Anyone tapering or done a taper with a significant other at the same time?

[[Gr...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I am tapering with V and so is my husband, as several of you know, but I am wondering if there is anyone who has also tapered with a significant other at the same time who might shed some encouragement my way?

 

We've been doing pretty well, both committed to being done with the benzos that we've taken for insomnia for years, him for migraine as well, and we are accepting of this process and both grateful to know from the wonderful fact of so many stories shared here on BB's that this is possible to do, and that it takes time and acceptance and willingness, and we're both willing and have been grateful for the steps we've taken so far.

 

There have been a couple of rough patches since we began and stabilized back at the end of April/ then began taper at first part of May, but mostly we take good care of ourselves and our sober from any alcohol or other mind'alt. subs. and we eat healthfully and I do yoga and meditate, and we both walk/hike and he rides his bicycle. We have a lot of things going for us positivity wise, but our old patterns of updosing for sleep showed themselves this week, when hubs really acted without thinking and took a little extra here, and a little extra there, and I just found out he was doing this last night, and I have been working to let his stuff go, trying to accept and be supportive, but have felt myself lapse into some what's-the-point thinking and I do not want to go there.

 

Any words of encouragement from anyone is welcome, and if you and a significant other have tapered together, I would be glad to hear of your story.

 

Thank you for reading. I wish you all the best in your recovery toward healing and being.

 

Peace and blessings,

 

Grace Seeker~

[[fi...]]

You have a unique situation where you have someone close to you going through the same issues together. I woukd like to point out though that your husband needs to be careful about a little here and a.little there because he is going to make it so much more difficult on himself because of interdose withdrawal and not being stable while trying to taper. Also just rememeber that while both of you have been on the benzo you could have different symptoms and different experiences. Im sure that is quite difficult to try and stay supportive for your husband while maintaining your own taper and withdrawal. Im sure you will find a couple here who has successfully navigated there way through taper and withdrawal. I wish you and your husband the best of luck and and hang in there and continue striving to free your mind and body of this life robbing drug.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Firefly,

 

Thank you for your gracious and expedient reply to my new thread. Yes, I am aware of interdose and how it affects, and how it makes it harder. This is my dilemma. I am also certain that my hubs and I have had, and are having, different experiences with the benzos and the ambien as we have used them, along with w/d and how he and I have different s/x that affect us both in different ways. We've been feeling the effects of interdosing, tolerance, and sometimes flat out c/t at times for a few days now and again, for a long time, and now with the promise of freedom and as taper has been going well for the past several weeks, finding out that he went back to unthinking habits, I am just really angry, but all I can do is accept it and believe me I reminded him of what interdose feels like, and if that's what he's going for, good luck. I will be supportive, honestly, I will.

 

I also posted this on my buddy blog asking people I have come to know here on BB's for their support and encouragement, and I sent a p.m. to Ms. Pamster as well, who is encouraging me to look after myself foremost, of course. And, I will.

 

Thank you again for your kind encouragement and support. I wish you well in your healing and recovery, Firefly. Congratulations on being benzo free for the past 87 days, Firefly! Peace and blessings to you, and to anyone who may read this...

 

Warm regards,

 

Grace Seeker~

[[Pa...]]

Hi Grace,

 

As I read what you just wrote I was reminded of some simple rules we must follow, and while it may look selfish to those on the outside, we know without a doubt to be true for us.  We must do what it takes to get well, and if that means leaving someone else behind, then that's what we have to do.  We're no good to anyone when we use, whatever it is and until we're free, we can't help anyone else.  If your husband isn't able to get free alongside of you, then you must continue this journey alone.  When you're free from the drug and healed from it's effects, you will be there for him, supporting and understanding like no one else can, helping him find his freedom.

 

Until then though, you could have a tough road ahead, one which could be filled with resentment if you're not careful.  The hard part will be to let it go, to "accept the things you cannot change", because resentment will make your journey that much more difficult.  I know you're both free from alcohol, but no matter how far away from it we get, we're still what we are and must be ever vigilant because that thinking never leaves us, at least it hasn't me.

 

I figure your husband must be a good man, he sounds like he is, so I'm sure you'll both arrive at your destinations in time, but to expect those paths to be the same is probably unrealistic.  While we hope because we're partners in life that we can do everything together, some things have to be in our own time.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Grace,

 

As I read what you just wrote I was reminded of some simple rules we must follow, and while it may look selfish to those on the outside, we know without a doubt to be true for us.  We must do what it takes to get well, and if that means leaving someone else behind, then that's what we have to do.  We're no good to anyone when we use, whatever it is and until we're free, we can't help anyone else.  If your husband isn't able to get free alongside of you, then you must continue this journey alone.  When you're free from the drug and healed from it's effects, you will be there for him, supporting and understanding like no one else can, helping him find his freedom.

 

Until then though, you could have a tough road ahead, one which could be filled with resentment if you're not careful.  The hard part will be to let it go, to "accept the things you cannot change", because resentment will make your journey that much more difficult.  I know you're both free from alcohol, but no matter how far away from it we get, we're still what we are and must be ever vigilant because that thinking never leaves us, at least it hasn't me.

