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I'm sad


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I've been feeling sad today. I don't like to use the word depression.

 

I try to stay up-beat and keep busy, but I feel like crying and I can't get it out. I've been feeling on the verge of it all day.

 

I had surgery a week ago and everything is fine. I don't know if the versed they used would cause this. I have really been having inter-dose w/d and I have wanted to up dose but haven't.

 

What I'd like is to go to sleep right now but I can't because I would wake up in the middle of the night and I don't want to mess up my sleep schedule.

 

I wish I was done with this benzo so I could get on with my life. This road seems too long sometimes.

 

 

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I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad, you usually are so up-beat and happy. Maybe tomorrow will be a happier day for you. I hope so.

 

I wish you were done with all this stuff too. It does take way to long.

 

pj

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Thanks pj, it's been a long day, with lots of paperwork and stress, I pushed too much to day. Tomorrow is a new day.  :)

 

BTW, I started reading the book you guys are putting together and it's fantastic.  :thumbsup:

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Hi Nicolette,

 

I am sorry to hear that you're feeling sad, too. I always appreciate your contributions on the gratitude thread.  :)

 

Are you healing fine after the surgery? I hope and trust that you are.

 

I know at times I think I would like to just chuck the whole taper thing and be done, but then I recall the posts of buddies who have c/t'd and I think again. Thank goodness for Benzo Buddies and lovely people who are willing to share their honest experience.

 

Sending good wishes for your healing and well being.

 

Grace~

:balloon: Peace and blessings.

 

I'm very interested to know about the book you're putting together, PJ, if you're sharing about it with BB's in general.

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Thanks pj, it's been a long day, with lots of paperwork and stress, I pushed too much to day. Tomorrow is a new day.  :)

 

BTW, I started reading the book you guys are putting together and it's fantastic.  :thumbsup:

 

Thank you, Nicolette

 

Doing that book is a lot of fun, but I realize that my mind is still not what it was. I make a lot of errors and have to keep modifying what I write many times to get it right. I'm not complaining, because, back in February, when I joined this site, I couldn't even remember how to use the enter key to properly space my words.

 

I hope you have a great day. You are a wonderful person.

 

pj  :)

 

 

 

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Hi Nicolette,

 

I am sorry to hear that you're feeling sad, too. I always appreciate your contributions on the gratitude thread.  :)

 

Are you healing fine after the surgery? I hope and trust that you are.

 

I know at times I think I would like to just chuck the whole taper thing and be done, but then I recall the posts of buddies who have c/t'd and I think again. Thank goodness for Benzo Buddies and lovely people who are willing to share their honest experience.

 

Sending good wishes for your healing and well being.

 

Grace~

:balloon: Peace and blessings.

 

I'm very interested to know about the book you're putting together, PJ, if you're sharing about it with BB's in general.

 

Hi Grace,  :)

 

We are doing the book in the Off -Topic forum. It's the thread titled: Let's write a book. It's lots of fun, stop by and read it if you want to.

 

pj

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Thanks pj, it's been a long day, with lots of paperwork and stress, I pushed too much to day. Tomorrow is a new day.  :)

 

BTW, I started reading the book you guys are putting together and it's fantastic.  :thumbsup:

 

Thank you, Nicolette

 

Doing that book is a lot of fun, but I realize that my mind is still not what it was. I make a lot of errors and have to keep modifying what I write many times to get it right. I'm not complaining, because, back in February, when I joined this site, I couldn't even remember how to use the enter key to properly space my words.

 

I hope you have a great day. You are a wonderful person.

 

pj  :)

 

 

 

 

Thank you pj :angel:you are always an inspiration to me to look for positive ways to deal with this benzo demon. >:D

 

I think your idea for the book is fabulous and you and everyone else contributing is doing a fantastic job. I am enjoying it. I am having a hard time expressing myself in writing (and probably verbally too) right now. My feeling is the book (and other mental exercises)  is a good way to get the brain  back in shape!

