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I need somewhere to go. I've been in absolute hell every day for seven months and I cannot do it anymore. I'm tired of family members telling me that I haven't done anything to help myself when I've busted my backside just to get out of bed.

 

Right now I have pressure and pain in my head, depersonalization, I feel like bugs are hatching out of my skin, I have prickly bumps on most of my body, and I feel like I could throw up.

 

Is there any type of inpatient program anywhere that would take me in? I don't want to go into a mental hospital and be killed by their pills, but if I don't go somewhere I might end up dead anyway.

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Could you fathom trying to hang in there just one more month and then decide?  I know at least one member that was unable to get off the couch until the 7th month and then FINALLY a window opened that never shut.

 

You may be just at the point where it is going to happen.  Could you possibly consider giving it one more month?  You've come this far, you may be very near a great improvement.

 

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wellness, do you have any advice on how to find or research such a facility?

 

I wish I could give it another month. I don't know if my family will let me. They are giving me a pretty hard time right now and I'm stuck with them until I recover, unless I go somewhere of course. They act like I could just go to the doctor and get a pill that would make everything better.

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I longed for somewhere to go too, but the problem was, I'd have to take me with me and I then knew that it wouldn't work.  There is nowhere we can go to escape the pain, and the judgement from those who can't possibly understand.  The best and only thing to do is to stay where we are, put one foot in front of the other and find ways to pass the time, because time is the only thing that will help.  I'm sorry you're so miserable.  :therethere:
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I've tried really hard to do that Perseverance. My mother has just now started looking at some things about withdrawal but she still blames me for not getting up and going to a doctor, like that would solve everything. I'm living with my grandmother who sometimes talks like I am insane and sometime makes up ridiculously simple things that are apparently causing all of my problems.

 

When you're so hurt that being able to get up and walk to the other side of the house makes you proud of yourself, you don't need people telling you that you haven't done anything to get better. And a lot of other family members are in and out of here and they all talk badly about me and everyone else. I don't really care what they think but living like that makes things difficult. I just don't have anywhere else to go.

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That my friend is a truly sad situation.  Do you think they will change their tune when they find out what you are planning to do?
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No not really, they don't take me seriously, but I've found a few places that I'm going to call in the morning.
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I have read some people have to reinstate to taper?  Maybe u should start some (I'm certainly not the one to say how much?) But maybe someone can help u to start a little and taper.....GL
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No not really, they don't take me seriously, but I've found a few places that I'm going to call in the morning.

 

Hi, this is mishi.. I am so sorry you are in pain.. I am in the same boat as you... I cannot live like this anymore..  PLEASE, PLEASE WHERE DO YU LIVE.  If you find a place let me know.. I am also in desperate need of someone to take care ofme.. I cannot be here with my son and husband... I need to live so bad... But if i stay here i do not know what will happen to me.. I am serious like you.. I am still tapering.. and i feel like I cannot make one more day... Please get back to me..  My heart is with yu right now.. God gives us mercy please..  I have to live for my kids... Again let me know if you found a place... Thank you so much and be well. I do not want to end up dead also.. This is really bad... Hang in there

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I haven't found any place that will take me in yet mishi. I've found a few rehabs that seem to know about withdrawal and have year long programs but I don't know if any of them will accept me since I went cold turkey seven months ago. I'm at least going to get an appointment for a consultation.

 

I live in southern Georgia and I'm looking for places on the Georgia and Florida coast. I'll let you know if I find out anything.

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Florida Wellness and Detox said they would take me in under their wellness program, since I don't need detox. I'd have to be there for a minimum of five days. They say the first thing they do is test blood. Apparently there is a way to test for how much GABA is bouncing around in my brain. Does that sound legit?
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i am so sorry for what you are going thru with your living situation.  i hope you get somewhere safe.  my friends have told me to definitely avoid the mental hosp.  that insanity there would prob creep us out more.  you have endured for a long time. i sure do know what it is like to feel like you can't go on.  i feel that way today.  but yesterday i was able to do things.  it's a really really hard thing.  i am praying for you.
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Thank you very much panther. I hope you feel better soon as well.

 

What is worrying about the mental hospital is not just the people with serious mental illness but that those places can still be pretty barbaric. At the least I'd be pumped full of God only knows what.

 

Pamster was definitely right when she said that there's no where to go because you always have to take you with you. There isn't any escape from this. I feel like I need to go somewhere though because I don't think I can do this anymore and survive. Whether or not the withdrawal itself is deadly isn't relevant because in desperate situations people do desperate things to get relief.

 

People can tell me that I will get through this or that it will get better but that doesn't mean that I know that to be a fact. When I'm feeling this way it's very hard to think that it gets better, especially after seven months.

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Florida Wellness and Detox said they would take me in under their wellness program, since I don't need detox. I'd have to be there for a minimum of five days. They say the first thing they do is test blood. Apparently there is a way to test for how much GABA is bouncing around in my brain. Does that sound legit?

 

Hi Panther4242:

 

That's a lot of stuff to be going through at month 7.  I guess I'm wondering what it is you think such a setting will do for you.  You are already detoxed.  You will still have to deal with withdrawals no matter what.  All the articles I have read on benzo withdrawal state that withdrawals are the result of problems with gaba receptor sites on cells, not the amount of gaba present.  Of course you have to do what you feel is best.  But with the financial commitment involved, my concern is that you could be very disappointed.

 

Having said that, you should certainly do something, perhaps something different.  You obviously are feeling very pressured by your family, and I assume you feel pretty alone, anxious, and depressed.  Perhaps see a good therapist for some support.  That might help take the edge off enough to buy yourself more time.  What you really need is more time for the healing to start kicking in further.  You really should start to feel some improvement soon.  I really hope you feel better.

 

Draftsman

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[7a...]
What is worrying about the mental hospital is not just the people with serious mental illness but that those places can still be pretty barbaric. At the least I'd be pumped full of God only knows what.

 

I would be wary of the hospital as well because they do medicate, and may put you on a Benzo.

 

I hope you start feeling well soon.

 

 

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[05...]

I saw a video on that place.  They follow the Ashton protocol.  I know you are already off the benzo, but did I see the right video?  don't they follow that protocol and I wonder how they do that?

 

 

Florida Wellness and Detox said they would take me in under their wellness program, since I don't need detox. I'd have to be there for a minimum of five days. They say the first thing they do is test blood. Apparently there is a way to test for how much GABA is bouncing around in my brain. Does that sound legit?

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I won't be going there. They want to charge me $1000 for admission and then thousands more for "super vitamin drips" aka bs.

 

I just can't believe that it's possible to feel this way after this long. I no longer can believe that I will make it.

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Oh you will make it.  Just try to take this one hour at a time, one day at a time.  Try to keep your stress levels down.

 

Draftsman

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I no longer can believe that I will make it.

 

But you will heal from this; it just takes time, and lots of it.

 

Have you noticed any slight improvements at all over the past seven months?

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You will make it. I'm living with family at the moment too, and none of them understand what's going on either. You're not alone.

 

That Florida place looked iffy to me. The first quote from their site that caught my eye was this:

"Our Xanax addicted patients can detox from 60 mgs a day of Xanax without suffering as much as one twitch in their fingers. "

 

Uhh... realistic? Not at all.

 

Remember that even though it feels like you're falling apart, you are still in control of your life and you WILL get better. I can't wait for the day you return here to write you success story :)

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