Pregnancy caused huge setback need hope

[[Fe...]]

I came off benzos in 2020 and by 2022 I was mainly bout 70% healed. I was back at full time work and leading a fairly normal life. In November last year I found out I was pregnant. First trimester was ok but once I hit week 12 bam I had horrid symptoms and now I’m in the 3rd trimester and things are the worst they have ever been. I have my baby due in 6 weeks. How on earth am I meant to be a mother or enjoy any of this when I have all these symptoms? I think the change in hormones has set me back. I was wondering if any women out there can give me any hope? I am extremely fragile and can’t hear any bad stories of it not getting better. I’m really desperate 

symptoms are inner vibrations, very little sleep and when I do sleep I feel as though I’m being attacked internally (plus my poor baby kicks so much) my chest tightens and my heart pounds so so much, I’m trapped in fight / flight, I get this panicked feeling in my chest, my insides feel strange. There’s no calmness. I’m actually living my worst nightmare. I didn’t even have symptoms this bad when I was in withdrawals , it’s seems all much worse now. I have been through immense stress because of this and I spent all night crying my eyes out I just need hope. Sometimes I have little windows but they don’t last long 

Edited June 2 by [Fe...]

[[Le...]]

I actually have something really positive to add here. When I was maybe nearing the end of acute my wife visited and in an attempt to distract me created our second child. I was still off for the birth and found it overwhelming but the simple and pure joys of an infant really helped me recover. You are going to face a lot of challenges. it is very very very hard to nurse and care for a baby. there is also so much you can get from it. A sole with simple desires that is always happy to see you. i hope you have lots of help and support but also am hopeful that this could be as healing for you as me. be strong. 

[[Le...]]

please try to live as healthy and actice as you can. it will help   

[[Cr...]]

Feebi, seeing as you said you weren't fully recovered yet when you got pregnant I am pretty sure your nervous system is still sensitive to any changes in the body.

Like you surmised, all the hormone changes that come with pregnancy may very well be a huge culprit in your situation as well as your own anxiety.

The good news is that your hormones will reset to pre-pregnancy levels about 6 to 8 weeks after birth. During that time you will also have the benefit of a newborn for distraction and your motherly instincts to take care of your child may override the importance of your symptoms during that time.

I hope there are members around currently that have gone through post-withdrawal pregnancy that will also provide you with some assurance.

Edited June 3 by [Cr...]

[[Fe...]]

Thankyou I hope there someone else out there that was pregnant and went through this 

[[Bu...]]

Hi @[Fe...],

I seem to remember reading some posts from other expectant mothers on here, good, positive posts.  I'll do a search and see if I can find anything and let you know.  

Blessings!

[[He...]]

They gave me benzodiazepines after I gave birth to my daughter. It was horrible. I said this because the pregnancy and the giving birth were difficult for me even without the withdrawal. I even can’t imagine how difficult is the situation for you but remember it is temporary. I had difficult pregnancy, I had an infection after giving birth, they gave me antibiotics and steroids to save my life. Of course I reacted to them and I had so many psychological issues so they gave me Xanax which I stopped CT. And despite everything I healed. It is not temporary. 
Even though my daughter is 4 years old I am still very sensitive to my own hormones - before ovulation for example. So imagine the pregnancy when the hormones are in bigger concentrations. Your reaction is normal and soon you’ll feel better. And the most important - my daughter is my everything and she is the reason to keep fighting. I wish you all the best. I am sure that everything will be ok. 

[[Fe...]]

Thankyou for listening to my story and validating how I’m feeling. No one understands and when I try to explain it to the hospital or doctor of course they don’t get it. I have to pretend I’m ok everyday when I see people I know and I have to pretend I’m excited and over joyed to meet my baby. But inside im just traumatized and scared. I do know this will end one day I just hope it’s sooner rather than later. This will have to be my first and last ever pregnancy because of this nervous system injury I’ve had since 2019. 

[[He...]]

Yes. I really understand you - I was in your shoes.And I really want a second child but I’m so scared so I guess that just never have another one. 

[[Wi...]]

9 hours ago, [[F...] said:

I came off benzos in 2020 and by 2022 I was mainly bout 70% healed. I was back at full time work and leading a fairly normal life. In November last year I found out I was pregnant. First trimester was ok but once I hit week 12 bam I had horrid symptoms and now I’m in the 3rd trimester and things are the worst they have ever been. I have my baby due in 6 weeks. How on earth am I meant to be a mother or enjoy any of this when I have all these symptoms? I think the change in hormones has set me back. I was wondering if any women out there can give me any hope? I am extremely fragile and can’t hear any bad stories of it not getting better. I’m really desperate 

symptoms are inner vibrations, very little sleep and when I do sleep I feel as though I’m being attacked internally (plus my poor baby kicks so much) my chest tightens and my heart pounds so so much, I’m trapped in fight / flight, I get this panicked feeling in my chest, my insides feel strange. There’s no calmness. I’m actually living my worst nightmare. I didn’t even have symptoms this bad when I was in withdrawals , it’s seems all much worse now. I have been through immense stress because of this and I spent all night crying my eyes out I just need hope. Sometimes I have little windows but they don’t last long 

I am so sorry! I also had a baby with this. I had a setback from hormonal med used to get pregnant and I did. But it came with horrific issues worse than ever. I have not recovered, a year since my c-section I am worse than ever. I did have a window 5 weeks before labour and it lasted for 5 weeks after it. Then I started getting worse, I bet it's the meds from c-section. I am sorry if I am scaring you but just wanted to write to tell you I undestand.

