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To hell and back....


[zo...]

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C/T benzo use june 28, 2008 for good...went through hell but now after three months things seem more and more normal been going out exploring things even went to clubs the past few weekends and had a great time...will post in depth story later...
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Congrats Zombie207 on your healing!  :yippee::thumbsup: Glad to hear you are feeling better and are able to get out there again. Can't wait to read your more in depth story.
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Hey there!!

 

Congrats!!

 

Is it me, or you, in a time warp? Just kidding, but  you indicate your C/T was in 2008? Thinking it was supposed to read 2011.

 

It's good to feel good again, huh?

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  • 1 month later...

MY STORY SUMMARIZED (TOO BUSY TRYING TO MAKEUP FOR LOST TIME)

 

      After going to a doc because of a hand tremor that developed shortly after i picked up the nasty habit of smoking doc gave me several different meds sent me to neurologist even did a MRI of my head everything was fine....So he gave me Klonopin .5 mg twice a day, because he thought it was anxiety related. Well it didn't stop the tremors but made me so nonchalant that i didn't bother to even think about it. As the months went by I began taking my doses closer together and sometimes taking an extra one. I ended a 2 year relationship for absolutely no reason, dated another female and broke with her. Just began feeling like I was empty no feelings. I was always considered a class clown and a jokester but now i felt no humor in me just dead. No nervousness no happiness no laughter, no lust, no love, no enjoyment. It was like i was viewing life through a third person perspective.

 

                      I still didn't realize it was the benzos until i ran out and didn't think i needed to refill. two days without the benzos and as i headed out for that night it hit me. Cars were so loud, people loud, anxiety trembling every muscle in my body i rushed home feeling helpless. I went out the next day and refilled my prescription. That's when i realized i was in trouble. Well I thought to myself i can manage going through a few days withdrawal maybe a weeks or so. So I aimed on quitting during my vacation but didn't make it through day three. I went to doc and explained to him what was happening he advised me to taper and said it was going to take months. I left did some research and ended up talking to a pharmacist when i was refilling my prescription. He advised me to stop taking it and if i thought i could do it since I've only been taking it for 6 months to cold turkey. He told me it was probably going to be a couple of weeks of hell and i should stack up on some sleep aids. Well I took home some sleep aids and started only to revert back to benzos in 7 days. It was looking hopeless at this point. I finally went out one last time party after party and went home and dumped my bottles i just filled and only maybe took 3 pills from dumped it right in the toilet and flushed. No way to refill now i said but only to ride out......Well hell was a few days away.

 

      I literally lost my mind for three months. Paranoia, anxiety, extreme anxiety, worrying about nothing i mean stressing out about absolutely nothing just sitting in my room i was petrified, body tremors, facial tics, aches, eyes red, muscle spasms (random places but usually fingers, arms and legs) De-realization/Depersonalization, and endless COG FOG (read my posts lool would intend to drive somewhere only to find myself returning from it with no memory of it) unbelievable....couldn't give directions on how to get to my house sometimes that's how bad it was, was prescribed meclizine for vertigo when it got to the point i could hardly walk straight....oo and that squeezing head feeling like there is water in your ears and a vice grip on your temples....how could i have forgotten about that...took so much energy to fight it that most of my day was spent trying to fake being normal...I'm going to quote it "fake being normal"....looooool..how could someone fake being normal....Anyways visited doc had a literally a breakdown in docs office about my deteriorating health, She stated it could not have been from benzos. I told her it was and i did not have any of these problems prior to the benzos..She asked if i wanted to go back and i was infuriated and went home...at this point my family was fully convinced i went off the deep end and was worried if i didn't call everyday...

