When will it end? Anyone tempted to reinstate?

[[Gr...]]

I can't take it anymore. I'm about 5.5 wks out and it seems to be getting worse. My face is swollen, red, my eyes are swollen, and I'm waking drenched in sweat. 

I've had enough of this. I don't kbow if I'm in "acute" because my symptoms look like protracted list.

Driving me crazy because my skin begins to burn & tingle more at night and I cannot put anything on it. I have so many symptoms, too many to list. I hate what this poison does. I am very scared. This coming week, I'll ask the dermatologist what this is about my skin.

I am having a very difficult time with this. This is something I never expected, all akl of you feel tge same way  Different things keep popping up and the originals seem to be getting worse. I hope I really am in "acute" and it's not much longer. I an giving it 2 weeks.

We should not have to endure this agony because of sone stupid med that's designed to torture us and then tempt us into reinstatement. All for Big Pharma to keep making money.

I pray for all of us. This is a curse of those benzos.

 

[Guest [...]]

Hi @[Gr...]

In my experience, those night sweats are the result of a build up of fear and anxiety in the body. The body needs to purge, so it releases through your pores. 
I have had this very same experience, both, related to acute benzo withdrawal, and also in my early twenties, well before benzo’s came on the scene. I had been going through a very frightening experience, and as the fear increased, so did the profuse night sweats. As I calmed over time, the night sweats resolved. 

I think you will find many members have been tempted to reinstate when in acute withdrawal, so please don’t feel this is an isolated experience of your own. Please stick this acute period out, as it will gradually ease, and you will be so glad that you didn’t reinstate.

You are healing, Grace. 

[[Re...]]

@[Gr...]This cold/menthol /pressure feeling began after 2,5 months out, on my face around my eyes and my whole forehead, than my chin. It is like It's been washed with toothpaste.... Not kidding... It is/was pure torture. I could not go outside or take a walk, every wind and touch had that icy feeling and it was/is accompanied by light sensitivity. 

I started to notice that it eases, very slowly... It does not last that long and not that severe. But it takes time. You are already more than a month out!!! That's a wonderful achievement, it's the toughest part!

[[be...]]

@[Gr...] hang in there, if you can, I agree with Winters Sun, being in acute is not fun, and can be overwhelming, I commend you for getting through 5 and half weeks, I know it is so hard, but one day it will be so worth hanging in there. Do the best you can...when you can. Keep as distracted as you can, and try the breathing exercises, they really help to calm you. You are in my Prayers daily. Stay Strong.💖 Peace and Healing.

[[pi...]]

@[Gr...],

I know you are likely tired of hearing this, but you are really early off benzos and the symptoms are the strongest during this period. I joined BB about the same time off benzos and gosh, it was wonderful to get validation that others had some of the same issues that I was having. Knowing you are not alone in this process makes a huge difference.

The sweats! This is common. Not only did I have massive sweats but the sweat had a very metallic odor to it. @[Wi...] explanation is very good. I also felt my body was working to adjust to being without the benzo.

I disposed of all the remaining benzos after I jumped off but there were a couple of times where I wondered if I took one if things would ease up. That’s as far as it went, just a couple instances of thinking in that manner. 

I made it my job to survive each minute, hour and day. Distraction helped so much as well as reading Success Stories. We’re here for you, we understand!

pianogirl

[[Gr...]]

@[Wi...]@[Re...]@[be...] @[pi...] Thank you for listening.

I don't want to ever take those again, but this is excruciating. I don't feel human. I feel like a circus freak. I don't even want my husband to look at me because my nose has swelled along with my entire face.

I don't want to go out of the house. Never. I can work with the sweats, chills, trembling, numb lips, tongue, feet & hands, tinnitus, all that others cannot see, but this facial stuff is the worst of all: inflamed skin, swollen face, eyes and swollen nose! My nose is dried up inside despite using spray and a humidifier. Not helping.  Everything is dry. My lab tests were negative for autoimmune disorders. I have some kind of "thing" with no means of treatment. I ask, "Why?" It's not even listed in the PI as a symptom. WTH?

According to the PI and many recovery sites, the say acute is up to 28 days. Nothing has eased. It's over 28 days.

I am older, going on 67 in December and I hear it can take longer. I was/am a young 66. I didn't have one grey hair. I don't know now. This may sound weird, but I feel so ugly & horrible, I have not looked in the mirror. I hate looking at my puffed up red face. I can't blow my hair bc the heat burns my face. I let my hair dry looking like a mop. I went from  vibrant and youthful to looking  like a recovering junkie. 

