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Long Haulers

Severe Crying


[Je...]

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I debated whether to post anything.  I don't generally post hardly anything because either there are no answers or I figure I will just go it alone and keep to the success stories. 

I deal with severe crying every day. And, other symptoms, too. One big symptom finally left almost two months ago. I'm grateful.  But I wake up so sick and crying, now for almost 49 months. I'm tired. I'm 68 years old and have lost hope. Lost faith in God. 

Just need a little assurance and a virtual hug from someone.  Thanks for listening.  Much love to you all. 

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Hi - 15 months CT for me. The WD has been hell, yet I am hopeful. I am 67 and each day it has gotten a bit better. Never will return to the fogginess of benzo use. When I get up in the morning - really notice how awake I truly am now. I do cry a lot because of family loss and sad memories. Memories are the past. New day. Please stay strong and keep sharing. 

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Thank you. This crying is draining and scares me. 

I appreciate you reaching out to me. Thank you for your kindness and encouragement. 

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Hi @[Je...], what symptom left 2 months ago, did you notice right away or was it like, hey, I haven’t felt that for awhile?

I’m sorry you’re crying so much, I wasn’t able to cry, this process is so different for each of us.  

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The biggest reason I stay on the path is my daughters and my grandchildren. Don't see them very often, which is on me and my prior addictions to benzos and alcohol. Want to be available if they come back into my life. The rest of my family have been very supportive lately and that has helped so much. Try to give back the best I can.

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One of the biggest symptom that stopped was the myoclonic seizures and jerking.  I lived with that for almost 4 years.  How I survived is beyond me.  Perhaps by the grace of God. It just stopped.  No fading away like other symptoms.  Just stopped! 

I keep going for the love of my husband and children. Although my son doesn't speak to us because he can't handle the suffering.  My daughter is stronger but she has her life to live. 

Thank you again for reaching out to me.  It's a long hard journey that seems to never end.

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I’m grateful those symptoms stopped, I can’t imagine living with that for 4 years!  I’m glad you have family around but I’m sure you hate having your children see you like this, it was difficult for me too.  We want to be strong for our kids, its tough when they see us at our worst, and this is the worst. 

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This has been a recent thing for me. I’m OK when I wake up, but the last 2 days just sob uncontrollably literally all day. Can’t go out just feel like I am falling apart. Yet couple days previously wasn’t too bad. Never really had windows so don’t know if it’s a wave? I feel for you this uncontrollable sobbing is awful x

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Thank you for reaching out to me.  My heart goes out to you.  One day there will be mo more crying or pain. It's so hard every morning.  I'm sitting here and it's 6 am. Crying again.  Not so severe but it's early. Trying to plan my day to stay distracted.  I'm always scared. Keep moving forward. 

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@[Je...]. Just a note about mornings, most of our members report more difficult symptoms then, most believe its due to heightened cortisol levels, do you feel a little better as the day wears on? 

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Symptoms ease up to some degree.  Yesterday the crying stopped around 12:30 for the rest of the day.  Still felt crappy but at least the crying stopped.  Usually I only stop crying for a few minutes or an hour. I hope by afternoon it will stop again.  I knit while crying or go outside and rack pine needles up. It's  the relentless symptoms with no real windows.  I haven't had a window in years. Perhaps yesterday afternoon was a small window.  It's how you choose to view it. I miss my life.  I'm scared that I'm the exception to the rule of healing.  Any thoughts? Encouragement? Thank you 

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19 hours ago, [[J...] said:

I debated whether to post anything.  I don't generally post hardly anything because either there are no answers or I figure I will just go it alone and keep to the success stories. 

I deal with severe crying every day. And, other symptoms, too. One big symptom finally left almost two months ago. I'm grateful.  But I wake up so sick and crying, now for almost 49 months. I'm tired. I'm 68 years old and have lost hope. Lost faith in God. 

Just need a little assurance and a virtual hug from someone.  Thanks for listening.  Much love to you all. 

I'm right there with you, Jellybelly1.  The mental torture is the absolute worst.  My crying jags are gut wrenching, deep grieving and hellish.  I just had a horrible one this morning.  I am 69 years old and live by myself and hopeless.  I'm too old for this.  I was less than 6 months and 85 pills from start to taper on benzos for sleep only.  I have suffered now for 8 years with short healings in between my 6 setbacks.  My last severe, severe 5th setback was 18 months and I was healed only less than 8 months before this 6th setback hit.  It's just too much!! 

