how to help feelings of depression since starting taper

[[Ko...]]

Hi-

I have been so depressed since I learned that I could not easily taper off klonopin 0.5 mg at bedtime after being on it for 4 months. After cutting the dosage in half, I ended up with withdrawal symptoms that were quite scary to me and had to go back to the 0.5 mg.  I had to find a prescriber to help me get off of it who insisted that I switch to valium and am now doing a slow taper off.  

I have noticed that I don't look forward to things and that I just try to "get through" events that should bring joy. I was a fitness fanatic who used to work out everyday but now find it hard to force myself to walk a couple miles a day or ride the stationary bike for 30 minutes. (Started feeling too weak for workouts or that they revved me up too much) I feel like a shell of the person that I used to be. I am on an antidepressant that had been working fairly well but it seems that it is no longer the case.

I used to love to travel but now I don't feel like taking the chance on this as I am worried about withdrawal symptoms popping up and if I will feel well enough. 

I have had a good life with good career, 2 daughters, and a boyfriend.  I don't have anyone to depend on financially though and this is worrying.   I am having trouble accepting all the uncertainty with this process.

My family and friends seem to think I am being overly anxious about this.  I used to be a positive person prior to this and I want to feel optimistic and happy again. Does anyone else struggle with this?

 

 

[[Je...]]

@[Ko...] I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I have experienced depression, too. I honestly don't know what is causing it for you, but maybe switching from Klonopin to Valium? I've been on klonopin for a long time and am tapering that right now. Some days I feel depressed, too. Then there are days when I feel completely fine. I do know that you need to be kind to yourself and don't feel depressed about feeling depressed. (If that makes sense.) For me it always passes, especially if I just try to accept that today I might not be feeling too great and that is OK. We're asking a lot of our bodies and our nervous system. Getting off of a powerful medication like this isn't easy. 

Something else I try really, really hard to do is not to anticipate that I might feel bad. I just take it one day at a time (often one hour at a time) and let the symptoms come to me. I don't invite them. Try not to worry about how you might feel, rather just let the feelings/symptoms come when they do. I also try not to place a "value" on my symptom. Like "good" or "bad". It's just how I feel, and it might be annoying, but I try not to give the symptom a lot of weight. (I have to admit that this is not always easy to do!)

I don't think you're being overly anxious, because this IS hard, but unless someone has experienced what you are going through firsthand, they won't be able to understand your feelings and your fears. (But there are amazing people here who do!) 

I think you are probably still an optimistic and positive person; you're just going through a rough patch while you taper, and that's OK. You can totally be optimistic while feeling depressed, too. Feel optimistic that this is a temporary situation, and you will get through it! This is hard but you are stronger than you think.

Jess

 

[[Ko...]]

@[Je...] thank you for your kind words.  I do appreciate it. I know that the valium is more sedating for me but I got just as depressed on klonopin when I realized my situation.

I know this is temporary but taking over a year to taper and then recover seems like a long time-especially when raising children.  I am still trying to figure out how to live life while tapering. I have no choice but to work and I am planning on tapering super slowly due to that but I don't feel comfortable making plans for the future.  I don't know whether I will feel well enough to travel, attend weddings, etc.

I want to be optimistic but its difficult.

 

[[Je...]]

1 hour ago, [[K...] said:

@[Je...] thank you for your kind words.  I do appreciate it. I know that the valium is more sedating for me but I got just as depressed on klonopin when I realized my situation.

I know this is temporary but taking over a year to taper and then recover seems like a long time-especially when raising children.  I am still trying to figure out how to live life while tapering. I have no choice but to work and I am planning on tapering super slowly due to that but I don't feel comfortable making plans for the future.  I don't know whether I will feel well enough to travel, attend weddings, etc.

I want to be optimistic but its difficult.

@[Ko...] I certainly understand! And a year can feel like a long time. I know. But it may not take you that long, too. Or it may take that long but also be completely doable - meaning you're tapering but not feeling awful about it. It's taken me years to get to almost being done and now I look back and wonder where the time has gone! 

And if making plans makes you feel anxious, then absolutely, don't do it! I know I have often felt a LOT better when I didn't have to go anywhere. It just takes off the pressure and relieves the anxiety. You may feel better as you move along with your taper and find what works best for you. I am rooting for you!!

Jess

[[Ko...]]

You have a great perspective on things.  I am trying to be more positive and hopeful that everything will go smoothly.  Acceptance of this situation has been very difficult for me.