Inability to concentrate, focus---too stressful

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Honestly, this has gotten so bad recently.  For some reason, I don't have a problem being on the computer---in fact, it's about all I do all day.  But, if I have to deal with any paperwork at all, or any other project that requires that I concentrate on a task, my nervous system just goes on tilt.  I cannot do it.  I just get weak and sick.  Dizzy and nauseous.  What the hell is this?  I began to notice that this was a problem about halfway through my taper, but it is definitely a lot worse as I've gotten closer to the finish line.  Oh, and I cannot read a book either, not if my life depended on it.  None of this was ever a problem for me before the latter half of this taper.  Please tell me it gets better.  Thanks, ~~mbr

[Guest [my...]]

Well I would tell you it gets better but I don't know that becasue I'm the same way.  But it must.  Look people had windows today.  It has to get better. 

 

Mamie

[[Fl...]]

I'm feeling better these days but I still can't wrap my head around anything complicated. Tv, computer, and solitaire on my phone....those three things take up the majority of my day. I think I gravitate toward these things because they don't require much brain power.

 

When a full on window opens up everything comes back, so yes, it does get better.

[[Gl...]]

I feel the same way.  It is really hard for me to focus on certain things.  My insomnia has made it a lot worse as I am up for 2 days now while trying to taper and I do not feel like doing much except being on the computer and killing time.  I hope it does get better for us soon.

[Guest [Cl...]]

My job requires so much attention to detail that I might quit. I have been screwing up so much--disastrous errors.

[[tr...]]

I was sitting at my easel today. I had read that sometimes you just have to pick yourself up and JUST DO IT. I was reading a book that deals with depression, and using OCD methods to get one dealing with this beast, to get order in their life. So that was my mantra JUST DO IT. Nothing. JUST DO IT. I drew a circle...which was lopsided and nothing like the way I used to draw. I was determined...JUST F#CKING DO IT. I erased the circle and tried again. CRAP. I put my pencil down, just staring at this crappy cirlce I tried to draw. JUST DO IT...my now skinny, w/d @SS.

 

Obviously I am no longer reading that book. My motivation...it refuses to budge and I am still at a standstill.

[[ob...]]

I am going through something very similar.  It has been the most frustrating part of w/d.

I was consuming books in my usual fashion up until 03/11 and then I just couldn't read anymore if I managed to get through 2 pages without falling asleep I usually forgot what I read.

Another thing I noticed was that when I read to my daughter is that I would mispeak or transpose words.

Work is another beast altogether, writing emails is sort a tortuous ordeal of write/erase, rewrite, reread to make sure I don't leave any half-formed sentences.  Even when I am done I don't even have the feeling that what I wrote is correct/clear, it just doesn't feel right, so I hit send anyways (just like this post  )

 

Because of the stress caused by this, I have even updosed a couple of times during my taper (most recently last week).

 

And judging from the other posts we are in good company.  We just have to keep going, eventually this too shall pass (though it sure feels like forever right now).

 

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Oh, my friends, your posts mean so much to me.  This is crazy.  Travuz, I try the "Just do it!" trick, too.  I find it doesn't work very well for me either.  It takes a monumental effort.  It's scary to think how out of control I am of my own behavior.  Obaat, I get that same feeling when I do any writing---like I can't tell if it's correct or makes sense.  My brain can't hold onto the words or the meaning long enough to tell.  ClaraBrahms, GlynG, and FloridaGuy, I so appreciate your weighing in on this one.  It's helpful to know we're not alone in this craziness.  The weird thing about this experience is that I never knew there was this dimension of human experience, and believe me, I would have happily remained ignorant!  Thanks again.  I'd be glad to hear from any others who share this difficulty.  L., ~~mbr

[[ma...]]

mbr,

 

I'm going through this same thing at the end of my taper and it's come as quite a surprise.  I thought I got depressed and was unable to concentrate before!  That was nothing like what's happened in the last few weeks.  Once I got down to about 2 mg. Valium the bottom fell out.  I was sleeping 4-6 hours a night, experiencing mild agoraphobia, fatigue, anxiety, depression, but I was able to get some things done.  Now I feel like things are out of control.  My ability to concentrate and follow a line of thought are completely gone.  Last week I spent almost entire days on the computer because I'm incapable of much else.  Before that I was exercising almost every day and just functioning to some extent. 

 

I have only one week left to this taper and I wish I felt like celebrating--I feel worse than ever.  I just hope we hear some positive comments from people who have been through this and can provide some inspiration for all of us.

 

Hang in there everyone,

Mal 

[[Ma...]]

Absolutely the same for me!  Though the last few days I have been getting small windows of 20-30 minutes where I am ALL THERE.  Gives me hope for the day when it will all be back!  And it does come back! 

 

Love ya

Mary

[[Fl...]]

Hey Travuz,

 

Don't beat yourself up over it. Things don't work the way they do when your brain is normal. No amount of tricking your brain is going to work when you are in the thick of WD. I'm at a point where I feel that I do need to try to push myself to do more but that is because I am feeling better and I don't want it to get to the point where I have settled into a comfort zone that keeps me from getting back out and training my brain to challenge itself again. Who knows....maybe I won't yet have the strength for it. At least I know that if it doesn't work I will just need to give it more time. That's about all we can do...give it time.

[[tr...]]

Thank you FloridaGuy

 

I've read many of your posts...where you are also challenged by the lack of motivation. It's a drag really because I want to do something constructive while I am tapering. The time I spend alone at home is maddening. So even though I might have something in mind...the minute I wake...I will instead walk to Starbucks and my local book store. I go to this book store everyday looking for answers...searching through any book that might help to jump start this cog fogged brain of mine or something that will inspire me. Then came one day were I was going through depersonalization or is it derealization, whereupon I thought a book was talking to me and trying to give me some sort of message. I looked like a crazed psychopath because every time I closed and opened the book...I seemed to get the reply I was looking for. I spent a couple of hours doing this before catching on that something was not right with me, and I rushed out before the tears started. It was a horrible walk home, knowing that I was not myself and how desperate I must have seemed.

 

But everyday is the same thing...I might find something...read it at a snails pace...reread pages because it reads wrong or something sounds off or I feel I am reading some foreign language. I will try whatever the books instructs but nothing hardly works or catches on because I can't battle this pill's dark influence. There is nothing on printed page that is of any help. There is no literature on how to fight this venemous tablet. Everything I attempt is of no consequence because we are being directed by a pill...which seems to amplify our depression, our OCD, or lack of motivation...it even tells us that death is preferable to life...a small peach tablet has made life devoid of any purpose or joy...how is this possible? This question is tormenting me because I am left without passion and I had so many dreams at one time. I am going crazy because everything I try to do always ends up with disastrous results and then what happens? The self hatred and ruminations start, and that invariably leads to depression. It's always a lose lose situation.

 

 

[[Fl...]]

Travuz,

 

It looks like you are making progress on your taper. It sucks...I know.....but you should be able to manage to get yourself off of the drug soon. When that happens the journey might not be over but at least your brain will be another step closer to healing. The truth is it might get worse before it gets better. Or it might get better and then get worse and then better. Or everything might just get better. No way to know, but one thing is for sure, if you do manage to stick it out the END RESULT is that you will get better.

 

I was in your shoes just a few months ago. It was HELL. But now at 6 months off I have had a solid month of feeling better. Not perfect, not normal, but without a doubt I am many, many times better than I was just weeks before I hit month 5.

 

Stick it out man, it's worth it.