Hi.

[[...]]

Well, ive been lurking some of these benzo withdrawal forums for a while, and finally decided to join one.

 

Id like to start off by saying I know the majority of people here are accidental addicts. Well I was addicted and never even had a prescription, I hope that doesn't mean I can't be a member here.

 

I was addicted to Xanax and Klonopin, the doses varied greatly, I used a benzo atleast 4 times a week, it could be something as large as 5mg xanax, to .5mg klonopin. I was basically forced off them. Ill try not to make this to much of a long story, but basically I never realized I was physically addicted to benzos until it slapped me in the face. I had a 2 day drinking binge, and swore off everything, decided to get 100% sober for a while. Ended up having intense seizures daily, went to the ER multiple times, after about the 4th time of going to the ER, they did a EEG test. Before that they just told me it was some BS like "hyperventilation".

 

Turns out the EEG showed nothing. And I was having intense seizures due to "anxiety and stress". (Again, these quacks didn't know what was wrong, but they where to pompous to admit it, and just used "psychological reasons" as a scapegoat) Anyway, by this point I was out of my mind with excruciating pain, emotional trauma, seizures, and a experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I was completely disoriented, and suffering from 24/7 terror. Not anxiety, pure terror and fear.

 

As soon as I got home from that hospital I took a large dose of xanax, and guess what? I felt sober and back to "normal".

 

Low and behold I looked up the symptoms of benzos withdrawals, and everything became clear.

 

Unfortunately I made a mistake, I never wanted to do a taper, my plan was, take a dose every 3-4 days, right before things got really bad. Of course this led to extreme despair, terror, and emotional distress. I understand the rules say to not mention suicide, but thats what I was seriously contemplating as the best choice. And I had very clear proof of this lying around my house.

 

Anyway, basically I called 911 after a seizure. Cops and EMTS came, and when I was in the hospital, cops found this lets say "evidence" of suicidal idealization in my house. I was asked if I was thinking of suicide in the hospital, said yes, and with the help of my completely uncompassionate and ill-informed family, I was committed.

 

Guess what? Thats when I learned what hell was, every single quack there completely denied the possibility of benzo withdrawal, and instead decided to give me various labels, and treated me like I was just some overly dramatic drama queen who had serious problems with psychosis and anxiety.

 

Cold turkey, no benzos. locked in a mental institution. Every single seizure I had was marked off as me malingering for attention, and every other symptom of benzo withdrawal, was marked off as anxiety and other psychological issues.

 

I understand the rules advise against "doctor hating". But after witnessing the incompetence and idiocy of the medical field, after seeing the unbelievable stupidity and audaciousness of some of the quacks Ive met, it would be impossible to come out of my experience without a extreme loathing and wariness for the medical field.

 

Either way, I got out, and decided since I got this far from my c/t, I should just keep going. Basically, Im over 5 months sober, and haven't taken a benzo for almost 4 months.

 

I have flare ups of bad symptoms, and waves of normal tranquility, but im very happy with what Ive achieved.

 

Thanks for letting me share my story.

 

 

 

[[St...]]

Hi 500a, welcome

 

Thank you for telling your story, I'm sorry you've had such a horrible time with benzos, congratulations for being free though! You're among people that understand how bad this can be. We're here for you, let us know if you have any questions.

 

 

Star

[[Ni...]]

Hi 500a,

 

That was really a powerful story. I'm very glad you figured out what was wrong and are now benzo-free. Benzo Buddies is a very supportive environment, welcome!

[[Pa...]]

Hi 500a,

 

Welcome.  So glad you are off benzos.  There are many helpful people here.

 

If you have any questions, please post them.

 

Pacey

[[km...]]

Welcome and I'm sure you will get the support you need here.  Congrats on making the decision to get sober that is a huge step!!

Hugs

Kmarie

[[...]]

Welcome 500a,

 

There are many kind and understanding people here who will help you in any way they can. Feel free to ask questions.

 

pj

[[...]]

Thank you for all the replies. I think it will be a big help for me being able to talk to people who understand this, and being able to talk to people who are going through this.

 

I mean, I haven't met a single human who truly understood benzo withdrawals around me, Im sure most of you could say the same.