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Why me?


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Some may know me from the other board. It's a shame how a few bad apples have spoiled the whole bunch.

 

I wasn't going to join another benzo board but hoped to see and chat with others I've met over there.

 

For those who don't know my story. It all started with a large dose of xanax in the ER, which naturally eased the problem I was having. The ER doc and my doc instantly jumped to conclusions and decided anxiety was the root cause,,,,,,,,,they were WRONG! And now every doc and quack I see will look through my medical records and very quickly draw the same conclusion. But not every quack, I now have two on my side, but not completely. They still insist that their magic pills are needed. Maybe their just looking for a lifetime costumer, AINT HAPPENING!

 

The roller coaster ride from hell has included many months of benzo's (xanax, lorazepam, clonazepam, then a taper with diazepam. I'm a little over a year off now with one recent but short relapse because of my own big mouth. The past year has been nothing short of hell on earth. The short relapse sent me back into some of the hell that I didn't realize had started to heal. I'm making some progress again but getting slammed very hard once and a while without warning.

 

I do have other health issues that are being hampered because of benzo withdrawals. Pernicious anemia, hypothyroid (which is being very hard to stabilize, my TSH rockets all over the place).

 

And yes, I need to give up the cigs. Damn hard to do while in benzo withdrawal. One day at a time, I'll get there.

 

Steve

 

 

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Hello smoke, Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

We're sorry you lost your support on the other forum, but glad you've decided to join.  You'll find many of your friends here, so make yourself at home.  It sounds like you've had a pretty rough time, we certainly understand your anger and your pain.  Hopefully as time passes, you'll begin to feel better, I know for me, the 14 month mark had me feeling better and better.

 

Pam

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Thanks pamster,

 

I probably have a good year of healing to do before I can write my own success story. Good lawd, I hope it comes sooner than that.

 

 

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Hi smoke,

 

I'm glad you decided to join BB, and sorry you lost your support. I think you'll find lots of friends here, new and old who will support you with your withdrawal symptoms. If you have any questions, just let us know. Welcome to BenzoBuddies! :)

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  • 1 month later...

 

 

Finally! After nearly 14 months of this brutal, inhumane torture, I had a very short but noticeable window. Last night while I was out for one of my many daily walks, and,  SHAZAM, my walk turned very peaceful, my vision wasn't blurred, my thoughts were clear, I was happy and content.  Many other symptoms were gone as well, or at least had become very slight. Tinnitis was probably the only one that annoyed me but only if I payed attention to it.

 

I woke this morning to the same torture I've been in, but it sure helps to have something to look back on when things get really tough.

 

I did change probiotics yesterday. Perhaps that helped. Time will tell.

 

I do continue with the B12 protocol because of pernicious anemia. So I do take quite a few sups, but did back off them for a time.

 

Oddly, while backing off the sups, I also backed off the thyroid med (armour). A person shouldn't do that but I did. During that time my TSH was in normal range and continues to be.  I have a couple wild azzed guesses why this could be. 1. perhaps an antibody finally got its chit together and quit attacking my thyroid. 2. I could have added the rite bacteria needed. I was on a very small dose of armour. Time and more labs, maybe I won't need the thyroid med.

 

The suffering continues.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Welcome to BB's.  I am sure you will find the caring support here that you have before.  Look around the forum and check out the threads.  If you have a  question, just post it.

 

Popcornlady

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I feel your pain and want you to know that the cigs are hard to quit but can be done.  I smoked as a teenager and stopped when I was 22.  I started back up for a month cause my stress level from work was high, but thought to myself this stuff is so bad for you.  It was the only reason I needed.  Just like with benzos I keep thinking how bad they are for me and it reminds me of why I need to stop.  "It's not we do in good times that defines us.  It's what we do in times of hardship that does." Unknown
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  • 3 months later...
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