Not new but Back for good!!

[[Be...]]

Hello all! I've been away for a while but I'm back now for good. I've been on klonopin for a few years now. I was prescribed 2mgs twice a day. Well I used to take half that. I didnt want to take that much so I would just break a 2mg pill in half with a pill cutter everyday and take half in the am and half in the pm.

 

Shortly before finding out I was pregnant I started having tolerance withdrawal that was so intense that I felt like no will power was going to save me! I just started taking an extra half a pill a day. Still not up to where I was prescribed to be with 4 mgs a day tho. I talked to a genetics doctor at my high risk OBGYN's office. She felt that I needed to stay on the klonopin for the duration of my pregnancy. She talked with my therapist and he agreed. She felt the benifits out weighed the risks. So did he.

 

Problem is now the tolerance withdrawal and/or the baby taking up some of my klonopin is now causing me the most excruciating symptoms now!!!!!! I heard that the placenta could be taking a lot of the klonopin keeping me from getting the amount I was getting before but nobody knows by how much. And/or it could be tolerance withdrawal and the way I'm feeling, I'm guessing that its both!!

 

I am now actually taking the 2mg twice a day. They thought I was taking that much all along anyway but I wasnt. So I do have some saved up from times when I didnt take that much. Anyway, I've only been taking the 2mgs twice a day for a few weeks and already feeling like its not working again! What I do is break the pills into halves like I used to and take a half 4 times a day. Every 6 hours. its got to where even that doesnt feel like enough and like I said, what I am going through is excruciating!!!!!

 

It feels like breathing is a chore and hard to do! I have to remind myself to take in each breath so I'm thinking about this a lot! My arms feel like they want to jump off my body and run by themselves! There is so much adrenalin going through my body! My heart races, blood pressure goes up. All this happens hours before taking my next dose! I'm not feeling much relief from taking each dose either. Just that my body calms down some but I still feel like I'm in a high state of withdrawal. I get totally clenched up all over and would just crawl into a ball if I didnt feel this need to be in constant rocking and movement! I have cold sweats, hot sweats, I wake up several times a night. Have the most horrible dreams!

 

I cant get in to see my med doctor until the day before my due date! I dont know what to do! I am terrified!!!!! For me and yes for my daughter I'm carrying!! I dont feel like stopping or even slowing down my klonopin at this point would do her any good being inside my body which is already is such agony!

 

Please help me!!!! Offer me some solutions. Anything!

[Guest [Si...]]

BetweenWorlds,

 

Welcome Back.

 

As I understand you have increased your Klonopin because of tolerance?

 

Sigma.

[[Be...]]

I am TERRIFIED!!!! I feel like I'm going to have a sezure or just die or something! I said a whole lot in that but yes I increased to my prescribed dose because I didnt feel like it was working and its caused me to not be able to take care of my son, to not be able to breathe without thinking about it! My heart is trying to race so I sit here to keep that from happening. I'm rocking back and forth and trying not to but I feel like I need something to be in motion! I am taking deep breaths. I'm suffering so badly right now! I need help!!!! I need friends and support!!!! I am so shakey and in such a state of terror!!!!

[Guest [Si...]]

I am TERRIFIED!!!! I feel like I'm going to have a sezure or just die or something! I said a whole lot in that but yes I increased to my prescribed dose because I didnt feel like it was working and its caused me to not be able to take care of my son, to not be able to breathe without thinking about it! My heart is trying to race so I sit here to keep that from happening. I'm rocking back and forth and trying not to but I feel like I need something to be in motion! I am taking deep breaths. I'm suffering so badly right now! I need help!!!! I need friends and support!!!! I am so shakey and in such a state of terror!!!!

 

I am TERRIFIED!!!! I feel like I'm going to have a sezure or just die or something!

 

What makes you think you're going to have a seizure?

 

yes I increased to my prescribed dose because I didnt feel like it was working and its caused me to not be able to take care of my son, to not be able to breathe without thinking about it!

 

I understand. I once had to increase my dose of Klonopin. I got to 5mg.

 

You know that the Klonopin can induce the anxiety you are having, yes?

 

I am taking deep breaths. I'm suffering so badly right now! I need help!!!! I need friends and support!!!! I am so shakey and in such a state of terror!!!!

 

I have been there, I know what you mean.

 

I'm still tapering, but I had to c/o to valium.

 

About the pregnancy, I don't know about this.

 

Hopefully others will chime in.

 

 

[Guest [la...]]

How much longer do you have to go in your pregnancy?

 

I hate to say it, but I don't think starting on a tapering plan now is the best idea. You may want to wait until you've delivered and then discuss w/ your MDs about how to go about getting off of the Klonopin slowly and safely.

 

Pregnancy just makes this whole thing that much more complicated.

 

Hang in there. I wish I knew more of what to tell you. Can you practice some exercises to help you to get through the anxiety? Maybe go talk w/ an anxiety counselor and try to learn some coping mechanisms?

 

I wish you all the best...and the delivery of a happy, healthy baby.

 

Much love to you, Nicole

[[...]]

I wish I knew what to say or do for you. I really feel bad that you are in such a world of pain and anxiety.

 

You have no one to help you? Please, if you feel that something terrible is going to happen, for you and the baby's sake, seek medical attention.

 

We will support you all that we can.

[[Be...]]

