Only slowly getting worse

[[Wi...]]

 

Why the hell am I getting worse. This is just some bullshit. The last psych drugs I took were in Feb 2021! So much better by Jul 2022. Then the setback that was not really a setback but something that further destroyed me in Aug 2022 and antibiotic setback in Nov 2022. I had to take a few meds in labour 4 months ago. Nothing since then. And here I am worse than ever. It seems that my CNS is getting destroyed slowly. Akathisia is worse instead of better. It used to be mild. Now it’s this inner burning in the background (even in my brain which never happened) since yesterday and when it builds up I get electric jolts from my brain down. If not that then it’s these waves of icy cold burning coming down from my head down, it’s such a scary feeling. It’s not adrenaline or an urge to move to be honest but I can feel my CNS is doing somersaults and has been fried. This weird inner tension. I had this before and it came and went but it’s so bad now. I can’t do it. I am absolutely horrified. If I saw any improvement I could go on I guess but not like this. Ever since the beginning of my „setback” it’s all been snowballing. I will get a new mild symptom thinking wow it’s uncomfortable and a few months later it reaches a point when the symptom is 100x worse. What was weird tension in my legs is now very bad tension, burning, electric surges even. And it’s just one example. I am falling apart. Yes, I have windows, but to hell with them if waves are worse than ever. I can’t take care of my baby properly. I feel like a deer in headlights.

 

Edited September 23, 2023 by [Wi...]