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Those of you that broke up or divorced during w/d


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How did you cope with the loss? We are so emotionally vulnerable in w/d. I can't seem to get over my gf leaving me after a 5 year relationship. It is so painful. I feel I have lost my coping skills.
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My situation is different then yours but wanted to share.  I am married BUT me and my husband own our homes.  Strange, I know, but I have a son that requires 24/7 care and it is easier to take care of him with no distractions.

 

Going thru this process since December, my husband and I have had our troubles.  He has a co worker that went thru benzo w/d and he knows that I am suffering.  I am thankful for that.  I dont think my husband would be able to handle me if it wasnt for that.  One week I am angry and wont speak to him and the next week I am full of love.  Now its in day increments.

 

I guess what I really want to say is that whether its breaking up with someone or having to deal with a grown adult son that is sick, it is so overwhelming.  I cried myself to sleep last nite because I feel I am not being a good mother to this young man that needs me.  I have a hard time coping with all of this.  I just have to take it day by day and lately minute by minute. 

 

I am sorry for your situation.  Maybe you could have your girlfriend get on here and see what hell we are going thru.  It's not like we want to be this way or we will be this way forever.  It sure the hell feels like it but we will heal.  In our own time. 

 

Not sure I even helped you but I feel for you.  I know it hurts.

 

Renee

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FOCUS ON YOU!! Focus on healing and then you can either get her back or find new love.

 

I am not going through withdraw but on this forum to educate myself to help my husband.  It is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT helping someone through this. I have rolled eyes at him so much I thought I was cross-eyed. 

 

I am only now through EDUCATION of this drug, of the process, of the symptoms, learning he isn't doing all this stuff to tick me off but can't help it.  It is an extremely selfish/vulnerable time and the support person feels like it is their fault or he just doesn't care or he is selfish. 

 

Hang in there.  The right person will fight for you. 

 

Get well and don't give up.

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[62...]

My BF, yeah I'm gay.

 

I told him before the tapering and everything started to read the Manual and everything else.

 

We'll see when I get better what happens. Oh, I will remember what he did / didn't do to help.

 

 

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I even moved to my parents place to take the pressure off of her. She did it over the telephone. I fear by the time I get back she will be well moved on. I am still so so sick. At the same time though who would not stand by you? It has gotta be hard but I would never do that to someone. She never wanted to take the time to read the material and she has washed her hands of me now so I don't think there is anything I can do. I post her on facebook and I posted some stuff another spouse had posted about the process and everything because her husband was going through it. I don't think she wants to even put in the time to know anything about it.
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I met my husband when I was 17 and married at 22,that was 17 yrs ago!

Now I believe for me may be a bit different !

You see this is not the only test my poor husband and I had to endure !

But I do believe this Test was the 1 that fractured our very long and trying marriage

I completely understand our spouses not understanding this w/d ! My God how could they

But for me I believe when you dont know what to do...Do something! Throw a txt in the day see how everything is,Check in ,Hug each other ,Say do u need anything..Can I help you in any way..Do u need me for anything,See these little things are free and make the huge in pacts for some1 going through something so extremely hard and lonely!

No they cant take this away or understand but compassion is huge and shows they care ! That simple...

I say talk ,talk ,talk dont stop and dont isolate so that when your all done with this monster ...And you will be.. There rt there for you ...

 

Idk.. I just dont check out and bail so for me its so hard to understand how people can!I think if anything that botheres me the most when some1 doesn't show up when you need them the most !

Sorry guys but this is huge issue for me ..Cause when some1 is in need I run to it! Not away! And I got left behind doesn't feel good. :(

~Jenny

 

P.S. Hi Drak!!! Hang in there

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Its better to find out who will stick with u and who wont. Once you are better, you will meet someone and be happy.

Move FWD...  i was on K. for 2 months, and have been off for almost 2 months. I know my wife wants me to be whole ASAP, but she has stuck by me... When she was preg. she was sick the whole 10 months.  Everyday she was ill... I was there for her for 2 years of that (2 kids).  So, in my heart I know she remembers that ...

 

Find a person that will stand by you brother, she bailed way to early... You deserve better

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[62...]

