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Angry But Where To Place The Blame????


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The more that read and understand about this drug the more angry I become at my doctor and myself. The more I read these forums the more I realize that almost the same thing has happened to each of us. We have went to our doctor with our own personal health problems and ulitmately prescribed whatever drug we are taking and now we have ended up here. I know I have read and contributed my thoughts about how upset I am with my doctor and the medical community about what this drug has done to my health and my life. But should all the blame be placed there?

 

I believe we as a society, have come to put to much blind faith in the hands of our doctors without question. For me I am angry at myself because I have never questioned before a few months ago, what my doctor said about my health, how to take a prescription, side effects, ever in my entire life. The first time I ever read beyond what  my doctors have ever said or what was on the prescription bottle was when I started my taper 5 months ago. It actually says in the paperwork that comes with the prescription do not take for more than 4 weeks, continued use can be habit forming, long term use can cause side effects, after stopping this medication after long term use symptoms can persist for some time, and it goes on and on about the side effects and symptoms.

 

Dont get me wrong I am not here in defense of the doctors at all but at the same time I am angry at myself for putting that much blind faith and trust in someone. In no other instance in my life do I trust that blindly with anything. So angry at myself for over the years never questioning, never researching, never even reading the paperwork just blindly walk in to the doctor, get a little piece of paper, go to the pharmacy, look a the bottle, and take it. I cant help but think If I had done my part in just reading that damn piece of paper that comes with the prescription that maybe just maybe I could have recognized the signs much earlier or questioned my doctor about the continued use of the drug. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I'm sorry you're upset, and you are within your rights to be upset.  That said, I felt a lot better once I decided it didn't matter how I got into the situation and what did matter was what I did about it from here on out.  Anger was way too heavy a load to carry with all of the other symptoms going on.

 

;)

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I was also very angry with my doctor at first for prescribing this awful drug.  I have since decided I am as much to blame for not researching what I agreed to put in my body.  It's a hard lesson learned but I will never take another medication without researching the warnings and side effects.  I will also speak out as often as I can about the dangers of benzos.  No one should have to go through this torture.
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Firefly, I have mentioned this on another thread. I don't think the Patient Information sheets are consistent everywhere. I'm looking at mine right now and it says:

 

HOW TO USE THIS MEDICINE: Follow the directions for using this medicine provided by your doctor.

 

Then: CAUTIONS: DO NOT EXCEED THE RECOMMENDED DOSE or take this medicine for longer than prescribed.

 

Nowhere in my Patient Information sheet does it say not to take longer than 4 weeks. Are some states now saying not to use it longer than 4 weeks? I'm not asking where you live. I'm just questioning why the PI sheets aren't consistent through the states, and for that matter in other countries.

 

I really have a hard time not being angry at myself and my originating prescribing doctor, too. I can tell you I always thought he was a good doctor.

I question heavily the information doctors get from the pharmaceutical companies and their sales reps. I doubt if the sales reps know anything about benzos either.

 

I'm going to concentrate on healing, but I am going to write a long letter to my old doctor of 9 years, who prescribed alprazolam to me for 8 years and ask him questions and tell him how benzos have affected my health and emotional well-being and how benzos have impacted my life as a whole.

I'm also sending a copy of the Ashton Manual, because I believe my doctor is a decent human being and maybe my story will help him make decisions regarding other patients and benzo prescribing.

 

I don't think you should be hard on yourself about not researching benzos enough. I used to be a research assistant and I didn't research this because I trusted my doctor and I trusted what it says on the bottle and I trusted the PI sheets. I had to find out the hard way that it's not simple to get off of a benzodiazepine, and I'm so thankful for the information out there on the internet.

 

As armslynd59 said, I, too, will speak out as often as I can about the dangers of benzos.