Everything i said was taken with a grain of salt....I completely retracted from society and hide out in my room for a month and some change...friends and relatives that would usually call to get a laugh or two or plan out a vacation were stunned... One cousin of mine that usually comes over to the family every few months or so was shocked to the point she was leaving me cheer up messages and telling me she was there etc.... Well as the weeks turned into months my hope dead and i was beginning to settle into my new handicapped mind....well at least i won't be distracted from school by any social nonsense...but how was i going to comprehend anything i read...again it dawned on me i was going to be on disability if things continued like this.....during the second month i was convinced there was no light at the end of the tunnel and was weighing the option of returning to benzos....but ended up drinking myself to sleep for a few nights...Hennessy and red bull to ease the mind....slowly but surely i began turning into a binge drinker to cope with the W/D........4 locos and hard lemonade to get through class and Hennessy to get a good nights rest....well i began to realize the drinking was masking the recovery as i felt worse.....many endless nights watching foreign films chain smoking out my window and wondering if life would ever be normal....

 

              I began getting windows during my second month but they were short and were insignificant when the W/D returned....I began to accept the reality i was coming down with Parkinson's and probably had a stroke and suffered brain damage....the third month was hopeless as a return of physical symptoms and unbearable cog fog shot through the roof loosing everything from my car keys to a job I've been waiting on to losing my shoes, and a few friends....(also lost control of my weight gained about 30 lbs in those three months all thanks to endless supply of Chinese food and foreign films)...

 

      Well one day i woke up and realized i was at a party the night before and felt wonderful no anxiety no muscle spasms and very little if any cog fog.......I didn't want to be too quick to jump on the fact i recovered..I waited a week and then another week no symptoms well I told myself I would write a success story but ended up being so busy spending every minute i got with friends and even managed to try to piece my love life back together....I felt like the world was at my grasp....Today I sit in my living room with a cup of tea and can say very confidently that i am 110% recovered

100% being back to my old self and 10% for being even more outgoing and more determined then i was before the benzos...

Full emotions, no anxiety, back at the gym, school going good, and a lil hottie got my attention and I'm trailing her like its no ones business....looooooooooool aka I'm back in the romance game...finally how good it feels to have genuine feelings and not thinking what should i feel now....Benzos should be illegal unless the person has no choice but to take them as there are people who do need them and believe me they have to be few in numbers maybe 1 in 100 million...but because they exist i can't say abolish them but if i was anyone else out there look back at life before all this started and weigh the pros and cons....that should answer your questions....

 

WHAT EVER WAS BEFORE THE BENZOS WILL RETURN AFTER THE BENZOS, AND WHATEVER CAME WITH THE BENZOS WILL LEAVE WITH THE BENZOS...TIME JUST GIVE IT TIME GET A TICKER  AND SITBACK AND ENJOY THE SHOW...WARNING LONG BUMPY ROAD AHEAD......

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No problems Billy its the least i can do for what BB has done for me and plus i remember when i used to look through the success stories in search of finding a little bit of hope......
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[f1...]

No problems Billy its the least i can do for what BB has done for me and plus i remember when i used to look through the success stories in search of finding a little bit of hope......

 

Zombie,

 

I remember you having a convulsion of some type you explained, did those go away?

 

Yes, the success stories here give all of us hope.

 

 

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Everything went away.......... and my hand tremors only return when i smoke cigarettes and even then they are very unnoticeable  but other then that nothing else...i actually feel better then i felt when i got on them if i can even recall.......I feel EXCELLENT....THANK YOU BB
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  • 1 year later...

WHAT EVER WAS BEFORE THE BENZOS WILL RETURN AFTER THE BENZOS, AND WHATEVER CAME WITH THE BENZOS WILL LEAVE WITH THE BENZOS...TIME JUST GIVE IT TIME GET A TICKER  AND SITBACK AND ENJOY THE SHOW...WARNING LONG BUMPY ROAD AHEAD.....

 

 

I am so happy to read that you made a full recovery.....and I love the statement above.

I sure hope everything the benzo's brought to me goes away and everything that is going on now goes away....

Just living each day trying to accept this and hoping to move on...

Thanks for posting,

Causing

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