 

However, while it did not work for me, many women said once they gave birth their issues started calming down, it might be the case for you. I hope so! 

Edited June 3 by [Wi...]

[[He...]]

Your hormones will settle but it takes time. Breastfeeding was a huge problem for me. When my cycle returned the things started to slow down. I was a huge mess after everything but here I am. Unfortunately now I am in a setback but before a month I was sleeping, the anxiety was under control, was working, I was travelling. Just time.

[[Fe...]]

Can I ask which hormone they put you on and what meds they made you take for c section? So you have heard stories of this happening to other benzo injured pregnant women? I’m sorry to hear you were set back by the meds . I’m meant to be having a c section but I’m in Australia and the meds aren’t the same as the US 

Edited June 3 by [Fe...]

[[He...]]

During my pregnancy I took progesterone. Also magnesium, vitamins. My C-section was with spinal anaesthesia. I had an infection so they gave me 4 antibiotics - one of them was Cipro. I was a huge mess and of course they put me on benzodiazepines, baclofen and other medications. I was in a hospital for 2 weeks with IV psychiatric drugs. After 2 weeks I must go home. I made cold turkey. I had two seizures. So frequently I thought that I would never be the same. I remembered that I was out with my baby and I cried all the time. Of course I was stupid and I didn’t know many things which I know now. I took ashwaganda, valerian root, passionflower and so other things that are controversial. One day I just realised that I must stop all the things and this was the start of my healing. My baby was 6 months. After that I had 3 setbacks - one because of deodorant (yes, I know it sounds weird), one before 2 years because of dental work and now again because of dental work. Each time I successfully returned to my normal state even though better and more thankful.

[[Wi...]]

14 minutes ago, [[F...] said:

Can I ask which hormone they put you on and what meds they made you take for c section? So you have heard stories of this happening to other benzo injured pregnant women? I’m sorry to hear you were set back by the meds . I’m meant to be having a c section but I’m in Australia and the meds aren’t the same as the US 

I am in Poland. I don't remember, I know I refused antiemetics and antibiotics. I didn't have a reaction to the meds but started deteriorating a few weeks later. I know for sure I had propofol. Then tylenol and some other painkiller. I also had an induction first and they gave me oxytocin in an IV and laughing gas. 

 

In August 2022 took 4 pills of clomiphene and this is what made my CNS explode. I had been healing very well up until then and was living my life before that (I had cipro toxicity and many psych med wd/reactions). I did have issues but some of them were much improved. I didn't feel that bad until I took the hormone. And then everything started falling apart...

[[Wi...]]

Just now, [[H...] said:

During my pregnancy I took progesterone. Also magnesium, vitamins. My C-section was with spinal anaesthesia. I had an infection so they gave me 4 antibiotics - one of them was Cipro. I was a huge mess and of course they put me on benzodiazepines, baclofen and other medications. I was in a hospital for 2 weeks with IV psychiatric drugs. After 2 weeks I must go home. I made cold turkey. I had two seizures. So frequently I thought that I would never be the same. I remembered that I was out with my baby and I cried all the time. Of course I was stupid and I didn’t know many things which I know now. I took ashwaganda, valerian root, passionflower and so other things that are controversial. One day I just realised that I must stop all the things and this was the start of my healing. My baby was 6 months. After that I had 3 setbacks - one because of deodorant (yes, I know it sounds weird), one before 2 years because of dental work and now again because of dental work. Each time I successfully returned to my normal state even though better and more thankful.

I had a reaction to an aerosol too... It's ridiculous what can happen. However, I haven't even started to bounce back. I thought I was doing better before the birth and for a few weeks after it but that went to hell. No idea if I will ever improve seeing my deterioration, but yeah, I am a horror story so most aren't as severe.

[[Fe...]]

Will heal soon was the hormone that set you back progesterone? And did it set you back at the beginning of your pregnancy?

Edited June 3 by [Fe...]

[[He...]]

O, sorry, the question wasn’t for me.

[[Wi...]]

6 minutes ago, [[F...] said:

Will heal soon was the hormone that set you back progesterone? And did it set you back at the beginning of your pregnancy?

