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Do you really recover from this ??? lol


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alright alright, I'm 4.5 months off, and I know that is considered early in this ( I don't see how, 4 months is a long time ), but how do you really know you recover fully from this??  How do you know you just don't fluctuate from good to bad day for the rest of your life lol.  I mean I have read people being 15-22 months off and still suffering!!!  I have went through some success stories, and people have recovered, but the research I did showed a lot of people were on low doses that are doing better now.  My dose was considered high, not as high as others, but w/o a doubt high. 

 

I mean I haven't felt any real progress for a while now, and I just don't know how someone can keep there sanity feeling like this day in and day out for two years, and still maintain a normal lifestyle.  And quite frankly I don't believe anyone when they say they don't experience thoughts of hurting themselves when dealing with this so long.  I have full control over myself, my mind, and my body, but these ideas do come up due to the pain and feelings are just horrible.  What's worse is you deal with them from when you wake up, to when your going to bed.  I have nightmares, my sleep is horrible, my thoughts are uncontrollable at times, I hurt, I want to cry sometimes, I'm drained, I want what I can't have.  I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes thinking I have literally lost my mind.  I feel dangerous, I get feelings as if I shouldn't trust myself at times, I'm frightened to feel this way forever, I'm scared of sleep, I'm scared of life....

 

let me reiterate I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO HARM MYSELF THESE ARE JUST THOUGHTS, NOTHING MORE....

 

If I have to go on feeling like this I hope I can just fall asleep, and just not wake up.  Please do me a favor and let that happen, because this is not living life, this is surviving day to day hahahahaha.  I could definitely live with not being here anymore if I have to deal with this the rest of my life period.

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From what I hear people DEFINITELY recover from this.  And I know you feel bad but look at how far you have come. I still have much more to go before I am even benzo free and I am having the same terrible thoughts as you. (no kidding)

So take heart, You are winning this race.

 

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I am benzo free as of Feb 2011, too.  What I try to do is think about where I was a year ago, two years ago.  I know that some symptoms are gone....like the floaty, dizzy feeling....and it was bad for a while.  Like you, I don't feel like I have made much progress for the past 2 months....and my emotions seem to be a bit raw.  I feel like that my mind is taking a beating right now, with all these uncontrollable thoughts, feeling alone, jealous.  I have a negative attitude and feel sorry for myself, which feels sucky.  Do you feel the burning pain in your neck, back, head, on one side ?  I feel it on the front side of my arms, hands, legs, and feet....at times.

I know what you mean about feeling like you can't trust yourself at times.  The jealousy feelings cause me to say hateful things, and act childish.  Sometimes I don't feel like I make good decisions, or trust myself with things that involve math.  If I make mistakes, it sends me into a frenzy.  :-[

My sleep is messed up at times, and I notice that if I am worried, stressed, it is worse.  I try to unwind before bedtime, and it helps.....but if my brain gets to stewing about negative things....OH BOY !!!!!!! 

If you could find ways to calm yourself and get over the fear, it would help.  Right !!!!!!!  ???

When you say that you feel dangerous, what do you mean ?  Do you mean like your emotions are uncontrollable....and you wonder what could happen with that ?

 

We have to hang in there, and be tough....because this is a frightening stage.  We are winning this battle one day at a time. 

 

Sunny girl

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Thank you for the support what2do and sunny girl!!

 

@ sunny girl

 

I definitely know what you are talking about when it comes to burning feelings.  I had these burning feelings in my head the whole 3rd month no stop!!  Sometimes it would occur in different spots of my head, and isolate itself to that one spot, whether being the left side or back.  They will pass for you!!

 

When I say I feel dangerous, I mean I feel like my brain may lose control and I may do something that I might not want to do.  I know now I have no control over my brain, what it wants to do, what it feels, what it wants to do to my body.  I now put all my faith into my heart and soul, and hope it takes me where I want to be...

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kd,

 

Are you okay ?  I know how bad it feels when you don't feel like you have control of your mind.  I get so tired of this.  It is embarrassing....and it frustrates me so much to have to explain myself to others.  This is in God's hands, because he knows all....and gives us the strength to endure this trial.  Faith will get us through the difficult days....so we will hang in there....for, " this too shall pass ".

I have 2 sons, a little older than you.  They are a blessing....and you are a blessing, too.  :)

 

Sunny girl

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Hang in there. The more painful symptoms I was experiencing all but disappeared when I hit 5 months off. I'm still feeling the cognitive deficiencies but at least the days are livable.
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While I am not fully recovered yet, I can promise you that we recover.  I am now 15 months benzo free from an almost c/t.  At four months off I felt very  much like you.  You're right, it's just pure survival mode.  Every month couple of months I was able to look back and see progress.

 

Those who are still symptomatic between 1 year and 2 years are usually so much better than they were the first 6 months.  As you progress through the stages of recovery, it gets easier to endure because the symptoms are less intense and there are fewer of them.

