2 weeks I surely regret....

[[da...]]

Hello, Im new here. Just looking for a little guidance and support with regard to the way I am feeling.

I was recently prescribed Xanax for insomnia after an allergic reaction to a vit d supplement. I was instructed to take 5,000 icu's  of vit d by my nutritionist. About ten days into taking the supplement on a daily basis I woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible adrenaline rush , racing heart,  anxiety and terrible insomnia...

I spent 4 nights like that on absolutely no sleep. On the  5 th day I went to the ER where they found nothing wrong after doing many tests.  EKG, blood work, ect...  I was told I was having an anxiety attack and given a prescription for valium. I took the Valium for several nights ( it put me right to sleep) and then resumed my normal life.  About three months later I started having sleeping issues again and was prescribed .5 mg of xanax at bedtime by my GP.  This worked well for about a week and then I started having rebound anxiety and insomnia. I went back to my GP and asked about dependence, withdrawl and addiction and she said as long as I was in the two week range, I would be fine. Well, I wasn't. The rebound anxiety was increasing although i didnt increase my dose out of fear of addiction. But i knew that i was feeling god awful in between doses.

So, on the 13 th day I checked myself into rehab.  The doctor said that because it was for such a relative short amount of time, that it was ok to discontinue the Xanax c/ t.  It was an uncomfortable few days but he prescribed trazedone 50 mgs for sleep and inderal at 10 mg as needed for anxiety. The first day I took 4 doses of the inderal and the 50 mg of trazedone.  Since then I have been decreasing the trazedone. About 10 days off the Xanax I am down to 25 mg trazedone and I have been totally off of the inderal for 4 days.  I would love some perspective on how severe and how long  the withdrawl will be having used the xanax only for under

two weeks. I keep reading these reports of it taking a year or more to recover! I am kind of freaking myself out. Am I in for such a long haul after such a short run? And I am also quite wary of the trazedone. I have never been depressed in my life and have always been very anti anti depressants... Will I also have w/d from the traz at such a low dose and for under two weeks? My shrink says no but I'm inclined to not believe him! When should I ween off the traz? Or it is necessary to ween?  Thanks for having a place to come to ease my mind! Looking forward to some support and guidance.  David

 

[[Ni...]]

Hi davidee,

 

That's great that you realized so quickly that the Xanax wasn't working for you. I would think at two weeks you would not have a long withdrawal time. I myself don't know much about trazadone, so I can't remark on that, we do have a section titled Other Medications where members discuss there experiences with other meds.

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

[[ca...]]

Hello Davidee and welcome to BB! I am sorry to hear that short term benzo use has caused you so many issues. I also used benzos very short term (10 days) and ended up in a world of hurt, so I understand how frustrating it is and difficult. Try not to freak out, everyone heals at different rates. Some people heal very quickly while others take a while longer. The key is, healing happens, so just try to focus on one day at a time and you will get there. I only tried using trazadone 1 day and it did not agree with me, I had a bad reaction, so I cannot offer much advice there. I will say however, that it is usually best to taper most meds that you take on a regular basis. It is a shock on the body to just abruptly stop a medication. If you want off the trazadone and don't feel like it is helping you, I would talk to your Doctor and let him know you are going to taper off and then begin your taper. Go as slow as you feel you need to. Also, congrats on being Xanax free! Please let us know what further questions you have and how we can continue to help you.

[[da...]]

 

Cantwaittobebetter..

 

Thanks for your reply. I have been feeling rather alone in my Xanax w/d due to the length in which I took em!