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Mine has it in black and white right there. Do not exceed recommended dosage, Take as prescribed, do not take this medication for more than 4 weeks unless prescribed by your medical physician. Also it lists all of the side effects plus possible withdrawal symptoms of Klonopin. Im not quite sure why yours is different than mine. Different manufactuer, different medication???? Who knows?? I know that reading it now and the way it reads I could have put two and two together early on if I had been an idiot and taken responsibility for my own health and what was going in my body.

 

Like you I love my doctor to a degree. I have always trusted him and confided in him and he was there for me when I was a complete mess early on. My biggest problem and alot of my anger came when I found the Ashton Manual took it to him and he still refused to believe the information that I had provided him and still refuses to believe that my issues are withdrawal related. I hope your experience with your doctor turns out much different because my attempts with the Ashton Manual and talking to him about my problems and what I have experienced was a complete waste of time.

 

Im really trying to let the  >:(anger >:( go. I know its not helping in my recovery and there is really nothing I can do about it at this point. Thanks for your replies.

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I place blame equally between my doctor and myself. She should have been more informed about benzos and the potential danger associated with them.

 

I should have done some research on Benzos after she gave me the prescription. I am not angry. Whats done is done. I just stay positive and move forward.

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Hi

I have mixed feelings about being given these drugs. First I am angry with the psych , for he put me on Klonopin(horrible drug) for sleep and to get off Xanax.  He never even asked me how long I was taking Xanax. Second, I trusted my longtime GP he just kept filling my Xanax Rx. No questions asked. Third the pharmacy knew I was getting Rx from 2 separate doctors and never said anything to me. Except once the new  young pharmacist said something like " this is similar to what you are taking" thats all.

I recently spoke to the head pharmacist ... maybe get some sympathy ( wrong) After I knew her for over 15 years she turned on me like a bull and chastised me saying things like. " You begged me to call the Dr for a refill " and " There are people that need to be on this for life"

No one else said a word they just looked at me like I was crazy. I actually asked for a copy of the drugs I got for the last year. They werent too happy to give it to me. I wish I could sue someone or bring this to the attention of someone important.

I was so shaken up by her response , I just walked out. Im never going back there again.

What really upsets me is the Psych has 3 offices... Each office has a wait of 2 hours to see the Dr. How many people is he making into zombies just to get rich. He has to know whats going on .It makes me sick.

I pray that this doesnt happen to any more people. I'm very lucky to be so strong willed ,because it could destroy a weaker person. Don't ever blame yourself. Im praying for your recovery  :angel:

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I agree wholeheartedly with you, Firefly, as I have felt the same way in regard to my "blind" faith in doctors over the years.  Not sure how I got to the point of thinking whatever a doctor says must be correct, but prior to benzo use, that was common for me.  I also agree with Sweet G, in that we have to let the anger go and focus on getting ourselves out of this problem.
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The blame is the most worthless emotion. Anger can make you move, eat better, exercise, etc. If we harness the anger into a "f benzo w/d, I am going to get better no matter what" attitude, then it might not be half bad. Blame on the other hand is our enemy. Blame the doctor/ourselves, dwell, increase negative emotions, decrease the bodies endogenous healing mechanisms, get more angry... You get where I am going. I know because I am caught up in the "who dunnit" right now, and it is a miserable train of thought.

 

My plan is to contact the doctor, and write a letter to my state representative (thanks 'Verance!) outlining some of the horror I have endured at the hands of primitive health care practices. Then I am going to have to look into my own heart and forgive myself. This will be the hardest I'm sure :-\

 

It's not going to be easy- I am mega pissed :muscle:, but hopefully I can do it, and soon. I am there with you man. Hope you find a catharsis for this anger.

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Instead of focusing our energies on blame, why not instead focus them on a solution?  Nickolette, why not make 2 extra copies of the letter to your doctor and send them to your state representatives in both the House and Senate?

 

IMO, if we get the prescribing laws changed- the doctors will be made aware, Big Pharma will have their hands tied, and victims will get validation.