All the people who stand by me in this or at least acts like they give a damn..

I will keep!

Those who do not, I will just discard and toss to the side, I know one day they will need me, and I will not be there!

 

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I actually left my g/f (only a couple year stint- not as serious as some of the other relationships I see on here :( ). It was hard, because she was my only source of support. Maybe when this shit is over I will reconnect with her on a different level. For now we are still friends, and I am very thankful for that.

 

This really stinks drak... But you need to realize you can do better. This condition really tests the character of those around us, as much as it does our own. I think those that meet our suffering with indifference/contempt need a serious B slap! Despite how emotionally frail you are right now, I'm confident you will heal and find a better girl. No girl or guy is so damn special they can't be replaced :thumbsup: As someone previously mentioned, this time is about you. Focus on what you need, and don't take any crap off of a lazy girl.

 

I hope you feel better soon. Keep us posted.

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I will be very honest. I am married and this did put some stress on our lives. My husband is an ex alcoholic so he did have some knowledge as to what withdrawal was about. It has somewhat put us in financial stress because I cannot truly hold down a job in this condition because I am not reliable on days I may feel bad so we made a choice for me to stay home until I recover. My husband and I became born again Christians about 5 years ago. It is through a lot of trust in the Lord and prayer that has kept us together and able to keep things at a steady level as they are now. This is my experience.U
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Thats wonderful miss Kim.  I am actually leaving my husband...I cant deal with all the mental abuse...he needs help...and some kind of drug  :o  I am taking my 16 yr old with me to my Dads...and my 15 yr old is staying...we will be 2 hours away...not real happy but I have to do what is necessary...  The stress and non support makes things so much worse !  18 years...I dont love him any how...  epecially after all the mental and  verbal abuse  >:D
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I know that this w/d is what broke us. We had some problems before this because I had a lot of injuries I was dealing with. She just got sick of it and left. I love her so much though. I can't even think about being with another woman. I just want her you know?
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Hey Drak,

 

I hear what you are saying, really I do.  But I think it is better you found out now before you tied the knot.  Marraige vows include "in sickness and in health" for a reason.  True love means believing what they tell you is the truth.  My husband is my true love, he never doubted me when I didn't even know what was going on myself, before I learned about benoz w/d.

 

He has stuck by our vows 100%.  He has encouraged me and helped me in every way possible.  That is the kind of partner you want standing by you for life.  True love is a determination that comes from the heart.  If someone is not even willing to read information on your condition, not to even spend one half of one hour to look it over, what kind of life partner will that person be, especially if you run into hard times again in the future?

 

The w/d negatively effects our self-esteem, and causes our minds to lock onto thoughts and run with them.  I think both may be happening with you, it is really difficult to let things go mentally in w/d.  We are also more emotional, and easily brought to tears.  We are in our most vulnerable state.  I would hate to see you get hurt worse, can you trust that won't happen again?

 

We need to be able to trust our better halfs completely.  Without trust the foundation is weak.  There is someone out there, who you will most likely find when you are not looking.  You DO deserve better, no one deserves to be abandoned in their hour of need.

 

Try to remember how w/d messes with your thinking throught this.  When you come out on the other side you will be a happy and confident person who has a lot to offer, and appreciations of things that most people never develop.  Most people come out of this as much better people, and the next girl you meet will be lucky to have you!

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Sweet P...

 

My God that was so Amazing what you wrote!

You made me tear up on how wonderful it is that you have your true love!

Thats what Im talking about! So happy for you P..

xo~J

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Thank you perseverance. I sometimes wonder though, if we were older that she would stick by, but I don't know. She seems to have a really low tolerance to deal with any stress. Even in other situations. How are you supposed to cope while in w/d? As you said our minds run away with things. Thanks for what you wrote. That really felt good.
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I must say this. When my husband was drinking very heavy about 7 years ago, I almost left him. I got tired of dealing with what I use to call a "stupid drunk." It was one battle after another because I could not even have a normal conversation with him and he always smelled like alcohol everywhere we went. Now at the time I was on a low dose of 2mg Ativan for sleep. I worked full time nights and amazingly, my husband held down a very good construction job. As I said in a previous comment, once we became born again Christians and prayed, within that year or two my husband quit drinking. Time went on and I built up more of a tolerance to Ativan. My husband has been so good to me, taking care of me and providing for me. About a month ago I went to him in tears telling him how sorry I was for coming down on him when he was drinking and for the names I called him. I told him I never understood the reality of withdrawal until now. He lovingly forgave me. I am very grateful to have such a wonderful and loving

man.

