My Body is on Fire

[[Bi...]]

Hi Everyone -

 

I had a window that began Friday night at dinner and lasted through Saturday.  On Friday night I had my first iced tea in two months and then on Saturday had some wine and frozen chocolate yogurt (first in three months).  Still felt OK Sunday morning although I was groggy when I woke up - slept well.  I went to the gym and rode the elliptical for 30 minutes and took a steam.  The rest of the day was lethargic.

 

Yesterday, I felt terrible all day.  Increasing anxiety and pins/needles.  It faded a bit by bedtime but this morning it started all over again and has built all day.  My body is on fire and tinnitus is very loud. - my face is twitching  Did I overdo it?  I just tried to have a normal day for once.  Please let me know your experiences.  I'm pretty down today - feel absolutely horrible and questioning if I can endure much more of this.  But I did flush all my remaining K this afternoon - no turning back.

 

Billwill

[[sh...]]

Hey Billwill,

 

I can't say if it's the drinking that had something to do with it, because you say you didn't feel that way until a day after you drank. For me, I felt bad the morning after. It could just be withdrawal. I'm sorry things are in the mud right now, but you had two great days, which means you're going to have many more to come. Please, try not to get discouraged. You did the right thing in trying to go about your day normally. I know you'll get over this hurdle.

[[St...]]

Maybe a bit of over stimulation just yet, I think it takes time for the CNS to recover and cope on it's own without the benzos. You'll get there Bill, it might feel a bit rough for awhile but you can get through this, your rewards are waiting for you. 

[[Fl...]]

Too much caffeine does seem to amp me up a bit and alcohol does have some residual effects the next morning, but overall I haven't seen much of a direct correlation between my windows and waves and what I ate or drank the day before.

 

It is possible that these things might have caused you to start feeling bad again but I would be willing to bet that it has more to do with the natural ebb and flow of your WD symptoms.

[[Bi...]]

Thank you Shane, Star and Florida - I'm really suffering today.  I really hope I just overdid it and am not having s/x this severe at 3 months!

 

Star - how are you feeling at 11 months?

 

Florida - how have you been getting along?  Can you relate to the H*LL I'm going through?

 

Bill

[[St...]]

Thank you Shane, Star and Florida - I'm really suffering today.  I really hope I just overdid it and am not having s/x this severe at 3 months!

 

Star - how are you feeling at 11 months?

 

Florida - how have you been getting along?  Can you relate to the H*LL I'm going through?

 

Bill

 

I still have issues but nothing like early on, all symptoms have lessened to a great degree. The thing with me is that I took benzos for over 20 years so I know I can't expect to heal overnight either, plus I ended up taking a lot higher mg. Just as you had to slowly remove the benzos it might be good to approach life a little more gingerly as you recover. It's all in trial and error, go at your own pace, you'll get there.

[[Fl...]]

Florida - how have you been getting along?  Can you relate to the H*LL I'm going through?

 

Absolutely. When I was three months off I was in a world of hurt. That's part of the reason why I said that it's probably just the normal course of WD. It sounds like you have been up and down a lot lately. When we have a window of course we want it to stick around but most people get hit pretty hard around month 3 so I'm guessing you're just in another wave right now.

 

If you think that your little indulgences might have amped things up then by all means stay away from it in the future. I'm just of the opinion that we shouldn't let this benzo thing run our lives any more than we have to, especially not to the point that it makes us paranoid to the point where we can't do a few little things for ourselves that make us happy. At the end of the day it's your body though so you have to figure out what works best for you.

 

Congrats on flushing the pills. You are probably a lot further along in your recovery than you realize and I would hate to see you reinstate.

[[Bi...]]

It's a couple of hours later and this is getting really horrible.  My body is burning and my chest and back are tight and hurting.  I'm so desperate.  Please let it pass - it's never hit like this and this late in the day.

 

Billwill

[[St...]]

I know it's probably not a lot of comfort right now but I found this in the Ashton Manual.

 

Bodily sensations. All sorts of strange tinglings, pins and needles, patches of numbness, feelings of electric shocks, sensations of hot and cold, itching, and deep burning pain are not uncommon during benzodiazepine withdrawal. It is difficult to give an exact explanation for these sensations but, like motor nerves, the sensory nerves, along with their connections in the spinal cord and brain, become hyperexcitable during withdrawal. It is possible that sensory receptors in skin and muscle, and in the tissue sheaths around bones, may fire off impulses chaotically in response to stimuli that do not normally affect them.

