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How to you all get this positive attitude with all the sx?


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Hi guys

 

I am trying to stay positive that I can get my bf through this. Its just so hard when he is constantly negative, he will say things like the below, these are some examples of emails I get when I am at work.......

 

Emails.........

it's hard to not think of the other days when they're all the same, the mornings are unbareable bab, I really don't know how much I can take, but like I said it's the original problem that has resurfaced :( the morning anxiety :(

 

Just spoke to the doctor for some more tablets...I so wanted to tell him I'm not coping well at all but it would have made things worse wouldn't it? I made out everything was ok, and it isn't is it bab, I'm not coping at all well am I :(

 

I can't deal with these mornings like this much longer :(

It's getting too much for me, I don't know what else can be done? nothing I guess but they're too much for me to cope with.

I'm sorry but something else needs to be done, maybe I'm not ready to come off these things yet? i know no one is ever ready but I don't feel strong enough at all :(

 

I know what you're saying , it's hard for me to be positive when I'm feeling so bad in the mornings, they are so awful I have to push myself to carry on I really do, it would be so easy to end all this suffering and I can't get that thought out of my head :(

It must get better surely bab, it can't get any worse otherwise I don't see me being able to cope at all :(

I so hope we can get me back, and more importantly get through this, I just don't see it right now, on my own tomorrow morning :(

 

I know I have you to live for, plus everyone else, and of course myself :)

I am keeping busy, it's just so hard like I keep telling you, like they say it's "hell" I don't think you understand that?

[/i]

 

You get the picture.

 

We have held on cutting for a month now and things in the morning are just not easing in the morning, I am trying so hard to get him through this but I just feel there is only me with any hope at all :(

 

All this started last year when he kept having a urge to go for a wee, he had everything checked and nothing showed up. Now it has reared its ugly head again, so we go out to keep busy but then when we do he keeps needing a wee (not that he needs one) he gets really upset by this, said it is so horrible to need a wee and you don't even need one :(

 

Any words of encouragement here, I feel we are drowning :(

 

Chig xxxxxxxx

 

 

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Chiggy let me just start ut by saying you are the best gf ever!!!

 

Somethings I'm gonna say some ppl prob wont agree with and it may make you or him angry but it needs to be said.

 

1) STOP enabling him...by this I mean, make him come here and talk to us himself. So he can get answers stright from us, so he can read the accounts of people and a light bulb will eventually go off in his head when he comes across a story that is like his own. Right now he is making you feel bad for him and making you do all this research for him..its not fair to you..it is running you ragged doll!!

 

2) It looks like most of those, he is looking for reassurance from you, most of them are questions worded differenly.  he must understand you dont have the answers, again he needs to come here!! thats the only thing thats going to make him understand whats going on

 

3) most of what he is feeling is plain old benzo withdrawal  i.e. morning anxiety etc

 

4) we all felt at one time or another the WDsx was the original problem resurfacing

 

5) his threats of suicide (thats what that one is again) is his way f saying "hey this hurts really bad and u dont understand"  I think anyhow..

 

his last comment there kind of angers me, I'm sorry.  you are bending over backwards helping him!!!!!!

 

and no you dont understand chiggy.., you have never been through this(I know you understand this, but he doesnt, he needs to )..he has to understand you dont have any magic words or a magic bullet that u can tell him that will make him feel better!!!  he is THIRTY YEARS OLD, he can come here and maybe just maybe he will get answers to his questions and find out he is NOT unique, he is NOT alone.

 

I love you to death chiggy, and I can appreciate what you are doing for him, please dont take this the wrong way but Quite frankly its getting old going through a mediator with his questions. he needs to come here

 

I mean he is walking a few times a day, he is playing video games at night for the most part, he is able to navigate around on a computer..he isnt as bad as some people here have gotten...when things are horrible, its too hard to even do some of those things!!!..he is just going through withdrawal.

 

he has got to understand this is a very very painful process, its ok to be scared and negative, but he's gotta put on his big boy pants and come here and ask his questions to US.

 

Please dont get mad chiggy...I love you. I value you, and can appreciate your love for him.

 

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Mark

 

I do understand what you are saying, I am basically protecting him too much.

 

I just know if he comes on here as see's topics like 8months and still struggling, I honestly think he will give up, that is the only reason I have not pushed him on here, I was thinking of doing that when he is off them and got a least the taper out the way.

