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16months 4 days and immensely suffering


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Dear Friends,

 

I have tried to stay away from posting because I had hoped that I could wait it out until I could post something good.  That is not the case. 

 

I am desperately despairing in all agony and that is why I am posting now.  I have been nothing but a heap of suffering flesh that has waited many many months for healing and had hoped that a day would come when I could post a success story free of any substances. 

 

I am afraid I don't have that choice of being free and healed with time.  It has been unbearable to try to bear these constant tormenting symptoms and exist in uselessness.  I cannot manange this unmanageable suffering.

 

I have had dark thoughts and feelings and dark days too much and I am afraid of myself.  The phone rings and my husband starts chatting and the dark thoughts are so strong and I pace.  The family shares good news and I have dark thoughts because I just can't feel any of it or be a part or keep up with my family.  God is good to them and answering there prayers.  God is good to them and answering my prayers for them.  But I continue to suffer and suffer as I plea for His grace and for his healing.

 

It hurts when others are compassionate to me.  It hurts when they are insensitive.  It all hurts. 

 

I am all out of distractions and I try to do them and my body aches more with depression as I try to vacuum or clean the cats litter box and I just crumble and weep. The depression is in my sides, my buttocks, my legs, sometimes it is in my head, or face,neck, torso.  The rage and irritability is in my upper back in my hips and sides. It all changes around, but when I try to walk it is all there in my body, heavy on my body and aching.  There are just no words for this suffering. 

 

I am nothing.

 

I have had such strong dark thoughts and my husband told me not to write them here on the forum because there are rules and I must not write upsetting details of my thoughts to all others who are suffering.  I know that these dark thoughts are irrational and I do believe that I am not right in my mind to put it lightly and so I am scared.  How could my very existence be consumed with struggling against heinous thinking day after day?

 

I have questioned many times when I should quit this waiting on time to heal as these thoughts and feelings continue rather than dissipate.  I am so scared to give up on time to heal me because the options are all questionable and scary and I am afraid.

 

I am despondent over failing this effort to be free and healed with time.  I have struggled through most all the symptoms over and over and cycling for many many months only to be afraid that I am failing miserably to heal.  I am really really scared at this point of 16 months and 4 days.  I know that I have not gone long enough to know if I will heal with time and to go 17 months and 18 months and so on. 

 

I am horrifically suffering, still so vacant and disconnected from the whole world around me and my interests and good feelings remain lost and the pain of depression and despair wrack me while the anxiety and rage and hatred roar up in me for hours. 

 

I awoke at 2:30 am to rage and it remained into the mornings hours and then switched to gut wrenching depression and that was my day.  I try to do stretches or do the wash and rage or depression increases as these tasks are overwhelming. 

 

I can go to good alternative and natureopathic doctors again but I am afraid to have more false hope in the good supplements that they say will help. I don't want to keep talking to others about this all. 

 

I fear I am suffering needlessly in all this waiting and yet there is not help anywhere. 

 

But I cannot keep going on like this for fear that I will act out.  I just don't think there is anything anyone can say to me anymore that will give me hope for healing. I just don't even want to ask anymore if this is all going to go away. So many symptoms fiercely remain and don't gradually go and other symptoms cycle and keep coming back and new ones come and it is all just chaos.

 

The sheets on our bed are old and thin and tearing and I can't even go to the store to purchase new ones.  I cannot be a wife, mother or homemaker anymore.  I have tried to carry on through the pain many many days doing what I can to hang on to the purposes that were meaningful to me but I have weakened and weakened.

 

I just can't hear my husband's normal voice carryng on with every day living and my grown kids sharing their interests and fun anymore without horrific negative feelings consuming me and trying to turn the corner of my lips up to smile and say good things to everyone.  I just don't want to live this way anymore.  Everyone knows I don't feel good and cares but it just doesn't matter to me anymore.  I just want to feel good and trying to find something worth while or good about this suffering is worthless to me.  I just want to feel good and I am far far far away from feeling anything good.

 

Thank you all for listening and caring.  Hope4us

 

 

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I feel somewhat the same, some days I feel so bad that nothing no one says can make me feel better. But what i will say is don't give up, you have come too far. Maybe at the 17th or 18th month mark things will start looking up for you! I am praying that you have complete healing soon. It is very hard but once your healed this will all be a distant memory.
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So is it the depression that is making you immensely suffer?  Did  you have depression before you started taking benzos?  Are you on anything at all (Anti-depressants or supplements)?
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My heart goes out to you, Hope  :(

 

Have you noticed any improvement or small windows at all over the past 16 months?