It's very comforting to know that someone else has gone through a similar situation. Were you taking a similar dose of benzos? I really thought .5 mgs of xanax was very little but have learned that Xanax is stronger than other benzos. So it was actually like taking a lot of Valium or something...  What was your experience like with the w/d? My first week off, I was very dizzy, I had intense chest pain and palpitations... but the doc put me on the trazedone right away. So I think some of The symptoms were masked by the trazedone. I now feel 11 days later, a little more stable. I have been exercising daily, trying to do yoga whenever possible. Eating well! Taking an Epsom salt bath every day. Yesterday after a long hike in the woods, I actually felt pretty good. Then I reduced my trazedone dose from 25 mg to 12.5 mgs last night and had a very rough time. Anxiety and almost a prickly feeling in my neck and shoulders.  I slept about 5 hours waking up a few times. Woke up at 5 am and then fell back asleep for another hour or so at 8 am. While drifting back off the sleep I felt a very scary sensation. Almost like a terror rush that snapped me out of my almost slumber! I was already dreaming at the time. Very intense. I am really freaked out about the trazedone w/ d.  Like i traded one bummer for another bummer! I guess I will stay at the 12.5 mg of traz for a few more nights then cut back again. 6.25 mg for a few then one 6.2 mg every other day.  But then, what if i dont sleep??  What then?  Shall I take a valerian tea or melatonin?  Luckily I don't have to work for 2 weeks...  But when I start working I need to have my wits about me. My memory is crucial for what I do! I am a poet and I need to be able to remember / recite my poetry.... I'm scared, I guess.  I'm also quite small in stature like 5 "4 110 lbs.  So it's seems the meds really affect me strongly.  I just realized that I painted myself as a total wimp!  The skinny poet who can't handle his drugs!!!!      Anyway, I would love to hear about your experience strength and hope!!!    Best, davidee

[[...]]

Just saw your concerns about short-term use and feeling alone with that.

 

I was longer term (roughly 5 months before I clued in that something was not right), but not at a high dose and not a daily user. Still, I can't think of any other explanation besides the benzos for what's been happening.

 

You know yourself best, and everybody is different. Symptoms, w/d schedule, reactions, and so on. So my thought was - if it feels like it was the benzos, you're probably right. Hope you find the support you need here. It's been great for me.

[[da...]]

I am so grateful for this forum. I can't tell you how comforting it is to read about other people going through the same thing! There is a lot of compassion on this site. Its really inspiring. And without these sorts of forums, I would still be on the Xanax unaware that the medicine I was taking was actually making me sick!  Today is my 12 th day off benzos.  I had been feeling ok until today when a wave hit me! I called my doctor and he said I was going to fast. I am so desperate to get off all meds that I decreased my trazedone dose last night and had a full blown anxiety attack at 5 am. And was unable to fall back asleep until 845.... I was just laying there with a particular dooms day scenario in mind. My thoughts seemed almost beyond my control. So dark was my turn of mind.  I then got up and went on a long hike... Where I pushed myself a little too hard perhaps. Although, I do feel better when and after I exercise.  But maybe only to a point? Does anyone have any thoughts on exercise during w/d?  I then started to feel as if I was having inter dosing rebound again...  The burning heart, palpitations. True panic. And it was as it the world looked a little more sinister. Like the bare branches on the trees were almost gothic. And everything looked a bit off. A touch of  grey. A bit scarier. it also occured to me that my sense of smell seems very pointed. Almost heightened. I could smell the sycamore trees from blocks away. Like a super hero. The thought of my w/ d c/ t super hero costume made me chuckle.

Not all moments are serious, I realized. I may be in discomfort but Im still alive and have a sliver of a sense of humor left.  My doc suggested I go back on 25 mgs of trazedone until I stabilize for a week or two then begin my reduction. I guess I have to learn to trust the  meds to some degree and not fear them. I am still in the very beginning stages of getting off of this insidious drug. Anyway, another night awaits. If I don't sleep, I don't

sleep. It won't kill me. Won't it?   

 

[[Ni...]]

Hi davidee,

 

I'm glad your humor is intact, I had to chuckle a little too when you brought up a w/d c/t super hero costume! I sometimes wish I could slip into one too.

 

It does take a little while to stabilize after a cold turkey. As far as I've heard trazadone, isn't nearly as addictive as a benzo and you haven't been on it that long, so if you feel comfortable with what your doctor is advising I would go ahead and follow their advice and taper off it in a few weeks.

The trazadone may help a bit with your sleep, but time and a positive attitude are the best healers from a benzo. Sometimes it does take a little while for your sleep to come back. When I get worried about withdrawal symptoms I try to distract myself and that seems to help.

 

I think that's great that you are exercising, I try to pace myself and don't over-do it just like I had another illness. Also, I' glad that you are getting a lot out of BB, I know I felt relieved when I found out I wasn't the only one going through benzo withdrawal. Cheers.

[[da...]]

Cantwaittobebetter...