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Thanks Perseverance, you are right in this. I do plan to send a detailed letter to my former doctor and my state reps in the House and Senate--- for that matter I can send copies to reps on special committees and also reps who I think are ethical. Actually I read a lot political sites and believe in pro-action.

 

It's going to take a lot of emotional energy to do this. It was very emotionally draining to order my medical records from my former doctor a month ago. In fact, one of his nurses called me and asked why. I said I want to look at my alprazolam usage and she asked why. I said because you're not supposed to take alprazolam for longer than 2-4 weeks. She said who told you that? I said doctors at  _______Hospital in my hometown (where I just moved back to---partly to find a doctor for c/o to V). The nurse said, well there are lots of people on alprazolam for a lot longer than that.

 

So, this has been haunting me, not only for myself, but for other benzo sufferers too. I have published papers before. Right now my thoughts and feelings are evolving about what to write because I have just now been educating myself about benzos for a couple of months, and my writing skills have deteriorated (for now) because I'm having problems with cog fog.

 

I definitely would like to see the prescribing laws changed and a change on the Patient Information Sheets that are given at pharmacies, so I will absolutely be writing letters.  :)

 

 

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I am not surprised at the resistance you received after you explained the reason why you wanted your records.  I think they wanted to know out of liability fears, especially after seeing they were quick to take a defensive stance.

 

I never thought about the special/ethics committees.

 

I also know what your are saying about the emotional toll...having to relive everything in order to get the chronology and facts in order is not fun.  But a brief synopsis of what happened should suffice for most, as I am sure our reps are aware that we are not lawyers.  Anything you do above and beyond that earns you my utmost respect as I fully appreciate how hard it is to do this.

 

After we finish sending letters, I think we will need a serious mental vacation from all this.

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The problem with sending letters to any government official is that it's usually read by an assistant after which a form letter that goes out to everyone is sent. Another problem is that from corporations to elected officials to your doctor down the street are making money off of these drugs and many others.

 

I'm as guilty of not researching my medications as the next person. But if we want to make a change we're better off talking to the people directly. The money flowing to the pharmaceutical companies comes from our pockets. That means we should refuse to pay for destructive "medicines" and for other medications made by the companies who push benzos, opiates, etc. And tell everyone we can about the horror of taking and withdrawing from benzodiazepines.

 

Have you ever seen a commercial for any medication on TV? When they list side effects it seems like taking anything could kill you. Should we not take anything? It's obvious that many doctors can't be trusted despite their intentions. And if your patient information says you should only take it for four weeks then your doctor should be ashamed of his or her self for giving you more than that.

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The first doctor that prescribed me Ativan moved away. I was told by a friends mother that Ativan is addicting. I brought this up to my then doctor and all he said was that people who get addicted are those that don't use it properly and take more than they are suppose to. He then told me that since I am taking it the right way as he prescribed it, I will probably never have have to worry about becoming addicted. After he moved away he left me a very large prescription to give me time to find another doctor. He also told me not to be afraid to up my dose a little if needed. After that I went through at least 3 different doctors snd didn't really like them but needed the prescription. None of my prescriptions ever said that the drug could be habit forming but to take it only as directed by my physician. A few years later I did need to up my dose. I am also very upset about what I am going through and you have a right to be too. This part of my life is ruined because of this drug. Now I have to put life on hold
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The problem with sending letters to any government official is that it's usually read by an assistant after which a form letter that goes out to everyone is sent. Another problem is that from corporations to elected officials to your doctor down the street are making money off of these drugs and many others.

 

They just passed the "Pill Mill Bill" in my state of Ohio from public outcry on opiates.  Someone listened, so don't let political corruption dissuade you.

 

I'm as guilty of not researching my medications as the next person. But if we want to make a change we're better off talking to the people directly. The money flowing to the pharmaceutical companies comes from our pockets. That means we should refuse to pay for destructive "medicines" and for other medications made by the companies who push benzos, opiates, etc. And tell everyone we can about the horror of taking and withdrawing from benzodiazepines.

