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riding a wave


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Hey Guys,

 

I try to be as upbeat as possible, but Im riding a wave now... Woke up at 4 am with GI going crazy and my head is really tight and feel so groggy, moving in slow motion, kind of emotional too...  I've had worse days... But today I need some love, cause Im at work and I just want to go home :(

 

I'll had a signature , keep forgetting to do that, but I was on K. for 2 months, .5 for a month and a 4 week taper...

I am 6 weeks off ..

 

Lu :(

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Oh, this is not good, you are my mentor!!!

 

((((LP))))

 

Today might be a day for rest and relaxation. You probably pushed yourself too hard these past weeks. Can you leave work early today and just get home and in the bed? There are a lot of colds and viruses going around, at least here in Atlanta, GA. Perhaps it is a bug!

 

In any event, what ever is bothering you needs to leave!

 

Feel better  :smitten:

 

Lida

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Thanks Lida :) I have some upbeat music at work, trying to beat the blues and grogginess...  I dont feel sick beyond what I am feeling, who knows!  :smitten:

 

Working hard to bounce back, had some good days recently, so just got to get thru the day... I remember when that was everyday!

 

 

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[dc...]

Keep hanging on LP - you're doing a fantastic job  ;) You know of so many good tools to keep the anxiety at bay - it's just hard to remember how to use them when you're hit so hard. Keep a focus, remember to breath, and stay positive. You'll bust through this like a champ....keep your chin up  :thumbsup:

 

Clem  :smitten:

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Thanks Clementine!

I am trying, its 3:47 pm here at work, 1 more hour and I am leaving!! Need to go home and be around the fam, that helps a lot...

I havent had a day like this in a while, so I need to remember that it will pass and better days are coming....

 

thanks for the support, i appreciate it !

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Hi LP,

 

Just want to encourage you to keep on keeping on!  You've come such a long way and thank the Lord you've had some good days in between.

 

NYClady

P.S. The heat in NYC isn't helping us either :'(

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Hang in there LP. I just takes time to heal. I'm in the same boat. I was feeling a little bit better for the past week or two then all of the sudden out of no where I got hit with some... Well, I don't know what to call it. I guess it's the GABA's re-adjusting. Just gotta get through today because we'll feel better again. It's happened before. I hope I'm making sense because I feel like I got some benzo brain.

 

Skip

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I know how you feel LP, I was hit with a strong return of my symptoms this weekend and it hasn't subsided much yet.  I almost felt as if I had made it in the clear too, but withdrawal can be so sneaky.

 

You have many others surfing on this wave with you... hopefully we fall off the board soon so we can just relax in the water a little.

 

Crono

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I really didn't even want to post, I want to encourage everyone but today was the worst day in weeks, and it was so demoralizing. I couldnt be strong today guys, sorry...

Your words really helped heal me today, I remember when this was everyday!!!! I guess thats what hurt, that I remember how terrible these days were... i was hoping they were behind me...

Well, nothing to do but to button up and take it one day at a time... truly what else can I do??  Time heals and I have to be patient... 

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You gotta vent. It helps everybody. It helps you and it helps others to see that someone else is going through the same thing. BTW... "Demoralizing" is a new word that has entered my vocabulary as this w/d progresses. Some of the old problems seem to be gone but new ones have shown up like psychologically dealing with this long drawn out recovery process. It's really tough when you feel like you're doing better and then a right hook comes out of no where. It feels like a major blow. Just gotta try to shake it off and keep fighting.
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It really stinks when you have a few good consecutive days and then the withdrawal returns.  Nothing like a false sense of security (thinking that the withdrawal might be coming to an end), as I can attest to that.  Vent all you want - you were the first to support me on this board and I'm more than happy to assist you. 
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Thanks Rico, and everyone for your words.. I am home with my son next to me, on the XBOX...

I am thankful the anxiety is not here, just this drunk feeling.

It hurt for my son to tell me, "Dad you look drunk" F@!#@! what a killer... sigh but now we are laughing.. and trying to move past that statement...

 

I love my boy and my girl, why did i do this to myself...

 

 

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Lu,

 

It stinks that you are having a rough day.  Hopefully by the time you read this you will be feeling better.  I have seen all the encouragement you have been handing out.  It's OK to receive a little now and then as well. 

 

I am glad that we both have a place like this where people understand what we are going through.  You are a fighter, keep up the hard work.

 

Warmest regards,

 

Kelly

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Hey Guys,

 

I try to be as upbeat as possible, but Im riding a wave now... Woke up at 4 am with GI going crazy and my head is really tight and feel so groggy, moving in slow motion, kind of emotional too...  I've had worse days... But today I need some love, cause Im at work and I just want to go home :(

 

I'll had a signature , keep forgetting to do that, but I was on K. for 2 months, .5 for a month and a 4 week taper...

I am 6 weeks off ..

 

Lu :(

 

Sorry you are feeling so bad right now bro. Klonopin is truly an evil drug to withdraw from. Hopefully you won't suffer too long since you weren't on for very long. Hang in there, it gets better.  :thumbsup:

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I am sorry you're having a bad day LP.

 

You asked why you did this to yourself? This is why I am walking on this abhorrent path...it's because this little pill offered me hope of peace and mind. Before that I was a train wreck of a man. Depression and panic attacks were ruining my life...but at least I had a life back then. I found hope in this combination of drugs I was offered, and I was not warned of the hell to come. There was no warning that side effects existed; only that they would allow me the opportunity to cope better with my issues. That was all I needed to hear...normal life here I come. What happened next...what I wouldn't do for a time machine; so that I could save myself from this...I don't have the words to describe the mess I know face each waking moment and on top of that the tapering and the w/d. I have come to believe that God must hate me...why else would there be 7 years of turmoil that has not only affected me...but everyone in my family, and there seems to be no end in sight.

