Getting out of Control!! Need a little calming conversation.

[[fi...]]

Can it really get as bad and in alot of ways worse 4 months out???? My symptoms starting gradually coming on around day 45 and have never let up. Joint pain, muscle pain, numbness, tingling, inner trembling, ringing in ears, vertigo, crazy fatigue tired,  weird visual sensations, white tongue, metal taste, etc. I was maintaining pretty well up until around 2 weeks ago when I had my first full blown panic attack. It woke me from my sleep, gasping for air and all I saw was bright flashing white light. It freaked me out because I have not had one of those in a very long time. From there it seems it has been down hill. I have had a couple of okay days scattered in there but as soon as I start feeling tired or it starts getting late and I try to lay down it seems I begin to freak out now. Its almost as if my brain has associated falling asleep with the trauma of a panic attack and it goes into defense mode.

 

I tried to lay down tonight and I immediately had anxiety and I feel as if my whole body is trembling and no matter what I tried to do I ended up having a panic attack anyway. None of my tricks work. The tv on helps me alot because the sound of the tv drowns out my thoughts and takes my mind off of things but thats not working anymore. Tonights panic attack was extemely intense, they say that when you have a panic attack that it constricts the throat and acid builds up in the stomach and traps air and it feels as if you are having a heart attack and no matter what you do you cant release the trapped air until you calm down. That may sound stupid but tonight was the first time that has ever happened. 

 

I know Im rambling on and Im sorry for that its just that to make matters worse Im at work and this is the only other thing that I knew to help try and calm me down so thanks for listening and any replies would greatly be appreciated. I can handle almost anything but the one symptom that is killing me right now is the intrusive thinking for the past couple of weeks and Im trying to fight off the "what if this isnt withdrawal" thinking. You guys/girls are great..j

[[St...]]

The 4th and 5th month were incredibly bad for me too. It's strange but I see a trend with that 4th and 5th month out. I've seen many members mention this as one of their toughest times in recovery. You're doing really well to be able to go to work through this.

 

Here is something from the Ashton Manual that talks about intrusive thoughts;

 

Intrusive memories. A fascinating symptom in patients undergoing benzodiazepine withdrawal is that they often mention the occurrence of what seem to be intrusive memories. Their minds will suddenly conjure up a vivid memory of someone they have not thought about or seen for years. Sometimes the other person's face will appear when looking in the mirror. The memory seems uncalled for and may recur, intruding on other thoughts. The interesting thing about these memories is that they often start to occur at the same time that vivid dreams appear; these may be delayed until one or more weeks after the dosage tapering has started. Since recent sleep research indicates that certain stages of sleep (REMS and SWS) are important for memory functions, it is likely that the dreams and the memories are connected. In both cases the phenomena may herald the beginning of a return in normal memory functions and, although sometimes disturbing, can be welcomed as a sign of a step towards recovery.

 

I hope this helps you a bit... I know it's hard but try to think of these symptoms as signs of recovery and your system trying to figure out how to function without the benzos. I hope you're feeling better soon  

[[fi...]]

Thank you for the reply and I have been saying those words over and over in my head that this is my body just healing. Its just so difficult to go from feeling absolutely normal and fine as I did to feeling like this and like I said I was doing okay until a couple of weeks ago and its been a struggle to hang on. I have seen alot of the members as well talk about either there 3, 4, or 5 month being extremely bad and so I guess I am right in the middle of that. Im sure this is where my bout with insomnia will start because Im nervous to try and lay down and get some sleep. Again thank you for the advice

[[sc...]]

Firefly,    I'm 5+ months out and just woke up in panic after an hour of sleep. I also start to worry at night because of the trouble and anxiety I'm having with sleep. Don't have any answers but like Star said 4 & 5 months  can be tough but you are not alone.  Thanks for your calming conversation!    Scott