 

I figure your husband must be a good man, he sounds like he is, so I'm sure you'll both arrive at your destinations in time, but to expect those paths to be the same is probably unrealistic.  While we hope because we're partners in life that we can do everything together, some things have to be in our own time.

 

Hi Pam,

 

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. All I can say is: no doubt on all counts. And, letting go of resentments and expectations is a big reason why I wrote this thread in the first place, seeking to reinforce and shore up the wisdom to know the difference. I found my way to taking steps in Al Anon before the other programs, and I have it in my life still and will utilize it fully.

 

I appreciate you and your support and encouragement very much. Thank you for all that you do to continue to encourage and inspire me, and for all that you do for BB's.

 

Peace and blessings,

 

Grace~ 

[[Pe...]]

I think that your husband is probably disapointed in himself and will regret his decision to take more.  I am sure this is a challenge to your will as we all feel like throwing in the towel from time to time.  But taking more benzo just puts you into a situation worse than the original one you were trying to get out of.

 

I can't imagine not being angry about it, but I have found that sometimes anger can be useful in pushing our resolve to stay the course.

 

I would however forgive him, Pam was right about resentment that could build.  It just might not be the right time for him mentally.  Your making it and feeling good again will be a good real life inspiration for him.

 

Pam made a lot of really good points and I don't think any of them appeared selfish.  We can't control what other people do, we can only control what WE do ourselves.

[[Li...]]

Grace-

 

I WISH I were going thru this with my significant other!! He takes ativan every morning, and klonopin sometimes at night, and has for years. He swears by both of them...swears the ativan helps him get through his work day and the klonopin helps for sleep. He has side effects or withdrawal symptoms almost constantly, but he doesn't see them as such. He thinks the ringing in his ears is from another medication, and the fatigue is from this or that, and the insomnia because he's stressed, and the muscle spasms because of the bike ride, etc. etc. And he may be right...but he may be wrong. It breaks my heart to see him possibly suffering as a result of benzos, but he isn't ready to taper. He has been incredibly supportive of my taper, and watches me struggle with insomnia night after night, and hears about my withdrawal symptoms from time to time. He is proud of me for being benzo-free, but he's not ready to do it himself. He has repeatedly said, "I don't plan on ever withdrawing. They work as well now as they did the first time I took them." Sometimes I'll bring up hypothetical situations..."What if your prescriber dies and you can't find someone else willing to prescribe? What if you end up in the hospital and they don't want to continue your benzos while you're there? What if your health takes a turn for the worse like mine did? What if..." It gives him food for thought, but I haven't pushed the issue. The bottom line is he has seen me suffer on benzos, and off benzos, and he knows I feel benzos are the cause of many of my health issues. I have given him info on this forum, and have promised to be there for him if ever he decides to taper off. I have given the same info to my brother-in-law, who also takes klonopin and is also not ready to taper, but again, haven't pushed the issue. Everyone has been so supportive of my decision to taper off...I've decided I have to support their decisions not to.

 

Sorry, that was a little off-topic, but I struggle with this one! I think it's great that you two have undertaken this together, and I hope it works out for both of you. I completely agree with previous posters about taking care of yourself and letting go. You've got to look out for yourself.

 

I hope to follow your story, and wish you all the best.

 

Libby

[[Gr...]]

Thank you very much for your replies, dear Taz, Libby and Perseverance,

 

I realized as I read your message, Libby and Tam that it really is unlikely that my hubs' and my situation is unique, as far as partners taking these things together, or as in your case, Tam, at one time or another.

 

Yes, staying extra-supportive of myself at this time is crucial, I do understand, so thank you all for the reinforcement of that fact. I will continue to be supportive and detached with compassion for hubs who is reading up on Ashton info. and realizing that he tapered rather quickly, which I knew he had done, so he is stabilizing again, and now we're basically at the same dosage again. He is also going to inform his doctor more about what he is doing. My pdoc is well informed and very supportive, and so is hubs' and my mutual therapist, but she is not the one doing the prescribing. But, we do have good support from her and will see her next Monday together.

 

In my daily reader for Al Anon called "The Courage To Change," today's reading is really pertinent (they always are), and I think some of you might appreciate it too:  "I think the word "detachment" is often misunderstood. For me, detachment is the freedom for me to own what is mine and to allow others to own what is theirs..."

 

Hubs will have twenty-five years sobriety/alcohol free on Thursday 7/7—amazing stuff that! A lot to be grateful for, including this wonderful forum and all of you wonderful people who bring your experience and your strength and hope to BB's.

 

Libby, I wish you the best in your own recovery and with your hubs and I would be glad to stay in touch and share here, and even if it's just to share on practicing detachment, I know we'll get through this. 

 

Tamz, my friend—I just realized your post to me was on my blog, but I will leave this as is and tell you that I wrote here again. 

 

Pers, thank you again for the support and encouragement. I hope that we share more here, too, you already helped me once with the wicking nightgown information. 

 

And, to Pam and Firefly as well.... Thank you to all BB's who may read here. Here's a quote I found that is surely appropriate for us benzo warriors:

 

"Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience." (I'm working on it)

 

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Peace and blessings,

 

Grace~

 

My buddy blog: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=29445.0