Family?

[[Be...]]

I've read that a lot of people's families shun them for this issue. It seems like people can only understand more palpable issues such as cancer, paralysis, etc, etc. I admit that these conditions are heartbreaking, but this is a serious issue as well (can only imagine someone who has a life threatening illness, and is on benzos...) My own mother commented today that my life is "sucky" What a cut throat b.

 

Can/have some of you had altercations with your family members? How do you deal with it? I'm fairly confident that I won't talk to many of my family members after I get on my feet again. I feel only cowards run away from those they "love" in their time of need. Hell, I don't even bring it up that much to them- maybe once every few months, and that is still too much!

 

Sorry I needed to vent a little more. Hopefully I'll meet new people in the future who don't have rocks where their hearts should be

[[Ma...]]

Hello Ben zolo

I am new to the forum. I can say that my family (mostly my husband) supporting me on their way. I still see that they don't understand fully what I am going through. But also I know how difficult I can be. That is why I have forum and people here so they will completely understand me and support me. When I had anxiety and panic attacks ( in the start before benzo) one of my family member said that it is nothing wrong, shout on me and pushing me to go out on the worst way (I was quite agoraphobic). And they know that I am very emotional person ant that affected me a lot.  And now I don't expect nothing from them and it is better like that then to get worse thinking of them how they treat you.

 

Marija

[[...]]

Ben, in life you have to choice who to open your heart to.  That's within your power even during this process. My kids understood more than my wife. My best friend told me to man up and get over it.

I felt bad until i realized, only someone going thru this understands.

Then it was ok when those closest to me would make off comments. It didn't matter because my focus was getting better and proving to them I was going to be ok...

 

My wife is great, she's just scared that I was going to crippled I guess and leave her with the kids...

She said once, "you're never going to be the same!" It hurt, but weeks later, she's already had to eat those words and since has apologized. I'm not even completely healed yet! 

 

Open your heart here for now Ben, later on they will understand and even if they don't, you will be well again.

 

[[fl...]]

When I was in the thick of it, they my wife and family were really there for me. They didn't understand it, but they could clearly tell that I wasn't myself and I had never been that way before so they supported me. As it began to drag on I had a lot of issues with my wife doubting me, and others just being tired of me not being able to do anything.

 

I've learned to just accept my current condition and let people think what they want. I can't control it, and I can't fault them for not understanding because it's just not diagnosed or accepted in the medical community. I love them all regardless and will be happy to share my life with them when I'm better. In the meantime I just do what I can and have stopped complaining because nobody wants to hear it 

 

Jeff M.

[[Sc...]]

Hi Ben!

 

I have read a lot of members who also have very little to no family/friend support and I can't imagine...and yet they do it!  I have been SO lucky to have support from not only my husband, mom/dad, young daughter (it's amazing how empathetic a 7 year old can be), friends...even my daughter's teachers.  See, I decided that if I was going to get through this, then people were going to know.  I'm 33 now and find I have hit a stage in my life where I only want to be friends w/ people who truly care, and if that means I lose a few people along the way, then that's what will happen.  But it's amazing what my honestly has done!  It has made others interested in learning!  I dropped my daughter off at school yesterday and one of the moms I know well turned to ask how I was doing, and then said "you know that on the news 2 weeks ago they did a segment about those meds you're coming off...they said a patient should not be put on them for longer than 2 weeks...etc".  And I felt good after.  Because there is one more person who is taking the time to show interest and educate themselves about something SO important.  I guess I'm on a mini mission w/ this w/d.  lol  Now, I totally understand this wouldn't work for everyone...LP makes a great point that for now just stick w/ the members on this forum.  Really, that is the safest way b/c everyone here is SO understanding and won't make you feel silly for any fear or concern you have.  Not all my friends "get it"...they can't unless they go through it themselves.  Or see it first hand like my husband or daughter.  But it is possible for people in your lives to TRY to understand.

 

I've been SO fortunate and I am happy in the end that I decided to be so open about it w/ people...it is amazing how receptive people CAN be when you are honest.  It won't always be the case, but I think I just kind of lucked out. 

 

ALL the best to you and it's nice seeing you here!

Schatje

[[Ho...]]