 

I plead NOT guilty.  In the year I was initially prescribed Xanax computers only had 3 Gigs of memory, there was no internet, and the info I got with my prescriptions said nothing about usage over 4 weeks nor addiction potential.  In any case any reform needs to be idiot proof (not that we are idiots!)

 

 

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I live in a state where in the last two years, medical marijuana cards were very easy to get. The government has since come down hard on it, now making it very hard to get a medical marijuana card. I am not for anyone using it for recreation but I am all for it for medical purposes only. I think the only real reason the government is trying to stop this use is because at that time many people were using medical marijuana and quit taking pain pills. This also meant leaving your doctor and going to one that prescribed medical marijuana. I am guessing the pharmacies noticed a drop in profits. I have read where doctors make money on every prescription they give.
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There are definitely certain drugs where doctors get a pay off directly from the Pharmaceutical company for every prescription they write, I believe Oxycontin was one of them.
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When I was researching benzos online I came across a site with a petition signed by thousands of people and describing their experiences. It was heartbreaking to read. I honestly cannot remember the site nor whether this petition had been submitted anywhere. I didn't sign the petition and doubt whether the powers that be or the pharmaceutical companies would take a blind bit of notice anyway. It's all to do with power and greed. I was also perturbed to read the thread from the US Army chap who wrote that benzosb are giving out freely to the military with no concerns about their addiction.  It is disgraceful.  As another poster said NOONE should have to suffer in this way.
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There are definitely certain drugs where doctors get a pay off directly from the Pharmaceutical company for every prescription they write, I believe Oxycontin was one of them.

 

Bingo. If you are at your doctors at the right time, you can actually catch the drug reps bringing their little incentives- cups, pens, samples galore. Pretty sickening imo.

 

When I was researching benzos online I came across a site with a petition signed by thousands of people and describing their experiences. It was heartbreaking to read. I honestly cannot remember the site nor whether this petition had been submitted anywhere. I didn't sign the petition and doubt whether the powers that be or the pharmaceutical companies would take a blind bit of notice anyway. It's all to do with power and greed. I was also perturbed to read the thread from the US Army chap who wrote that benzosb are giving out freely to the military with no concerns about their addiction.  It is disgraceful.  As another poster said NOONE should have to suffer in this way.

 

I remember all the hype a few years back about these young soldiers having sudden deaths over in Iraq. The common denominator? Polypharmacology, and most were on benzodiazepines.

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I can't help but be angry with my psych.  He prescribed Klonopin to offset the increased anxiety and insomnia I experienced from taking Effexor.  Normally I do all kinds of research on any medication I take, but I was feeling really lousy when I first got the Klonopin so I didn't do as much as usual.  However I did read the insert when I first started taking it back in 2004 and I am certain there was nothing about 4 weeks or any length of time.  I also remember, very vividly, the insert saying "some people" can develop a "tolerance" to Klonopin. 

 

I think the problem with these inserts is how strategically they are worded.  Had they used the word "addiction" instead of "tolerance" alarm bells would have gone off for me and I know I would have questioned it immediately.  "Tolerance" can mean many things.  Another problem I realized only recently is that these inserts get updated from time to time, but my pharmacy stops giving them to customers if  they've been getting a certain drug for any length of time.  They do this to save money and paper because they're a small, privately-owned establishment.  It simply didn't occur to me at the time to get an update once in a while. 

 

Finally, this is what REALLY infuriates me.  I was initially prescribed 1 mg. of Klonopin, and was told to take 0.5 mg. at a time, which I did.  Well, in the beginning that dose knocked me on my can so I told my psych. this.  And believe it or not, his reply went something like this--I swear I'll never forget it--"You can start by cutting the half in half until you can handle it, and then gradually work up to 1 mg. a day."  In retrospect I am blown away by this.  Is it any wonder I saw this drug like any other psychotropic on the market--that you have to work up to what is termed a "therapeutic" level.  He didn't say, well if 0.25 mg. is enough for you then that's all you should take.  He wanted me to "work up" to 1 mg.!  About three or so years later when I started to question possible addiction to Klonopin, I got the usual "You won't get addicted if you don't have an addictive personality." 