 

Thanks for being such an empathetic person. :)

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Hi Nicolette - You responded to my crisis blog last week and I thank you so much.  I saw your post this morning and I am sorry you are sad - I am sure it goes with the territory of this horrible w/d.  I do not get around to read alot of posts, but yours hit me this morning.  So many of us are sad....these drugs do horrible things to us and rob us of our life....but everything changes, and your sadness will change too.  You encourage so many others - just hang on and wait it out....(I need to take my own advice, don't I?).....this is so hard, but we are going to make it through to the other side....

Love and courage Hoping2BFree

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Hi Nicolette,

 

I am sorry to hear that you're feeling sad, too. I always appreciate your contributions on the gratitude thread.  :)

 

Are you healing fine after the surgery? I hope and trust that you are.

 

I know at times I think I would like to just chuck the whole taper thing and be done, but then I recall the posts of buddies who have c/t'd and I think again. Thank goodness for Benzo Buddies and lovely people who are willing to share their honest experience.

 

Sending good wishes for your healing and well being.

 

Grace~

:balloon: Peace and blessings.

 

I'm very interested to know about the book you're putting together, PJ, if you're sharing about it with BB's in general.

 

~Grace, thank you for the gratitude thread, it's an important part of the healing process for me. I love the things you share and everyone else. Sometimes being in the belly of this benzo beast makes it hard to remember the good parts of the day and meditating on gratitude gives me windows of hope when I need it.

 

I'm feeling fine after surgery, I read some of the info sheets for preparation for surgery and it said it's normal to feel a little depressed post-surgery, so I'm just accepting it and know that 'this to shall pass'.  

 

I wouldn't chuck the taper but at times I want off this now! I think I'm feeling a little sorry for myself because I have had to hold :-[ but in all actuality it would be better for me to reflect on all the good things that have come my way by even finding benzo buddies, I am so thankful BB for because I'm not lost in the woods anymore, there is a clear path. Ha, that just reminded me of the line in the 10,000 Maniacs song Hey, Jack Kerouac

'babes got lost in the woods'.

 

Thank you for your words of encouragement.  :)

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Hi Nicolette - You responded to my crisis blog last week and I thank you so much.  I saw your post this morning and I am sorry you are sad - I am sure it goes with the territory of this horrible w/d.  I do not get around to read alot of posts, but yours hit me this morning.  So many of us are sad....these drugs do horrible things to us and rob us of our life....but everything changes, and your sadness will change too.   You encourage so many others - just hang on and wait it out....(I need to take my own advice, don't I?).....this is so hard, but we are going to make it through to the other side....

Love and courage Hoping2BFree

 

Hoping2BFree, thank you for your words of encouragement, there was something about your post last week that I related to and it touched me, right now, my benzo brain can't think of it. :idiot:

 

I guess some stress led me to dwell on losses. Sometimes this slow waking back up triggers a grieving process for things lost, but I know there is always something to learn and I will pro-actively seeks the positives in my recovery from benzos.

 

Yes, we will make it to the other side and with a deeper appreciation for everything in our lives.

 

Wish you strength and peace through your recovery.  :)

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(((Nicolette)))  :therethere:

 

I have alot of faith in you dear friend ... you are going to do this difficult journey just fine.  I'm so glad you are here and I miss you in chat and I miss your daily meditations.  Did you decide to stop doing that?  It's fine if you did ... was just wondering what happened?

 

Love ... Whoopsie  :)

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Hi Nicolette - You responded to my crisis blog last week and I thank you so much.  I saw your post this morning and I am sorry you are sad - I am sure it goes with the territory of this horrible w/d.  I do not get around to read alot of posts, but yours hit me this morning.  So many of us are sad....these drugs do horrible things to us and rob us of our life....but everything changes, and your sadness will change too.   You encourage so many others - just hang on and wait it out....(I need to take my own advice, don't I?).....this is so hard, but we are going to make it through to the other side....

Love and courage Hoping2BFree

 

Nicole I am hear for you right now.. I do not want you to be sad... I know it is not easy when we are like this, but please, please try. You give such encouragement of all of us.. I believe in you so much, and care about you.

My brain is having a hard time with words right now... You will make it thru Niclole.... You are a sweetheart inside..