 

I am anxious to see your response to Sunny71's questions, because if you did have this horrid depression before benzos perhaps it is now time to seek some sort of treatment for it; be it natural or an a/d.  I truly hope that the coming weeks and months offer you some release from this daily suffering.

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Thanks for responding Thegiftoflife for your hopes and prayer, and to Sunny71, and Bevoir.  I did not have any depression like this before the poison, and yes it is a big part of the suffering.  I am not taking any other meds and no supplements (unless you count occasional omega 3 fish oil). Thanks.  Hope4us.
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 I did not have any depression like this before the poison,

 Hope4us.

 

I have every hope in the world that, in time, this horrible depression will eventually lift for you.  I remember feeling just like you, Hope, but my depression (caused by benzos) did go away completely.  It will one day for you too.

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Sweetie so sorry your feeling like this , hang in there , I too got hit hard at 11mths ,12,13,14,15,and finally started to feel less intensity the past week, its weird how these symptoms go , your gng to probably turn a corner soon. Hang in there , your in my prayers .

 

Love Laura

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If I were you I would give it a full 18 months if you can hang in there...if you have no quality of life though you may need to consider your options..I lived w/horrible depression for way too long...I do not think that A/D's have the answers though myself, at least they didn't for me...I would look at my diet/exercise/and anything else that could be affecting you...hormones come to mind immediately...I was diagnosed 8 years ago w/being Bipolar and what I really had was too low of progrestone...how much suffering I didn't have to suffer if someone would have just run some blood tests...also maybe look at your Thyroid and Vitamin D levels.

 

 

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Dear Hope4us

 

Before ever touching a benzo i suffered for many years with many of the same symptoms that you describe. I was desperately seeking a somatic explanation to all my problems, because I thought that I might have whip lash syndrome, which made all my muscles tense, and as a result of having all these symptoms I became anxious and depressed. It was not until I came in the hands of a very good therapist that I came to realize that my problems was not physical, but indeed I had some things buried very deep down that I did not want to talk about, and because of that I was suffering.

 

Before going to the therapist I simply could not connect the things, but once I really started to talk about what I had kept under my skin for so many years, all my symptoms started to lift. I made many changes in my life, and became sort of reborn. Unfortunately I later had lots of work and was prescribed benzos for stress relief, which actually has nothing to do with my previous condition.

 

I am not saying that you are in a similar situation, but a benzodiazepine does not cure the underlying reason for starting using tranquilizers in the first place.

 

My question to you, have you ever seen a psychologist, if not, maybe it would be a good idea to examine that road to recovery.

 

Just my two cents.

 

I very much hope that you pull through one way or the other.

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Hope4us,

 

Before going the AD route, I would get a blood test to check your Methylmalonic Acid level.  It is the most accurate test to check B12 levels.  If your B12 is low, the MMA will come back high.

 

I had really DARK depression that was just like you are describing.  Turns out it was B12 deficiency all the time.  Sometimes a serum B12 blood test will come back normal, even when you are deficient, this happened to me.  The MMA test finally caught it, I got B12 shots once a week for a month, then twice a month, then once a month.

 

I started feeling better after the very first shot, and it was a night and day difference after the second shot.  The paralyzing depression completely lifted.  I couldn't believe it.

 

They had tried just about every SSRI in the book on me and none of them worked.  It was B12 the whole time.  There are some other physiological things that can also cause depression you might want to get checked to rule out as well--a fasting AM DHEAS, Testosterone, Estrogen and thyroid tests too.  Low vitamin D can also cause depression.

 

I know what a wall this depression can create between you and the world.  I hope you at a minimum get a MMA test done.  if the doctor insists on a B12 test, bargain with him and see if he will run both and ask him, what could it hurt right?  I had one doc who was unfamiliar with the MMA test and that is how I handled him.  (He ran both and guess what?  The B12 was normal, the MMA was high, HA!)

 

Please get the blood work done ASAP.  I would just hate to see you suffer even one more day, esp for something that could possibly be solved so simply.

