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THINGS LEARNED FROM FAILED TAPERS


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Hi Benzo buddies,

 

I am on my second taper attempt off of clonazepem (klonopin).  I have a feeling I am not the only one who failed after their first attempt to stay benzo free for life.  I have learned a few things from my failures.  If you are on your 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc. taper off of benzodiazepines and have not given up yet, please share with us what you have learned from your failed attempt(s) to get off and stay off benzos. What mistakes did you make, and what are you doing different NOW in your continued efforts to become benzo free?  How can we use our failures to help each other succeed this time?  Please share.  I will share things I have learned as I make replies to your responses.  Thanks so much for taking the time and effort to help!

 

Kian

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Well, honestly I think the other times I wasnt actually serious enough, i now realise that my whole future depends on this and I just cant fail this time, Even If  (and i have) I slip, im coming straight back right away.
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For myself it was not switching to Valium.  I couldn't do the clonazapam taper. 

 

Also it was the uneven amount of reduction.  I would reduce more to speed up the taper then up dose, over and over

 

Also finding a way to connect with some ppl, and find more support, the isolation killed me

 

I think thats about it

 

 

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These are the things I have learned so far from my failed taper (Keep in mind these things apply to me, but not everyone...we are all different.)

 

1.  Long term use requires an extended period of time to taper.  I thought 8 months was slow.  I was wrong.  It was too fast. (keep in mind I'm speaking of VERY LONG TERM Klonopin use)

 

2.  I learned that it is best for me to stick with the same benzo and not try a crossover.  (my personal experience, not for everyone)

 

3.  I learned that the battle begins when you are benzo free.

 

4.  I learned that I tried to do too much too soon.  I moved out of state while only 2 months benzo free after 19 years of K.  I think any extreme life changes during post acute withdrawals that can be avoided, should be avoided.  I met some people who meant well and tried to help me, but ended up hurting me more than helping me because they did not understand what I was going through.  They thought I was a faker or a "manipulator" because in their eyes, I was perfectly healthy and there was no excuse not to be more and do more.  I think this one is the most important lesson so far besides trying to get off other meds FIRST.

 

5. I got anxious towards the end of my taper.  I rushed it at the end.  Big mistake.  You want to make up for lost time and when you do that, you lose more time.

 

6.  I wasn't prepared to get hit so hard at 5 months out.  I thought I was more healed than I actually was.

 

7.  I learned that taking "brain" supplements during and after my first taper was not helping but only hurting me.  (ie:  gaba, l theanine, kava kava, you name it, I took it...etc.)

 

8.  I learned that a good healthy diet low in carbs and sugar and high in protein and veggies IS important after all.  I learned that a healthy diet is CRUCIAL before, during, and after the taper.

 

9.  I learned that good things can happen in our weakest moments of life.

 

10.  I learned I cannot cross over to valium.

 

11.  I learned that adding other meds to the mix only made things much worse.

 

12.  I learned that reading the horror stories rips up any faith of ever being able to live benzo free.  

 

13.  I learned how to "breathe" properly.

 

14.  I learned that patience is more important in life than I ever imagined it was.

 

15.  I learned that I, too, don't understand what others are going through and I need to be more sensitive and compassionate towards them whether they are or have been no benzos or not.

 

16.  I learned that I have much more to be grateful for than I previously realized.

 

17.  I learned how to do a more simple and less complicated titration.

 

18.  I learned how self righteous I really am.  I was so proud of myself when I was benzo free.  That one was a hard pill to swallow.

 

19. I learned how horrible of a person I was and how suffering teaches us to love others.

 

20.  I am learning that real love means helping others when you are suffering the most.

 

Kian

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well for me unfortunatly i didnt know i had ctd 5 years ago. Now looking back i see the hell i went thru then was not an anxiety disorder but benzo wd. If i had realized before i would never have started again. I have not once updosed in this taper yet but the crap this puts you through and how incredibly horrible this makes you feel ,which is almost beyond explination or words that is what could make me updose. Thus far though i just keep trying to hold onto the belief that getting off will mean my freedom and peace of mind and happiness and i just know no matter how bad it gets updossing will only make things worse and longer. That is my take on this hell we call benzo wd.
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Ahhhh Kian... WOW.  This is good stuff to know.  I'll have to save this post so I can re-read.

 

I hope you are mistaken on one thing.  That the battle begins when you are benzo free.  It pretty much sucks while tapering so hopefully the level of suckage won't go up to an unbearable level. 

 

It's good to know your opinion on the crossover.  I was considering.  I will have to revisit the issue.

 

Reading some of the horror stories dampens my faith too. 

 

Good post.

 

 

 

 

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I hope you are mistaken on one thing.  That the battle begins when you are benzo free.  It pretty much sucks while tapering so hopefully the level of suckage won't go up to an unbearable level.  

 

It's good to know your opinion on the crossover.  I was considering.  I will have to revisit the issue.

 

Reading some of the horror stories dampens my faith too.  

 

Good post.

 

 

Don't forget those two things you just mentioned above don't necessarily apply to you.  You might do well on a crossover....who knows?  As I stated before my list, we are all different.

 

I agree, tapering really sucks bad, and I hope this experience of mine is not the same for you.   :)  Some people feel better after only a short period of time and totally heal in just a few months.  Take what I said with a grain of salt....you will succeed!!!  :)

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Hey Kian

 

Quick question for you.  You said your were hit 5 months out post drop date?  Did you get hit with a huge wave or something? Can you explain your comment in more detail? Thank you :)

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Hey Kian

 

Quick question for you.  You said your were hit 5 months out post drop date?  Did you get hit with a huge wave or something? Can you explain your comment in more detail? Thank you :)

 

Hi Sam,

 

No problem.  I could be wrong because I get so confused about what really happened, but if I had to guess, I would say that this HUGE WAVE that I did get at 5 months out was directly related to putting myself in a stressful environment by moving out of state at two months benzo free.  I tried to take on too much too fast.  I think that my experience with those people I had JUST MET and them trying to help me and then basically turning on me because they thought this whole thing was fake is what ultimately "triggered" my 5 month wave.  That is why I said that #4 is VERY IMPORTANT.  It even says in the Ashton manual that while in post acute withdrawals, even if we get good windows, that we need to give it a lot of time before we place ourselves in unknown and vulnerable situations.  Don't let my story scare you.  We are all different.  My hope is to encourage some, not scare people!  I have no doubt your story will be a success!!!  I hope my post has not brought you down.  That would ruin the whole point of my thread here.  Does this answer your question clearly?

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Kian, yes please explain that part of 5 months out experience more.

 

We have been on about the same amount of K for about the same time so it seems as though you will probably have a better idea about what I personally will go through.  So, it's good to know.... just in case... ya know.

 

 

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Kian, yes please explain that part of 5 months out experience more.

 

We have been on about the same amount of K for about the same time so it seems as though you will probably have a better idea about what I personally will go through.  So, it's good to know.... just in case... ya know.

 

 

 

I made the reply to Sam.  The only other thing I would like to add is that I took Dilantin (a seizure med) for 18 years, too.  It basically competes for the same receptors as klonopin does.  They are both "anti-convulsants".  I failed to mention that I also tried to taper off of this dangerous med during month 5 of my paws.  If you are not on other meds, especially a seizure med, things will, no doubt, go much better for you!!!  Does this answer your question ok?  

 

Kian

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