 

I am having a very rough evening...  I slept about 5 hours last night which was really helpful but when I opened my eyes I realized that I was back in the worst waking nightmare of my life! I had a decent day felt pretty good after a long walk. Listening to Keith richards LIFE book on my iPod as read by Johnny DEpp...

Got home had some lunch and took a bath and felt pretty darn good. This is my 13 th day off Xanax. I then felt extremely tired and closed my eyes for about 20 minutes...  It almost felt like I could actually take a nap!!!  I may have dosed off for a few, even...  I then went to the movies to see 50/50 figuring it would put things in perspective for me...  Half way through the film I had a serious wave. It was very intense... I cited throughout the whole movie and when I got in the car I just about lost it! I am so angry right now! I can't believe what is happening considering how short term I took the Xanax!!  I have been through heroin withdrawl about 10 years ago and I would take that any day over this. I can't believe I let myself get into this mess.  I am not suicidal per se but the though crosses my mind in my worst moments! I felt relatively ok for the first week or so but the last two days have been really difficult!  The only comfort I have found is by scouring this forum for clues and hope! I feel hopeless right now. If only I had been warned! I went o my doc after 6 days on Xanax and asked if I was danger of dependence and she said no and refilled my prescription!  If I had only stopped then...  And then the phych doc at the rehab took me off cold turkey...  Do you think that made it worse for me in the long run?  I read that you were miserable for those 7 days in c/t.... I was not. I was taking the beta blocker and traz and so I was out of it but sleeping...  But now, it's really hard. My girlfriend has been out of town this whole time (3 weeks) and she gets back tomorrow... I am so afraid for her to see me like this!  I am afraid she is going to leave me.  I am spiraling out. I fear losing everything. I have a book tour coming up in 2 weeks I am terrified! Will I be able to function then?  Should I just cancel it now?? I am so conflicted..  Also, will I ever be able to enjoy a glass of wine again??  I love a glass or two of wine...

This is unbelievable.  Im f'd.  I freaked.  Im scared.  What can I expect with the w/d in the near future??

How should I cope?  Need some advice.  Davideee

[[ca...]]

Hi Davidee, I am so sorry you are having a bad time and a rough evening. Trust me I know how you feel and how hard it all is. I also was not warned what these drugs can do and felt the same way you did, angry and hopeless. But there IS hope, I have my life back and you will get yours back too. Try to relax and keep calm, stressing out is not good for you even though I know its hard not to. Try not to look at the worst case scenario, you were on short term and that works in your favor. Yes I was very sick after only being on Xanax for 10 days, but I am a rarer case and that doesn't mean that will be your same experience. I am just extremely sensitive to all medications. Everyone is different so try not to compare yourself to others, your healing is your own unique experience and everyone heals at their own rate. I say take it one day at a time and see how you feel that particular day and what you can handle. Things do get better with time and you will heal from this, there is NO proof of permanent damage. You will feel better and you will get your life back, just remember that and focus on that.  I am glad to hear you were able to get out, that is great and a good sign. Have you read the Ashton manual? There is a lot of good info in there. If your girlfriend needs help understanding you could show her the Ashton manual and maybe that would help her understand better.  As far as how to cope, keeping busy and using distraction are what helped me. Even though I didn't feel well, I did things to keep busy, even if they were small things like walking around the block, going shopping, etc depending what I felt up to that day. Distraction helps to keep your mind occupied and helps to pass the days faster. I am concerned that you mentioned suicide, please if you are having those thoughts or feel that you need help, please call a friend or family member to come be with you or call 911 or go to the ER. We just want you to stay safe, so if you need help, please don't delay and seek help. Hang in there and I hope you feel much better very soon. Keep us posted on how you are doing.

[[Na...]]

Short term user here also.  Your not alone!

[[da...]]

Thanks so very much for your support. I can't tell you how much it helps.  I really wouldn't hurt myself, I promise ,  but the fact that it EVEN remotely crossed my mind is outrageous.  I'm sorry if it alarmed you.

I love my life, I do.  That's why I feel so hopeless.  Thank you for your support. It's really something.

Feeling a bit calmer after reading your post.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Davidee

 

[[ca...]]