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i took suffer from this klonopin ,and can relate ,i suffer so so ,that Will will not share ,but when i read what you wrote hit my heart hard but i want to say that everyday i don't know if its my last and so much happens through the day .....beaten and battered i still stand ,but i know how you can beat back the beast a little and will gain back what you so want .....but its work and hard to do and maintain...but with work you can do it ...i have just started it too ...what you say exercise ....i ride exercise bike daily ,video with cardo ,walking ,etc ...you have to get things moving ,to rid the old cells and move the new ones in ...headset with music to stop the bad voice in your head ...so you can see through the smoke ....trust me you can do this !!!!!and will over come this with your help and hard work and my prayers  ...you and i can do the things with our kids and have something look forward too ...you keep that chin high and go out fighting ,you deserve that for YOU ,,,,,,,,,I too bought into the hope of healing and the great words of theses members that have GOLDEN HEARTS  but this drugs has done more than words can say .....but we have to make a stand and i have seen great thing happen as i have been working my body ....its so hard to exercise but has help with depression and knocked it out .....it will i have done it ... i know suffer so bad with pain in my stomach,neck ,back,head,and yet i still keep fighting in the hope that i can break the devil himself .....find the will to do it .....i know you got it in you ....theres a saying or poem i have ''LIFE ISNT ABOUT HOW YOU SURVIVED THE STORM.........ITS ABOUT HOW YOU DANCED IN THE RAIN..."OR ITS BETTER TO DIE ON YOUR FEET ...THAN YOUR KNEES ,.......I TOO HAVE NOT WROTE  about my struggles but when i read your post it brought tears to my eyes ....and i see the hopelessness you have ...you fought so hard and soo long ,me too ,i cant stand back and let you bow ,i have started to get more natural foods ,nothing for box ,fruits ,salad,no cold cut ,MSG is so bad ..this i am trying .....but you have to fight back and i am here to help you ,i am fighting aloneside you ..you can pm any time ..i know you can break this ,you need a little shove ....make the hope happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ITS IN YOU FIND IT LOVE JEFF32
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Dear Perseverance:

 

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and information on the B12 and depression.  I am so glad your depression went away with the B12 shots!  Bless you.

 

We will check tomorrow about getting an MMA test done. I have had the other things tested before, but as you suggested maybe I should have them looked at again.

 

I have had a few brief windows at times, and when I do I think maybe I could just be ok.  They are not 100 percent windows, but lifts from the myriad of symptoms.  Did you have these kind of windows during your depression as well?

 

Thanks again.  Much love.

 

Hope4us

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Yes I did.  However the bad days seemed to out weigh any good.  Gosh it was such a struggle just do do normal every day things.  The apathy was horrid, I literally had no interest whatsoever in anything.  I felt lonelier WITH people, I think because it felt like they were happy living their lives and didn't see me.

 

Ask your doctor if he can also test you for anything else he can think of that would cause depression to be sure to rule EVERYTHING out.  There could be other physiological things I have never heard of that he would know about.

 

I am with you in spirit Hope.  This one is so very hard.  Be sure to keep me posted on your test results and with what the doctor says, you can post it on my blog if you like.

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Dear Perseverance:

 

What you described has been my exact experience with the depression.  I will keep you posted.  I have had several comprehensive blood tests done over the last few years, but the doctors say nothing is really showing up wrong. Thank you so much for sharing.

 

Hope4us

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Dear Bevoir:

 

I am really glad to hear from you and I know you have stuck by me believing this crushing depression will leave in time.  Thank you for your continued support for my complete healing. 

 

Yes, I have had some windows.  I got my first window at four months of being free, but strangely I was hit with many more symptoms as the months progressed, particularly during the seventh month when much nerve pain and burning began.  I have had brief windows, perhaps once or twice in a month.  This last month I have had more lifts among severe depression, rage, anxiety, nerve pain, and many strange symptoms not expressable.  Also, I am still having brain shocks which prevent me from taking any naps.

 

Thanks again for caring.

 

Hope4us

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Dear Jeff:

 

Your post really touched me.  You are strong.  Thank you for sharing, pulling for me, and encouraging me.  I hope you will have relief and healing so very soon.  I hope we both will together.  I hope that each one that has posted on this thread today will have better days very soon.  God bless you, Jeff.  You will have fun with your kids.  We will keep hoping against all hope.  God bless my dear friends and strengthen us to bring us all through to the other side.