How long does acute last on average?  When does anything let up? 

I had a plan to get my hair highlighted, but now I cannot sit in front of a mirror or be around people, I am housebound. I isolate myself from my husband.

I have a ski pass for next season and was psyched to get back to ski. I feel I will be like this until then or I may not make it psychologically. How can I be around other people?

I am signing up for SS benefits to start in January and looked forward to doing things away from home with the extra cash. Will I still look like this three months from now and will I still be housebound?

I was in the midst of joining a gym, but that idea is shattered. Again, because of how I look.

I need my skin to go back to normal. I had nice skin, no wrinkles. I had used retinol and it does work. Now, I can't put anything on this burning inflamed skin. I pray, but no answer so far.

I just need a sign something has let up then I could have faith, but things seem worse. I just don't understand why my face has blown up. Has this given me some kind of permanent condition? I had lab tests and they were negative for autoimmune disorders. It doesn't make sense. How is this neurologically connected to withdrawal? 

I have to get this swelling down. It is destroying my spirit. I need a sign. I really don't know if I can make it. I hang on bc of my dogs, but I am in such a dark place. I am not impulsive, but this may cause me to be. 

Where at acute am I? The beginning? Peak?

I know anxiety is not the answer. That's what put me in this situation in first place. I am trying so hard to be calm, but because of what this demon stuff has made me look like, I can't function since it's made me a recluse. Is this a punishment for me because it's something I fussed over and cared for so much?

Sorry to repeat and dwell on this facial stuff, but not only does it cause me pain, it's distotred my looks. 

I am grateful for your thoughts and uplifting comments, but I feel so alone.  

Where do I go from now? I have a follow-up doc visit on Tues. I don't even want to go bc he doesn't understand withdrawal, so what can he do for me?  Nothing. He will probably think I am somatic and again, want to give me an antidepressant. Something I have to wean off. More meds.

Please God, help me. 

Edited September 24, 2023 by [Gr...]
typo, words of thanks

[[pi...]]

@[Gr...],

Many of us had these thoughts and rued all we were missing. I was often very jealous seeing people doing things I used to enjoy, like cycling and skiing. Those thoughts were detrimental to me though, I had to get past them.

Looking at the calendar was also negative. I was comparing being on the tennis court two weeks after gall bladder surgery to benzo withdrawal. It’s like comparing apples and oranges, you just can’t. Each person will have their own withdrawal and recovery, there is no set time line. 

It truly was baby steps for me. Eventually I was cycling again, short distances, sometimes without withdrawal issues and others times not. I worked up slowly and finally was back to biking around 15 miles. The same was true for socializing, skiing and other activities.

It take time, patience and acceptance.

pianogirl

[[Gr...]]

@[pi...] I ubderstand it varies, but even though acute can be severe, how can I tell when it ends? If the average is a month, so they say, I should be there? I did take .25 on 8/25 & 8/26 (I don't know why), after the taper ended 8/14. Could that have pushed me out longer?  I may really be at 4 wks now, not 5.5. Could this mean I may have a delay seeing a sign?

When a symptom subsides, does it fade or does it just go away instantly?

I am still in bed. Fearing to let my husband see me. 

Edited September 24, 2023 by [Gr...]

[[Gr...]]

Is it possible I have a snus infection which may explain swollen nose & cheeks? I had one last year exactly this time of year. I am certain my nasal passage is compromised. Tough this does seem systemic as I can't seem to do anything topically. (I am grasping straws.) 

My skin is raw. If I take that med again it may not fix this. I am screwed 

 

[[Gr...]]

More things this has stopped me from doing -- I was getting ready to go back to achool so I could keep my brain active. My school offers no credit classes for free for over 60. I did not get to do that. I was going to get a part-time job to get out of house. I may still be able to do that if this goes away soon! I can't take it!

Edited September 24, 2023 by [Gr...]
typo

[Guest [...]]

Hi @[Gr...]

I’m really sorry for what you are going through here. 

Please understand that withdrawal brings to the surface our greatest fears. It brings us face to face with our minds conditioning. You are not your body or your mind, but society conditions our minds to place way too much importance on the external because we unfortunately seek validation from outside of ourselves… from others, rather than turning inward and learning to love and appreciate ourselves for who we are on a deeper level… on a heart or soul level. 