 

While I would love to be totally over this, the stuff I'm dealing with after 15 months is more of a nuisance really and nothing more.  I just want to reassure you THIS DOES HAVE AN END and the last part of the race is much easier than the beginning.  :)

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Ashton had a Benzo clinic in England (for a decade I believe) and from what she observed and reported everyone recovers.  Some take longer because of the variables from case to case, but everyone recovers eventually.

 

I totally understand how you get these doubts in your head being hammered with a ton of unbearable symptoms day in and day out. Believe me!  But once the windows start happening and the symptoms start rotating and varying in intensity, you begin to realize this is all unfolding exactly as Ashton described it.  And remember, she set the recovery period at 6-18 months, with 6 months being the minimum.

 

Me and Wellness had our first window at 5 months, so you are probably on the verge of getting one too.

 

I was on benzos for 20 years, on a high dose, and Detoxed.  If I can see recovery happening in my case, trust me, you will too!

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well said perseverance..

We exp. the same WD symptoms, why then should we not all recover if others do??

I find it amazing that so many people know what I am feeling.  It really is the first time in my life that I can relate to so many people that I've never met!

 

We will heal... at our own pace. We may not like our brain's timing for healing but that's what its doing, trying to heal.

Lets try and learn to go with the flow and not lose hope...

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Thanks for the feedback everyone!!!

 

I was so frustrated with this in the morning due to I have strep throat right now as well..  When I get physically ill, and have to deal with these mental sxs it's truly hell.  It's so hard to get by the day, and when you think of where you are at, and all the time that is left it makes it all the worse, so I had to vent out (sorry  :) ).

 

 

 

 

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[e0...]

 

When Ashton had her clinic, how did SHE detox people?  Is she the only one that gets this?  All over the U.S. and world so it seems, there is no detox center that will do this for you correctly so it seems.  That seems so strange to me.  However it must be true.  All the detox centers just by reading, THROW you in there and cold turkey you.  I wonder why there is no detox center who will take you and keep you and titrate you?

 

Just wondering. By the way, Is she not with us anymore?

 

Ashton had a Benzo clinic in England (for a decade I believe) and from what she observed and reported everyone recovers.  Some take longer because of the variables from case to case, but everyone recovers eventually.

 

I totally understand how you get these doubts in your head being hammered with a ton of unbearable symptoms day in and day out. Believe me!  But once the windows start happening and the symptoms start rotating and varying in intensity, you begin to realize this is all unfolding exactly as Ashton described it.  And remember, she set the recovery period at 6-18 months, with 6 months being the minimum.

 

Me and Wellness had our first window at 5 months, so you are probably on the verge of getting one too.

 

I was on benzos for 20 years, on a high dose, and Detoxed.  If I can see recovery happening in my case, trust me, you will too!

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Lots of good encouraging post here. The psychological struggle is definitely the hardest for me; I thought I was on the upward swing @6months, but @7months I have had a constant struggle with dizziness and major head-aches (which I dealt with earlier, but they have come back vicious). It is tough; I just hope and pray that healing is ahead (soon). Lord give me/us grace to make it through this.

 

Blessings,

 

William

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Mylilcappi,

I heard she was retired. She didn't Detox people, she tapered them.  She published the taper plans in her manual.  Anyway, her work started a movement in the U.K. and I think I read something about a recent opening of a long term treatment center for benzos across the pond.

 

But that is just it, I mean it cost me and my husband $14,000.00 to send me to Detox center for only 14 days (which made me worse BTW).  In the real world people take months to recover.  Who would pay for that?  The only real solution I see to this problem is to get the prescribing laws changed so that there are no new victims- and perhaps some monetary aid for people who are victims now and are in danger of losing their jobs and/or homes due to the disabling effects of the w/d.  Perhaps they could also set up a National phone/internet support since many are homebound.  AND educate the darn doctors for those who can make it out, so at least their condition could be validated and not misdiagnosed.

 

I am in the process of gathering together all the facts in my story/recovery so I can write my state representatives a nice letter.  If we don't tell them what is happening, how will they ever know?

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[e0...]

Per,

That's what I meant to say, she tapered them.  but, I'm supposing it was $$$$$$$$$$$$ like you say.  And if it cost you that much, imagine how much it would cost to taper with long term stay.  It cost me $10,000 YEARS ago for alcohol rehab. And all they did was give me a benzo :crazy::idiot:  agree with your solution. 

 

They should have places affordable ones where people can go and get tapered and have support.  BUT I know I'm dreaming.  Because you know many of us don't have the support we need.  I'm glad you do and for the rest who do on here, but many of us are alone.  It's so sad they don't have places like that.  They do, but not for benzo's. The right way anyway.  And this is the hardest one to get off of.  I was just thinking of being alone, and how people can go into rehab for other drugs.  I know they can go in for benzo's too, and almost kill you.  Wouldn't it be nice to be able to go somewhere affodable, tapering, and look up and see a BB right by your side for comfort?  I know I need to wake up.  :tickedoff:

 

Thanks per........

 

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I thought about people who are alone and have no one.  I am soooo very blessed.  I don't know how I would have even been able to eat without help during the first 2-3 months.  It would be nice to see a community service like 'meals on wheels' help, and/or local churches step in to fill in the gaps.
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