My diary and an observation

[[Ma...]]

Hi, everyone --

 

Not sure where this topic belongs, so I'll put it in "Chewing the Fat" and see if it ends up elsewhere.

 

I kept a daily diary in Microsoft Excel of my taper (during and after) and how I felt, foods I ate, things I tried, and general comments of my mental health.  I started this diary during my taper and have kept it going since.  I used Excel because the science guy in me wanted to be able to correlate data, make observations, and be able to filter/search on things.

 

My diary is now about 7 months old, and I was reviewing the data today.

 

One of the things that clearly stands out are the pattern of how my post-benzodiazepine symptoms wax and wane.

 

In reviewing the pattern of occurrence of my more "serious" bouts of feeling bad/panic attacks (those I rate a 5/10 to 10/10), I noticed they come about every two weeks on the dot.  Generally, there are anywhere from 11 to 16 days between them, and they are regular.

 

However, they are decreasing in frequency, duration, and intensity lately.  In fact, last week and most of this week has been a very nice open window of 75 to 85% normalcy.

 

I don't know why I see a bi-weekly vacillation of my most severe symptoms, but being the analytical guy I am, I liked being able to see that pattern.

 

For those who know me or communicate with me, I had a nice first few months free from Klonopin, but month 6 was particularly hard.  As I begin month 7, I notice many positive things.

 

I do hope that you all know I pray and wish warm thoughts and well-being for you all.  I want you all to know it does get better.  Slower for some, faster for others.  But despite any hurdles you run into, it just brings you closer to the finish line.

 

-Matt.

 

[[Ma...]]

Incredibly inspirational Matt.  I am just now seeing through the fog that there is a pattern to mine as well.  Of course I'm hoping at 93 days that I've peaked, but who knows...

 

Thanks for inspiring me to be more detailed in my diary.  I've avoided doing that thinking I don't want to remember all this, but I can see that it can be beneficial in the long run.

 

God bless,

Mary

[[Pe...]]

And here I was thinking it might be tied to the female cycle...interesting.  Obviously you proved that one wrong! lol!

 

[[Sc...]]

I've noticed through my journal that there was a pattern to my "bad days" as well...however w/ me it's a 10-15 block and it always revolves around hormonal changes.  It doesn't mean things will be horrible every day for me..but there is this block of days where I know things COULD get tough.  I hope to see less of that once I'm fully off.  

 

I'm so glad I kept a journal during this...it's really helped me find patterns and to watch how things have progressed. 

 

All the best,

Schatje