 

Hope4us

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Dear Perseverance:

 

Did you ever have times when you just woke up, and you try to go back to sleep, and then your head would boom or be hit with the knock or wave of depression?  Would you go bed with depression after having it all day long and then wake up several times in the night with the melancholy depression still hanging on?  Did you have two kinds of depression:  1) melancholy/emotional along with 2)physical biting and heavy aching depression in body and limbs?

 

Thanks,

Hope4us

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Hi Hope:

 

I just wanted to let you know that I understand your frustration. I am in the same boat.

 

I am almost 22 months out and still am not well, but, I have to admit if I am honest that things are better. I know they are better when I get hit with a bad wave (usually around that time of the month) and then the s/x abate somewhat. Before it was round the clock, day in and day out s/x. Also, the extreme mental, sensory, perceptual stuff has lessened and does not return even during a bad wave. I do have some better times, windows, I guess, but these although a relief in comparison, are not good by any stretch of the imagination. I still cannot work, and am pretty ill, but can work through it during the windows. I get out more, and do not nap very much any more. I am "up" for the whole day mostly, and even if it is a bad day and I am on the computer, I am not longer bedbound and housebound as I was.

 

I wondered, you talk about depression, but do you get anxiety? For me, I get periodic depression that is very very grim, but it is nowhere near as pervasive as the anxiety I suffer from . I had it bad today most of the day (day 2 of period :D) but it lifted finally about 9PM to where I can feel a sense of relief. It will start all over again tomorrow with the morning anxiety. And the daily question is, "will I shake it off today?"

 

Perhaps your emotional s/x is depression, while mine is anxiety. I know nothing will fix it that is in a pill. It never did, and only clouded my mind, took away my memory, and caused a lot of side effects like dp/dr etc. There are some days, like today where I say I can't take it any more. and imagine there is relief to be found somewhere in "pharmaworld", but I know there isn;t. I was not this way before drugs, and I have to keep going and believing that I will be my old baseline again.

 

Finally, I noticed that you had also withdrawn off an a/d. You have to take this w/d into account when assessing your situation. I am sorry, but I don't remember if you had depression before you started on your a/d or what the reason was, but it helps me to be reminded of how I was before the drugs because in w/d we can feel extremes of emotions that are sometimes false.

 

And, I should mention that there is a real, situational part to this experience. W/d is painful, but as we continue to live in a netherworld of life, not really living, and being frustrated at that, we can come to feel a real despair. I do my best to ignore the anxiety and sadness I feel at not being able to get out and participate in life as I wish I could. I know it is situational, because on the good days when I can do more, I feel happier.

 

Best wishes, Nuala

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Hi Hope4us

So sorry for having such a bad depression. It is all benzo's and you will heal. You can also try some self-help book for depression. That is just my suggestion. I had some depression episodes during benzo's tolerance and now while tapering and I know how scary it can be. I also never had depression before benzo's. I ordered one book. It is called 'Feeling Good' Dr Burns. I will give it a try. Maybe I can help myself somehow.  Anyway just don't give up. Hang in there. Great life is waiting for you.

Take care

 

Marry

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Dear Perseverance:

 

Did you ever have times when you just woke up, and you try to go back to sleep, and then your head would boom or be hit with the knock or wave of depression?  Would you go bed with depression after having it all day long and then wake up several times in the night with the melancholy depression still hanging on?  Did you have two kinds of depression:  1) melancholy/emotional along with 2)physical biting and heavy aching depression in body and limbs?

 

Thanks,

Hope4us

 

Hope, looks like I was luckier that you in the sleep department.  I would have broken sleep, but always managed to fall back to sleep if I woke up.  The melancholy/emotional would hit for a many hours straight and I was easily brought to tears.  I would go into a crying jags and feel absolutely hopeless.  Sometimes I felt almost catatonic and just stared into space.  I remember wanting to talk to people but thinking it is no use.

 

Physically the more I would try to push myself the more paralyzed I felt, like some invisible force was stopping me.  My body felt like it weighed 1,000 lbs and I did have heaviness in my limbs.  Most days it was all I could do just to lay on my couch and breath I felt so drained.  I had no motivation to do anything, everything seemed to hard.

 

When you are in it you believe you will always be that way and envision a life of endless misery, not knowing if you can even face one more day.  People made suggestions left and right, like- if you get out of the house more you will feel better.  This only added to the feelings of despair because I felt like not only could they not comprehend how bad it was, but I would feel like a loser because I just could not bring myself to do the things they suggested.