 

In my clinic, nerve conduction studies in patients with such symptoms revealed nothing abnormal - for example, there was no evidence of peripheral neuritis. However, the symptoms were sometimes enough to puzzle neurologists. Three patients with a combination of numbness, muscle spasms and double vision were diagnosed as having multiple sclerosis. This diagnosis, and all the symptoms, disappeared soon after the patients stopped their benzodiazepines.

 

I hope this helps 

[[Bi...]]

Thank you Star - YES IT HELPS AND IS REASSURING!!!

 

It's now dark outside and I've been hunkered down in the bed for an hour.  The burning has let up a bit and I feel exhausted.  Headed to bed to read and hopefully relax.  Check in tomorrow.

 

Thanks to everyone for helping me in this crisis.  God bless us all.

 

Bill

[[sh...]]

Headed to bed to read and hopefully relax. 

 

Sounds like a plan I should follow  I've bought so many books and have yet to read them. Glad you're feeling a little better.

[[li...]]

for some reason I am burning today Billwill.  I think I over did the ginger root.  Produces heat in your body.  Hang strong.  Linder

[[ca...]]

Bill I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I know how hard it is. I had the burning too. I still have it very lightly/faintly on my arms but the key is it does go away. It used to be horrible and now I barely notice it and it is going away, it will go away for you too, hang in there!  It could have been reved up by the alcohol, I know I have seen others on here get a temporary reving of symptoms when they drink. Alcohol works similarly on the brain/body like benzos so many say its best to avoid it for a while, some even say up to 1-3 years post benzo. Ashton however states that it is okay to have a glass of wine with dinner, so I really think its all very individual. What bothers one person may not bother another, etc. Anyways, I hope you feel better very soon, we are here for you.

[[Bi...]]

Hi -

It's Wednesday morning and this burning woke me up twice during the night.  Fortunately, I was able to fall back asleep but woke up for good early today.  I feel like I should have a red rash all over my body but I don't.  It is so horrible - I don't know how much more I can take.  I am seriously thinking about reinstating or at least calling my pdoc.  I have never felt so bad at any time during my benzo ordeal.  Losing all hope.

Billwill 

[Guest [Fi...]]

  I have never felt so bad at any time during my benzo ordeal.  Losing all hope.

 

 

Bill - I'm right there with you.  This is rock bottom for me...absolute rock bottom.  BUT - We are not going to reinstate.  We have come so far already and we've got to hang on!  We can do this.  We have to do this.  We owe it to ourselves and those we love to get better and get back to the way we used to be.  I know it hurts and I know you're scared.  I feel the same way that you do.  The only comfort that I can give you is to tell you that you're never alone in this.  I'm always here and BB is always here. 

 

Take care my friend.  I hope your day improves

 

Love,

Nicole

[[...]]

i am so sorry for what we are going thru.  it's nuts.  i just want to say that i could swear someone was putting pins in my arms and foot.  i kept looking for red ants or something.  but that has gone away. i still have the dr and dp pretty bad and that really scares me a lot but that pins and needles thing is gone. 

just keep saying to yourself that u r doing this.  u r a hero for everyday we get thru. no kidding.  it's a tough one.  i've ben thru a lot and this is the weirdest and toughest thing ever.

[[Bi...]]

Thank you kind friends -

 

I am going through unimaginable hell right now - I feel so desperate.  The intensity has lasted almost 48 hours and I can't endure much more.  Even if I start to feel better the scar is overwhelming.  I can't believe this is all w/d this far out - it is 1000% worse than the first two months.  What should I do?

 

Billwill

[[li...]]

Hang on Billwill, you will get through this.  I am burning like crazy to and I really think mine is from an herb called oil of oregano.  Actually it is really ticking me off!!!    I should of known better.  We will make this,  Linder xo

[[Fl...]]

Bill,

 

I can't relate to the burning sensations as I have not experienced any of that during WD, but when I was 3 months off I was at rock bottom. By far the worst point in my 39 years on this earth. Depression so severe that it felt like my face was going to melt off. Anxiety through the roof. Paranoia. Deep, dark intrusive thoughts. Rage. I felt like I was dying, and I was resolved to the idea that if I did die I would be fine with that.

