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what a relief!!!

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Just wanted to share something positive--we all need to hear this stuff as much as possible.


It's two days since I jumped off and only now am I reveling in my accomplishment of getting off these awful benzos.  Not only was I able to take a nap yesterday afternoon for the first time in ages, but I also slept a few hours more last night.  What a difference some sleep makes--I can actually concentrate and get things done today.


I feel as though I just finished a marathon and am totally wiped out, but VERY relieved that it's all finished and I made it.  I can't tell you how good it feels to no longer have to cut tablets, keep track of doses, get scrips from my shrink, etc. etc.  I'm experiencing a real sense of freedom from the monkey that's been on my back for the last seven years. 


I am on a mini-vacation right now and I'm doing absolutely nothing but reading, eating, sleeping, and hanging out by the pool.  This was my gift to me and I'm allowing myself to be a total sloth for the next few days without guilt.  For everyone who's tapering right now--stick with it because the pain and suffering is so worth the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction you feel when it's over.  Not only was it worth it for my health, sanity, and regaining my life, but in the process I have proven my psychiatrist wrong.  He wasn't convinced I could do it, plus he gave me the impression years ago that I would "need" these pills for my "brain disorder" for the rest of my life.  It's a long story but that "brain disorder" was brought on by SSRI's prescribed to treat a prolonged grief response.  Then he prescribed benzos to treat the "brain disorder" created by SSRI's, and then I became a depressed zombie for 7 years.  My mistake was choosing drugs over therapy, but my insurance only paid for the drugs and not the therapy--a whole other story!


For the last few weeks the only symptoms I've had are moderate anxiety and exhaustion from not being able to sleep.  The strange suicidal ideation I developed while on benzos gradually lifted over the last few months of my taper and now I can't believe I ever felt that way.  My appetite is slowly returning, for both food and sex (my sex drive went under while on benzos).  Just today I realized that that consistent, gnawing level of apathy and depression is completely gone.  While I still experience some depression it's not ALL the time anymore.  Being able to sleep seems to be the big challenge for me now because the lack of sleep brings on so many other symptoms.  Hopefully this will improve with time.


Just wanted to say hang in there everyone, this sense of freedom and accomplishment makes it so worth the effort.





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