 

Like the w/d...unless you experience anxiety, panic attacks or depression...people will never understand the fear, the pain and the uncertainty that comes with those maladies, and what we go through on a daily basis both mentally and physically. What I did...I did because I felt I had no other logical choice...I wanted to live life to the fullest and to enjoy the time I had with my family. I wanted to travel, to socialize and to have fun like everyone around me. I never once fathomed or considered that this rut would be my life today. The devil himself would not want to go through this slow taper nor experience w/d. Only mankind could conceive such a devious concoction. We have mastered the art of self destruction.

 

Depression is a prison...some of us need help getting out. Panic attacks...has led us to the fear of life, avoidances, and to cling to safe havens...that exist only in our minds. Anxiety...it drags you down and down a long path of apprehension, turmoil and trepidation. Who knew that the final outcome with these meds would have been this limbo...so don't blame yourself. You did this for the right reasons...you did it so that you could continue to live and to enjoy life.  You did it so you could spend time with family and friends. You did it because you wanted a sense of normalcy. You did it to stop the daily pain.

 

You have two healthy beautiful children. I would give anything to have such blessings in my life. How many tears have I shed because I don't know, if I will ever see, my yet to be born children. So continue the fight for their sake...when the days are long and tortuous; remember you have those two angels waiting. When you feel so beaten that you don't even want to try...remind yourself why you have to get up and why you can never give up. Your mission LP, should you decide to accept it...is to wake up clean from this drug...healthy and filled with life so that you can be a dad again, and watch as your children grow...through eyes that have not been dimmed by benzo's.

 

 

 

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LP,

 

I am in the middle of a terrible wave myself.  I keep praying that it will be taken away from us once and for all soon, but not soon enough.  These are some bad meds, and we just have to sit back and deal with it as best we can when the bad times come.  I am right with you on having to work while going through this.  I had to take 2 weeks off after first coming off, but then decided to go back to work.  Its just real difficult because I feel just as bad as I did at the beginning right now and am just having to grin and bear it.  This is no doubt the most difficult thing me or my family has ever had to deal with.  I also have a young son and a daughter so I can relate from tehir perspective as well.  I get the "Daddy, do you feel ok?" way too much and it makes my heart ache.  I just want to be well for them moreso than myself.  It will get better, it has too...

 

Natron

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Everyone, thank you...  I do want to get better for my family even more than for myself, so true Natron..

 

And yes, I am blessed, I have beautiful children and a wife that love me...

 

It's time to buckle down... I am heading out on vacation this friday, St. John.. Hopefully the tropical air will help me

 

I woke up feeling better, here at work with a million things to get done... SIGH!!!!!

 

Guys, I cannot express in words how much your words helped me..

 

Thanks

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[dc...]
Hi LP....I noticed that when I'm feeling anxious in effort to prepare for something exciting, I will get hit with the anxiety. You're trip will be fantastic and I suspect it's just a pre-jitter anxiety wave....a bump in the road. It will all settle down for you very soon - have a wonderful trip!
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Travuz,

 

I'm betting that after this experience there won't be nearly as much of a need for anything to help with anxiety and depression. Sure, I went on the drug in the first place to help combat social anxiety that I had since I was a kid, but until I experienced the kind of anxiety that was brought on by the benzo I didn't even know the meaning of the word.

 

This experience really puts into perspective. We now know that we didn't have it nearly as bad as we thought we did. That's why we are all going to be better people for having been through this.

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Hey Guys,

 

Day is over... I work in IT, so I had to run some cables today and meet various deadlines... WOW... needless to say I am in bed and im done...

Head sensation is with me now , such an odd feeling this head crap... what the hell is that...

It's not pain these days, just like a hot feeling, or a tightness.. slows me down...

 

My boss was making some crazy demands while I was feeling this, truly did not care at all in that moment what he was saying..

 

Oh get this, he also asked for a security document detailing all our current procedures...

I wrote this while I was almost drooling from the groggy feeling...

 

Lord help us

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Hi, sounds like you just had one of those days from the pit ... must have been rough but great that you got through it (and without belting your boss !). Everything I see on this board says things will get better and I hope those bad days will come less and less often for you. There will  be more good times with your family and all this will just be a past nightmare.

 

Please let us know how today goes for you.

 

Kindest regards

Tim

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Hey Guys,

 

Day is over... I work in IT, so I had to run some cables today and meet various deadlines... WOW... needless to say I am in bed and im done...

Head sensation is with me now , such an odd feeling this head crap... what the hell is that...

It's not pain these days, just like a hot feeling, or a tightness.. slows me down...

 

My boss was making some crazy demands while I was feeling this, truly did not care at all in that moment what he was saying..

 

Oh get this, he also asked for a security document detailing all our current procedures...

I wrote this while I was almost drooling from the groggy feeling...

 

Lord help us

 

Praise him brother

 

Please forgive me Luis but I laughed so hard that tears came out of my eyes and I got a cramp in my side while reading this yesterday!!! Man I just about feel off the chair cracking up as I was trying to picture that in my own malfunctioning head!} The best laugh I had in a long time brother! I truly needed that blessing; I was in so much pain and couldn’t add 2 plus 2 to get 4 if I wanted to yesterday, I wasn’t laughing at your pain and misery Luis, I was becoming one with you in spirit because it was like you was reading my mind and knew just how I was feeling also, man these withdrawals are no joke!!! I know Satan got his finger prints all over this mess. But like you said {we got this brother} where ever two or more come together!!! Well you know the rest………. just hang in there brother I got your back in prayer.

 

I truly love you bro, regards’ to your precious family

 

This is what I feel like in my head - Good V Evil :pokey:

Johnny

 

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