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Overwhelming feeling...scares me


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Hi Everyone,

 

So, I am days away from being free of Benzodiazepines.  Although I am doing SO much better than I expected, there is this one new s/x that makes me feel SO unsettled...and of course it is the most difficult one to explain.

 

I'll be going about my day, when out of nowhere I am hit with this overwhelming urge to cry/yell/run...but there's no reason for it.  It's like my body wants to vomit or urinate or have a bm...but it never happens....it's like this strong urge to do SOMETHING, but I don't know what that "something" is.  My chest/stomach will feel tight and my body shakes inside.  It's not a normal panic feeling...I've had plenty of that and know the feeling so well.  I just feel overwhelmed and completely consumed w/ this intense emotion and it's like my body and brain doesn't know how to express it or let it out. 

 

I hope I've explained it well enough...it's so strange...and SO unpleasant.  I'll literally be sobbing during one of these episodes but I don't get any relief, so then I DO start to panic b/c I can't get rid of the feeling.  It seems to be creeping up more and more.  I try to breath and relax through it, but it's not easy and often the feelings become too much and I do start to panic.  Can anyone relate to this? 

 

I am SO close...only 5 more days and I"m benzo free.  I'm SO terrified.  Excited as well...very excited....but SO terrified things will get worse.  I've been so good as of lately...things are smoother than I expected.  So will I get slammed w/ s/x once I'm off?  I guess no one can answer that since this is so individualized. 

 

Thank you so much for listening...hugs to all,

Schatje

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Yes I get that also,but it just started the day after I took my last .125 of klonopin.The only symptoms I have are in my head.Lol Or more like my brain.Headaches,head has a tight band feeling.Light headed,dizzy.If I move my head just a tiny bit,it feels like my brain is moving from side to side..I forgot my teeth and jaw clentch all the time.But nothing like BENZO HELL..Thats why I was afraid to jump off.....I never want to go there again.....Also 2 days off I felt like I had the flu.SOOOOOO  Tired.Still cant sleep.......Ok enough!  Will be waiting for your benzo free shout.........Good Luck
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Hi Schatje

That is anxiety and you described it so well. Don't be scared and accept that as much as you can. Not new symptom just high and sudden anxiety. You are very close to finish and good for you. Don't worry you are doing great. Just try not to worry.

 

Marija

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Schatje,

 

I feel that way also.  I cant sit still too long, if I dont try to keep myself busy I get so many different emotions.  I just started having actual physical anxiety on top of the mental anxiety.  If that makes since.  I feel so shaky inside.  Its not a full blown panic attach just my chest is shaky and burning. 

 

I find myself pacing around the house, I have run out of the house just to come back in because I had no where to run and wasn't sure why I was running.....A couple days ago, I got so overwhelmed with feelings that I ran to my room and just cried and cried and then was left with more anxiety then before.

 

I have really really bad benzo rage.  I wont go into detail but there have been multiple incidents where I am putting myself and others in harms way.  I dont know, I just hope I start to feel better.  The worse part of this taper is upon me right now.......

 

Hang in there, you are doing great!!

 

Renee

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Hey Schatje,

 

I know the feeling you're describing very well. It's one of the w/d's that I struggle with on a daily basis. I'd never wish it on my worst enemy and I'm so sorry you have to know that feeling, but also know that once we start healing we'll be able to kick anxiety's butt like no other :P

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Hey, while I haven't had that symptom, I will say that I was extremely unprepared for exactly how much that last step off was a doozy.  Since I had tapered long and slow down to .03mg of clonazepam, I was thinking it would more or less go down like any other taper similar in both time frame and severity, but instead it hit me like a ton of bricks unlike anything I had experienced up to that point and lasted much, much longer than anything else I had dealt with before. 

 

I hope that you will not have a similar experience, but I would recommend picking a time in your life where you don't have anything too crusial going on for a good 3 months if at all possible (no big work projects, no solo cross country driving, etc.) just to give yourself some extra leeway, and to take care of everything you possibly can in your life prior to jumping off.  There was just no question that even after all of that tapering and to such a low level, my body totally knew the difference between reducing my dose and stopping my dose.

 

I hope that doesn't make it sound scary, as I just mean it as food for thought, and I hope it goes better for you than it did for me so that none of these precautions prove to be necessary, after all.  I am excited for you, and good luck!

 

:)

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The worst I felt was when I had 1.25mg to go-- very much that feeling like I needed to do something, pacing, anxious. It never got worse than that, but I sure did worry about it getting worse non-stop. So that is to say, it won't necessarily get worse after you jump.
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Thanks guys...why I didn't clue in that it's anxiety, I don't know! lol 

 

I guess it's just a different kind of anxiety than I normally get.  I get the jitters or that jangled feeling quite often, but it's like this is a WHOLE other level.  It's even worse today and now I start to really panic that each day will get worse and worse.  I have some stomach cramps and often feel like I have to have a bm...but then I don't.  And when I DO have to go to the washroom, I get scared to go!  It's like by having a bm I'm losing control of myself..such a strange feeling.  My heart races and I want to jump out of my skin. 