I wrote above, it was clomiphene. Yeah it gave me a setback before I got pregnant and at the end of that same cycle I got pregnant. So 100% sure it was the med, not pregnancy itself. I did hear about people having reactions to other hormones too. I deteriorated badly after stopping breastfeeding in December/January (still no idea if that's why) but someone told me it may have been that had I never stated breastfeeding I may have been worse from the start and breastfeeding sort of covered things up for a while. 

 

But just remember - I am polydrugged and extremely sensitive to meds. 

Edited June 3 by [Wi...]

[[Ma...]]

10 hours ago, [[F...] said:

I came off benzos in 2020 and by 2022 I was mainly bout 70% healed. I was back at full time work and leading a fairly normal life. In November last year I found out I was pregnant. First trimester was ok but once I hit week 12 bam I had horrid symptoms and now I’m in the 3rd trimester and things are the worst they have ever been. I have my baby due in 6 weeks. How on earth am I meant to be a mother or enjoy any of this when I have all these symptoms? I think the change in hormones has set me back. I was wondering if any women out there can give me any hope? I am extremely fragile and can’t hear any bad stories of it not getting better. I’m really desperate 

symptoms are inner vibrations, very little sleep and when I do sleep I feel as though I’m being attacked internally (plus my poor baby kicks so much) my chest tightens and my heart pounds so so much, I’m trapped in fight / flight, I get this panicked feeling in my chest, my insides feel strange. There’s no calmness. I’m actually living my worst nightmare. I didn’t even have symptoms this bad when I was in withdrawals , it’s seems all much worse now. I have been through immense stress because of this and I spent all night crying my eyes out I just need hope. Sometimes I have little windows but they don’t last long 

Hi @[Fe...] My case was a bit different but I was really depressed during pregnancy so I can really feel for you and I want to give you hope. I was on fluoxetine, no benzos, for depression/GAD before getting pregnant. I stopped and I came back to my previous state, only that this time there were no signs of anxiety whatsoever. They say pregnancy protects against it. I don’t think I was in withdrawal, but had no joy,  no hope and no excited at all about having a baby, always tired and without energy whatsoever. Pregnancy hormones were protecting me against panics, tremors and fear, but not against depression and feelings of doom. It was a nightmare and I could not see the end of it. After giving birth I didn’t breastfeed and started taking fluoxetine again. My daughter was born on 3rd December and I remember very well that on Christmas day I started feeling myself again and I have been the happiest mother ever since. That was 28 years ago. In my opinion you will find yourself at the same place you were before getting pregnant and motherhood will bring so much happiness that it will help you fight against withdrawal, I bet you! On top of pregnancy hormones you are scared, as I was myself, about what it is coming ahead. But everything will be alright and with time you will be done with the horrible symptoms of withdrawal, little by little, step by step. My blessings to you.

[[Fe...]]

I really feel for your situation willhealsoon. I was also poly drugged and sensitive too. I haven’t had a setback this bad before. It’s definitely the pregnancy itself causing it because I have taken nothing in years other than some vitamins and minerals which I don’t react to. I just pray to god things don’t get worse after the birth. I actually regret getting pregnant now 

[[He...]]

17 minutes ago, [[F...] said:

Will heal soon was the hormone that set you back progesterone? And did it set you back at the beginning of your pregnancy?

I think so. But I took it all the time even though in my last weeks. I started to heal when I stopped all the supplements and my hormones became normal again.And I am totally agree with the last post - the motherhood brings so many positive feelings. Now in my setback the thing which helps me is reading fairytales to my little daughter. She is so happy and that calms me down in some way.

Edited June 3 by [He...]

[[Fe...]]

I would love to hear stories of women who felt bad from just pregnancy hormones without taking any hormones or meds that set them back . Or any reactions to epidural or c section 

Edited June 3 by [Fe...]

[[Ja...]]

As this is your first pregnancy it is all new to you.  The last six weeks of any pregnancy can be difficult as it’s almost impossible to sleep.  That is normal. When you bring the baby home, sleep can be very problematic for the first three months while the baby is establishing a routine.  It is an exhausting time but it does end.  Having a baby takes a year out of a woman’s life not nine months.  Even for those who never touched a benzo that is how it is.  It is hard but you will absolutely and entirely fall in love with your baby.  It may not happen immediately after the baby is born but it will happen.  Our children are the most fascinating people we will ever know.  Little children are just so wonderful.

[[Ma...]]

1 hour ago, [[J...] said:

As this is your first pregnancy it is all new to you.  The last six weeks of any pregnancy can be difficult as it’s almost impossible to sleep.  That is normal. When you bring the baby home, sleep can be very problematic for the first three months while the baby is establishing a routine.  It is an exhausting time but it does end.  Having a baby takes a year out of a woman’s life not nine months.  Even for those who never touched a benzo that is how it is.  It is hard but you will absolutely and entirely fall in love with your baby.  It may not happen immediately after the baby is born but it will happen.  Our children are the most fascinating people we will ever know.  Little children are just so wonderful.

 

[[Ma...]]

Hi @[Ja...], I absolutely fell in love with my baby and I couldn’t have imagined it would be so.