There’s nothing wrong with appreciating physical beauty, but we cannot place too much of our sense of self in our physical appearance. I think you need to trust your husband loves and appreciates you on a much deeper level than just the physical. I realise that it’s upsetting to see yourself like this, but you haven’t been permanently disfigured… these physical symptoms will pass. In the meantime, please use this time to learn to appreciate yourself on a much deeper level than the physical, as this will not only help you through recovery, but will also have a powerful long lasting effect well beyond your recovery. 

I’m going to provide a link to one of Jelly baby’s replies to another member. Some of it wont apply to you, as they are in a different situation tapering, but hopefully it will help you understand how your control issues are being exposed through this process.

As @[pi...] alluded to… patience and acceptance are paramount here. We have to let go and allow the course to unfold without knowing an exact timeline, trusting that we will arrive at our destination (full recovery). 

P.S. I have extremely dry sinuses myself, annoyingly so, and I’m still tapering. 

[[Gr...]]

9 hours ago, [[R...] said:

@[Gr...]This cold/menthol /pressure feeling began after 2,5 months out, on my face around my eyes and my whole forehead, than my chin. It is like It's been washed with toothpaste.... Not kidding... It is/was pure torture. I could not go outside or take a walk, every wind and touch had that icy feeling and it was/is accompanied by light sensitivity. 

I started to notice that it eases, very slowly... It does not last that long and not that severe. But it takes time. You are already more than a month out!!! That's a wonderful achievement, it's the toughest part!

@[Re...] That's what this feels like. I face feels cold as if I am frostbitten. It feels cold to me, but not to anyone else. It was feeling like I had shards of glass or fiberglass on my skin. I think that may have calmed. Not sure because strange things happen. I want to ski this coming season. I need to get better.

I am so swollen. I don't know why I would be swollen?  If it's nerve related then I understand the weird feeling. I can' take this anymore. You said you you had yours 2.5 months out? I didn't start getting this swelling and redness until 2 weeks after the first burning sensation started. It initially started like the day after I touched the very last dose (the 0.25 on 8-26 which was a big mistake). So, I am 1 month into this burning sensation and about 2-3 weeks into the swelling/redness.  My nose and lips are numb. I understand that because it's nerve related. Again, I can't correlate nerves with swelling, puffiness, and redness. 

I am tempted to go back on that devil med. I have to find where I put it and throw it out.  I am using Lyrica 75mg as needed because I am not sleeping. The burning gets worse at night? Why is that?  The Lyrica does help with the tingling and burning, not 100%, but it also helps me sleep. I don't like taking it because I feel dopey and I think it makes me bloated and gain weight. 

Oh my God, what did I do to myself? Do these meds age us? Do they age us when we withdraw? I don't want to look old.  I try so hard to keep myself youthful. I want to strangle that doctor for not telling me I can't have it anymore. Really?

 

[[Gr...]]

@[Wi...] What does kindling mean?  Acute symptoms?

[[Re...]]

@[Gr...] This is one of the latest symptoms, yes. - I understand you are afraid because I am too. It is like we received a big bunch of crazy symptoms and extreme irrational fear in a giftbag and just can't deal with it. In your case it is judgement of others, in my case as well. But I believe our brain is fantastic and in time will divide all this fear and extreme excitement.  I see that the fears in the first few weeks were absolutely irrational and 'volume' is turned up, I see it now. It eases with time I can assure you. It will eventually get less intense, but it may take time. 

I can not tell you - of course - what is the cause of your symptoms (swelling, redness) . I find you a very strong person for going to the doctor and get it checked out.I believe it is the right choice. You need to let yourself time and patience to find balance again. This s_itshow ends and you will be the best version of yourself again. 

Edited September 24, 2023 by [Re...]
Typo, context

[[Gr...]]

@[Re...] Hello I used yo be strong before I got weak and involved with this junk. As a woman who has tried to take good care of herself, I feel now I have poisoned myself. I read this stuff ages you. I wondered why my eyes always looked swollen, why I was too tired to exercise, why my hair and skin were becoming dry. I figued it had to be the Xanax and that's when I started the ball rolling. 

I believe what everyone says that it gets better, but I wish it was in that average acute timeline, then I could ve more patient. My skin is like sandpaper. I look like a chipmunk. I want it to stop so I can get back in my skin routine to moiturize and condition, have my hair shine again. I'm tired of being in pain. I want to feel free.

I was told in May that I had a silent stroke at some point and I had some microhemorrage in my brain. I am not overweight, never smoked, don't drink, none of it made sense except that I was taking prescribed controlled substance meds. It made me wonder if this stuff did it to me. I gave is serious thought and that was another reason to stop. 

I have been getting numbness all over my head and headaches. I do worry this is causing my brain to misfire and could I have another stroke or die in my sleep?