 

I feel like my head's going to explode whenever I recall these things.  It's true that anger is not constructive, but it's really hard for me to not lose it sometimes.  I've made a vow to myself that when I feel stronger I'll be doing everything in my power to try and change the benzo state of affairs.

 

Mal

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The problem with sending letters to any government official is that it's usually read by an assistant after which a form letter that goes out to everyone is sent. Another problem is that from corporations to elected officials to your doctor down the street are making money off of these drugs and many others.

 

They just passed the "Pill Mill Bill" in my state of Ohio from public outcry on opiates.  Someone listened, so don't let political corruption dissuade you.

 

I'm as guilty of not researching my medications as the next person. But if we want to make a change we're better off talking to the people directly. The money flowing to the pharmaceutical companies comes from our pockets. That means we should refuse to pay for destructive "medicines" and for other medications made by the companies who push benzos, opiates, etc. And tell everyone we can about the horror of taking and withdrawing from benzodiazepines.

 

I plead NOT guilty.  In the year I was initially prescribed Xanax computers only had 3 Gigs of memory, there was no internet, and the info I got with my prescriptions said nothing about usage over 4 weeks nor addiction potential.  In any case any reform needs to be idiot proof (not that we are idiots!)

 

 

 

Public outcry is a long way from individual letters. You have to inform enough people that are willing to stand up and speak out that the government has no option but to listen. This site does a good job of providing that information but I bet you there were a lot of people who'd never taken opiates who were involved in having that law approved. We are a small minority of people. There needs to be activism on a larger scale. I've been writing my senator for years as an individual and have gotten no personal replies nor have I seen what I believe is change for the better.

 

I'm not sure what you mean by 3 Gigs of memory because by the time computers had 3 Gigs of RAM everyone already had the Internet. My first computer had 486Mhz CPU 256mb of RAM and I used it to go on the Internet. I think that few of us even knew to look until it was too late. The point I was trying to make about side effects (though I didn't do it very well) is that if you look at the side effects for any medicine, not just benzos or the like, you're going to find a list of very nasty things that they can do to you. How does one differentiate between the horrible side effects listed for say an antibiotic prescribed for a cold or an infection and those listed for benzodiazepines? How do we know based on that what's right to take?

 

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I'm not sure what you mean by 3 Gigs of memory because by the time computers had 3 Gigs of RAM everyone already had the Internet. My first computer had 486Mhz CPU 256mb of RAM and I used it to go on the Internet.

 

 

I think I am a little bit older than you.  I was working as an Electrical Engineer at the time, we had the first PCs, IBM amber screens that had 3 G hard drives and were 10 MHZ and had 8 Mb of RAM.  They used 5 1/4 inch floppies and it took all night to load a single program that still had to be run using a disc.  The internet came a little later.

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There is nothing wrong with activism, PACs, petitions, etc. Someone up thread said anger isn't constructive. I believe it is, when it is channeled constructively. There is nothing wrong with voicing your concerns about your own health care at all.

 

"Public outcry is a long way from individual letters. You have to inform enough people that are willing to stand up and speak out that the government has no option but to listen. This site does a good job of providing that information but I bet you there were a lot of people who'd never taken opiates who were involved in having that law approved. We are a small minority of people. There needs to be activism on a larger scale. I've been writing my senator for years as an individual and have gotten no personal replies nor have I seen what I believe is change for the better."

 

Yes, it takes more than individual letters.

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One word- testimonial. You want to shake up the hornet nets fast, then there is the answer. If enough people took a preemptive stance on not consenting to take benzos, then I think the profession would have to concede that there is a big problem.
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