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Please help!!!! I need all the support I can get now.


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I just took my last 3 mg due to the situation I am in and cannot cope with. This means I will have nothing for tomorrow. I am scared. If I go into clinic in the state I am in, the patients will tear me to pieces, as I have experienced before. They dont now anything about the situation I am in and will not have any compassion for it.

 

I need support. I am afraid of what I will go through tomorrow.

 

 

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I can't tell from your signature how much you have been taking of which benzo.  Just a few days ago you posted:

 

I just calculated - I had three weeks to get by with 50  3 mg tabs.  I dont know what he is going to suggest when I go on Monday, but I dont want to develop a tolerance.

 

I wonder if I should jump.

 

 

It looks like you either decided to jump from one of them or were forced to because of lack of supply.  Since you were already contemplating jumping, I assume you were on a pretty low dose.  I can tell you that I felt now worse after my last dose of benzo than the weeks before I quit.  It was just more of the same symptoms of healing and later some dropped out and were replaced by others but for a shorter period of time.  It is a rollercoaster ride sometimes so just hang on.  The ride will end one of these days you can step off it and into your new life.

 

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Beeper, I am/was on about 3 mg per day. I have got withdrawal symptoms, like metal taste this last week, as I experienced in my last withdrawal.

 

I am totally isolated. Last relationship is finally over now. I dont do good alone and I dont see any future with contacts here. Thats my problem, it stresses me out to keep trying.

 

But now I am going through with this. I tell myself I have to be strong now. I have to be strong. I am prepared about my blood-pressure going up and have meds for this. I am just afraid of getting a psychosis like I did in clinic. But I have something for that too.

 

 

If I face the truth, the people in the clinic didnt treat me any different than the people I have been trying to make contact with. I am getting slammed, told to go take a walk, this is the reason I need the Benzos to calm me after these upsets. I cant understand why I am treated like this, what I am doing wrong. I just dont know...!

 

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I'm sorry that you are upset.  To help us understand your situation better, why is it that you are out of medicine, today?
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I took my last dose before new prescription because I was extremely upset. My doc put restrictions on the amount of Benzo he will prescribe. He comes back from vacation on Monday, when he would give me a new prescription, I had one more for tomorrow and took it today. 
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Lizzie  :therethere:

 

I'm so sorry you are having to face all this feeling so alone.  I hope you will be looking into ways to make more contact with people, like taking a class or volunteering or something where you will meet other people with similar interests.  In the meantime, since you are effectively off (all?) benzos now, why not just ride it out and be done with it?  There really isn't much to be gained by reinstating on Monday.  Actually, taking a walk was a good way for me to wear off the extra adrenaline that accompanied benzo anxiety.  It helped to improve my mood, too, when I did it regularly.  Sometimes the simplest things are the most effective.

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Lizzie  :therethere:

 

I'm so sorry you are having to face all this feeling so alone.  I hope you will be looking into ways to make more contact with people, like taking a class or volunteering or something where you will meet other people with similar interests.  In the meantime, since you are effectively off (all?) benzos now, why not just ride it out and be done with it?  There really isn't much to be gained by reinstating on Monday.  Actually, taking a walk was a good way for me to wear off the extra adrenaline that accompanied benzo anxiety.  It helped to improve my mood, too, when I did it regularly.  Sometimes the simplest things are the most effective.

 

Oh Beeper I am always looking into ways of finding contact. But I am hitting my head agains a wall in this town. Maybe the ways I can look into making contact is taking a course on how to make contact. You do know that I have a double diagnosis. Addiction and PD.

 

I dont have any anxiety. Yet? Just doing a lot of thinking (flashbacks). Riding it out is what I plan to do Beeper. I hope I find some support on here in getting through this.

 

xx

 

I´ld like to share my thoughts on something I´ve been thinking about re: how I got on Benzos. I went to a pdoc 10 years ago for my first dx. Then I had a nervous breakdown due to a huge crisis. That was the first time I was prescribed Benzo´s. I had no idea I (No, HE!) was heaving another problem upon myself (he prescribed them to me regularly). Coming off Benzos will not solve the other dx. I have gone into hospital many times because of suicidal ideation. But the nut I am could never figure out why I always landed in a detox ward with no support. Crisis pushed aside, no doctor ever said: "You have an addiction problem and we have to heal you from this first." I had no idea they do not prescribe Benzos and furthermore, no idea I was addicted. I was getting them any time I wanted from pdocs. And I had no idea they were putting me there because coming off them is a horror. and can be dangerous i.e. delirium. No explanation, just shove her off to where we want her. I left because I couldnt identify myself with being around junkies and alcoholics, it was just an insult to me. Many people go to psych wards just to be around people. I know of an alcoholic who has been there 300 times, no one can tell me the doctors believe she wants to be cured, they know why she comes in. The law says if someone comes in drunk and asks for detox, you cant turn them down. Etc. etc. etc. My mind is spinning........

