One month off... I thought I'd never get to make this post

[[Cu...]]

Right then Buddies I hope this can provide some hope & encouragement for you

My story (as short as I can possibly make it)

I'm a 29 y/o male from wolverhampton in the UK

Started to experience Anxiety and Panic attacks / nocturnal panic attacks, New Years day 2019

I was a DJ and partied a lot before the onset, did a lot of party drugs / smoked bud every day, so it was only a matter of time before something happened with my mental health.

I tried to ride the anxiety out for as long as possible before medication, but after a couple of months it was too much and getting in the way of work / taking over my life. The doctors tried me on citalporam that did something bad to me and had some horrid side effects, then prozac, then amitriptyline, nothing worked and I was left with bad tremors and other symptoms.

I was then introduced by my doctor to LORAZEPAM. (His words "You will get addicted to these, we will deal with that later") An initial dose of 1mg per day for a couple of weeks, this turned into 1.5mg for a couple of months, this helped my symptoms massively until it lead to tolerance/interdose withdrawals, I suffered massively ended up in the hospital over 10 times, heart problems, extreme tremors, panic attacks, toxic sleep etc

I then did my research and found this website along with a bunch of facebook groups, these platforms helped massively in guiding me to cross over to Valium to level out my system and withdraw from the meds slowly and safely...

My doctor never believed me about the withdrawals or symptoms, So I had to pay to go private and see a gp to take matters into my own hands, I printed off a copy of the ashton manual and he wrote me up a Valium script, after presenting my actual gp with my findings he began to believe me... 

So it was around june 2019 I was switched to 15mg of V and began to taper slowly, this as you can see with it being 2023 took me a rather long time.....

The reason it took so long is because I lost my father and some other life events happened so during these times I held for alot longer than I should've.

When it got towards the 3mg mark my gp switched me from the tablet for to an oral solution so I could make smaller cuts and control it easier with a measured syringe

I could've probably done this all sooner, but didn't have an option for time off work etc due to living on my own and having to support myself

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I was always scared I guess about jumping and what would happen post jump, due to the experiences I had on Loraz.

And not to mention all the bad posts you see on here and facebook groups, obviously there's more horror stories to be seen than success stories

A word of advice is to skim past these posts and look at the positives.

All though platforms like this forum and facebook groups are great for advice and information, they can be quite damaging when you get into a rabbit hole of reading horror stories.

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Mishaps through the taper -

I'd suppose I'd say that drinking on occasion, this was once in a blue moon thing, but if I ever drank I wouldn't dose that day/night

after every time I drank symptoms would surface again and it would take me a couple of days to feel somewhat normal 

Long holds, some were necessary due to symptoms, but on the other there was alot of times I held due to fear

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Withdrawal symptoms during the taper:

Insomnia

Intense Nightmares

Panic Attacks

Tremors / vibrations

Twitching muscles / above my ears on the side of my head

Brain fog / Memory loss

Loss of emotions

IBS

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Withdrawal symptoms after the taper:

Irritability for the first 2 weeks

Few bad nights sleep

Low mood for the first week or so

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How I jumped: (Jump dose 1mg)

To be honest I jumped on accident, I went to go see a band with some friends and ended up having a couple beers so I didn't dose that day, I went to my partners the day after for the whole weekend and forgot my meds.... If this was me one year ago I would've gone back home the next day to get them.

But this time I thought lets just see what happens. 4 days had gone by no meds so when I returned home on the Monday I thought lets try another night.... and another and another....

To my surprise I had no horrific reaction like the lorazepam days

I was now at day 7 thinking wow I can do this.... The main symptoms around this time was what I imagine needing a cigarette was like when I still smoked but like times 20, so I was slightly irritable and uncomfortable.. 

Fast forward a few more days this feeling had gone, I wasn't afraid of going to sleep anymore and my bassline anxiety had somewhat disappeared... 

Week 2 had come around before I knew it, something in the back of my mind was still saying this is gonna go south soon...

Touch would still fine...

Week 3 come round: Still feeling great, emotions have started to come back to me, I cried because I'd overcooked my dinner one night which made me laugh so much and even found myself choking up at some tv shows lol.. (Who is this person) haha

Week 4: Great week for me, got my first car something I should've done years ago, mood levels at an all time high, still happy every day I'm no longer a slave to my meds, even my closest people around me have noticed the change in me.

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TODAY.....

Today I finally get to write this post at 32 days off, something I've wanted to do for so long, after reading all the good stories on here today I have my own.

I left all the facebook groups a couple of weeks ago, but I will remain a member of this website as It's helped me so much

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My word of advice to you all is...

When the times right you will be able to come off this horrible medication

Take your time and always get some advice before attempting to do so

I've had some nightmare days along the way don't get me wrong, but you can get through this!

Try not to read all the horror stories, as just reading these can amplify your symptoms (believe it's happened to me after scrolling for hours reading)

YOU GOT THIS <3

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Signing off

Thanks to benzobuddies for helping me understand what to do to get me out of this mess & all the great success stories for encouragement

Jordan

29

Wolverhampton

UK

 

[[or...]]

I'm so proud of you, you are still so young, and to get off this junk early you had to have had a lot of wisdom at your age.  I'm 71, and it has taken me a bit longer (a "bit" lol!!) but how thrilled I am that I did make the decision.  I have at least another 6 months left but I am like @[lo...] and really listen to my own body before anyone else, including my GP

You did the same and have encouraged me to come here again, much more often, but stick to the success stories rather than the horror.  I really want to help folks, by sharing but I was also scared to mention tapering is best for me, to those that no longer are able to taper because of being CT'd for whatever reason.

I can't thank you enough for sharing your story, and I know it will help others as well Denise

 

[[ve...]]

On 11/12/2023 at 15:00, [[C...] said:

I've had some nightmare days along the way don't get me wrong, but you can get through this!

Try not to read all the horror stories, as just reading these can amplify your symptoms (believe it's happened to me after scrolling for hours reading)

This is very true.  I only read them as exposure therapy because I consider that I shouldn't overreact to stuff I read.

[[Br...]]

@[Cu...] Congratulations on hitting the 1 month mark! Thank you also for sharing your experience and wisdom you've earned along the way!

[[Kh...]]

Inspiring thank you 🙏🙏

[[Cu...]]

56 days free happy new year people!

I'm doing great, wish you all the best on your journeys 

[[mo...]]

@[Cu...] Congratulations and thank you so much for such a positive success story. I am just starting my taper after 4 years of Xanax use and you’re right that the horror stories have really gotten to me. I am in the process of losing a parent as well- condolences. I hope my process can be as successful as yours.