I force myself to go to work everyday. It's not easy being here but it's much better than being home alone where I am totally dysfunctional and too weak to do any projects or cleaning.  My job is not stressful and I have been doing it for almost 17 years so it is easy now.   I don't have any cognitive issues other than occasional brain fog.  Forcing myself to go to work everyday has saved my life.  I honestly dread, dread, dread the weekends.  I truly have no consistent support of people around.

I'm sorry you are going through this mental torture, too.  It is the absolute worst!!

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You're very kind and it helps to know someone by age.  I have an amazing husband who supports me beyond belief but I still feel so alone. This journey is stretching me beyond my limits. You will heal. We just have to hold on. Don't give up.  

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53 minutes ago, [[J...] said:

You're very kind and it helps to know someone by age.  I have an amazing husband who supports me beyond belief but I still feel so alone. This journey is stretching me beyond my limits. You will heal. We just have to hold on. Don't give up.  

It's so hard to hold on.  It's just been too long.  8 years of torture is a very long time.  If the mental torture went away and I could feel joy and pleasure again, I could handle all the rest...the severe pain and weakness...the constant tinnitus...the constant queasiness...internal tremors in arms and legs...having to force feed every day (no appetite whatsoever) which just the thought of having to eat makes me sick to my stomach...super sensitive to all smells which make me queasy, too...I can't socialize...just people's voices laughing and having a good time triggers me and I don't feel like I belong anywhere - depersonalization/derealization. 

I really wonder how much our age plays into this.  Life is an adjustment as we age normally but with this added to it, I just don't know!

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What were your favorite things you liked to do? I wish I had a magic wand or words for us.

I pass the day in a blur of pain and in a different dimension.  I hate it. I keep asking God isn't this enough suffering? I managed to get halfway through the day and I will get through the rest.  I don't know either.  Lost in space.

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When I'm well, I love just working in the yard, being with grandchildren, shopping alone and small projects and especially decorating for the holidays.  I even signed up at a new gym here in the city but I had to cancel because my setback came on.  And I was going to get into pickleball.

Now I am unable to do anything.  I just want the holidays to disappear.  I am too unwell to be with my grandchildren. I can't socialize.  Most friends have abandoned me anyway.  Now, when I go home after work, I just force feed and watch TV laying down.  That's all I can do.  I can't just watch anything.  Too triggering.  Family Feud is one program that helps distract.  

Can you feel joy and pleasure?

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Nope. Can't feel any happiness, joy, or love. I know rationally I love my husband and children.  Plus my therapy dog Obi. I live in Sierra Nevada mountains and it's getting cold. I dread another long winter. It's the unknowing of this journey.  What comes next? 

You're brave and strong to make it this far. Keep going.  You can always reach out to me.

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Not being able to feel joy or pleasure is so unreal!!!  I live in Southern California and am looking forward to it being colder since I am now so heat sensitive.  I understand your dread of the snow.

You are just as brave!  We all are!  Please stay in touch, too!!

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I will stay in touch.  You're close to me. I live near Lake Tahoe.  Perhaps a 10 hour drive? Well, I can't drive, yet.

I'm going through another  crying spell. This one is testing me to my limits. I try to pray. Keep me in your prayers if you do pray. You're in mine.

 

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10 hours ago, [[J...] said:

Nope. Can't feel any happiness, joy, or love. I know rationally I love my husband and children.  Plus my therapy dog Obi. I live in Sierra Nevada mountains and it's getting cold. I dread another long winter. It's the unknowing of this journey.  What comes next? 

You're brave and strong to make it this far. Keep going.  You can always reach out to me.

It has reassured me you saying you can’t feel anything. I just feel dead inside, have awful OCD type symptoms. Am on waiting list for CBT on NHS. Have mental health nurse comes in once week, but she seems have no idea how bad you feel in a meltdown. Told I should look at the flowers and go to a happy place. I’m going be a granny next year should be excited but feel nothing. Hope things improve for you soon x

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