I Can Do This Alone, Right?

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I mean I know I am not really alone.  I have you guys and my hope and faith, but I do live alone with my pets.    I have had depression on and off for years but this seems to have an oddness to it and sometimes it's really, really hard.  i know it's fruitless to compare my life to that of others, but i find myself doing that.  i was one of those people who did not want children but haven't had luck at the "long term" aspect of relationships and i find myself questioning all my life decisions.  it's been really hard with the w/d s/x.  i am on day 14 fully off K.  i am worried i won't do well back in the classroom next month.  i do have my sister who i talk to and a few friends but i do not like talking to many people about this.  they have no reference point and i tire of my negativity. i sort of feel like crying all the time.  sorry to be so negative;      inside i am grateful still for many things.  i get to a couple of aa meeting a week still and have that.  being off from work gives me sort of long days but i am getting thru them somehow.  chat helps a lot.  i am hoping that all this speculation is part of the w/d.  i think i have the depersonalization a lot.  my life just doesn't even feel like my life or something and that weirdness throws me for a loop.

i just thought it might help me if i heard from some people who relate to what i am saying or from some who did this living alone.

once again a bizzillion thank you's for those who take the time to write to me.  this is a really unbelievable experience and i will be so thankful when we all feel better and are healed from this. i feel really bad for us.  but i know we will be given a gift of gratitude for just having normal days.  i  This too shall pass.  Thanks again.  you have all been so wonderful

[[wh...]]

Youve come this far so why not

[[Fr...]]

Hi Panther

 

I can relate on most levels. I am married but my husband stays out of town working most time. I have zero support other than him and what I've recently found on this site. I have no children myself, which, as it turns out might be a good thing as it would be hard to care for them. Also, as a result of agoraphobia it rare and difficult for me to get out. I say all of this to say your not alone in this, and I return the invitation to PM me any time.

Hang in there. God bless.

[[ar...]]

I am also doing this alone, except for the help I receive here.  I live alone with my pets also.  I have grown children but they don't understand at all.  They tell me to just get over it.  I wish!  Sometimes, like today, I just have to cry about it.  I don't understand why it has to last so long.  We just have to hang in there knowing this will all be a memory someday.  Take care.

Lynda

[[Ma...]]

Hi Panther

I am married with one kid. I love them the most and they support me. Sometimes I feel so much guilt cause I am not able to be like every other mother and wife. My GAD and now w/d affecting their lives too. Sometimes when I feel so low I wish that I am alone and to not hurt them. Just don't take me wrong. It is not that I really wish that now, I can't imagine my life without them. I just don't want that they suffer together with me when they can live perfectly normal life. But here I am trying to make me better person and to live better life for my family.

Everyone life is different. In this case of benzo w/d we are all suffering and fighting for our lives alone or with families.

I think that you will be great at work. You have to try and maybe that will be better for you. That will be the best distraction. It is waist of your energy having a fear before you start working. Don't think in advance. Don't make some scenario in your head how it will be. Now is the best not to think about work, just focus on yourself and relax. The least you need is worry.

take care

 

Marija

 

[[Be...]]

I can relate to so much of how you are feeling.  I remember feeling the same way during my horrible taper and early recovery.  But I just wanted to let you know that, in time, you really will heal from all of this, and all of the things you are feeling and dealing with right now will all go away.  I am one year benzo-free and doing a thousand times better than this time last year.  Life is good again, and it will be for you soon too.

 

Just know that we are always here for you - you are never alone. 

 

Give your pets a cuddle; they will help get you though this too 

[[be...]]

Panther,

 

I am a single mother of a handiapped child.  My husband left me when I got sick.  My family have totally abandoned me also.  I have no one, but a couple of friends who call every once in awhile and don't truly understand why how sick I am and why it is taking me so long to heal. 

 

You can do this.  I am.  Sometimes I have to take it day by day, sometimes sec by sec. 

 

By some mircle of God, after being off for 18 months now I am still here and getting better and better. 

 

PM me anytime if you need someone to talk to.

 

Hugs!

Believe

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I went through withdrawal totally alone.  Like you, I live alone but I have one dog and two cats.  It is very difficult.  The depression got severe for me.  You may want to go and read my progress log and/or buddie blog. 

 

I'm so sorry you have to go through this by yourself.  Please find as much healthy real life support that you can.  Looking back, I was in a far more precarious situation than I even realized at the time.  My mind was not right and I was confused a lot.  I really should not have been living alone.

 

Because this can be a long recovery, find people who can give you support in short cycles.  Be open with people you can trust about your struggle.  Ask for what you need (i.e. this may sound strange, but would you please kind of look out for me this next week?  I'm really not feeling well and I need your support.).  Most people are very willing to help out in the short term if you simply ask.