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Hello! 32y/o Father in desperate need of Xanax dependency help!


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Hello everyone!

 

I've registered to BenzoBuddies to hopefully have some help with my current situation.  The type of help I'm looking for is to finally get off of Xanax for good! 

 

In late 2007 I experienced my first ever panic attack, after the panic attack I didn't feel right for days to follow, constant anxiety and feeling like light headed and couldn't think straight.  I had to take some days off work and pretty much thought I was dying or something. 

 

Well I end up going to the doctor and he prescribed me Xanax .5mg (Alprazolam). I took the first pill, and I still remember how I felt, I was absolutely amazed! I was myself again!  No anxiety, felt like I was normal for the first time in a week!  So I began taking .25mg or .5mg almost everyday, usually sometime in the morning early afternoon.  This would get me through the day and I felt fine.  Somedays, I wouldn't even take any.  This lasted for about a year or so.

 

Around 2008. I began taking it more to .5mg a day, and also would sometimes take an extra .25 if i felt the panic/anxiety start creeping up.  For the most part I was able to live a normal life, I got married in late 2008, to an amazing woman.  Shortly after we were married, she became pregnant.  In January of 2010 we welcomed our new born son.  All this time, I had been taking about .5mg of xanax a day for the most part, sometimes skipping a day here and there.

 

In March of 2010, I started a new job, from that time I took at least .5mg everyday, without skipping a day.  Sometimes I would take another half pill, so .75mg in a day, and rarely I would take 2 pills (1mg).

 

This led all the way up until about 3 weeks ago, I was in a week long training at work, and while inside the training room with a bunch of others, I kept feeling more anxiety, so I started taking 1-2 pills a day. .5mg to 1mg a day.  After the training was over, I started to realize that I needed more and more Xanax.  This brought on even more anxiety.  I started to read a little bit about benzo dependencies, and over the weekend.  I tried to stop cold turkey... Boy was that a bad idea, as I'm sure you guys know.  I pretty much had the worst 2 days of my life.  While I didn't have major physical sympoms, I couldn't sleep at night (which was never the case) and I had the worst anxiety, and even vague thoughts of suicide.  Not so much that I was going to kill myself, but more along the lines that if I went on like this, I could see myself just ending it.

 

Since then I've done a lot of reading online about benzo addiction and unfortunetly this gave me even more anxiety and depression as I realized that I was COMPLETELY dependent on the stuff, and it seems as if my body is now wanting more.  I went saw the doctor and they pretty much just told me to keep taking the benzo's and to start taking ADs as well.  After reading about the ADs and the side effects and withdrawals that others faced taking them, I was convinced that taking another pill is not the answer.

 

I joined this forum after reading many posts, to hopefully get some help.  I feel so hopeless right now, I feel like I will forever be trapped in benzo hell and that my tolerence will just go up and up, untill I'm taking 6mg-10mg per day.  This thought WILL NOT stop running around in my head.

 

I've decided after much research that I should try to cross over to Valium and then try to taper off of the Valium, but even this kind of scares me. (What if i become dependent on Valium and Xanax!?). 

 

I spoke with a psychiatrist, and he suggested putting me on Klonopin.  From everything I read, I hear that Valium is the better way to go and I told him this.  Even though he didn't agree much he said that he would write me a script for Valium.

 

 

I am hoping that with the guidance from some of you people on here, who have been through the hell I'm going through that you could help me get a plan together to crossover to valium and then taper myself off the valium. 

 

Also, I plan on doing therapy while doing this, CBT, group therapy whatever I can. 

 

This has truly brought me to my knees and I am scared.  I feel like a terminal cancer patient.  I've been so withdrawn from my wife and my child, I can't remember the last time I had a good laugh.  This thing is just freaking me the hell out, I don't want to end up being a nutjob, pill popper, or worst of all a suicide statistic!

 

Sorry for the long post here are some stats:

 

 

Age: 32

Time on Xanax: 3.5years

Dosage: .5mg-1.25mg per day (when I have to work, it's closer to 1mg) (I've been taking it everyday for about 2 years I would say) (Usually only need .5mg, now I'm struggling if I only take .5mg, need about 1mg).

Size of the pills: .5mg Alprazolam pills (the pink ones)

Taper: I haven't really started to taper, but for the last week, I've tried to keep it to .5mg a day. (Today I took .75mg)

 

I would like some help on a crossover/tapering program using Valium. 

 

Please help :(

 

Benzodad

 

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Hello benzodad, Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

 

There is absolutely no reason to feel hopeless.  You can be free from the benzo trap and once again reclaim the ability to live life to the fullest.  Many have come before you under worse circumstances and are doing just fine now.  It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

 

It seems as though you have done a pretty good job of educating yourself and your psychiatrist.  Xanax can indeed be very difficult to taper from directly, so many people do choose to cross over to a longer lasting benzo like Valium (or Klonopin as a 2nd choice).  If you would like to cross over to Valium you will get help with a crossover schedule at the Substitution Taper Plans section.  Afterwards we will gladly work with you on a tapering plan.

 

Hang in there, you can get through this  :thumbsup:  

 

Crono

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Thank you Crono, just reading that made me feel a little bit better.  It just seems so hard to beat this thing, also the fact that I still have to live my life while doing it, I have to go to work (my wife doesn't work).  And I have to still be there for my family, all while going through this seems so much.  But I don't want to go down without a fight.  Do you suggest I create a new post on the link you provided?  Or just try to follow someone elses?
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hi  - welcome.  there is a good stream under anxiety on exposure therapy and how it helps so much to be busy.  i am having a hard time too and have not been able to do much.  there is so much help on here.  go in chat if you want to - sweet people there.  i just want you to know i know what you are going thru.  we can do this.  we are doing this.  but it is hard.  pam will help you with a taper plan 2.  i wish yu the best and will be happy to see you on here.
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Welcome aboard benzodad!  :yippee:

 

So sorry we are all meeting under these unfortunate circumstances but happy that you joined! What helped me early in the withdrawal process is to read some of the older posts on this Forum. The majority of the people are no longer posting as they are off enjoying their lives!!!

Of course, there are some veterans still on the Board, providing much needed wisdom and support.

 

If there is a subject you are interested in, just type it in the search box - - it is loaded with information.

 

Take care,

 

Lida

 

 

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Hello benzodad,

 

Welcome to BB.  Please do not feel hopeless.  There have been many, many people who have come off the benzos.  Yes, it can be difficult but you have to start with a positive mindset and dig down deep in order to get your life back.  There was no way I was going to let a pill dictate the rest of my life.  You CAN do this.  My husband had a history of panic attacks but was able to put them at bay by reading some good material on how to handle them  and I think CBT therapy will help you.  Please remember that tapering off benzos can bring about panic attacks.  If this happens try to relax and go with the flow and remember that it will not kill you.

 

To do a search you must first click on 'forum' at the top of the page and type in whatever you are looking for.  Chat is also at the top of the page in the green search bar.  There are several chat rooms so enter them and see what best suits you.  I am sure others will be by to give you more info on it.

 

Patty  xo

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How would I go to the chat?  Sorry, still new to the site :)

 

Go to the top of the page and look down on the left side to a row of tabs (Home, Help, Arcade, Chat, ....)  Just click on the Chat tab and that will take you in.

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