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And the struggle continues


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I turned 43 today and while I woke up hoping to be stronger today, I find myself feeling more discouraged. I really thought I was on my way to healing @6months, but @7months things started getting worse. I'm light-headed, dizzy, intense head-aches, frequent electricity-type feelings in my arms and hands, and various other problems.

 

The hardest part though is the mental struggle; "I must have a brain tumor"; "I'm never going to get better"; "things are getting worse not better"; "I will be like this the rest of my life"; etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc

 

Let's see, what describes my emotional state? Discouraged, cast down, afraid, confused, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc,

 

Oh well; hopefully the Lord will have mercy on me (and us) and bring me (us) through this.

 

Blessings,

 

William

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I have read other BBs posts who had set backs at about the same time frame, but felt incredibly better a month later.  So don't get discouraged William, it seems to be a normal occurrence in our abnormal circumstance.
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The absence of hope is the presence of suffering. I have some of the same thoughts, and I am still tapering :( The not ever feeling normal again is quite possibly the most disturbing thought. We have to look at the people who have come before us; just yesterday I read some posts saying people felt horridly depressed until about a year after quitting benzos! I'm hoping 43 gets better, and 44 brings complete resolution of this garbage. Happy birthday to you, and don't get discouraged like P says.
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Happy birthday  :thumbsup:

 

This stuff is taxing, huh? I turn the big 4 0 in a few months and my only birthday wish is that I am at least healed enough that I can really start to get my life back by that time.

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Thanks for your post guys; truly a blessing! In fact, my heart is full of tears, grasping at any hope of being healed.

 

Perseverance: I love those two words "incredibly better"--lots of hope there.

 

Ben zolo: Man, I love that line "The absence of hope is the presence of suffering"; isn't that the truth!

 

FloridaGuy: You said it, "taxing"; you know it too brother. Man, I truly hope your birthday wish comes true.

 

 

I can't tell you guys how much I appreciate your posts; thanks for taking the time--I REALLY appreciate it.

 

Blessings,

 

William

 

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William,

 

I am right with you.  I am in the midst of a bad wave right now and I feel so discouraged and beaten down.  I have even questioned whether God hears my cries for help during this process.  The only thing I hold out hope for is that I will feel normal again.  This morning I woke up and looked at my kids and just watched them sleep peacefully with no worries in the world.  I would give anything to be able to enjoy that with them.  But, they are the reason I keep fighting.  No matter the cost, I have to keep pushing forward, because one day I will be back to normal and once again enjoying life to the fullest.

 

Natron

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Natron, I wonder the same thing about whether the Lord hears me sometimes; more often I think I'm going thru this because I am being punished for my sins (I know that is not what the Scriptures teach, but that is the mental trap I get in sometimes). I'm with you too about the kids being the reason to keep fighting. In some strange way it is comforting to know that others are suffering too; even though I wouldn't wish this stuff on my worst enemy.

 

Fight on brother!

 

William

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Thanks for the Bible verse on your intro.  someone said if i can get addicted to worry then i can get addicted to prayer.  i have been memorizing Bible verses so i won't think so much; since the thinking is so weird; really weird.  i put a support thread up today but people view it but no one said anything.  maybe it's the time zone.  reading the benzo book helped me - it is a free book - google it - cool guy who wrote it.
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