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How did you cope with the loss? We are so emotionally vulnerable in w/d. I can't seem to get over my gf leaving me after a 5 year relationship. It is so painful. I feel I have lost my coping skills.

 

Dear drakore911

 

Hope you are feeling better.. I know this is hard for you.. My hubby started drinking again because of me after 15 years. I know how you feel... I am blaming myself... I hope you know that you are not alone.. I feel your pain and know things will get better as you heal.. One day soon she will come around.  That is what I believe...Thinking of you right now. We have to believe our loved ones will be there for us when we get better....

 

Take care of yourself... There will be light again soon.

 

Luv,

Mishi

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I really don't think she will come around. She was so adamant about the break up. I cracked open the door by asking questions about why she hasn't been more supportive and she busted through it. The only possible way it could happen is if I went back and started my own life in the near future and it opened dialogue again. That likely wont happen as I'll be sick for quite a long time and I don't logically think that I want to be with someone who would abandon me. Yet I still keep getting nightmares in which I try to get her back and then I wake up wanting her back. I will talk myself otherwise all day long and at night sometimes I am "done" with it. Yet the nightmares still come and it starts the cycle all over again. It's painfully exhausting. If I was normal and was doing other things and talking to other girls I think it would be a lot easier but I am in f'n bed all the time while she gets to keep working at her job and going out with her friends. I got stabbed in the back.
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Drak......there is a lady out there, who will love you with all her heart and soul....stand by you through the good and bad.  I can tell that you really love her, and I know that you must be hurting so bad.  Emotionally, we can't handle things very well during withdrawal....and she shouldn't have left you at a time when you really needed her support.

I can understand that it was hard for her to deal with this, but she is a selfish person and thinking of herself, first.

 

Be careful....because you are so emotionally vulnerable at this time.  Don't listen to the lies that your mind may tell you.  Find ways to distract your thinking, from how you are feeling.

 

Take care,

Sunny girl

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I lost my bf early on in wd. It actually wasn't as hard as it should have been because I was expecting it. Breakups while I was on Klonopin were much worse, because like you said, the benzo takes away all our coping skills, and makes it so we can't "get over" anything. I don't know how it does that, but it sure as hell does.

 

If they're gone it wasn't meant to be. I don't want to be with anyone either who would want to dump me when things get rough. Obviously they didn't love me that much. Screw them.

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I "had" a friendship going on love relationship...until this(Benzo withdrawals). Now, we do not even speak. He....just seemed to disappear. :'( I know that I cannot even think of a relationship until these poisons have ceased trying to ruin me. I feel so narcissistic---and do not want to feel this way at all. If I had just never taken that first pill...but, I did. I have been a widow since '06 and reconnected with my college sweetheart in '09...guess that's over. So many great ideas/recommendations here. Thank you. Wishing for all of us to be healed.
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It is really painful for me. We were together for 5 years and she just totally ran away from this situation. Really really painful. No real good explanation or anything, just "couldn't do it". After such a long time I felt I deserved better than that. I wish I was well so I could just let her have it and tell her how I feel. I can't do the stress for it though. When I'm in a window I am kinda okay with it. Excited even to go out with other girls, but when I am suffering all I can think about his her.
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draklore911, why not join a drug withdrawal group in the area where you live and meet other women in the same situation you are in so that you will have someone who understands. Don't worry about your girlfriend. Let her go and just know this..what comes around, goes around..some day she may suffer from something or hit hard times and whoever she is with at the time may walk out on her. Then she will see what it's like.
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it makes sense to want her when you are suffering. She was there 5 years. Benzo WD makes people scared.

Many Many people in Mental institutions are probably just going thru benzo WD.  This drug is something else.

Heal brother, just heal.  Time later for picking up the pieces.

 

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