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6 months benzo free and still healing


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Just realized that today marks the end my sixth month of being benzo free.

 

During months 2-3 I thought I wanted to die. By month 4 things began to improve. As soon as I reached 5 months off I noticed dramatic improvements, and at 6 months off I have been stable for one full month.

 

I am not 100% healed. I still suffer from cognitive deficiencies, mild agoraphobia, and mild anxiety from time to time. My sense of smell has not yet returned to normal. I am still not able to experience emotions the way a normal person does. I haven't had much in the way of windows over the past few weeks, but the tradeoff is that my baseline mood and overall well being has improved several fold since I was in the worst part of WD.

 

Even though I haven't had any big wonderful windows in awhile there are a few things that let me know that I am still healing:

 

1. The games I play on my phone. Yea, I know that sounds funny but I have logged hours and hours playing solitaire over the past 6 months. It was the only game my brain could process. As of the past week or so I have had the sudden urge to play other games, the fast paced, noisy kind that challenge and stimulate the brain.

 

2. Although my motivation level is still only a fraction of what it used to be, I have managed to get a TON of work done over the past couple of weeks. I don't feel a strong urge to do things but at least it is no longer a huge chore to get a few things done. It is like the anchor that I was dragging around has finally fallen off and all that is left is a heavy rope that keeps me from getting back to full speed.

 

3. Music. I still listened to music in the car or at home from time to time, but the only time it ever really did anything for me was when I was in a full on window. When I would catch myself singing along I knew I was having a good day. Now I can put my headphones on anytime and it immediately motivates and inspires me.

 

All in all I am pretty thankful of my progress. I was hoping for the best but expecting the worst but overall I am pretty happy with where I am at. For those of you who are still suffering- stick with it! The benzo brain would have you believe otherwise but you WILL get better. Just give it time.

 

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Your progress mirrored mine, so now I am looking forward to my 6th month with much greater enthusiasm.  Thanks FloridaGuy!
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Congrats on sticking through it. Im am in month three and feel the same as you. My symtoms popped up several weeks ago gradually and now they are in full force and like you just hating life at this point. Its great to read posts like yours because I have also found comfort in playing scrabble on my phone and to hear that over the next few months things will get better.
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Thanks for the words of optimism. I'm at six months since I started to get off the Benzo and three months Benzo free. As rough as it's been, all in all I've been making progress. Everyday I'm waiting for something harsh to come back at me but like you said, I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst. I need to remain positive but be prepared. This ain't over.

 

We'll get through this. We have to.

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FG,

 

Thanks for the post.  Like the other poster stated, I look at your posts to see how you are doing because you have mirrored how I feel.  I am just over 3 months off and have had a BAD wave recently.  Probably because I tried to do to much to early (Skiing **2 times**, tennis and six flags in a 5 day span).  I know, how stupid was that?  Anyway, I have always played sports so I try and push myself.  When I am back playing them full time, I know I will be healed.  Glad you are making such good progress! 

 

Natron

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Thank you so much for taking the time to post this...I am SO happy for you!!!  Awesome news.    :yippee:

 

Take care,

Schatje

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When I was 2-3 months off there was no such thing as windows and waves- it was week after week of pure hell.

 

A couple of years ago the economy cleaned me out. I lost everything I had spent more than a decade working for and then some. More than most people make in a lifetime. I thought that was going to be the lowest point of my life, but losing my fortune was a sunny day at the beach compared to what I went through with benzo WD. Up until a few months ago my WORST day wasn't a fraction of what I experienced for weeks on end during WD. When I wasn't thinking I was going to die I was hoping that I might.

 

I haven't heard one person say that they have experienced anything that was worse than benzo WD. Kind of surreal to think that all might be behind me now.

 

 

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I love how you worded that - "When I wasn't thinking I was going to die I was hoping that I might."  Enough said.  I am going to pass that along to my Doctor when I see him in a few weeks if you don't mind.  I think it sums it up beautifully.
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Thanks so much for this post.  I am having a real bad day today (2 1/2 months off) so this has given me a boost
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