 

 

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I have gone without a Benzo today and it is already hell. Thinking about sleep is impossible. My body is tense beyond belief. I´ve taken something for the night and am waiting for it to take effect. I will decide tomorrow morning on whether to stick to this or go back for my prescription. If I do that I´ll hate myself for it, it seems like "The never ending story".

 

 

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Hi, Lizzie.

 

If you do decide you need to fill that prescription, maybe just having the pills available will help you psychologically.  Kind of a drug safety net that you probably won't need to use.  If you do decide to go back on to taper off more slowly in the future, we can help you with that.  There is no "one size fits all" way to get off benzos because our circumstances are all so different.  Please don't even think about hating yourself.  You are doing the very best you can with the situation you are in.  :hug:

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Hi Lizzie

 

I have also got fear of being alone at the moment.

It's a common symptom in benzo withdrawal, before I used to do my art, and enjoyed being alone, and was alone cos I wanted to but now I have lost interest in the art (loss of interest in things once enjoyed is yet another benzo symptom) ha! - it seems like everything is a benzo symptom sometimes, dosen't it?

With the loneliness, I am finding that the more lonely I say I am to people, the more lonely I am.

I think its probably good to go out alone, and just be in the presence of people helps, better than isolation.

I know what you mean by it being stressful trying to get in contact with people. I find myself shying away from phoning people in case they are busy or unavailable, because that in itself is upsetting.

I know it's not personal, everyone has stuff to do, but like you say, it can be stressful, but we haven't gotta give up.

As for the people who treat you unkindly, that's a sign to give them a wide berth. There are much nicer people about, not everyone is horrible.

I know your doc has put restrictions on the amount of benzo you are taking, but he has to give you the required amount to taper, right? The amount will decrease so doc should be ok with this.

I am sorry you are getting flashbacks still.

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad experience which gave you a nervous breakdown in the past.

It is also a shame that you have had episodes of suicidal ideation in the past too.

You must be one strong woman, because so far, you have come through some incredibly tough times.

Does the fact that you have got through all of this so far give you confidence, knowing you have survived everything? - You have had it tough, and I mean tough.

In the UK detoxes benzo addicts also get detoxed alongside alcoholics and heroin addicts. I read about one person describing the different addicts when they came out of detoxes, he said the junkies were ok, the alchoholics a bit grumpy, and the benzo addicts totally paranoid. - This is extrememely good reason to avoid detoxes at all costs.

 

Bromazepam has a much shorter half life than valium, and that is why you were slammed with symptoms on Sunday.

Valiums the best thing to withdraw from due to its long half life, and no sudden withdrawals like the shorter acting benzos.

The only 'must' about valium in my view is that you cannot do a direct swap from bromazepam to valium, it's best to do the gradual crossover, so the valium can build up in your system.

 

Don't hate yourself for anything. Your comfort and wellbeing are the most important here.

If you re-instated, don't hate yourself.  I know tapers seem to last forever, mine feels like a car stuck in a eternal traffic jam, but we have got to realise it will end, just like all of the others who have come off benzos successfully.

 

I think you will be one tough cookie when you are off these benzos, I know you have the PD you will feel like a new woman and will suprise yourself as you begin to feel the most alive you have in years. Writing this is making me feel excited about getting well myself.

Also there are many talented and well functioning people who have got PD's

 

How are you now Lizzie. I hope you are not too uncomfortable or upset.

 

Thinking of you

J x

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hi, Lizzie.

 

If you do decide you need to fill that prescription, maybe just having the pills available will help you psychologically.  Kind of a drug safety net that you probably won't need to use.  If you do decide to go back on to taper off more slowly in the future, we can help you with that.  There is no "one size fits all" way to get off benzos because our circumstances are all so different.  Please don't even think about hating yourself.  You are doing the very best you can with the situation you are in.   :hug:

 

Hi Beeper, I did decide to go in an get it filled again. It was day two and on my way to doc I had vertigo and an enormous high sense of awareness (of course no benzos to numb you). New situation here (does it ever end?). A neighbor is on the rampage slamming doors and stomping around in here apartment. When I got home I went back on. Since I was on day two of c/t my senses were taking in every slam and every stomp on the floor twice as loud and I was shaking. I know her, she is taking revenge. Impossible to think of tapering atm. On the contrary I´m thinking of going up cause I dont know when she will stop.

 

Btw I took my 3 mg for two days and didnt take effect until day three.

 

x

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Does the fact that you have got through all of this so far give you confidence, knowing you have survived everything? - You have had it tough, and I mean tough.

Thinking of you

J x

 

It broke me. Maybe because I stayed in the situation too long instead of leaving it. Like now with whats going on here. There are a lot of nasty people in this house - instead of taking more Benzos to survive this, it would be better to find another place to live. Picture someone sitting in the middle of a wasps nest, getting stung and not moving, but taking benzos to survive it.

x

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