I am scared this will go on months and months before it gets any better. Days are like months and months are like years at my age. I can't help being disappointed in myself. I should have known better.

Edited September 24, 2023 by [Gr...]

[[be...]]

@[Gr...] I think being fearful is part of the wd experience and most of what you are feeling just happens to be pretty much par for the course when post wd and in acute. Firstly let go of a time frame and throw out your mental calendar, it is going to take as long as it takes to feel better, healing of the Brain takes time. I just did not rely on any time frame, being here for a while i read of buddies and their struggles and we are all different, the suffering not as much, but you will get through this. Be gentle with yourself and try not to worry about what could happen, when I was having a bad time, I used a mediation tape that relaxed my whole body and put my mind at ease, most of the time I fell asleep I was so relaxed. I suggest that you read the Success Stories, many there felt as badly as you do and they are now off and enjoying life. You can and will get through this.Stay Strong.

💖Peace and Healing.

[[Gr...]]

@[be...] Thank you. Yes, I am full of fear. I guess fear of the unknown and consequences.  I should take advice from former president FDR, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."  

My brain is on fire. I makes me concerned. I didn't have this in the beginning. My entire head goes numb and I get a headache. I get worried I am having some kind of brain injury. Stroke. Aneurysm. I was recently told I had "an old" silent stroke. Hard to believe if you knew me. I wonder if this med did it to me while taking it. 

My biggest wish is for the facial stuff to just go away. I don't want to feel like I have a bad case of Botox (never tried it) where my face feels like it's frozen. Is it because my face is close to my brain which is misfiring?  I want to pamper my skin without pain and dryness. My facial skin feels taut and irritated. It's like it's being suck in from inside. Moisture is gone.  I will deal with the numb head, legs, hands, etc.  The shaking. The other weird stuff. 

I read some Success Stories. Some scared me because people are still having problems after many, many years. I read online in a few places that protracted happens to about 10% of people. Is it possible that there are people who have gotten through this easily and just don't come to a forum, so we don't hear about those stories? There must be people like that?

If anyone is having dryness as I am, I have been using pure colloidal oatmeal on a soft cloth with lukewarm water. It is moisturizing and gentle. I have always used it on my face. It's the only thing I can use now without it feeling irritated.

Thank you

 

[Guest [...]]

@[Gr...]

Kindling is something we believe occurs when we (knowingly or unknowingly) go through continuous interdose withdrawals, or numerous c/t’s.

The more we have kindled, the more symptomatically difficult the taper. 
 

Kindling had nothing to do with why I shared that link with you…. I shared it because of the way jelly baby explained how we must give up our incessant need for control. 

[[be...]]

1 hour ago, [[G...] said:

@[be...] Thank you. Yes, I am full of fear. I guess fear of the unknown and consequences.  I should take advice from former president FDR, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."  

My brain is on fire. I makes me concerned. I didn't have this in the beginning. My entire head goes numb and I get a headache. I get worried I am having some kind of brain injury. Stroke. Aneurysm. I was recently told I had "an old" silent stroke. Hard to believe if you knew me. I wonder if this med did it to me while taking it. 

My biggest wish is for the facial stuff to just go away. I don't want to feel like I have a bad case of Botox (never tried it) where my face feels like it's frozen. Is it because my face is close to my brain which is misfiring?  I want to pamper my skin without pain and dryness. My facial skin feels taut and irritated. It's like it's being suck in from inside. Moisture is gone.  I will deal with the numb head, legs, hands, etc.  The shaking. The other weird stuff. 

I read some Success Stories. Some scared me because people are still having problems after many, many years. I read online in a few places that protracted happens to about 10% of people. Is it possible that there are people who have gotten through this easily and just don't come to a forum, so we don't hear about those stories? There must be people like that?

If anyone is having dryness as I am, I have been using pure colloidal oatmeal on a soft cloth with lukewarm water. It is moisturizing and gentle. I have always used it on my face. It's the only thing I can use now without it feeling irritated.

Thank you

Stay Strong, you will get through this.

[[Gr...]]

@[Wi...]  Thank you for clarifying that. Yes, I did read Jelly Baby's post. I wasn't sure if kindling had something to do with it. Thank you.

[[Gr...]]

I had rough day with my entire head going numb, a headache, weird sensations as if I was having a stroke. It was bad. I took a Lyrica to see if I could get through the rest of the day. I don't like taking it, but I had no other choices. I sat through an entire episode of Only Murders in the Building without screaming pain from the burning. It was bearable in the late afternoon, and as with each night, it got more intense. It was on my right, then it shifted to the left. Strange. (I don't know why it gets worse at night?) This was the first time in weeks I could sit through a show. Not doing cartwheels yet. 