It is very hard. My boyfriend and I broke up over this issue. I don't really talk to my family members about it much even though I still live with them at the moment. I guess I just gave up since I've been struggling with these benzo and other psych med issues for so incredibly long (2+years for the benzos, about 9 years for all other psych meds). When I would tell my mom about the crap I was experiencing, all she'd really do was try to force me into talking to a shrink. So that's why I gave up. I just have to trust that it will all work out in the end.

[[...]]

Hi Abby,

 

She was used of that fact that I am the rock of the family, fix everything, be there, strong..

I became someone else and she thought I was toast...  fear is something else...

 

[[Wh...]]

This is a very painful topic for me.  My siblings abandoned me outright but the good thing is that my son saw the positive change in me after I was drug free and jumped in to offer his support.  I lost my family of origin and found my true family.  Really ... not a big loss and much more of a huge gain.  Still having a hard time really accepting the loss part of it all.  It hurts when the people that are "supposed" to be there for you in life ... cannot.  I've always had a hard time accepting that fact.

[[Be...]]

That seems like a good additude Floy. I myself cannot be so philisophical. These people have attacked my character, so to hell with them. I still love my dad, even though he is oblivious too.

 

Yea I had to leave my girlfriend. She is a great girl, but I wasn't about to drag her down the path of destruction that this has been. That was hard, considering she was the only who truly "got" how bad I was suffering.

 

O well: I will just be thankful that I found this place, and for the fact that life is beautiful.. Even if it is hellish for the time being.

 

Good for you Whoopsie! Sorry to hear of your losses, but also happy to hear it is possible to rebuild.

[[...]]

I can sense that my only sibling doubts that I am having withdrawal, and that has somewhat hurt our relationship.  My wife has been my "rock" and while we had a fantastic marriage before my benzo experience, we are even stronger as a couple today.  It is as if she is actually going though this with me.  I'm a very lucky man.

[[tr...]]

The only people I have left in my life...they don't get any of this. I try to explain everything as best I can...but it is beyond their capacity to understand what withdrawal is or how it affects you and the symptoms that will show. I tell them about the suicidal ideations and they tell I shouldn't think that way...like I have a choice. It is hard to explain something like this to my parents; my dad is oblivious and my mum tries to be comforting and positive...but she always says things that cause me to snap at her. My girlfriend tries to understand but sometimes...though she tries to be positive...she doesn't always get it either.

 

Sometimes they don't understand how serious this is...or how painful it can be. They feel that all these issues I have...like anger and resentment are just me and depression is treatable...with a pill. Who knows anymore. As the days continue I sometimes ask...if maybe they are right and I am mad enough to continue tapering. I don't get much support from my siblings...my brother seems to be afraid to be around me. My oldest sister...is a knowitall and her answer was that this was all in my head...she is toxic so I stay away from her. My other sister told me to get over it, and my youngest sister...she also told me to get off it...but she listens. I can tell you I am alone in this venture. My mum takes the brunt of my moods and today...I went overboard. I hurt her because I can't get control of this anger. I wish I could stop this madness because I fear I am doing her the most harm and eventually she will become this thing I am.

 

I wish this would end...but I have a ways to go. I wish I knew how to control the anger...but it seems most people have this same issue and there is no control. I wish I never touched these meds. I wish I was whole again. And most of all...I guess I wish I had a better support system. But in the end I feel like I am wasting my breath trying to explain this anymore, and I feel like a leper...or a pariah...or nothing. These meds have ruined every facet of my life and have left me without anyone capable of supporting me. I am totally alone is a house full of people. I can forgive...but God help me forget this.

 

When my girlfriend told me she had gluten intolerance...I spent days on the .Net researching and learning whatever I could. I wish people would do the same or care as much. I would think that people would not dispell this or wave it away...it's here so let's work together. I am the one who holds everything together...while going through this. How sad that when I am in need...I can't count on anyone anymore.

 

 

[[Be...]]

You are not alone Travu. These meds have infringed on every component of my life as well. You have support here buddy. I think it boils down to the fact that we couldn't count on anyone in the first place. I'm not trying to be nihilistic, but the old adage "want something done, do it yourself" rings so true to me right now. Not to say that I don't think there aren't understanding people out there; I really do think there are. It's just better to find people who are going through the same crud to vent 2. I am learning this now.

[[Fl...]]

