Fear

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Can anyone relate ? Someone rang my doorbell tonight I'm 42 but I'm staying with my parents due to my taper being disabling. My father answered the door and I vaguely heard someone asking for my 20 year old daughter who also lives here who was not home .. I immediately thought something terrible must have happened to my daughter straight into worst case scenario maybe she had been in an accident or something overcome with fear by a simple regular event it was just her friend.. or trying to door dash on a "good day" cuz a regular job is out of the question and getting so overcome with fear I could NOT force myself to get out of my car and go into the store I could not do it I had a panic attack and cried in the parking lot in frustration with my body shaking feeling like a failure cuz I'm scared of nothing it's just FEAR I cannot control. I'm constantly jumping to worst case scenario with everyone around me looking at me like I'm nuts and feeling nuts. I hate it! It's SO out of character for me I normally in a very social setting and I can't talk to ppl and have not put make up on in over a year .. who am I ... Does this ever go away ... Will I ever be myself again .. or are even these thoughts just my fear ... Sound familiar ? 

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I also feel the need to always over apologize for everything I feel bad cuz my mind goes in out of feeling clear and not clear I say things I don't mean or after the fact I regret what I say and feel the need to over apologize.. I even do it with posting in this group! I'm level for a while then Im not and think .. why did I say that .. do they hate me.. did I make them mad .. Almost apologizing for exsisting. I do it with everyone all the time cuz I feel detached and confused and almost disorientation like windows and waves of being able to think and judge what I'm saying or how I'm reacting Is compare it to being tossed around in a clothing dryer when Im stuck up against the glass I'm level and back to myself then I get pulled back into tumbling in circles. I can't trust my own emotions or judgements and I speak completely out of character and all over the place sometimes.. I've never experienced anything like this before I wish I could just hold my mind still! Stop the tumble cycle. I'm sorry I'm like this even to myself I feel like I want to go hide everyday I avoid talking to anyone but need someone to talk to but if I talk to them I feel bad cuz I will definitely say something jumbled and regret it ... Kind of like this .. lol ugh. When does this chill .. 😭

[[jo...]]

All of this is perfectly normal in withdrawl, fear and axiety are the hallmarks of withdrawl. It's horrible but it gets better. My chemical 'terror' anxiety went away overnight.

I have other problems now unfortunately, but I can tell you for sure that symptoms can resolve that quickly sometimes.

There's nothing out of the ordinary with your case. In fact almost everyone seems to experience your symptoms. Just hang in there it will go away for good one day.

Edited October 8 by [jo...]

[[Ab...]]

It's completely normal in withdrawal. I have been waiting for tigers to attack me since CT in June it comes and goes. But mostly of the time my body is super sensitive, hyper vigilant and on bad days fucking terrified of everything.

I had anxiety before (an over thinking mind) that was a 2/100 compared to this fucking shit show. BENZO BRAIN plays up all your worst fears and all the shit you haven't processed mentally. 

For example me not being in a relationship and living alone (previously fine with this situation) turned into abject terror, huge panic attacks and monophobia that has lasted weeks. When i come out if I realise it's benzo brain. When i am in it I feel fucking broken and terrified of my own skin. 

 

You have to keep pushing through i find i don't want to so something and it has made my world really smaller and smaller if i let it. Keep going to the shop for food, listen to the music, watch TV, go for a walk. Dont allow it bring your tolerance to almost zero. Exposure therapy every day. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Keep pushing back against it if you can. 

Edited October 9 by [Ab...]

[[Ab...]]

Meditation, Breathwork, Brain training apps. Every damn day. Rewire the brain 🧠 

[[Li...]]

16 hours ago, [[A...] said:

Meditation, Breathwork, Brain training apps. Every damn day. Rewire the brain 🧠 

@[Ab...] This is so good. I'm struggling with this bad in my taper. I thought I was doing better but may have cut too much yesterday. So sick of this shit Rollercoaster. I truly hope it leaves soon

[[Ab...]]

6 minutes ago, [[L...] said:

@[Ab...] This is so good. I'm struggling with this bad in my taper. I thought I was doing better but may have cut too much yesterday. So sick of this shit Rollercoaster. I truly hope it leaves soon

I am just starting the Gupta Program its like DNRS - its rewiring your brain from chronic illnesses. I find my symptoms are worse when alone or overthinking so really trying to help my brain change its feedback loop on this. some people has seen huge success from doing these programs. this is absolutely hell though.

[[Ca...]]

Edited October 17 by [Ca...]
Omissions

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On 08/10/2024 at 01:54, [[j...] said:

All of this is perfectly normal in withdrawl, fear and axiety are the hallmarks of withdrawl. It's horrible but it gets better. My chemical 'terror' anxiety went away overnight.

I have other problems now unfortunately, but I can tell you for sure that symptoms can resolve that quickly sometimes.

There's nothing out of the ordinary with your case. In fact almost everyone seems to experience your symptoms. Just hang in there it will go away for good one day.

Thank you for saying that 🌹

[[jo...]]

[[...]]

On 08/10/2024 at 23:53, [[A...] said:

It's completely normal in withdrawal. I have been waiting for tigers to attack me since CT in June it comes and goes. But mostly of the time my body is super sensitive, hyper vigilant and on bad days fucking terrified of everything.

I had anxiety before (an over thinking mind) that was a 2/100 compared to this fucking shit show. BENZO BRAIN plays up all your worst fears and all the shit you haven't processed mentally. 

For example me not being in a relationship and living alone (previously fine with this situation) turned into abject terror, huge panic attacks and monophobia that has lasted weeks. When i come out if I realise it's benzo brain. When i am in it I feel fucking broken and terrified of my own skin. 

You have to keep pushing through i find i don't want to so something and it has made my world really smaller and smaller if i let it. Keep going to the shop for food, listen to the music, watch TV, go for a walk. Dont allow it bring your tolerance to almost zero. Exposure therapy every day. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Keep pushing back against it if you can. 

That is SO encouraging! Thank you SO much! 🙏 I find myself completely isolated and don't really know how to get myself out of it now. It absolutely made all my worst fears feel like they have been crushing in on me breathing down my neck. I'm very comforted to know that it's not just me that gives me the courage to step out and face it through the terror. I appreciate your comment ty!

[[Ca...]]

On 08/10/2024 at 22:57, [[A...] said:

Meditation, Breathwork, Brain training apps. Every damn day. Rewire the brain 🧠 

With fear, the less you do is better. Or so I'm told. The idea is to just allow it to come up and out. That's it - no need to think about or add those thoughts too. I do this on a small scale, does allow me to breathe easily for that moment. I can't attest to how it does on a large scale, I'm too scared! I've always had fear, going around with butterflies in my stomach. But Benzos made it so much worse. It's been a nightmare the whole damn time (8 yrs).