Mostly Recovered

[[re...]]

I am 14 weeks out from a cold turkey after 19 years of Klonopin use. I am not totally healed, but I am healed enough and feel positive enough about the future to post  here. I am doing it now as I am getting more and more busy with my life that I may forget to post  a success story later.

 

I still have symptoms, but they are tolerable. I sleep most nights 6-9 hours, often broken, but it is refreshing sleep. I have morning anxiety but it lessens every day. My fearful thoughts have gone away. I feel more and more like I am getting in touch with the real me, the me that was numbed out from klonopin. It is AMAZING.

 

It has been a journey fraught with pain, suffering, anguish, terror....but it was worth the battle as I AM WORTH the battle.

 

Life is slowly becoming sweeter by the day. I am headed back to work, eager to reach out to my clients and be of service.

 

What helped me was:

1. GAPS diet.

2. A good therapist who helped me work with my symptoms and work with healing my past abuse/shame that crept in with the symptoms

3. a guided imagery counselor

4. A spiritual director

5. Prayer

6. Exercise!

7. Journaling

8. POSITIVE ATTITUDE ( I focused on what I can do, not on what I cant do!)

9. Talking to others who have healed from benzos

10. Patience

11. GRATITUDE ( I am grateful for withdrawal.It gave me back my life!)

12. funny movies, inspiring movies.

 

I still have healing to do, but I trust it will take place. I have come a long way from my hallucinating, terror filled days after I jumped. I have come a long ways from the months I was bedridden in my taper. I gain more strength every day.

 

Life is good again. Very good. And will only get better.

 

If I can do this, you can too. Just hold on for one day, then another.

Find something you can do, even if it is coloring in a color book, and focus on it. Get your mind off of your misery. I reached out to others who were hurting and did my best to help them. That helped me forget about my troubles.

 

I want for you all, this wonderful new sense of life I have now.

 

[[Li...]]

This is great news! Truly inspiring!

 

Take care,

 

Lida

[[pi...]]

Thank you so much for your post and good wishes.  We are all worth the battle for sure.

 

Enjoy your life !!!

 

pianogirl

[Guest [Si...]]

:thumbsup:

[[Ju...]]

So inspiring! Thanks for listing what helped you, too!

[[Mt...]]

may your days increase in peace and divine healing. So happy your out of the thick of it and can move on to a healtier and happier life than you have ever known!

[[te...]]

Awesome

[[Ly...]]

Keep on keeping on!

[[re...]]

Thanks so much everyone. I am doing well for the most part. I choose to look at how much I have healed as opposed to thinking how much still needs to heal.

 

I am grateful to be drug  free.

[[ca...]]

Congrats!!!! I wish you continued healing and success! 

[[St...]]

Very encouraging! Thank you for posting both your success and methods. Absolutely agree to focus on the positive. I had a good week and then a wave came on last night. Feeling crummy but still way better than in previous weeks. It's getting better. That's the main thing!

[[Re...]]

This is simply amazing. I'm copying this one off. It looks like your positive attitude was a big key in recovery.

 

I wish you so much more success and I await all the posts I can get from you...

 

 

Pam

 

[[re...]]

Thanks Pam.

A great deal of healing is attitude.

Or at least it is in my case.

 

 

[[Po...]]

Good luck on the rest of your journey.

 

Congrats

Popcornlady

[[re...]]

I am healing from withdrawal and now I have to roll up my sleeves and heal from my past abuse that landed me on klonopin. I am still having wd sx, and I just got hit by a strange wave, but I am riding it out. I *may* have been a bit premature to post a success, but I so want to believe I will heal, and that positive thought will see me though I know.

 

So, if you see me posting some things that show I am still struggling, you know I am still not 100% healed, but hopeful.

 

Healing the abuse is the hardest part of all of this. It was waiting for me, to one day stop swallowing a pill and face it.

I am reclaiming myself every day. Small steps but getting there.

The emotional awakening from the numbing of the klon is brutal! But needed.

[[St...]]

Don't let past abuse define you. That's something someone else did. You know what happens when you're moving forward but looking back. You tend to bump into things and trip over other things. Life is ahead of us, not behind us. We can't fix or change our past mistakes or mistakes of others. But we can decide it's not going to define our future. The best way to flip off the abuser is to not let it alter your future.

I too thought I was about over the withdrawals and got hit with another wave of symptoms. I was a little smug in thinking I would have a short withdrawal period since I was on Xanax for a short period of time. But it IS getting better even with the waves making me feel crummy off and on. I wish you the best on both subjects.

[[re...]]

Thanks Stevie!  I am sorry you got hit. Hang in there. We will all heal.