I don't tell very many people about what I am going through because when I do it is usually met with a blank stare. You can try to describe it to them but unless they have been there they have no point of reference. I can say "It feels like the worst hangover you have ever had times three that lasts for months on end coupled with debilitating anxiety and depression" but how many people really know what debilitating anxiety and depression feels like? They might be able to relate to the hangover thing but who could imagine having to endure a hangover that lasts for months? It is simply incomprehensible to most people.

 

The frustrating thing is that if people REALLY knew what you were going through they would pour their hearts out to you. If they could see your pain they would be completely supportive. My mom empathizes because she trusts that I wouldn't be making this stuff up but I know she has no idea how bad it was for me. Same with my business partner. He witnessed my downward spiral and even started making comments about my behavior before I knew I was in WD, but all he can say after I describe it to him is "Yea, that sucks....I wouldn't know how that feels". Those words sound cold to someone in our position but it's nothing more than the unvarnished truth.

 

Most people will live their entire lives believing that when someone is feeling anxious or depressed the cure is as simple as changing thought patterns because when you aren't under the influence of chemicals, chemical dependency, or WD from chemical dependency it often IS that simple.

 

One positive thing that did come from this experience is a new found awareness of how chemicals effect my body. This experience gives you a new level of respect for the profound effect drugs can have. I mean, who could imagine a little pill could be so powerful that it could bring a person to their knees for a year AFTER they stop taking it? Pretty scary when you think about it.

[[Fl...]]

You are not alone Travu. These meds have infringed on every component of my life as well. You have support here buddy. I think it boils down to the fact that we couldn't count on anyone in the first place. I'm not trying to be nihilistic, but the old adage "want something done, do it yourself" rings so true to me right now. Not to say that I don't think there aren't understanding people out there; I really do think there are. It's just better to find people who are going through the same crud to vent 2. I am learning this now.

 

Very true.

 

Over the past several years I learned some hard lessons. At the best case end of the spectrum other people have their own issues to deal with and things that have to do with others are pretty trivial to them. At the worst case end most people will cash out of their relationship with you for a price. I found out what that price was with a childhood friend of mine I knew from my freshman year in high school. Evidently my price to him was the $40-$50,000 he embezzled from my business because I was too naive to think he could ever screw me over.

 

Of course most people will fall toward the better end of that spectrum but it's important to understand that at the end of the day everyone is primarily concerned about their own health and well being, and rightfully so.

[[tr...]]

I think it boils down to the fact that we couldn't count on anyone in the first place. I'm not trying to be nihilistic, but the old adage "want something done, do it yourself" rings so true to me right now.

 

Thank You Ben zolo

 

I have to agree with you. It seems that if you want things done right...we do have to take the initiative and then whatever may come our way...put up our dukes, ready ourselves for the long haul, and then, roll with the punches as they come our way. I have never been so disappointed with anyone...as I have been these past few years. I thought the whole of my family was dependable and loyal, only to be rudely awakened to the fact that this is no longer true and maybe never was. What I see today is that people who I counted on as friends, family memebers and those I trust most are dysfunctional, heartless and uncaring in all senses of the words. Still when you can't count on your own family...what do we really have left?

 

It is better to find those who suffer like you...they are the ones who will guide you...hold your hand...soothe all your worries. But it is so sad to finally see your family under the right light. I had been fooling myself for so long. Other than my father and mother...my siblings have shown their true colours, and after all the sacrifices I made throughout my life...it hurts to be kicked to the curb like this.

 

I found support here. I found people who are not quick to judge. I found friends who get why I am this way, and who will often say..."hey it's OK...been there done that...it's not you...it's that peach coloured pill the doctor gave you. No worries you're home now...we'll be there for you...we will listen and we will try our best not to steer you off onto the wrong path." In this virtual world...I finally found people I can trust, who I can sympathize with and who I feel for because in the end we all share a common goal...we want off these meds and we alone felt the pain it puts us all through. God bless you all and if you don't believe in a God...then I thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring.

[[Be...]]

Yeah it definitely hurts to be kicked to the curb. I feel a lot of the same things, and I think it comes down to loyalty. Like you I want to be there for my family when they are hurting, but I never thought they wouldn't reciprocate. It's just one of those givens that we are always supposed to be able to fall back on in times of need.