 

My sleep wasn't as good last night either...I'm not complaining about that one though b/c it could have been a lot worse...at least I slept.  But the vivid dreams/nightmares are creeping back again.

 

I spoke too soon!  I was starting to feel like this was it, and now I'm scared again.  I know it will pass.  I was able to grocery shop w/ my hubby this morning and I did just fine...but as soon as I got home it came back.  It's almost as though the distraction of grocery shopping was able to take away the bulk of the s/x...and now that I am home it is all hitting me hard.  I have no appetite so I have to remind myself to eat...and when I eat I don't feel sick or nauseous, but I don't feel hungry, so it doesn't take good or feel satisfying.  I'm just eating to keep my energy level up. 

 

This is when I'd love to pull one of you through the computer screen and have you literally hold my hand and talk me through this. lol 

 

UGH!  I didn't want this to happen...and it sounds maybe a bit silly, but I had hoped SO MUCH deep down that it wouldn't be as hard at the end...not only for ME, but for you guys.  I wanted some of you to hear that it doesn't have to be so tough at the end and that things can smooth out...b/c I NEED to hear that and everyone just says how brutal the end is. 

 

But on a positive note, I haven't been hit as hard as others at the end.  This is creeping up and it feels SO unsettling, but I've had it pretty good these past 2 weeks up until now.  And it doesn't mean that I'll be like this every day.  So I will continue to post my progress...and hopefully have GOOD news to tell you fellow buddies.  I think we all need a bit of that.  :)

 

Hugs,

Schatje

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The anticipation of "what might happen" when you are free of the drug, may be causing you to feel like you are.  I had fear that I might be slammed, like I was after the c/t....but it didn't happen.  I had some days where I felt pretty normal, actually.  Some symptoms creep back up, but you will be able to deal with them. 

What you are feeling is normal for some of us, at the end of tapering.  You will be fine.

 

Good luck, Schatje.  :hug:

Sunny girl

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i know exactly what u mean.it is horrible and i get it every day.no sooner does one go and calm down another one will start up .gets stronger and stronger and i have to sit and breath.takes my breath.then i start shaking,everything gets tighter and i go stiff and can hardly walk.this is the worst feeling.i have read that it is anxiety attack and it is the adrenalin that causes it.we all have to much adrenalin.i cant take beta blockers that help cos i have astma.so i just have to sit it out.i also get a feeling of movement inside my body,like my head is moving side to side.like i someone is shaking me.its all adrenalin i think.its vile!!!
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Thanks guys for the feedback. :)

 

Sunnygirl, your reply is encouraging...I hope to follow the same path.  I think I'm staying as positive as I can...but sometimes it's just tough.  It got pretty bad today and I sobbed for a good hour, but it DID pass.  The feeling is still there but not as strong.

 

Thanks a ton guys,

Hugs,

Schatje

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As you probably know from the Ashton Manual, most people when they get to such a low dose, have as much as what they feel towards the end of their taper.

Truly you only get much better after you've been off the med. I took a picture of my last dose of K.  .03 of a .125 wafer... I was scared and nervous, but I knew it had to be done.

My WD after was pretty much what I was feeling...  I started to have better days though, I could tell the diff ...

 

I am very happy for you. Take the dive like many of us have done.  There is no other option, every days has been about this moment that is coming...

 

We are here for you!!!!

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Thanks a TON, LP,

 

After reading a few threads today and seeing how hard people find it AFTER tapering properly, I'm more than scared right now.  But I would never give up now...Monday is the day and that will be my last dose forever.  I REALLY hope that things don't get worse...I fully realize that things may not get better right away and that I may have a lot of ups/downs...but to hear people vomiting and feeling worse than when they tapered frightens me SO much...especially since hitting tolerance w/d, I've developed a complete irrational fear of vomiting.  Ugh...please no. 

 

You are always so positive and encouraging and it means a lot...so thanks a TON.

 

Take care,

Schatje

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Hi Schatje

You are doing great. Don't be so scared cause then you feed your anxiety and it grows and grows. This is just some hard period and that is all. That not means you will have that forever. Nothing last forever. Anticipation and 'What if?' questions are so common for anxiety. As I said before try your best to accept that symptoms cause that is all just symptoms, and you will see how easier it is then (I know that is easier said than done but you can try). I think you got some scary thoughts now when you close to the end, and they trigger your anxiety. And anxiety knows to change its shape (like to surprise you with something new).

Take care

:smitten:

 

Marija

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