Hi Davidee, I am glad you are feeling calmer and to hear you love your life. I hope tomorrow will be better for you as well.  Things do get better, for some like me it took a long time, but the key is healing will take place. I have my life back and you will get yours back. Hang in there Davidee, we are all here for you.

[[da...]]

Boy oh boy. 

I had a rough one last night.  A decent day and then an awful night of no sleep!  I took 50 mgs of traz and 10 mgs of inderal  at 11 pm and could not get to sleep! Took two baths and finally at 6 am I dosed off for about 45 minutes. Awoke with chest pain and severe anxiety. I am starting to wonder if the dr was incorrect in pulling me off c/t... He reassured me that due to the length and dose, that I would be fine.

I should have asked if he's read the Ashton manual...  I was pretty ok for 11 days off the Xanax. Sleeping , even..  Why are these things flaring up now? I though I was throughout the worst of it.    Should I consider reinstating with Valium and tapering at this point?  Or is it too late?  Is this merely a wave? Is it because the Xanax is totally out of my system ?  What can I look forward to?  No sleep is very difficult as it's the only relief for the w/d.  Help.  D

[[Ni...]]

Hi davidee,

 

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your sleep. It's hard to know if the Xanax has completely left your system yet, but since it is so early in your withdrawal, it's really normal to have the symptoms you're having. There is no guarantee that if you reinstate to Valium you would feel any better. It's more likely that it would make your recovery time longer. You are probably having a wave as your body is adjusting to it's natural state. Hang in there, you will get back to normal.

[[ca...]]

Hi Davidee, I am so sorry last night was a bad night. Sleep problems and insomnia are common withdrawal symptoms unfortunately. Not everyone has insomnia, but I know I did. Also just because you had one bad night doesn't mean that every night will be bad, so try not to panic. When I cold turkeyed xanax I didn't sleep for 7 days straight but that was immediately following the cold turkey. It was rough for sure. Reinstatement is a crapshoot, when I reinstated after 7 days off, I still didn't sleep much for many months, around 0-4 hours every night. I often wonder if I would have been better off, if I had just stayed off and let the healing begin. I think the benzos were just toxic for me and did not agree with me at all. There is no right answer for everyone I am afraid. It is up to you and your Dr what you decide to do. Healing will take place and your sleep will return so try and hang in there the best you can, okay? Things that helped me to relax were warm baths, drinking warm milk, sometimes I used epsom salts in the baths as well. Certain foods can help with sleep too, turkey, bananas, and almonds for example. Hang in there and keep us posted on how you are doing.

[[...]]

Thanks so very much for your support. I can't tell you how much it helps.  I really wouldn't hurt myself, I promise ,  but the fact that it EVEN remotely crossed my mind is outrageous.  I'm sorry if it alarmed you.

I love my life, I do.  That's why I feel so hopeless.   Thank you for your support. It's really something.

Feeling a bit calmer after reading your post.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Davidee

 

 

I hear you - hope you're not beating yourself up about the dark thoughts. Sometimes the mind has a mind of its own. The intrusive thoughts are scary and self-harm stuff can come out of the blue sometimes. Been there, many times, but wouldn't ever do it. Glad to hear you know that about yourself. If the thoughts ever get really bad, tell someone, call someone, get yourself to an ER - whatever you need to do.

 

A book tour? Wow. I can see why that might be over-whelming. Guess you know yourself best. I've had to take time off work through all of this and really lie low, which frustrates the crap out of me. But you have to do what you think is best for yourself. Health first, I keep getting reminded (and keep forgetting).

 

Hope you get some real sleep sometime soon.

[[da...]]