I pray for your healing and your sadness right now.....Hoping you feel better soon. With all of my luv to you

Mishi

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Hi Nicolette,

You are always so positive, kind, compassionate, to BB's. I wish you peace and blessings. You SO deserve them! :smitten:

Did you know that versed is a Benzo? When I had an angiogram and a colonoscopy, I was given versed and it did not kick in until after the procedures. I begged the surgeon not to give me versed, but did they listen to me, the patient? The person paying for these procedures?!? Mom took me both times--the 1st procedure, I screamed & cried like a baby! The 2nd procedure--I walked out of the procedure room and got to the waiting room and in my mind thought I was falling out of bed. My Mom rushed to catch me. Then, when in the car, I asked her to go out to eat spagetti. She said we did!?!?!?!?! I have absolutely no recall of this. Because of my usage of xanax at that time, the versed would not work until much later.

Take care, dear Nicolette. You are loved :smitten:

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(((Nicolette)))  :therethere:

 

I have alot of faith in you dear friend ... you are going to do this difficult journey just fine.  I'm so glad you are here and I miss you in chat and I miss your daily meditations.  Did you decide to stop doing that?  It's fine if you did ... was just wondering what happened?

 

Love ... Whoopsie  :)

 

Oh Whoopsie, thanks for having faith in me, you help me a lot with that witty sense of humor and wisdom (especially in the chat room lol)

 

Busted! I will probably start doing the meditations again because, to be honest, I haven't been reading them myself and they help me start the day out thinking happy thoughts.  :)

 

Thanks for the laughs and ((((hugs to you too))))

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Hi Nicolette - You responded to my crisis blog last week and I thank you so much.  I saw your post this morning and I am sorry you are sad - I am sure it goes with the territory of this horrible w/d.  I do not get around to read alot of posts, but yours hit me this morning.  So many of us are sad....these drugs do horrible things to us and rob us of our life....but everything changes, and your sadness will change too.   You encourage so many others - just hang on and wait it out....(I need to take my own advice, don't I?).....this is so hard, but we are going to make it through to the other side....

Love and courage Hoping2BFree

 

Nicole I am hear for you right now.. I do not want you to be sad... I know it is not easy when we are like this, but please, please try. You give such encouragement of all of us.. I believe in you so much, and care about you.

My brain is having a hard time with words right now... You will make it thru Niclole.... You are a sweetheart inside..

I pray for your healing and your sadness right now.....Hoping you feel better soon. With all of my luv to you

Mishi

 

Mishi,

 

Thank you for being here for me, it means a lot to me. I've been having a hard time writing very well too.

 

Just getting words back from buddies is helping to lift up my spirits....I hope you are feeling better too.  :hug:

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Hi Nicolette,

You are always so positive, kind, compassionate, to BB's. I wish you peace and blessings. You SO deserve them! :smitten:

Did you know that versed is a Benzo? When I had an angiogram and a colonoscopy, I was given versed and it did not kick in until after the procedures. I begged the surgeon not to give me versed, but did they listen to me, the patient? The person paying for these procedures?!? Mom took me both times--the 1st procedure, I screamed & cried like a baby! The 2nd procedure--I walked out of the procedure room and got to the waiting room and in my mind thought I was falling out of bed. My Mom rushed to catch me. Then, when in the car, I asked her to go out to eat spagetti. She said we did!?!?!?!?! I have absolutely no recall of this. Because of my usage of xanax at that time, the versed would not work until much later.

Take care, dear Nicolette. You are loved :smitten:

 

Hi T2,

 

Thank you for your comforting words, you are so kind. I love reading your posts on the gratitude list, you are very sincere and so funny too.  :laugh:

 

Yes, I knew versed was a benzo, but that's what they used. Yours didn't kick in till after? Ouch! My kicked before, during and after and like you everybody had to tell me the next day what I did. I know I woke up with ice cream all down the front of my jamies the next morning.  ::)

 

I think that versed affects a person for a week or two because my symptoms got revved up quite a bit, but I didn't up-dose on my Xanax and that's thanks to the buddies here :smitten:  :thumbsup:

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Hi Nicolette, sending warm wishes that you have a great day today!   :)

 

Thank you Lookingahead,  :) you have a great day too!