 

I really could not believe how mental 'heaviness' lifted after that second B12 shot.  The sadness just lifted, and my body felt light and free.  I was equally surprised that the serum B12 test did not show a deficiency because it was so bad, only the MMA test came back abnormal.

 

I was so amazed at the difference that it really deifies all reason to me why doctors don't routinely check this when a patient says they are depressed.  Heck, none of mine even looked for a physiological cause, they just pulled out the old prescription pad.  I don't know if this is because the insurance companies put so much pressure on them to herd as many patients in and out as they can or what the deal is.  Just seems they used to take more time to find out if there were any physiological causes before and nowadays they just listen to symptom complaints and think which medicine works for that.

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Hi Hope:

 

I just wanted to let you know that I understand your frustration. I am in the same boat.

 

I am almost 22 months out and still am not well, but, I have to admit if I am honest that things are better. I know they are better when I get hit with a bad wave (usually around that time of the month) and then the s/x abate somewhat. Before it was round the clock, day in and day out s/x. Also, the extreme mental, sensory, perceptual stuff has lessened and does not return even during a bad wave. I do have some better times, windows, I guess, but these although a relief in comparison, are not good by any stretch of the imagination. I still cannot work, and am pretty ill, but can work through it during the windows. I get out more, and do not nap very much any more. I am "up" for the whole day mostly, and even if it is a bad day and I am on the computer, I am not longer bedbound and housebound as I was.

 

I wondered, you talk about depression, but do you get anxiety? For me, I get periodic depression that is very very grim, but it is nowhere near as pervasive as the anxiety I suffer from . I had it bad today most of the day (day 2 of period :D) but it lifted finally about 9PM to where I can feel a sense of relief. It will start all over again tomorrow with the morning anxiety. And the daily question is, "will I shake it off today?"

 

Perhaps your emotional s/x is depression, while mine is anxiety. I know nothing will fix it that is in a pill. It never did, and only clouded my mind, took away my memory, and caused a lot of side effects like dp/dr etc. There are some days, like today where I say I can't take it any more. and imagine there is relief to be found somewhere in "pharmaworld", but I know there isn;t. I was not this way before drugs, and I have to keep going and believing that I will be my old baseline again.

 

Finally, I noticed that you had also withdrawn off an a/d. You have to take this w/d into account when assessing your situation. I am sorry, but I don't remember if you had depression before you started on your a/d or what the reason was, but it helps me to be reminded of how I was before the drugs because in w/d we can feel extremes of emotions that are sometimes false.

 

And, I should mention that there is a real, situational part to this experience. W/d is painful, but as we continue to live in a netherworld of life, not really living, and being frustrated at that, we can come to feel a real despair. I do my best to ignore the anxiety and sadness I feel at not being able to get out and participate in life as I wish I could. I know it is situational, because on the good days when I can do more, I feel happier.

 

Best wishes, Nuala

 

Dear hope4us , this is mishi.. I feel for you so much and your pain.. The struggles you are having everyday..  I am not off the poisen yet and I still suffer very hard...I just want you to know that you have made it so far for so long.. I believe yu can make it thru.. I truly feel that from my heart.. I am happy the shots of b12 worked for you... Believe me when I tell you I can sympathize with you and the way you feel.. I have been checking your blogs and everytime I look I cry... We both love our families and this is so hard for you and them.. Also your suffering will go away... I give you love today and courage to go on.

Take care of yourself...

Luv,

Mishi

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Dear Nuala, Marry, Perseverance, and Mishi:

 

Thanks to each of you for taking time to write.  I appreciate your care and support.

 

Hope4us

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Dear Perseverance:

 

I am as you have described.  I am wondering where you found the fortitude to look into the MMA matter?  How did you drag yourself into the doctor and be firm with him about testing for the MMA?  I have been so fearful and discouraged about trying with doctors and doing the testing and not looking for help, but just waiting on time.  Where did you find the strength to continue to look for answers beyond waiting for "time" to heal? 

 

For a time during tapering, I was taking large doses of Vitamin B's along with other large doses of vitamins and minerals recommended for adrenal fatigue.  I continued to suffer immensely, and in retrospect, I know now while tapering we must go through the pain.  I stopped all vitamins and minerals and have just tried to eat nutritionally with alot of protein.  I stopped the B vitamins because the forum said that they could exacerbate symptoms.  Do you have any thoughts about these comments?