Just wanted to check in...  It's been a couple days.  Today was a rough one... Sleep last night was very sporadic.  And when I awoke, the anxiety was upon me!  I spoke with my psych doctor and he claims that I should be through the withdrawals at thisnpoint given the dose and duration of my Xanax situation. He continues to claim that I am merely having panic attacks and that the Xanax and the vitamin D that caused my insomnia was a red herring!  I truly feel like I'm jack Nicholson in one  flew over the cuckoos nest! I have never had any panic, anxiety or psych disorder before the Xanax!  It's like boy interrupted or something. Outrageous that the medical / pharmaceutical communities don't take more responsibility for the meds that they prescribe!  Anyway, I was feeling very hopeless today, imagining a long road ahead of terror and no WINE at dinner, but I started perusing the sucsess stories thread and it really improved my mood. It is possible, I must remember to feel like your old self again!  I must be patient. It's only been 2 and a half weeks although it feels like an eternity!  I must give myself a chance to recover. I will say that this experience has brought me to my knees and also brought me closer to my family. When you humble yourself and ask for help, and then you receive it,  it is a beautiful thing.  I have always been so uninclined to simply ask for help. This month has really illuminated quite a bit for me.  I am grateful for that. And for the strangers on this board who have offered their support.      It's a remarkable thing.  So, I wonder how I will fare at the 3 week mark.  Hopefully better. After reading some short term use success stories I feel a little less afraid.  Scarednewbie 's account was very comforting.  2 weeks xanax use and one mental hospital  and c/t later,  a marked improvement at 3 weeks!!!!    Any other short term users out there with their withdrawl experience??

Thanks again!  You guys are life savers!  Davidee

[[ja...]]

Hello David 

 

I was reading your posts and I feel so bad I know exactly how you feel.

I as well am a C/T of Valium. I just wanted to hopefully give u a peice of Hope.

Just know your doing very good you really are. I had over 50 symtoms in the first 8 weeks .

Was so awful went to ER like 6 xs. they did a major amount of test ,They said I was doing this to my self.

Stress..LOL yea ok. Just know this is so creepy and way hard.But we Heal and we get better this all ends.

I am now at month 15 and 100% healed .You sound like a very nice person and very worried.

Just hang in there and know yes this is so cruel but you are way stronger then this w/d.. Your going to be Great again . These are just symtoms and they will all drop off. You said you felt like Jack Nickleson. I said I was Bill Murry in Ground Hogs Day ..LOL.. Heheheh

Keep fighting friend your going to be just fine

 

~ Jenny

[[An...]]

Hi Davidee

 

Another short-term user here Xanax 2 weeks (far higher dose than you) Valium 12 days.  It does get better but can take a long while but it varies with everyone.

 

Good luck

Angel

[[Na...]]

I am off of the Ativan seven weeks today.  I still have symptoms but my windows are greater than ever.  I will take a day without a window to have six good ones at this point!  Just know this.  It takes different amounts of time because we as individuals are all different. I too had dr.s tell me it's all in my head. We know ourselves better than anyone and I KNOW what I went through was not ME making it happen.  I have always been healthy mentally as you say you are.  I didn't have these problems until they put this benzo in my life. I have become much wiser because of it.  I thank this website for being here.  It has helped me alot.  Great people here and always willing to lend an ear or cyberspace shoulder for us to cry on when the real thing isn't available. I wish you a speedy recovery.  Good luck and you will be back to your normal self again soon.  I am at 85 percent only using three weeks and being off a total of seven.  I did a three week taper also.  No cold turkey here but had severe w/d you name it I had it!  Now my windows are way longer.  Every week I see greater things ahead for me.  Planning my daughters wedding was difficult but she is to we'd this coming Saturday.  I know if I could do all the planning and still go through what I have been through I can survive almost anything!  Best of luck to you my friend!

[[ca...]]

Hi Davidee, sorry you are having such a rough time. I know how tough it is. I also was a short term user as I mentioned before. I was only on Xanax 10 days when I cold turkeyed and had a horrible withdrawal. After not being able to sleep or eat for 7 days my Doctor reinstated me on Ativan (although my Dr claimed my symptoms were not from the Xanax). I stayed on the Ativan for 2 months trying to stabalize while I was still very ill so it really did not help and then tapered off over 3 months. I am almost 15 months free now and doing well with a few mild lingering symptoms.  I often wonder if I had not reinstated if I would have healed faster, its an answer I will never know. However the key is we all heal and we do all get better. I am back to living my life and enjoying it, and you will get there too, hang in there. I wish you the best and speedy healing, keep us posted on how you are doing.

[[da...]]

Hello!  Quick update as my girlfriend and doc have suggested I stay of the forums! I must admit I have been searching any information  obsessively over the past 3 weeks.  I have had a rough time over the past week and a half.  My symptoms are way worse than they were the first week. I tried to stop the trazodone and beta blocker too soon I think. Weaning after just about a week down to 12. 5 ... That sent my w/d through the roof. I havent really been able  to stabilize since then.  My doc suggested I go back up to the 50 mgs ot traz. And so I did. And then I started having these really invasive throughts.  Like the only relief I could possibly get would be from dying.  Now, don't worry I am not suicidal but my thoughts have become that ..