 

A month later I was still in pain but my symptoms had subsided to the point where I was able to start getting some work done. I was able to get out of the house more often. I even passed my motorcycle safety class. That was quite an accomplishment considering the fact that a few weeks before that I could barely get myself out of bed in the morning.

 

Another month passed. It was June 1st. That was the day that I turned the corner. The debilitating symptoms were gone. I still had reduced cognitive function and very low motivation, but at least I felt human again.

 

That was 7 weeks ago today. The past couple of days I experienced a minor wave of general "icky" feelings, but today I woke up feeling a window coming on. Just got back from a week long vacation where I didn't get much sleep, ate and drank to my heart's content, even helped my buddy in his landscaping business one day. Been riding my motorcycle almost daily now. It's still tough to concentrate enough to get much work done but I know it's only a matter of time.

 

Do. Not. Reinstate.

 

One thing that I noticed during the course of WD is that everything will seem hopeless until you get to a point where you see an adequate amount of healing. The tough part is getting yourself to that point. It might not come for a few more weeks or even a couple of months and is seems like it takes FOREVER when you are suffering, but when you get there you will finally start to see that everything is going to be ok.

 

You are at the bottom. Nowhere to go but up. Stick it out....it WILL be worth it.

[[Bi...]]

Thank you Linder and Florida -

 

I'm hanging in there.  The best way to describe how I have felt is like my whole body is an open wound and someone poured alcohol on it - unimaginable pain.  Then the psychological component kicks in and it makes for a vicious brew.  Just went to see my dear friend who is a psychologist and feel a little better.  Hoping this subsides soon.  Need sleep.

 

Billwill

[[sh...]]

Still feeling the burning sensation, Billwill? I'm sorry to hear you aren't pack up to par yet, but rest assured that you will be. Try to remind yourself it's only withdrawal and the symptoms will subside with time. I'm glad you talked with your friend. An extra ear is always great to have when we're in the throws of withdrawal symptoms. Keep your chin up. You're gonna make it 

[[ta...]]

I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse but I still have burning at 16 months out. It's now mostly in my lower legs and feet and also the backs of my hands. I've had windows of a month or so that it goes away but it has come back each time. I don't worry about it nearly as much as I used to, now it just pisses me off.

[[te...]]

Benzo-burn!!! It's hellacious Do any of you also have vibrating body parts and internal organs, or your tongue Egads!!!!

[[li...]]

Yes i do Teacher,  My tongue burns off and on.  Linder

[Guest [la...]]

Thank you kind friends -

 

I am going through unimaginable hell right now - I feel so desperate.  The intensity has lasted almost 48 hours and I can't endure much more.  Even if I start to feel better the scar is overwhelming.  I can't believe this is all w/d this far out - it is 1000% worse than the first two months.  What should I do?

 

Billwill

 

This exact same thing happened to me in C/T. I wasn't too bad in months 1,2 and then was SLAMMED in my third month up until 120 days off when I reinstated. The burning started for me in month 3. I had some tingling of the skin prior to that (which I still have), but when the burning struck, I was a MESS. I still have it despite reinstating at month 4 to attempt a slow taper from the Klonopin. It didn't go away w/ reinstating (although I only reinstated to 1.25mg of K and C/T'ed from 3mg of K, 1mg of X and 10mg of Ambien). I do get periods were it's less intense or when it's gone for good. It's just extremely painful. I also have the tingling on top of it and the muscle pains all over my body.

 

The burning and tingling are mainly all over my back/spine and neck. Sometimes I feel it on my arms, stomach and legs, but that is less often the case. I have put ice packs on it and that helps at times- although it is temporary.

 

I am sorry that you are going through this. I understand just how much discomfort you are in and your frustrations which lead you to want to throw in the towel and reinstate. Please don't do this. I did it after having 4 good months of healing under my belt and now I'm STILL burning and back on the K having to taper. Reinstating won't help. It's not worth it.

 

Hang in there and keep fighting. The burning will lessen until it's totally gone. It has for so many other people- you are no exception. I wish you the best. Hang in there.

Much love, Nicole