 

I imagine that the B12 vitamins particularly could be depleted from our systems due to so much prolonged suffering.  I was also told that women going through menopause would benefit from the B complex.  Do you have any thoughts about this?

 

Thank you for caring.  Much love.

 

Hope4us

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Dear Perseverance:

 

I am as you have described.  I am wondering where you found the fortitude to look into the MMA matter?  How did you drag yourself into the doctor and be firm with him about testing for the MMA?  I have been so fearful and discouraged about trying with doctors and doing the testing and not looking for help, but just waiting on time.  Where did you find the strength to continue to look for answers beyond waiting for "time" to heal? 

 

I always try to go to the websites that doctors use and get my information there.  I get them from the doctors themselves by casually asking doctors during my appointments which websites are good so I don't fall for internet pseudo science.

 

How I got to the B12 dx--By sheer chance I had watched an episode of "Mystery Diagnosis" on the Discovery Channel and saw a woman who had similar symptoms end up finding out she had a B12 deficiency through a MMA test.  So I looked it up on the "American Family Physician" website (my doctor told me he subscribes to this one) and confirmed the information about the MMA.  Here is the link to the article I read:

 

www.aafp.org/afp/2003/0301/p979.html

 

I always print out whatever information I find and bring it with me.  So far all of my doctors have been familiar with the AAFP website and view it as credible.  I also use PubMed a lot.

 

You have to be sort of a politician and not step on any toes when you do this.  I usually start out describing in a nutshell what has been going on (keep it short and concise), then I say someone mentioned this possibility to me (ex-the B12 deficiency), so I looked it up and this is what I found, what do you think?  Generally since the information is of the kind they recognize as credible they take a real interest in it.  I then ask if we could run this or that test just to rule it out (with the B12 I pointed out that the article said the MMA test was more accurate).  I never disagree with their thoughts, hell, they could be right and I could be wrong as far as that goes.  If they want to run their own tests I never offer resistance, but I always make sure the ones I want run are on the list.

 

If they try to dismiss running my test(s), I will add...would there be any harm in just having this test done too?  Just for my own peace of mind?  As long as you agree to whatever they want to do, they usually have no problem adding your request to the list.  I have found that being prepared reduces the apprehension before doctors visits SIGNIFICANTLY.

 

For a time during tapering, I was taking large doses of Vitamin B's along with other large doses of vitamins and minerals recommended for adrenal fatigue.  I continued to suffer immensely, and in retrospect, I know now while tapering we must go through the pain.  I stopped all vitamins and minerals and have just tried to eat nutritionally with a lot of protein.  I stopped the B vitamins because the forum said that they could exacerbate symptoms.  Do you have any thoughts about these comments?

 

I had trouble digesting the oral B vitamins.  The B12 shots never made my sx's worse.  I personally would only take vitamins where blood tests showed a deficiency, as long as my diet was healthy.  (I now do however take oral B and C vitamins because I had an adrenal crisis in the past, but that's a whole other story.)  I would get the blood tests first to check your levels, just tell the doctor you are worried about getting enough vitamins and ask if he could check your levels, again, for peace of mind.

 

I think the revving of sx's from vitamins is highly individual to each person.

 

You could tell him you have been not getting any sunlight for a long time and your Mom thought you should get your vitamin D level checked.  They usually agree if you say your Mom is worried. LOL!

 

I imagine that the B12 vitamins particularly could be depleted from our systems due to so much prolonged suffering.  I was also told that women going through menopause would benefit from the B complex.  Do you have any thoughts about this? 

 

Yes, any prolonged stress can deplete your B vitamins.  I haven't heard that about menopause, but since your body starts making additional demands on your adrenals for estrogen production during menopause, due to the fact the ovaries no longer are producing, it would make sense.

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Dear Perseverance:

 

Thank you for taking time to share all of this information.

 

What was the protocol for taking the MMA test? Did you have to "fast" prior to taking the MMA test?  Did you have to go in at a certain time of the day?  It would be so great if the B12 could help with the depression.  Did your interests come back after the first or second shot?  Did your depersonalization go away also after the first or second shot?

 

Thank you for caring.

 

Love, Hope4us

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