need encouragement

[[Ti...]]

this past year has been the best year in five years. That said... I have still had Major waves. Last January, May and September. Each one lasted about a month. I'm now back in a wave, and although this wave is not as bad as last year's January wave, i'm still feeling very anxious, and thus discouraged. Just when I think i'm stepping into a life of healing, I feel i'm being pulled back into the nightmare. I'm PRAYING this wave won't be as severe, and won't be long. I am 17 months benzo free (still on Zoloft at 100mg for generalized anxiety). I am just So tired of the back and forth. I am SO grateful for the windows that have lasted months in between the waves. But the up and down of it all is really disparaging and gruesome. It's tortuous. Generally these waves have been triggered by specific events, such as travel (my main trigger) but this January one just seems to be happening on its own. I got sick in December, and am wondering if the stress on my body has caused this. I'm just so frustrated and anxious and my body hurts. I need encouragement