If that makes sense.  It's an expression of misery.  My poor girlfriend is so upset. Hearing me talk like that.

I am having a very difficult day. Took my traz and couldn't sleep at all! To be in that drugged state with no sleep is very difficult.  I am considering checking myself into a hospital for relief! But what will they provide me with there?? I am three weeks off and desperate. I tend to feel decent until I don't sleep and then the entire day is spent wriggling in agony.  I am wondering if the traz is making my symptoms worse??  Possible???

After three weeks on traz should I taper off?  Or is it safe to just stop?  My doc has suggested I take lunesta instead...  To stop the traz and try the lunesta.  He still doesn't believe that i am withdrawing after such a short time and small dose... I am very angry that he stopped me c/t... I wish he had tapered me off.

Now I am in a pickle with the traz vs lunesta scenario.  What should I do? It's going to be bedtime soon and I am conflicted.  When will  this end?    Should I just try benadryl and melatonin instead??  I would love to be free of all pharmaceuticals.  Feeling dark as ever. Please advise.  Best, davidee :'(

[[Pa...]]

Hi davidee,

 

I'm sorry to hear you're so miserable, I quit cold turkey too, so I know how it feels.  I made the mistake though of starting to take Ambien to sleep, which is pretty much the same as Lunesta.  It helped me sleep, but the problem is, it's pretty much a benzo too, and my body soon became dependent on that.  Another problem with that drug is it's half life, it's really short, so I had inter-dose withdrawals all day until I could take my dose at night.  Then of course, after I became tolerant to it, I'd wake up after only a couple of hours and take more, not a good way to go.

 

I wish I could offer you a good solution, but unfortunately, we don't seem to have any of those. 

[[ca...]]

Hi Davidee, my doctor gave me Ambien to take and Lunesta to try, they pretty much work the same and as Pam mentioned similar to a benzo. The Ambien made me feel worse and actually made me hallucinate the one night so I never took it again. It really didn't help me sleep much after I think it was the 3rd time I took it, I was then only getting 4 hours sleep from it. I never tried the Lunesta after that. Natural sleep will come back, it just takes time. As for trazadone, I only tried it one night and it didn't agree with me, so I can't offer you much advice there. However, if you have been taking it a while and want off it, its probably best to taper off it so its less of a shock to your body then just stopping it. What does your Dr suggest as far as the trazadone?  I can say after I cold turkeyed xanax, I tried so many different drugs at my doctor's advice and none of them helped with the withdrawal or with sleep for me. The only thing that helped me was time. Everyone is different. Waiting it out is what worked for me.  It did take quite a while but things slowly got back to normal. I did use chamomile tea and that seemed to help relax me a little, some people have allergies to it though. I also tried warm milk before bed and that seemed to help a little too. Hang in there and I hope you feel much better very soon, I have been there and know how hard it is.

[[da...]]

Well, after reading your posts I opted to not take the lunesta.  I am just going to stay on the trazodone for awhile longer then taper off very slowly when my sleep stabilizes.  I am wondering if the traz is revving up my symptoms or if I'm just experiencing withdrawl? When lying down it feels as if there are these nervous, tingly waves coming over me.  With an accelerated heart beat.  I slept not at all night before last but sleep about 2 hours then woke up for about 3 then was able to fall asleep again for another 3 or so. Then awoke to an instant wave of terribleness!!  I am 3 weeks off the Xanax today. My stomach is in knots. And last night I had a total melt down. Emotional wreck.  DR and DP and doomsday thoughts. My sister had to come over to calm me down.  I think my family is considering having me check into a hospital or psych ward so that I will be supervised.  My symptoms have gotten so much worse over the past week.  I had little pain and discomfort the first week when I assumed the detox would be the hardest! Why is it hitting me now like a ton of bricks??? What can I expect in the coming weeks?  And has the other medication hindered my progress? Like when I stop the traz will not sleep at all as if I'm just of the Xanax???

When will I start to feel a little better? Waiting for a window riding out the wave.