Noticing that being around people helps, but . . .

[[Ho...]]

Hi! I've been noticing that there are times when I'm around people and it really helps, while not seeing people for days at a time (but my husband is always here) brings me down a lot. Anyone else find this? I'm 13 months off and still have some pretty intense waves that are harder and harder for me to deal with.  I don't know why the rough times seem rougher, because I don't think they really are. I think it's just weariness.

I've reached out to organizations to volunteer (food kitchen, help at a children's daycare service) but so far no one has gotten back to me and I doubt that they will. I have a feeling the emails went to unmanned mailboxes.

Anyway, I've also read some people were helped by working, although that first step was torture. I'm not sure what to do next, or what to try!

[[...]]

I like your ideas. I want to get back to work but I'm still too disabled. But doing some volunteer, low stress work sounds great.

[[Ho...]]

[[Ti...]]

I did meals on wheels starting around 14 months for about a year and that was my favorite day of the week. It was nice to get out of the house and help, plus the seniors seemed really lonely and enjoyed the interaction. I ended up moving and just haven’t signed back up. Probably should. 

[[Jd...]]

Working is what saved me.   I was in a lot of pain and I was still severely agoraphobic but at the time.  Without saying any “trigger words” let’s just say I  was beyond not doing well.  And my original reason for working is I wanted life insurance to leave my family something.  I remember hugging my family goodbye the first day of work not knowing if I could even survive the day I woke up about an hour earlier than I needed to and remember petting my cat and dog not knowing if I’d ever see them again.  After I survived my first day I chalked it up as luck and “just knew” my days were numbered thinking a human body can only take so much and just hoped I’d make it to the part where I could sign up for life insurance. In the early days I remember just thinking I wouldn’t even need to end this on my own that working would do it for me and thus my family would see I died trying.  As time rolled on I even remember thinking “wtf why won’t you die” after my life insurance kicked in and I had enough to leave my family.  But I continued working because I seen Christmas was right around the corner and I wanted to redeem myself for the crappy Christmas we had the previous year when I wasn’t working so I worked more and more to give my family the best Christmas we ever had still thinking I would die shortly after.  After Christmas came and went I realized I hadn’t taken my family on a vacation for quite some time between Covid and now wd so I planned the best vacation we ever been on because I felt I needed to redeem myself once again.   Ffwd to now.  I feel I’ve fully redeemed myself my family no longer looks at me as a failure and now realizes I go to work still suffering in pain to give them the things they want. I once was looked at as a burden I felt and now no longer.  I now have came full circle and work because I like to work and enjoy helping others.  I still am in pain and I still struggle but it has given me a reason to keep going.   So from my perspective I will always say go back to work even if you think it will kill you (because it’s not) and may just be the very thing that saves you like it did me 

[[te...]]

Jdoe1211, so glad you didn't die. Glad you're still with us.

[[Ho...]]

@[Jd...], that's the most inspiring story I've read. God bless and strengthen your every step! Who would ever, ever have thought this was the avenue that would catalyze you and show your family how deep your love is for them. I'm so touched and encouraged! I've noticed that because I don't feel as if I can do anything well, I am doing things more carefully. I end by doing things I would avoid before because they were too hard. 

I'm 70. Not sure anyone would hire me, but maybe work is just what I need now. Tomorrow my husband and I will work in a nearby forest preserve, cutting invasive plants and trees back and burning them. It's with the Shedd Aquarium and they're super nice people to work with. It's hard physical labor. If I can do that, surely I can still do something other than putter around the house, trying to keep busy! I used to have a small Etsy business. It's still there but I'm not tending it at all. Maybe I should go back to that.

Well anyway, I hope you keep telling your story on this site and others. It's more important than the news or even than a success story. It's a story of sheer grit, courage and deep love. Thank you so much for sharing this! Please don't stop! Copy and paste, you wonderful guy!