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(((Nicolette)))  :therethere:

 

I have alot of faith in you dear friend ... you are going to do this difficult journey just fine.  I'm so glad you are here and I miss you in chat and I miss your daily meditations.  Did you decide to stop doing that?  It's fine if you did ... was just wondering what happened?

 

Love ... Whoopsie  :)

 

Oh Whoopsie, thanks for having faith in me, you help me a lot with that witty sense of humor and wisdom (especially in the chat room lol)

 

Busted! I will probably start doing the meditations again because, to be honest, I haven't been reading them myself and they help me start the day out thinking happy thoughts.  :)

 

Thanks for the laughs and ((((hugs to you too))))

 

Oh good ... I was worried that the admin didn't like it and put a stop to it.  Whew!!!  Of course I could pick up a daily reader and post on your thread too couldn't I?  You know ... to cover for you?  Wished I would have thought of it before you went for surgery and got thrown for a while there.  Are you still sad or doing a little better now?  Stupid benzo's!!!  Notice how I didn't even swear?

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(((Nicolette)))  :therethere:

 

I have alot of faith in you dear friend ... you are going to do this difficult journey just fine.  I'm so glad you are here and I miss you in chat and I miss your daily meditations.  Did you decide to stop doing that?  It's fine if you did ... was just wondering what happened?

 

Love ... Whoopsie  :)

 

Oh Whoopsie, thanks for having faith in me, you help me a lot with that witty sense of humor and wisdom (especially in the chat room lol)

 

Busted! I will probably start doing the meditations again because, to be honest, I haven't been reading them myself and they help me start the day out thinking happy thoughts.  :)

 

Thanks for the laughs and ((((hugs to you too))))

 

Oh good ... I was worried that the admin didn't like it and put a stop to it.  Whew!!!  Of course I could pick up a daily reader and post on your thread too couldn't I?  You know ... to cover for you?  Wished I would have thought of it before you went for surgery and got thrown for a while there.  Are you still sad or doing a little better now?  Stupid benzo's!!!  Notice how I didn't even swear?

 

Oh no, it had nothing to do with admin, they never said anything about it, actually the one I have is more spiritual so it leaves a lot of room for various beliefs (or not). I always love that bumper sticker that says coexist that uses symbols for different beliefs. You know what one I'm talking about?

 

Hey, don't feel bad, I stopped writing it before surgery, but I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to have different ones. :muscle: lol.

 

I'm feeling better, my feelings got hurt by one of my family (not my son) yesterday and I think I'm a little sensitive at the moment from that

stupid versed. I'm not swearing either.  :P

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Gee ... no I haven't seen those and just googled it ... cool. 

 

http://i988.photobucket.com/albums/af4/JannieTime/31JbddJL87L__SL500_AA300_.jpg

 

Since you threatened me with a baseball bat I think I'll just wait on you to get going again.  :D

 

I'm sorry you had a hard time with a family member yesterday ... maybe you should give them one of these too?  :muscle:  It sure smartened me up in a hurry.  :mybuddy:

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Gee ... no I haven't seen those and just googled it ... cool.  

 

http://i988.photobucket.com/albums/af4/JannieTime/31JbddJL87L__SL500_AA300_.jpg

 

Since you threatened me with a baseball bat I think I'll just wait on you to get going again.   :D

 

I'm sorry you had a hard time with a family member yesterday ... maybe you should give them one of these too?   :muscle:  It sure smartened me up in a hurry.  :mybuddy:

 

Now Whoopsie, I think we need to COEXIST here, so you are going to have to co-operate with me and be an :angel: Okay?

 

Now how did you get that COEXIST  in your post?

 

 

 

 

 

[/img]

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I'm glad you're feeling better today, Nicolette.

 

I love that sign, too, and that's lovely that Whoops posted it here.

 

Have a good rest of the day,

 

Grace~

:balloon:

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