 

I know some people heal quicker and some longer, everyone is different, I just know he hangs on to only the negative at the moment, he doesn't see any positive in anything, so he will see a topic like that and just give up.

 

I have tried saying all the things, cmon Pull ur balls up type of thing and it just makes him worse at the moment, I got really angry yesterday, it makes no difference.

 

I have just asked him to write and email, list all the positives he has right now.

 

Chig x

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At the same time though chig, he will see those people HAVE gotten better.  He will also see ppl that are worse than he is and have gotten better. There are just as many positives are there are negatives. you just have to look for them :) 

 

So I understand , is it you keeping him from comming here so he doesnt see those things, or is it him not wanting to come here?  Im confused (benzo brain uuugh) hehe  :crazy:

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Yes i know.

 

No I don't actually say not to come on here, he says he doesn't want to and I just don't carry on about it.

 

He has occasionally been in chat but just briefly.

 

Here is his list so far of all this positives....

 

 

have you

 

I have a house to live in

 

I have a family that love me

 

I can drive

 

I can walk

 

I can go into shops

 

I sometimes have good evenings – most evenings! Not sometimes.

 

I will get better, it's not permanent

 

You can laugh

 

We joke

 

You can play games

 

You are young

 

Good looking

 

Have your health

 

A life ahead of you

 

You can look after yourself

 

I'm kind

 

I'm generous

 

You are clever

 

You can do anything, like build things, decorate, tile, lay carpet, work on cars

 

You can play MS and still play brilliant even without all the practice

 

I am growing vegetables

 

I am feeding the birds bread

 

I am playing MW2

 

I can breath

 

 

 

You can see the one's he has put and the one's I have added.

 

Chig

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Hey Chiggylit,

 

Ashton states that some of us simply do not stabilize at one dose. He can stay on the dose that he is at and maybe he'll start to feel better, or he could stay the same. If you think it's in you boyfriend's best interest, you may try to do another cut. Like I always say, what ever is comfortable for the person.

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Hey Chiggylit,

 

I too never felt like I EVER stabilized w/ ANY of my cuts.  I have had better days than others...but never free of s/x.  My husband has made a point of not "protecting" me too much.  He's VERY sensitive and there for me the second I need him, but when I'm really down and negative, he'll just look at me and say "well, this is what it is!  there's no way around it so you just have to ride it out!  You want to be off of it, right?  Well, then just accept it!".  This may sound harsh, but he's not saying it to be mean...it's just the facts.  He actually hates having to be so direct, but in the end if he was protecting me the whole time I think I would have had a HARDER time in the end.  I've had to have a bit of a "stiff upper lip" during this process. 

 

I HATE going through this.  I sobbed last night till 1:30am...angry that this all happened to me...SO frustrated that once I'm off of this I may still have quite a road ahead of me.  But I can't do ANYTHING about it.  So I woke up this morning, did my morning meditation routine, was greeted by my daughter w/ a big smile...and on my day goes.  This is how I've spent my w/d.  I have had my fair share of days where I lived on the sofa, barely able to move a finger...but for whatever reason, as soon as my little girl would come home each day from school, I magically got up, made her a snack, looked through her school work, helped her w/ math/reading, and got our dinner ready.  I have no clue how I did it. 

 

At some point, your b/f may just have to literally pick himself up and move....just move. Go to the shower and try to ENJOY it.  Sit outside and watch for birds, bugs and neighbours...I've spent so much time on my front porch and have noticed many patterns in my neighbours quirky ways. lol  Things I would have never noticed otherwise.  The "grateful" list is a great thing...I've made several these past months.  I also say "today can be different...it can BE a good day" almost every morning.  I think the more you do these positive things, the better things can become. 

 

You are an AWESOME girlfriend...we are all so proud of you for what you do.  I feel I have the same support from my husband - he's been truly amazing throughout all of this.  :smitten:

 

I really hope your b/f can see some light w/ this whole situation.  He's getting hit hard...but if he could make baby steps and try each day to do something FOR HIMSELF, he may start to see that things turn around a bit.  It's not going to be easy...so just accept that and "ride it out" as my husband says. :)

 

All the best to you, Chiggylit...hugs,

Schatje

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