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The pain is gone but I am still not healed


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I feel a little guilty about posting this because I know that I am better off than a lot of people who have been off twice as long as I have or longer, but I can't help but get frustrated at the fact that I am feeling a lot better but I am still not able to function at the level I was before the drugs.

 

As soon as I hit month 5 everything changed. Most of the really painful symptoms seemed to disappear. Aside from a couple of small bouts of depression and a few waves of anxiety, the persistent, ugly, nasty symptoms are all but gone.

 

The problem is that although I don't feel particularly bad, I am still left with cognitive deficiencies and a lack of motivation. I still can't concentrate. I can't solve anything more than basic problems. I start talking to someone and completely lose my train of thought. I try to work, but the motivation isn't there. I try to write and design but creativity eludes me. Even the smallest tasks seem like a monumental challenge.

 

I know that I still have it. These things have came back to me during windows. But the frustrating thing is that now that I feel better, I feel like EVERYTHING should be back to normal.

 

This makes me once again start to question who I am going to be when this is all over. Even when the pain is gone this stuff still wears on you.

 

 

 

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I know what you mean.  I'm doing so much better in so many ways, but there is a good ways to go for me yet.  I just try to take it one day at a time, one month at a time.

 

Draftsman

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