Thank you for your responses! Sigma, you got to 5mgs a day? It is really a comfort to hear that I'm not alone and others have been where I am! I just want to feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel! I feel like if I wait and then deliver my daugher, I might already feel better. Unfortunatly SO UNFORTUNATLY I KNOW she is getting part of the klonopin. Thats probably a big reason I dont feel myself getting it as much anymore. I fear this will only get worse. I just keep thinking that if I can make it until I have her, I can go in with a great tapering schedual and start that. Its just getting by until then! One day, one breath at a time! Just feeling the withdrawal effects make me feel like a sezure or my heart giving out MUST be right around the corner! I have about 11 weeks left of pregnancy left. If I taper slowly I know its still not going to be easy. But it will be alright wont it? I'm going to survive this right? I dont want to feel suicidal or anything but the thought of a smooth death doesnt scare me as much as it should anymore  :'( . I want to be a happy person! I'm so loving to everyone I know! But I am struggling so hard right now! I am having trouble taking care of my son and thats putting it lightly! 

 

Thank you so much for being my friends!!!!! There is a light at the end of this tunnel right?

[Guest [Si...]]

Thank you for your responses! Sigma, you got to 5mgs a day?

 

Yes I did, and it made me worse.

 

Yes there is light at the end of the tunnel, we have to sacrifice to get there, but there is.

 

Just feeling the withdrawal effects make me feel like a sezure or my heart giving out MUST be right around the corner!

 

It takes a big jolt to have a seizure, as in a c/t.

 

You're not epileptic, then I would not worry about a seizure.

 

You have so many questions, others will be around to help out with.

 

If you feel suicidal, please find some help.

 

 

[[Be...]]

And no I dont have a good support system. My husband isnt supportive. Him and I are at a place where its not going to last. He wants to stay together but bc of his, lies and apathy and how completely different we are, its just not going to last. Its been a long time coming. I'm not focusing on this right now but I am very hurt to be so alone! My parents are alive but have nothing to do with me and that is such a long story! Both for different reasons. Mostly bc my dad raped my sister when she was 14 and my mom didnt believe her and didnt believe me when I told her that I watched it. My mom is a drug addict. She always has been. So I've really not been able to be close to them. My mom and sister are both manipulative people. I just want to live my life! I keep my "Conversations with God" book close to me and I try to spread good things and love everywhere! I have some good online friends on facebook. But they are far away and dont understand what I am going through. I have no friends close by bc I moved here with my husband and havent met anybody. Kinda hard to with agoraphobia. I'd love to make friends! I just want to be able to live my life! I tell you though, anxiety and panic attacks alone are a walk in the park compared to this crap!!!!!! And being alone? Yeah  :'(. But I found you guys.

[[Be...]]

How did it make you worse? No I was in no way aware that increasing my dose could make me feel worse! So am I going to feel worse if I increase the dose or if I just dont? I've really never heard of that! But there are so many that havent told me anything I need to know about this!

[[cu...]]

If I were you, since you are having such a hard time, I wouldn't try lowering the dose anymore. But for your baby's sake, you NEED to make sure that your baby is monitored after delivery because your baby may have withdrawal symptoms..my baby did starting 1-2 weeks after he was born. They weren't serious but I was on a lower dose and only on it for the last 2 months of pregnancy.

 

Its possible that the hormones from your pregnancy are making you more nervous..I experienced this but it wasn't that bad.In my experience, just being pregnant makes it hard to breath, I had this in my third trimester with my larger babies, I had to lean back and push down on my belly so I could get a good breath.

 

Laying down on your left side will help lower your blood pressure.

 

Is there a benzo wise doctor in your area that you can talk to about your situation?

 

Here is a list of doctors in the US. Hopefully you can find one and get some advice on your unique situation.http://benzodocs.com/

 

 

good luck darling and I am praying for you and your precious little girl.

cupcake

[[Ma...]]

I am sorry you feel that way. I didn't use benzos during my pregnancy ( so I can't give you some advise about that)  but my anxiety and pa-s started at that time. It was very hard dealing with pregnancy and GAD at the same time. You have to be positive and if you don't have support at home I am sure you will find it here. I wish you well. Good luck.

 

Marija

[[Li...]]

BetweenWorlds, you may have to lean on your husband a bit more now. I understand you and he may be going through trials right now but you need someone there to lean on. He is the baby's father and he has a vested interest in the health of the baby so let go of the differences for now and let him in. Let him massage your back and hold your hand. Let him know what you are feeling. There will be plenty of time to deal with your problems later, after you deliver a helathy baby girl!

 

Also, get assurances from your doctors and speak with the pediatrician that will be there for delivery regarding the dosages you are on. Ask them about the drug's impact on the baby. I think that you may be adding more stress/anxiety because you don't know the impact the drug has on the baby. Once you know, I think the stress will be reduced and everything else should fall into place.

 

Also, listen to some calming music. Have your husband download some relaxing music that you and the baby can listen to. If you truly are feeling ill, get to an emergency room. There, they can at least monitor your vitals and the vitals of the baby - this will give you more assurances that all is okay.

 

Lastly, open that bible and keep it open on yur nightstand. Press it up against the belly and Pray! God hears you!

 

HE loves you.

 

Regards,

 

Lida

 

 

 

[[cu...]]

My husband was very cold to me during the beginning of this whole ordeal. When he agreed to talk to some of my support partners, and learned that what I was going through was very real, he became a changed man. He is much more compassionate, encouraging and supportive now. He talks to my healed friends on a regular basis for support on how to help me now and that means so much.

 

PM me anytime sweety, any of us here are more than willing to chat with you and help you out.

 

love

cupcake

[Guest [Si...]]

BetweenWorlds,

 

How have you been?

 

S#