if it helped, I just didn't want to go too fast.

take care- Susan