I think I am feeling very impatient because I was very sick with covid for several months in 2022. Then I had to take care for my dog who was sick and had a splenectomy. That took up almost 2 months. Then I had some kind of TMJ-trigeminal thing from December to May of this year before I was sent for PT.  I only felt well the month of July this year. Then this started in August. I would like to feel well and like me again the rest of this year.

Edited September 25, 2023 by [Gr...]
grammar

[[...]]

4 hours ago, [[G...] said:

@[be...] Thank you. Yes, I am full of fear. I guess fear of the unknown and consequences.  I should take advice from former president FDR, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."  

My brain is on fire. I makes me concerned. I didn't have this in the beginning. My entire head goes numb and I get a headache. I get worried I am having some kind of brain injury. Stroke. Aneurysm. I was recently told I had "an old" silent stroke. Hard to believe if you knew me. I wonder if this med did it to me while taking it. 

My biggest wish is for the facial stuff to just go away. I don't want to feel like I have a bad case of Botox (never tried it) where my face feels like it's frozen. Is it because my face is close to my brain which is misfiring?  I want to pamper my skin without pain and dryness. My facial skin feels taut and irritated. It's like it's being suck in from inside. Moisture is gone.  I will deal with the numb head, legs, hands, etc.  The shaking. The other weird stuff. 

I read some Success Stories. Some scared me because people are still having problems after many, many years. I read online in a few places that protracted happens to about 10% of people. Is it possible that there are people who have gotten through this easily and just don't come to a forum, so we don't hear about those stories? There must be people like that?

If anyone is having dryness as I am, I have been using pure colloidal oatmeal on a soft cloth with lukewarm water. It is moisturizing and gentle. I have always used it on my face. It's the only thing I can use now without it feeling irritated.

Thank you

Hi, I am very sorry to hear about your symptoms, it sounds like a terrible ordeal to endure.  Don't worry, though,  there are plenty of us who have recovered wonderfully, after bad periods, some of us several times.  In fact, the overwhelming majority of folks recover 100%  Keep in mind it can take time. If this was not true, there would not be nearly enough room on this website to enroll all of the millions who have failed to adequately recover from Benzo withdrawal.  Best of luck. 

Edited September 25, 2023 by [...]

[[Gr...]]

@[...] Hello. When you said after bad periods, what does that mean?  I'm looking forward to having a short recovery. All of this doesn't make sense to me how this keeps working on our system for so long?  If you don't drink, smoke, are in good health, that should make it faster, wouldn't you think?  The stuff is out of us especially if we took a short-acting benzo, so I don't understand why it's just not done and over with after a few weeks. That should be enough time for our system to readjust.  The body acclimates to things. None of it makes sense to me why it can linger or take so long in the first place.

There must be people, even at my age who have a early recovery. Are those the people we don't hear from because they are once and done?  They don't come here because they feel better faster and they can move forward?  There has to be people out there like that and not only young people?  I am a healthy person. I don't see why I would have trouble getting past this. I don't even know why it's lasted this long for me and to affect weird places like my skin and make it burn? I'm in burning pain again now. Every night it gets bad just when I need to get to sleep. Clockwork. 

I've had it with this. I am in a very, very dark place. This cannot be happening. I'm in disbelief. It has to end real soon.  I just want to cry. 

Edited September 25, 2023 by [Gr...]
addition

[[Gr...]]

I am going to scream. I am reading on benzoinfo about withdrawal and they say it can last weeks or months?  Some last years?  Because I didn't slow taper?

Then I read about protracted symptoms and I have those? I don't even now if I have the acute. They are clear about acute symptoms. They say this may last a year yet withdrawal in general can last years? Am I reading this correctly?  Can I be in this protracted already?  Does that happen right away? Everything thing I read about acute doesn't mention this burning sensation. It seems to be listed under protracted. I know I am panicking, but I am panicking. 

I am giving this 2 weeks and I may just go back on this poison and stay on it the rest of my life if it means getting rid of this. This is too much for me to handle.

 

[Guest [...]]

@[Gr...]

You don’t have protracted symptoms. 

Protracted means one is still experiencing some symptoms over 18 months into their recovery. 

You are panicking that you will end up with a protracted recovery, but there is no way you can possibly know that. 

The fear you are experiencing is a symptom in itself. It will tell you all sorts of lies.