 

O damn Florida:( Now that would be a punch to the gut. I just can't imagine why people have this lack of integrity. Hmmm.

 

You are welcome Travuz. Keep your chin up.

[[Ho...]]

I also wanted to mention that for all these years I've been on Klonopin and ADs and suffering so much from them, all my mom has EVER thought is that I just have self-defeating behavior, and basically... that it's all my fault. 

[[Fl...]]

You know, the person who took the most interest in my ordeal is a guy that I work with from time to time. We aren't particularly close friends and I don't see him often, but I think what made him really take an interest is the fact that his girl is on some psych meds. He didn't elaborate on her experience but judging by the way he reacted when I told him what was going on with me I would guess that she too is having some kind of issues.

 

Basically what it comes down to is that even if people care about you if they have no way to relate to what you are experiencing it's going to be hard for them to sympathize, and only those who have been affected by this kind of situation will have any kind of an interest in yours.

[[Th...]]

 My wife has been my "rock" and while we had a fantastic marriage before my benzo experience, we are even stronger as a couple today.  It is as if she is actually going though this with me.  I'm a very lucky man.

I could've written this quote about my husband.

He's the only one that REALLY knows me (we've been together for 15 years -since we were 14) so he "gets" it as much as someone can. I only told 5 other family members. 2 have been major, yet not surprising, disappoints. The other 3 have been  good but i still never bring it up unless they ask & I down play it...I'm just not comfortable being vulnerable except with my husband. I guess from past experience with people, Ive adapted the motto " if you don't expect too much, you may not be let down".

Honestly, if I could do it all over again, I'd only tell my husband. I know some people have family & friends that understand or try to and that's wonderful. They're lucky. I know there are  also some people who have zero people that understand so I do consider myself very fortunate to have my husband.

[[Be...]]

Basically what it comes down to is that even if people care about you if they have no way to relate to what you are experiencing it's going to be hard for them to sympathize, and only those who have been affected by this kind of situation will have any kind of an interest in yours.

 

Agreed. Must just be human nature! Hollyms are you sure you're not my sister? Lol your mom sounds all too similar to mine. I never gave them any trouble as a kid/adolescent, so I don't know why they don't believe me when I have confided in them about how unwell I am. Even friends have commented on how sick I look compared to how I was a few years ago (very healthy).  I'm actually in the process of writing a letter to my mom letting her know how much I don't appreciate being attacked because I am ill. After that's done, I am going to let it go. I'll definitely always remember it, but like perseverance said, this anger is only jeopardizing my already messed up health. Hopefully releasing that fire from my belly will help me to feel better and heal better. We'll see

 

[[Li...]]

I have no support from family either. When I first decided to taper on my own, any attempt to talk to my mom about it was answered with "You and your PILLS!!" I told my son I would appreciate some sympathy for what I am going through, which was answered by my sister a week later with an accusive "What did you tell him you are asking for - SYMPATHY!!! My son called today and asked me how I was doing. I said "Not good". And he was going to come by, but then decided not to, because "We had discussed we would only see each other when you are doing well". Must be memory impairment, but cant remember having said this. Talk about having a rock where your heart is...

 

Lizzie

[[ab...]]

That is actually pretty theraputic Ben Zolo (writing letters).  Write more!!! 

Although, it is suggested not to send them (right away or at all).

[[Be...]]

Thanks abby:)

 

I don't intend on hurting anybodies feelings with my letter. They just need to know the things I have endured the last few years. They need to hear me out without giving me some bull$hit about how this is all just mental phenomena. Right! I'm hoping it will act as a release. I don't want to hold on to anger:/

[[...]]

Ben, you're doing great. Sound more secure , how is sleep going for u?

[[Be...]]

LP,

 

Iffy. I never know what to expect when I lay my head down. I never sleep a full night though, nor do I get close. I am at least getting 4-5 hours or so straight, so that is better than nothing. I know some have it worse right now, and I truly feel bad for them. This has got to be the worst symptom bar none, because it fuels all the others in such an intense way. I remember last summer getting around 7 hours straight for a few nights. I felt like a different human being. I know I probably won't get that for awhile, but damn I am looking foreword to it when I do heal

 

How are you man? I hope work isn't too torturous, and that things are on the upswing.