 

My abuse does not define me, but it was stored in my right amygdala and I am having to cope with memories that are almost flash backs. My body needs to discharge the old memories and energy that is "stuck" on a cellular level. I understand trauma recovery so i know the work involved. It just sucks that I have to do it. But.... it is what it is. I didn't sign up to live near a pedophile or to be the daughter of a man who drank and crossed the line with me. It just happened.  I was hoping when I got off the memories would not spring back to life but that was not to be.  

 

One day at a time.

 

I will re-post in the success section when I have more of a success story. I thought I was there, but I will be one day.

 

 

[[St...]]

There's far too much abuse in the world. So many around us have their own stories carved into their memories. I try to keep this in mind when I get impatient with others. We don't know what they're dealing with as well. My parents both thought it was very entertaining to tease, ridicule, humiliate and scare the hell out of me and my sister when we were little. My dad even locked us in his tool shed one night in the dark with roaches and whatever else all over. Then he acted like he went to bed and started making noises like something trying to get us. We were terrified. They thought it was hilarious later when they let us out. He would drag us out in front of people naked and make fun of us. It was relentless. I still have the belt he used on us. For some reason I want to keep it. Maybe because I have control of it now. Never the abuse you had to endure though so I can be thankful for that but the fear they instilled is hard to get past. I know what you're fighting with trying to erase it. I've talked to my mother twice since March when I had my first surgery. She still after all these years can't resist reassuring me that everything that can go wrong will and I'm going to be back in the hospital for more surgeries. I've come a long way in trying to retrain my thoughts to not be afraid of people and situations. It's still there but faded. I wish you the best as well. It's not real now. It's just memories.

[[re...]]

Stevie

 

[move][glow=red,2,300]HUG!!!![/glow][/move]

 

Thank you for your rigorous honesty. I am sobbing reading your story.

I am SO sorry you were abused too. My dad used to belt my sister and I and I HATED it. I thought he would kill us, literally.

Abuse changes the brain in not good ways. But we can heal. I am doing my best to do so every day.

Hope to hear more of your story and your recovery. If you need a shoulder, I am here.

 

[[re...]]

Stevie

I jumped June 23. I see you jumped the 24th.

[[St...]]

Stevie

 

[move][glow=red,2,300]HUG!!!![/glow][/move]

 

Thank you for your rigorous honesty. I am sobbing reading your story.

I am SO sorry you were abused too. My dad used to belt my sister and I and I HATED it. I thought he would kill us, literally.

Abuse changes the brain in not good ways. But we can heal. I am doing my best to do so every day.

Hope to hear more of your story and your recovery. If you need a shoulder, I am here.

 

 

Thanks. I do appreciate that. I'm ok now. Both my parents had it far worse than my sister and I did. They didn't know any different. My dad's dad was a horribly abusive alcoholic. He died in a hospital for the criminally insane after the damage he did to his family and others. But that's all done and in the past. What we have is our future and it's totally up to us what we make of it. I know our personalities are formed at a very young age but I believe it can be reformed with enough positive reinforcement. That fear came back out in the worst of the withdrawals. To never be felt again. My sister and I even laugh about it sometimes. It's good medicine.

[[re...]]

Stevie

I hear you on the fear coming out in WD. I am there. I know it will pass.

Glad you have moved on. Life seems sweet again for you. I am so happy.

 

You have overcome a great deal.

[[re...]]

I was WAY overly optimistic.

 

I am 16 weeks out and got bashed by a wave last night that came crashing in, hour after hour. I could feel it increasing and there was NOTHING I could do other than hold on.

 

I have sx that had all but gone a few weeks ago. Big sigh.

 

I had a VERY emotional day yesterday so my hunch is that is a big factor.

I am sorry if I misled anyones hopes with my posting here. I so WANTED to believe I was close to healing.

Back in the hurt locker.

[[Po...]]

I can totally understand why you got hit with a wave yesterday.  Emotions will do that to us.  We try to stay upbeat but some things happen that need to be dealt with.  Hope your wave has settled down and don't feel badly for posting here.  Everyone has a setback or two.  You're really doing great.

 

Popcornlady

[[re...]]

The storm is lifting and I feel more positive about the future. what a few week it has been. I was in deep despair I would ever heal. But, I am feeling stronger and better. My body sx are still intense, but my mind is less frantic and scared. Whew!

 

Hang in there everyone. Healing is taking place. I trust that, even on the days I am whiny.

 

I read Allison Kellaghers (spell?) paper on benzo withdrawal when I get really down. She re-instated numerous times at 4 months off, so, I guess this is a fragile place to be. I am 17 weeks out from a BAD c/t. I will hold on.

 

I appreciate the care and concern here at BB. Thanks everyone!